Since my husband joined the Navy after college in 1996, we’ve had many moves. The first few years, we would move our own things but then my husband mentioned the military will pay to have movers pack us up and deal with the moving truck.
When he told me this, I asked if they would have paid for our previous moves too. He said yes and then I karate chopped his balls… in my mind.
Then hell yes, let’s have the Navy deal with this moving shit for us, I replied, still karate kicking him in the balls… in my mind.
We’ve had plenty of mishaps with our moves, of course, but there have been some pretty embarrassing moments involving the movers. One time, we had a sandwich bag full of catnip on our coffee table. The catnip didn’t come in a resealable bag so I threw it in a ziplock sandwich bag.
Well, one of the moving guys was packing our stuff up in the living room and found the bag of catnip. Thinking it was a bag of marijuana, he told the other packer guys.
Then they came to us and the conversation went something like this.
Them: Ummm, Miss? We found this and thought you’d like to put it in a safer place.
Me: *thinks for a few seconds* Oh, no. It’s not what you think it is. It’s catnip.
Them, *laughs* Okay. sure. *laughs more*
Me: No, really, it’s catnip. We have a cat, I swear. She’s just hiding because she’s scared.
Them: Uh huh. *laughs*
Me: Here kitty, kitty, kitty!
They believed us, thought it was hilarious that I was so mortified, and for the rest of the two-day pack up, they gave us shit, in a very funny way, about our big bag of catnip/marijuana.
It really was catnip… I swear!
The most embarrassing moment in our moving history was when we were moving from Seattle, down to San Diego.
While living in Seattle, my husband was deployed on a ship for a huge chunk of the time we.. rather I… lived there. Now, a girl has needs and sometimes has to take matters into her own hands.
At the time, Sex And The City was in its first run and I had been a big fan of it from the start. I had remembered an episode where there was a rabbit vibrator.
Curious, I wondered if it really existed and looked it up on the internet.
Yep, it was a real thing. I took a few minutes to think about maybe giving a vibrator a try for the first time and thought about getting it. By then, my husband was gone for 4 months… into a 9 month deployment.
A WOMAN HAS NEEDS!!!
I almost bought the vibrator that night but thought nah, I’ll be fine.
5-7 days later, it arrived in the mail. Woo hoo! The website I purchased it said that it came with a free gift. I had no fucking clue what kind of free gift would arrive with a vibrator. Lube, maybe?
I opened the box to find my beautiful, shiny, new rabbit vibrator. The clouds parted and angels sang.
Then I opened up the free gift. What. The Fuck is this? It was a pocket pussy.
Ewww. What was I gonna do with this? I threw it onto the bed and since it had a subtle, sticky surface and we had a tuxedo cat, Zira, at the time, the thing looked like it was growing a full bush in no time.
Anyway, I had a good laugh at this thing and threw it into the drawer of my husband’s bedside table. I forgot about it in no time, especially since my vibrator and I were bonding.
When my husband finally came home from deployment, we joked about my free gift and it was thrown back into his drawer. Actually, he wanted to throw it away but I thought it was way too funny and wanted to keep it around. Then put it in your drawer, he said
Hell, no. What if something happens to me and when my mom comes to help pack up my stuff, she finds a pocket pussy in my bedside drawer? Actually she wouldn’t care and would think it was funny but I had to come up with some excuse to get it back in his drawer.
Flash forward several months later and it was time for us to once again move.
I was in my bedroom, along with a guy packing up our stuff, while I was trying to get our terrified cat out of the room. Before I walked out, I heard the guy slide open my husband’s beside drawer. It has this squeak when it opens so I knew what the moving guy would find.
I was begging the floor to open up and make me disappear but the damn thing didn’t make my wish come true.
Uhhh… ma’am, we can’t pack these kind of things up ourselves. I’ll give you a minute to do that.
Oh My God.
I was stumbling over my words when trying to reply to let him know it wasn’t something we used but we just kept it around as a joke. Yeah, like he’d believe that.
So, I just said okay, and felt my face catch on fire from blushing so much.
Since then, my husband and I make sure to pack up our bedside drawers before the moving packers arrive. As for the pocket pussy, we finally got rid of it. May it rest in peace.
Have you ever had any funny moving mishaps?