For the first time, we have a house that makes me feel like a grown up. But what if I don’t want to grow up? I DON’T WANNA DO IT! Well, maybe I do.

house-11It was such a huge challenge trying to find a house in Maine during the summer. When we found our new house, we drove by it the day before we had the appointment to see it and I’m pretty sure I said “Holy fucking fuck! The house is AMAZING!!”

We could never get a house like this in California but the house here was nearly half the rent we were paying in military housing in CA.

I instantly fell in love with it. We were under so much pressure to find a house but I knew this one was the house. There are definitely house quirks we still haven’t gotten used to yet but I never even dreamed we could live in such a beautiful home.

It also comes with some anxiety since this is our first official grown-up house. The yard is huge and takes my husband over 2 hours to mow it once a week. I also find it funny that he’s now become a little obsessed with the length of our grass. Ha!

He has nearly 2 acres to mow, not an easy thing. We also have to worry about a generator, our water well, adding softener to the well water every 3 weeks, dealing with snow removal in our driveway, since it will be too big of a job do it ourselves, and the list goes on. Normally the places we’ve lived over the years didn’t require much work for the upkeep so it’s an adjustment.

We still have boxes lying around that we haven’t unpacked yet and the house is such a mess so it will be a little longer before we actually settle in.

For the first time since being here, I actually had a “it’s all good, we’ll do just fine here” moment last week. The hummingbird was playing on the tire swing while my husband and I were pushing her and I thought while the moment was so simple, it was the turning point for me to stop bitching so much about the move to Maine and how out of place I feel right now.



It made me see that my daughter is so happy here and the way of life is different here than in California. Not better or worse, just different… a slower pace and more laid back.

It’s something I’m still getting used to but I’m finally accepting that we’ll be here for the next 3 years. There are things that still leave me saying WTF? Like when I was on my way to pick the hummingbird up from preschool and got stuck behind a tractor on the highway.

Never really had that issue before. Haha!

Still feeling depressed because of the loss I had. I was making plans for a new baby that would be coming into this house next year so that’s been difficult to deal with.

But I see what a selfish bitch I’ve been because I see how happy my daughter is, which is the biggest priority, since starting school and playing regularly with the other kids in the neighborhood. Another thing she didn’t have in California.

I do feel a little lost though. My husband has his job, my daughter has preschool and will start kindergarten next year, but what the hell am I going to do here? We’ll besides writing, which reminds me. I found a screenwriting class here that starts in a few weeks and I’m so fucking excited. I’ve dreamed of doing this since I was in my early 20’s so this class is long overdue.

But I really would like to find a job here. Don’t get me wrong, I feel like I work with all the writing I do for this little blog and a few others but I want a job that gets me out of the house. I would hope the job would require writing but right now, I don’t really care since I’m going a little stir crazy being outside the city and in more of a country environment.

I haven’t had a job in quite a while since I mostly did volunteer work in the other places we lived. I’m doing that here too, but the literacy tutor program doesn’t start until October.

Okay, now I’m just rambling nonsense. But yeah, I’m at the point where my daughter’s getting older and I’m feeling I need to get it together and have more outside interests before I become crazier for not having a life while we’re here.

So, I’m finally relaxing a little more and starting to enjoy our new life in Maine.

The backyard doesn't seem like a big deal until...

The backyard doesn’t seem like a big deal until…

... you go up closer to the trees and see headstones.

… you get up closer to the trees and see headstones.

Yes, there's a cemetary behind our backyard. It doesn't bother me until night time. Then it's just fucking creepy.

Yes, there’s a cemetery behind our backyard. It doesn’t bother me until night-time. Then it’s just fucking creepy.

I promise that if people start crawling out of their graves and start dancing to Thriller, I’ll film it and post it on you tube. My husband says I shouldn’t hold my breath but you just never know.

If the zombies actually do the Thriller dance, my ass is having front row seats on the deck.

If the zombies actually do the Thriller dance, my ass is having front row seats on the deck.

*Why the Thriller dance, of course.

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12 Responses to For the first time, we have a house that makes me feel like a grown up. But what if I don’t want to grow up? I DON’T WANNA DO IT! Well, maybe I do.

  1. Rose Marie B September 1, 2013 at 12:09 #

    I LOVE the house, the opportunities that lay (or is lie?) ahead for you and the hummingbird but mostly I love your state of content…you’ve come a long way baby and as a Momma and a woman, I’m so proud of you! 🙂

    Love ya, mean it,
    Rose Marie B recently posted..Wordless WednesdayMy Profile

    • Elle September 6, 2013 at 23:16 #

      Thank you, Rose. I’m finally starting to settle here. Yay!

  2. Rachel September 1, 2013 at 12:29 #

    You sound so happy! The house looks amazing and you will have 3 years to grow in it. Don’t rush to find work. Settling for a job is not what you want, so take your time. I understand about being stir-crazy. I am a SAHM who worked from age 16 until Crazy Boy was 17 months.

    • Elle September 6, 2013 at 23:17 #

      Thanks so much, Rachel! xx

  3. monica September 1, 2013 at 12:29 #

    wow!!! your house looks amazing! huge congrats to you all! it sounds like it is going to be delightful. oh, and the cemetery behind? totally creepy, but cool and great blog fodder!
    monica recently posted..What’s the best time to call you? Millertime? (I’m guessing that’s not the right answer?)My Profile

  4. Jae September 1, 2013 at 14:39 #

    E I have a friend in Maine. Shes a mom, owns Henry’s Sweet Shop, and shes very very sarcastic, funny and nice. Facebook me… I’ll introduce you two!

    • Elle September 6, 2013 at 23:18 #

      Thanks, Jae.

  5. CyndyBush September 1, 2013 at 23:08 #

    That is one beautiful house! I love cemeteries so that would just be a bonus for me. Yeah, I’m weird.
    I say sign up for any class you’re interested in….make this ‘your time’!
    CyndyBush recently posted..Wildlife, Back in the BushMy Profile

    • Elle September 6, 2013 at 23:23 #

      Cemeteries don’t bother me and I think it’s kinda cool and so Stephen King-ish. But it’s around 10 pm most nights when the thought of it being so close freaks me the hell out. Lol! xx

  6. Eva September 2, 2013 at 03:35 #

    Dear Elle,

    Your house and blog both are lovely, radiating warmth and love. Just found your blog, and glad i found it. And honey, you need to get out and take your mind off things, it will be good for you! Something beside your class 🙂

    Good luck, have a great day!
    Eva recently posted..Accessorize your Home!My Profile

    • Elle September 6, 2013 at 23:20 #

      Thanks, Eva! I need to get out and have some fun. Hopefully this week. I need a brain vacation. 😉

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