I hate shaving my legs. But when I do, I’m a sloppy, drunken, hot mess without the drunk part. You could say I’m the Courtney Love of shaving.

shaving-legs

I’ve always had a hate/hate relationship with shaving my legs. Despite it not being brain surgery, I’m really bad at it. I’ve seen those bitches in the shaving commercials, making it look so easy.

My balance sucks when shaving. I end up looking like a cross between Bambi learning to walk and stepping on hot coals. With the hummingbird’s bath toys taking up most of the tub space, I have just a teeny tiny bit of space to rest my foot on.

I wear contacts and occassionally glasses and it seems when I decide to shave, I don’t have my contacts in yet so I can’t see a damn thing I’m doing.

The first thing I usually do is shampoo my hair and leave it on for a few minutes while I shave my armpits. As I’m shaving, the shampoo starts getting into my eyes and I’m feeling all around for a towel to wipe my face. No such luck.

And I have no idea why I just don’t stop washing my hair when shaving. It’s out of habit, I guess.

I rinse off and blindly try to get the shaving cream onto my legs as the shower is pounding on my back and splashing in my face.

It’s like fucking water torture.

Since my eyes are still burning from the soap that got in them and water is splashing on the back of my head and dripping down the side of my face, I can’t see shit.

I lean over more to get near my ankles and accidentally get water tortured with water again.

I’m holding my breath as I try to shave as best as I can and move on to the next leg.

I can’t take anymore and think that’s good enough.

When I’m finally out of the shower and dry off, I put on body butter and as I’m rubbing it into my legs, I see 2 or 3 long hairs near my ankles that looks like I’ve missed shaving them for a month.

There is ALWAYS those few long hairs I find somewhere on my legs after I shave each time. I’ll be thinking, finally, a success with shaving. And I always find those hairs I didn’t get while shaving.

WHY? WHY, leg hair? Why do you have to be such an asshole!

So, that’s usually my awkward and not at all graceful shaving technique.

One of these days, I’d like to see a REAL shaving commercial that shows a woman in the shower, hopping around as she struggles to shave her legs by being hit in the head and back with water, causing her to drown.

*No Doubt

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7 Responses to I hate shaving my legs. But when I do, I’m a sloppy, drunken, hot mess without the drunk part. You could say I’m the Courtney Love of shaving.

  1. monica June 27, 2013 at 05:38 #

    I love this because today the “girl” talk was about unwanted hair and then I started researching the nono hair and then I ended up on your post! I have shaved for years, waxed (hate it), and now I am ready to do laser. I got a price of 543 for ONE AREA six treatments. that’s so pricey. so, now I am considering buying the nono hair.
    monica recently posted..Sorry, y’all. I’m busy procrastinating….I mean drinking….I mean procrastinating.My Profile

  2. Jocelyn June 28, 2013 at 10:12 #

    I have the same problem. Of finding stray hairs that look like they’ve been growing since the beginning of time. I’m never lucky enough to notice this before leaving the house and my razor. So I’ve learned to keep an emergency disposable razor in the car. For those “I-need-to-shave-my-knees” emergencies.
    Jocelyn recently posted..Happy 30th to me!My Profile

  3. Rachel June 28, 2013 at 14:14 #

    I have to say, I laughed so hard at this! In October, I shattered my ankle and still have not regained my balance to safely shave in the shower. As a result, I either have to go au natural or shave in the bath. I have a 3 year old. Guess which I tend to go with. Yep, fuzzy legs. I salute you for trying to shave without your contacts, that also would be a disaster for me. If you have manicure scissors, you could maybe take care of those freaky long hairs.
    Good Luck and safe moving!

  4. Stephanie July 21, 2013 at 12:27 #

    I sit on the side of my tub, fill it just enough for my feet to soak, then lather on the shaving cream and shave away. then i dry my legs and check to see if i missed any spots, if i didn’t, then I will climb into the shower. usually i need to reshave a spot or two as well. This usually happens at 9 or 10 at night as I can’t do while my 3 year old is up as the whole ordeal including shower will take an hour.

  5. Ally September 21, 2013 at 11:35 #

    I sit in the bottom of my bathtub to shave. It looks stupid but shaving your legs in general isn’t an attractive activity. This way, at least, I don’t fall over and I can see better (even if my contacts aren’t in) because I’m closer.

    • Elle September 22, 2013 at 22:25 #

      Ally, you’re a damn genius. For real. In all my years, I never thought about doing that. Duh, me. lol xx

  6. Naomi April 5, 2014 at 10:24 #

    I gave up shaving my legs with a razor. I use a man’s electric shaver and just buzz everything down to stubble as often as I can. My girl is almost 4, so that means I’m hairy (no, not fuzzy any more) most of the time. I still use a razor on the armpits as often as I’m allowed to shower. No one wants prickly armpits.

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