Listen all ya’ll, it’s a sabotage.

anxiety-girlI self-sabotage. I’m my own worst enemy. I’ve done this for as long as I can remember. It stops right here.

I had an amazing opportunity to visit a film set this past August and interview the writer. After the initial excitement of going went away, I thought there was no way I could do it.

What if I’m not good enough? What if I look like a total idiot? What if I freeze up? So many what ifs.

I went, had an absolutely fabulous time, and didn’t look like too much of an idiot. We’ll maybe a tad after I had a little too much wine with dinner.

I’m still in awe that I also got to meet that total hottie, Josh Duhamel.

Going through that this past summer made me aware of just how hard I am on myself. It really showed me how little I think of myself and how sad that is.

I’ve had great opportunities pass me by over the years because while I want to be successful, in life and work, I’m afraid of standing out. So, I sabatoge myself into thinking I’m not good enough or I don’t deserve it.

My confidence is like a fart. Big and loud in my head, small and squeaky when it comes out. Then I’ll think “Really? That’s all I’ve got?!”

My mind belts out I AM WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR, but when the time comes to take any action, I close up and disappear into my negative thoughts.

I need to stop being my own worst enemy.

I need to stop this self-sabotage bullshit and realize that I have some great things to offer.

I know the what ifs will always be bouncing around in my head but I’m hoping that soon they’ll diminish, from a loud rocket to a soft whisper.

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3 Responses to Listen all ya’ll, it’s a sabotage.

  1. monica April 8, 2013 at 11:16 #

    you are pretty amazing and i’m sure i don’t even know the half of it. ;o)
    monica recently posted..Let’s hope unicorning pays well.My Profile

  2. Nicole April 8, 2013 at 19:34 #

    Ah, the old, “What if I look like an idiot?” curse. I have come to the conclusion that it is necessary for folks like you and I, simply because the world could not handle our level of awesome should we ever reach our full potential <3
    Nicole recently posted..Mother Mode: Our Only ChildMy Profile

  3. Marianna Annadanna April 9, 2013 at 09:38 #

    I kinda do the opposite, in a way. I take the chance, speak up, go places, do whatever. Then I beat the shit out of myself for weeks and weeks afterward for all the things I did and said that were wrong, or foolish, or that showed my asshole-like tendencies. Maybe I should just stay home.
    Marianna Annadanna recently posted..Hubby darling, play me a tuneMy Profile

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