At the nail salon.

Damn, my toenails are looking kind of funky. I need to go to the nail salon. I’ll definitely go this weekend.

Okay, I’ll go no later than next Wednesday.

Well crap, I just can’t seem to take my lazy ass to the nail salon. But I will go no later than the end of next week.

Finally… on the way there…

I will only get a pedicure. I will only get a pedicure. No waxing. I won’t let them talk me into getting anything else done. Just a pedicure.

Walks in:

Greeted: Hello, welcome! What you like?

Me: I need a pedicure.

Them: You want fingers done too?

Me: No, thanks. Just the pedicure.

Them: Okay, pick color and go down to seat number 4.

Sits down.

Nail tech: Hello! How are you?

Me: Good, thanks.

Her: You getting fingernails done too?

Me: Umm… no… just a pedicure.

Her: It’s only 10 dollar extra.

Me: No, thank you.

Her: It’s really good for the nail. It won’t take that long. Your nails will look pretty.

Me: Uhh.. umm, well, okay. I’ll get a manicure too.

Her: Oh good! You be looking so sexy!

Me: Uh huh.

Her: Do you need me to wax your eyebrows.

Me: No. I’ll get that done next week.

Her: You sure? Only 5 dollar more?

Me: No, thank you. I’ll just wait.

Her: You look very pretty with eyebrow wax. It won’t take long.

Me: No, really, that’s okay.

Me again: Okay, come to think of it, I should just get them waxed now.

Her. All right. You be so sexy!

Taken back to get waxed.

Her: You want me to do your upper lip too? Just 3 dollar more?

Thinks to self. WHAT THE FUCK? DO I HAVE A MUSTACHE? I’M TRYING TO HAVE A NICE, RELAXING TIME AND THEN THIS LADY IMPLIES THAT I NEED AN UPPER LIP WAXING! WHAT THE FUCK LADY?!

Me: Okay. That would be fine.

Her: Good, good. You look so much better with waxing.

Goes to get fingernails done.

Her: Do you want a design on your nail?

Me: Oh, umm, no thanks.

Her: How about pargabinm?

Me: I’m sorry what?

Her: Paragbinm? 5 dollar more.

Me: *confused look on face* Thinks to self. I’M SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT! WHAT THE FUCK IS SHE ASKING ME? THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING! I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT SHE’S SAYING! MAYBE I SHOULD JUST SAY YES OR NO.

Me: Yes.

Her: Okay, good. Your hands so dry. I get the paragbinm.

Me: ???

Me: Looks at her bringing back a bag. Duh, she was saying paraffin.

Thinks to self… Holy fucking fuck! This shit is hot!

Her: Is it okay?

Me: Shakes head and through gritted teeth because if I didn’t grit them, I would be screaming THIS SHIT IS FUCKING HOT, I say uhhummm. Good.

To self. MOTHERFUCKER!

Her: Okay, go wash hands.

A minute later…

Walks to the front desk.

Her: Let’s see. That will be 548,932 dollars.

Me: To self: ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! IT WAS ONLY 5 DOLLARS HERE AND 3 DOLLARS THERE!!

Me: Here you go… *hands over card*

Her: Bye. You look so pretty!

Me: Thanks! Bye!

Walks to car. Thinks to self, I can’t believe I just spent that much money and all I was going to get was a pedicure. Next time, I’m just sticking with a pedicure. How hard can it be to say no to the extras?

2 weeks later…

Her: You want me to wax the hairs on the side of your face. 5 dollar more and I’ll wax your sideburns.

To self. SIDEBURNS! THIS LADY IS SAYING I HAVE SIDEBURNS!! FUCKITY FUCK!

*Guns N’ Roses ~ Paradise City

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4 Responses to At the nail salon.

  1. Janelle June 2, 2013 at 16:26 #

    Hell,I thought thats how this is suppose to go. I just say yes to everything and wind up owing a bunch. How totally funny on your outing .Next time, we can go together and owe thousands of bucks.

  2. Marianna Annadanna June 3, 2013 at 08:54 #

    But just think of how sexy you are now. Now that they fixed everything that’s wrong with you.
    Marianna Annadanna recently posted..Our love story will freak your freakMy Profile

  3. Fran June 3, 2013 at 19:29 #

    Hmmm…. You sure you live in the USA? ‘Cause I live in Canada and It sounds Iike we go to the same salon 😉

  4. Stephanie June 4, 2013 at 06:18 #

    I think we go to the same salon as well…do they say things in another language and then look at you and laugh? I’m sure they’re talking shit about me. Sad to say I actually pay them to do that.
    Stephanie recently posted..What not to say to a parent of…My Profile

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