By the time you read this, we’ll be at the children’s hospital and hopefully all goes well with the hummingbird. This guest post comes from the wonderful Delia from Poop On my Hands (Twitter @PoopOnMyHands). I can totally relate to this post since I’m a major insomniac. You should know Delia by now because she is awesome. If not, go over and check out her blog. I’ll wait. Okay, you’re back…. you can also check out this post… My daughter and I joined a commune, or we turned goth…. can’t decide.
About 3 months of so ago, Wendy, a close friend of mine, posted an article about how she has insomnia. I read it, felt sympathy to her, and thought, “sucks to be you”…. Well, karma is a bitch. And now I am the fool who can’t sleep.
Lately my baby boy has been waking around 3:00 am, then again around 5:00 am. Not cool!!!! I usually can get him back to sleep the first time around. A gentle push of a pacifier back into his mouth and a stumble back into bed, usually takes care of it. The 5:00 am waking requires a bottle stuck in his mouth, and if I am lucky he will sleep for another 1-2 hours.
Most the time I can go back to sleep after the 3:00 am waking. It takes hard work and determination to fall back asleep at 3:00 am. The trick is to stay half sleep during the whole pacifier/bottle process, then stumble back to bed and try really hard to not think at all, before falling back to sleep. The moment, one semi-intelligent thought enters my mind, BAM!!!! no sleep for me, thank you very much. The 5:00 am waking, is a long shot for falling back asleep all together.
This morning, at 5:00 am, I stumbled back to my cozy bed, ready to doze back to sleep for at least another 90 minutes… and then it happened. What you are about to experience, is a walk-through of a series of strange and obsessive, random thoughts that enter my mind, as I am try and fall back to sleep for the last 90 minutes, of what is suppose to a calming and restful sleep cycle:
Ok, if you can just relax your mind and body now, you can have 90 minutes of sleep. Do it, relax…. RELAX!!!!! Ok really, you need to breath in and out, and relax. Please go to sleep.
Does fruit snacks count as a healthy breakfast? Shit, I really need to go grocery shopping.
I don’t think I have given my kids vegetables for an entire week. I am a horrible parent. I am going to scar my kids for life and cause them to go into therapy.
I seriously need to remember to pay that bill. Oh man, I hope I don’t forget….. Pay the bill, pay the bill, pay the bill.
Go to sleep!!!!! Just go to sleep!!!! Why can’t you go to sleep????? Ok, ok, relax, you can do this. If you go to sleep now, you can have at least another 60 min before you have to get up.
Shit I have to pee. No forget that. If I get up to pee, I am going to get cold and then I will never ever get back to sleep. I might as well just get up and start the day if I cave and go pee. I don’t have to pee, I don’t have pee.
Lovely girl, won’t you stay…. won’t you stay…. stay with me… (that is a Lumineers song lyric in case you didn’t know.)
I wonder what Kim and Courtney are doing in Miami right now. I could just get up and watch it and just give up on this whole sleep thing.
Maybe I should get up and take a shower. I showed last night, but maybe I smell. Old people smell bad. Maybe I smell like an old person. Oh shit, that would suck balls!
I really hope my skinny jeans fit today. I shouldn’t have had that ice cream last night. Maybe if I go poop before putting them on, with the right underwear, they won’t be too tight. Maybe if I had cooked more veggis for my family, my skinny jeans would fit today.
What will I blog about tonight. Maybe I should just sleep tonight instead of blogging. I think my entire 16 readers would understand if I didn’t post tonight. No, no… I really should keep up with it. I will never get more readers unless I keep blogging….
For the love of god woman, go to sleep!!!!! Ok let’s try some meditation techniques.
I think somewhere along those lines I did fall back asleep…. for about a 10 minutes. Then my 6 year old woke up and came into our bed. And basically it was all over from there. Time to get up and start the day. Maybe tomorrow I will have better luck. It is either that, or I am getting up and watching Kim and Courtney on TV at 5:00 am. Their lives are more exciting than the OCD that runs through my mind. Or maybe not…