Guest Post: Yoga Etiquette… Hint… Wear Panties.

This guest post comes from Delia from Poop On My Hands. Make sure to check out these other posts. Look Out, Mommy’s Getting Sick, What Makes A Marriage Work, and My 6 year-old Threw Out The F-Bomb.

yogaA year after giving birth to my second child, I decided it was finally time to get back in shape. Took me long enough, right? So why not start with yoga? I laugh at myself as I write this. Yoga, while muscle building, and calming of the mind, is not very calorie burning. And at this point, I really need to lose about 20-30 pounds. But hey, you gotta start somewhere. So I joined the gym down the street.

I have gone to about 3 yoga classes, but I am not a newbie to yoga. I have gone on and off through out my life. My husband thinks I should just do yoga at home with a video, but there is something about having an instructor live and in my face. Forcing me to do the poses correct, and giving me bad looks if I am looking like I may want to bail in the middle of class for a smoothie.

So over the past, on and off spouts of yoga, I have come up with a few interesting observations of the do’s and don’ts of yoga etiquette.

1. Yoga Fashion. Make sure before you go to yoga class, that you check your yoga pants for any holes or fashion malfunctions. For example, it is good to do a Downward Facing Dog pose, while checking out your butt in the mirror. You don’t want any plumbers crack showing off to the person behind you. The other day, we were doing a forward bend, I noticed the women in front of me had a big hole in the crouch of her pants. And let me tell you, she was not wearing panties. Gross!!!!

2. Mat Placement. If you arrive to class and students have already lined up their yoga mats along the backside of the yoga studio, please start the next line with your yoga mat toward the front of the class. Who cares if you are closer to the yoga instructor, or if the people behind you can see your poses. We all are in our own little worlds anyway. And quite frankly we are not paying attention to you falling over while trying to do Tree pose.

This woman the other day decided to park her yoga mat between myself and the woman next to me along the back of the wall. The entire front half of the yoga studio was free. You would have thought the yoga teacher had cooties (maybe it was bad B.O. that I just didn’t notice, not sure). I couldn’t believe when she set up right next to me. I gave her a very passive aggressive look, but I don’t think she got the hint. I should have just moved my mat to the front of class, but shit, I was there first, fair and square.

3. Don’t mess with Shavasana. My favorite part of yoga is the end when we get to do Shavasana, or Corpse Pose. You get to lay flat on your back and basically fall sleep for 5 min of peace and quite before the end of class. I mean, it is a time for emtying your third eye and become one with the Universe, as you absorb all the “juiciness” your body has built up from the workout. (Have you noticed that yoga instructors really like saying the word “juiciness?”) In my household, to get 5 min of laying in complete quietness is a dream come true. So nobody better mess with me during my Shavasana.

Well…. last week during Shavasana, I was just about there… My chakras were aligned, my third eye was open, and I was in lala land. And then it happened. Some idiot decided their yoga time was over. They felt the need to get up, roll up their mat, walk across the studio on top of the wood floor to put their shit away, then walk all the way back across the floor to get her shoes on, and then out the door, slamming the door behind her. I was pissed. I mean, there I am trying to be “one with my soul” and all I can think of is, “WTF!!!! Seriously lady???!!!! Do you want me to get up and bitch-slap you?” Ok that is a bitch harsh. But needless to say, I was totally disrupted from my only 5 minutes a week total peace and quite.

In the end, I do love yoga class. It is a time to get away from the daily grind and focus on stretching, balancing, mindfulness and movement. Note to self though, I think I need to check my own pants before class next week. Fashion nightmare!

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