Why can’t I fucking be sweet?!

I don’t really care for my writing. I cringe if I even read a little of what I write.

Ugh!

After all of these years, I guess I’m still trying to fit in.

Not only with my writing but with life in general.

But it’s impossible.

I will never be a sweet “mommy blogger” who talks about motherhood or life being all rainbows and sunshine.

Even the “honest” and “candid” writers I come across are much sweeter.

Sure, I get sentimental about shit.

See, right there!

I end up having “sentimental” and “shit” in the same sentence.

I just can’t help it.

But for some reason I can’t seem to accept that I’m not sweet when I tell my tales.

Then I get writer’s block and I’m totally fucked because I’ll try to be something I’m not.

I read such beautifully written posts by people.

Sometimes I wish that could be me writing that way.

But it’s very unlikely that will happen.

Raw and not that well written is what I know.

It will have to be good enough.

I’ll just save the sweet stuff for when I’m with my daughter, playing kitchen and eating her pretend cookie and carrot soup.

And then letting her know it’s the best thing I’ve ever had while I cover her face with kisses.

Ahem.

Ssshh!

Don’t tell anyone about that.

I’m not sweet, damn it!

*Foo Fighters – Monkey Wrench

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11 Responses to Why can’t I fucking be sweet?!

  1. Stephanie April 17, 2013 at 13:30 #

    Not sweet? Thank God. If all the blogs I read were about motherhood being like unicorns pooping rainbows I’d really doubt my mothering style. Thanks for letting the world know motherhood is sometimes (a lot of the time) rough. If only I had the time to sugar-coat it. Until then, keep on writing in your own awesome style!

  2. k-dawg April 17, 2013 at 15:46 #

    I tried really hard to be a “sweet” motherhood blogger, I really did, but its just not who I am. I say “fuck” too much and am way too judgmental toward others to be that classy and nice. Who gives a shit anyway? The readers who like the realness in your blog will appreciate the fact that you don’t sugar coat everything about parenthood and motherhood and what have you, because it’s not always sugar and spice and everything nice. It’s uncomfortable, fucking annoying and really exhausting!

    As a new reader, I love your blog!

  3. Nicole April 17, 2013 at 20:11 #

    I absolutely love that you are not “sweet” and that you’re honest and candid about parenthood. Many of the “sweet” parenting blogs I have come across just seem fake to me – it’s so disjointed from my own experiences with parenthood that I cannot relate at all and move along.

    I can assure you that your daughter appreciates your sweetness a lot more than this internet stranger ever would 😛
    Nicole recently posted..The 10/10 Project: Day Four – RunescapeMy Profile

  4. Anne Marie April 18, 2013 at 06:14 #

    I am a mom of a 2 1/2 year old and found your blog through The Bloggess, so obviously I am not about sweetness and light, but grit and shit and real life. My daughter is the best thing that has ever happened to me. (Me…the one who for 20 years referred to my friends with children as “breeders” and laughed with my husband that we were going to have the best, most unattached retirment because we would never procreate!! Then at 37…surprise!) She hears me curse and say things like “F’Christ’s sake” too often, though I have become a champion speller of swear words and have found that if you say “eff-you-see-KAAAYYY!!” with the right emphasis, it often is just as cathartic as the real thing. But I also want my kid to be responsible. And kind. And compassionate. I want her to be independent and trust her intuition. I tell her all the time that she is brave and amazing and beautiful. Life is not–and cannot–be sugar-coated. But it can still be beautiful and filled with love and joy. And moms like us. I love your blog. DON’T EVER CHANGE YOUR WAY!! I only wish we could have play dates and dawdle over coffee (with brandy of course) and spell out how eff-you-see-kay-ing amazing and hard and beautiful it is raising our girls. xoxoxo

  5. Lisa April 18, 2013 at 06:51 #

    If you ever start going sweet and shit, I’m leaving! Nice to hear someone tell it like it is.

  6. LeeAnne Curtis April 18, 2013 at 07:00 #

    I don’t know why, but this gave me a flash back of a blonde hair, blued girl of 4, standing in front of a chair, dressed in a red dress with white trim, beating the hell out of a quaker oats box with a drum stick ——don’t ever feel you don’t fit in – cuz you do!! I read your Blog because you are REAL – You tell it like it is and that is more important than “sugar-coated” any day! I imagine that in around 16 years (if I live that long) – the little hummingbird will have her own blog – telling it like it is taking care of the parents as they regress back to childhood and infancy!!
    LeeAnne Curtis recently posted..Yellow, tootie fruitie Sunsuit, with ruffles and embroidered front, comes with a diaper cover by LeeannesCreationsMy Profile

  7. Emily April 18, 2013 at 07:03 #

    Have you seen the Dove ad that’s running around the internet…the one with the sketches? I think writing is like that- we see only the flaws in what we write, while everyone else sees the beauty. I read your blog all the time- I wouldn’t do that if the writing sucked (trust me, there are quite a few blogs I just couldn’t stand reading, even thought I liked the content, because the writing itself was so atrocious), and neither would all these other folks. They also wouldn’t let you come drool over handsome Hollywood men if they didn’t think you could write. 😉

  8. Angie April 18, 2013 at 07:15 #

    I appreciate your honesty on your blog. I can relate so much to what you say unlike the “sweet” blogs.
    Angie recently posted..4 monthsMy Profile

  9. Lisa Newlin April 18, 2013 at 21:26 #

    Who wants to read a blog written by someone sweet? I hate to be around those people who think life is kittens and rainbows.

    I’d prefer to discuss things that are important, like farts, and why the Kardashians have 5 different shows on E!, yet everyone of them is the same.

    You know, real shit.
    Lisa Newlin recently posted..One girl’s response to an email from her sorority sisterMy Profile

  10. Abby April 19, 2013 at 19:13 #

    As soon as I got pregnant I started calling bullshit on all those precious, June Cleaver-inspired blogs, tweets and facebook posts! Your honesty and perspective is perfect. Thank you for not submitting to the pressures of depicting motherhood as eternal rainbows and sunshine!! My first attempt at blogging was ‘sweet’ but devoid of my real voice. Add a dose of guilty hypocrisy in the fact I teach middle school kids to write and was too nervous to let it all out myself. I started writing for myself and have found immense comfort in the writers like you that do the same. Thank you!

  11. christenec April 22, 2013 at 21:39 #

    I think your writing is amazing. No, not saccharine, and that is perfectly wonderful. I agree with Abby, above. I used to be the cheery blogger, but stopped doing that once I realized I was putting on the cute voice simply to please an audience, assuming no one wanted to hear the truth. In fact, you inspired my writing the way it is now, when I read your blog, and shortly thereafter started writing with you on The Daily Tic. Thank you for that.
    christenec recently posted..The Progression of CoffeeMy Profile

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