I’m angry, pissed off, hurt, devastated, heartbroken, furious, in emotional hell, and want to get the fuck out of this hotel room.
We were only in Maine for 3 days when it happened.
It’s fucked up that I have to deal with this while stuck in a hotel, without any comforts of a home, and I feel like I want to die.
Pity party, table for one.
I honestly don’t know how this kind of emotional and physical pain doesn’t kill you.
Even though we thought one was enough, we found that we do want a baby #2 and will try again… once we heal and after plenty of time to do so.
We continued looking at houses the next day because we have to do what we have to do. I had to put on a happy face while we walked through homes, while my huge pads were soaked in blood and my body was in such pain.
One house we looked at had a 1 month old baby boy. I wanted to crawl up in a ball and die as soon as I saw him.
After we left, my husband and I went straight to lunch to have a drink.
We finally found a home that’s beyond what I dreamed. But we don’t move in until mid July so our things have to be put in storage.
So, here we will be, at the hotel until then.
The bleeding, cramping, and pain are still in full force. When the hummingbird catches me crying, she asks if the baby is making me sick.
She doesn’t quite understand what happened.
I cry even more because she still thinks she’s getting a brother or sister.
Thank you all for your support through this hell.
My 4 year-old tissue monster.
What made me actually crack a smile that was so desperately needed.