I thought I was dealing the best that I could with the loss I had.
There I was, strutting my shit on the elliptical machine in the hotel gym room the other day, with only a few minutes left.
I had my iPod on shuffle and the Kings Of Leon, Milk, came on.
I thought I was dealing with my feelings okay considering the circumstances but that song brought out all my hurt and pain I felt about losing the baby that I wanted so much.
I had all these dreams and hopes for this child.
It made me want to scream out and just crumple onto the floor. I had no idea just how much the loss was affecting me until that moment.
I think my feelings about the loss were numb until that day.
The only words I could utter to my husband later that night was that my heart is so broken.
My heart breaks for the baby that never will be.
I love you, my little peanut.