Snap, Crackle, Pop!

I normally hate killing anything and after yelling for my husband to come kill a bug or spider, I always remind him not to kill it but to catch it and set it free outside. Usually he says uh huh, and then SMASH.

But occasionally he’ll roll his eyes at me and scoop the invading bug up with a tissue, then open the front door to set it free.

After moving to Maine over the summer, I found that mosquitoes and grasshoppers that I swear, would deliberately fly at my face just to fuck with me, were my enemy.

I was eaten alive for months because of these mosquitoes and was on a mission to kill those bastards after all. That’s when my husband came home one day with one of the most romantic things I’ve ever been given.

A bug zapper.

When he brought that thing home and plugged it in later that night, after I heard the sounds of snap, crackle, pop, he was so getting laid. We spend the last few months enjoying the sounds of that zapper.

Each night, hen I would hear the first ZAP sounds of the evening, I’d look over at my husband and say… “Die, Motherfucker, Die!” Then we’d look at each other and start laughing. What can I say, this thing entertained the hell out of us.

A few weeks ago, after I had cursed the first few bugs that crackled in the zapper, the bug crematorium started zapping the fuck out of something.

It was like the never-ending zap of mosquito death. We started laughing and I was like “What the hell is stuck in there… a bat?”

Because yes, one of our neighbors informed us that they had a bat stuck in their garage. Oh, HELL NO!

I’m not down with little vampire rodents that fly and give you rabies. Things that fly freak me out… expect birds but I only tolerate them. Or admire the cute little yellow birds that come to our backyard feeder when I’m safely enclosed in a house and looking out a thick glass window.

But having things flapping their little wings over my head…. nope.

Now that fall is here, the bug zapper has been unplugged and I no longer have to worry about mosquitoes that are so big, you could walk them on a damn leash. Till next year bug zapper… till next year.

*Tracy Bonham ~ Mother Mother

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7 Responses to Snap, Crackle, Pop!

  1. Kim October 7, 2013 at 13:41 #

    “Die Motherfucker, Die!”

    That absolutely made my morning. That is EXACTLY how my husband and I would react to that. I love it. Love.

    …I am going to have a hell of a time getting that song out of my head….
    Kim recently posted..In which I have an awesome coffee date and quit Facebook.My Profile

    • Elle October 7, 2013 at 19:17 #

      Haha! That bug zapper made those mosquitoes our bitch! 😉 xo

  2. monica October 7, 2013 at 14:07 #

    here in texas we have mosquitos year ’round and it’s just awful. I hate them.
    monica recently posted..If you are in front of the bus, do not turn right (or something like that).My Profile

    • Elle October 7, 2013 at 19:18 #

      I feel for ya. I couldn’t imagine having to deal with them all the time. Grrr. 🙂 xx

  3. Marianna Annadanna October 8, 2013 at 14:48 #

    I saw a fucking mosquito in my front hallway this morning and i can’t believe it because it was, like, 6 degrees out so why is it still here? Asshole.
    Marianna Annadanna recently posted..It’s not a secret what a mess I amMy Profile

  4. Jean October 8, 2013 at 21:14 #

    We had bats in a school I worked in and it was awful. During the year, they would be taken care of and we wouldn’t see them but over the summer they would return and terrify everyone. One fall we had all the kids in the gym and someone thought they saw a bat in the rafters. We evacuated everyone only to find it was a ball. Bats, bugs they’re all disgusting.
    Jean recently posted..What I learned while teaching my son to ride his bikeMy Profile

  5. Rachel October 9, 2013 at 11:40 #

    1) Bats eat mosquitoes, so they’re not all bad. But I still don’t like bats (ewww).
    2) I’ve heard those bug zappers attract more bugs than would usually be in an area. They’re attracted to the light. I have no evidence or proof that this is true or not. Maybe Myth Busters should try bust that myth. =)

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