I need Marky Mark to complete my funky bunch.

Depression. What a pain in the ass.

I’ve been in such a major funk. I thought once we moved into our new house, I would feel better but it just seems even more overwhelming. The depression got worse.

After having to wait 6 weeks, I was finally able to see my new doctor recently. She switched me back to the anti-depressant I used to be on before I found out I was pregnant. Hoping it kicks in very soon.

I really miss the baby that will never be. I’ve probably already mentioned this in another post but I let the hummingbird pick out a dinosaur shirt for the little one back in June, not long after I found out that I was pregnant. She loved it so much and couldn’t wait to see the baby in it.

She still frequently asks me “who’s going to wear the dinosaur shirt now?” That fucking kills me. It’s like knives in the heart.

As far as Maine goes, yes it’s gorgeous here but I’m still really missing northern California. It’s been more of an adjustment here than I was expecting. I know my pissy attitude with being here has A LOT to do with the miscarriage last month.

Currently looking for a therapist.

And holy fuck…. THE FUCKING MOSQUITOES here are insane. And the ants, and spiders, and all these bugs. That’s just inside the house. I feel like I’m camping indoors.

I’ve found I’m more of a city girl than I thought. A few weeks ago, I was outside in the front yard with the little hummingbird and hubby when a grasshopper jumped up on my shirt.

I screamed bloody murder! My husband hasn’t let me live it down since.


We still have what seems like never ending boxes to unpack.

I’m slowly getting back into writing. But it’s been too slow to my liking so I just need to sit the fuck down this weekend and write something… anything.

Also this weekend, we need to look for another car. We did fine in Cali with one car, mostly because we were so close to the base where my husband worked but here I feel like I’ve become a taxi driver.

He’ll just be getting a cheap commuter car but it will be awesome when I don’t have to drive all over central Maine to take him back and forth to work.


*Dave at Bring Me Death… Or A Sandwich is writing again so go over and check his blog out if you haven’t before. I know you’ll love him.

** No One Knows

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5 Responses to I need Marky Mark to complete my funky bunch.

  1. LeeAnne Curtis August 16, 2013 at 21:58 #

    Even when you are depressed, you are still very much alive in your writtings! Stock with it, Elle. You will get through this. Know we have you in our prayers and tell butthead that grasshopper was so big you could have saddled it and rode it home……
    LeeAnne Curtis recently posted..Noah's Ark Tee Shirt by LeeannesCreationsMy Profile

  2. siggiofmaine August 17, 2013 at 00:31 #

    I am with LeeAnne above…and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
    Understand the depression first hand…a terrible feeling….hoping you find a saddle for
    the grasshopper.
    Peace and love,
    siggiofmaine recently posted..Sunday Mini-challenge: Palindromes for Real ToadsMy Profile

  3. thedavidcmurphy August 17, 2013 at 05:12 #

    I’m sorry the move has been so tough. Our move really got me bad. Leaving behind somewhere you love is very tough, but you will learn to love it out there. You have a smart, beautiful little girl, and your family will really help get you through this tough time.

    And thank you for the plug… you are too sweet 🙂 x
    thedavidcmurphy recently posted..The Writer Who Wouldn’t WriteMy Profile

  4. thedavidcmurphy August 17, 2013 at 05:18 #

    And as for the boxes…. learn to love them. I’ve still got some boxes round the side of the house, too big for the trash truck to take away.
    All my books are under the stairs waiting on a new bookshelf (my one got wrecked in the move), and just this morning, we’re unpacking some boxes of old stuff and putting more boxes in the already heaving attic. My philosophy — they’ll come in handy for the next move 🙂
    thedavidcmurphy recently posted..The Writer Who Wouldn’t WriteMy Profile

  5. Tabitha Crow August 19, 2013 at 09:43 #

    So sorry to hear of your struggles. First, you are NOT responsible for the miscarraige due to the move, your attitude, or the fact that you didn’t stand on one foot while sticking out your tongue and holding a frying pan. So, JUST STOP IT! Secondly, I know it’s awful having to try to explain this to your daughter. As for the dino shirt? Take her to pick out a new stuffed lovey and put the shirt on it. That can be her “baby”.

    Chin up, friend. Know that out in the vastness of the universe there are those of us waiting to hold you up when you feel you can no longer do it yourself.

    Tabitha Crow recently posted..Heigh Ho, Heigh Ho. It’s Back To School I GoMy Profile

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