I’ve always had a hate/hate relationship with shaving my legs. Despite it not being brain surgery, I’m really bad at it. I’ve seen those bitches in the shaving commercials, making it look so easy.
My balance sucks when shaving. I end up looking like a cross between Bambi learning to walk and stepping on hot coals. With the hummingbird’s bath toys taking up most of the tub space, I have just a teeny tiny bit of space to rest my foot on.
I wear contacts and occassionally glasses and it seems when I decide to shave, I don’t have my contacts in yet so I can’t see a damn thing I’m doing.
The first thing I usually do is shampoo my hair and leave it on for a few minutes while I shave my armpits. As I’m shaving, the shampoo starts getting into my eyes and I’m feeling all around for a towel to wipe my face. No such luck.
And I have no idea why I just don’t stop washing my hair when shaving. It’s out of habit, I guess.
I rinse off and blindly try to get the shaving cream onto my legs as the shower is pounding on my back and splashing in my face.
It’s like fucking water torture.
Since my eyes are still burning from the soap that got in them and water is splashing on the back of my head and dripping down the side of my face, I can’t see shit.
I lean over more to get near my ankles and accidentally get water tortured with water again.
I’m holding my breath as I try to shave as best as I can and move on to the next leg.
I can’t take anymore and think that’s good enough.
When I’m finally out of the shower and dry off, I put on body butter and as I’m rubbing it into my legs, I see 2 or 3 long hairs near my ankles that looks like I’ve missed shaving them for a month.
There is ALWAYS those few long hairs I find somewhere on my legs after I shave each time. I’ll be thinking, finally, a success with shaving. And I always find those hairs I didn’t get while shaving.
WHY? WHY, leg hair? Why do you have to be such an asshole!
So, that’s usually my awkward and not at all graceful shaving technique.
One of these days, I’d like to see a REAL shaving commercial that shows a woman in the shower, hopping around as she struggles to shave her legs by being hit in the head and back with water, causing her to drown.