Depression. What a pain in the ass.
I’ve been in such a major funk. I thought once we moved into our new house, I would feel better but it just seems even more overwhelming. The depression got worse.
After having to wait 6 weeks, I was finally able to see my new doctor recently. She switched me back to the anti-depressant I used to be on before I found out I was pregnant. Hoping it kicks in very soon.
I really miss the baby that will never be. I’ve probably already mentioned this in another post but I let the hummingbird pick out a dinosaur shirt for the little one back in June, not long after I found out that I was pregnant. She loved it so much and couldn’t wait to see the baby in it.
She still frequently asks me “who’s going to wear the dinosaur shirt now?” That fucking kills me. It’s like knives in the heart.
As far as Maine goes, yes it’s gorgeous here but I’m still really missing northern California. It’s been more of an adjustment here than I was expecting. I know my pissy attitude with being here has A LOT to do with the miscarriage last month.
Currently looking for a therapist.
And holy fuck…. THE FUCKING MOSQUITOES here are insane. And the ants, and spiders, and all these bugs. That’s just inside the house. I feel like I’m camping indoors.
I’ve found I’m more of a city girl than I thought. A few weeks ago, I was outside in the front yard with the little hummingbird and hubby when a grasshopper jumped up on my shirt.
I screamed bloody murder! My husband hasn’t let me live it down since.
We still have what seems like never ending boxes to unpack.
I’m slowly getting back into writing. But it’s been too slow to my liking so I just need to sit the fuck down this weekend and write something… anything.
Also this weekend, we need to look for another car. We did fine in Cali with one car, mostly because we were so close to the base where my husband worked but here I feel like I’ve become a taxi driver.
He’ll just be getting a cheap commuter car but it will be awesome when I don’t have to drive all over central Maine to take him back and forth to work.
*Dave at Bring Me Death… Or A Sandwich is writing again so go over and check his blog out if you haven’t before. I know you’ll love him.
** No One Knows