I normally hate killing anything and after yelling for my husband to come kill a bug or spider, I always remind him not to kill it but to catch it and set it free outside. Usually he says uh huh, and then SMASH.
But occasionally he’ll roll his eyes at me and scoop the invading bug up with a tissue, then open the front door to set it free.
After moving to Maine over the summer, I found that mosquitoes and grasshoppers that I swear, would deliberately fly at my face just to fuck with me, were my enemy.
I was eaten alive for months because of these mosquitoes and was on a mission to kill those bastards after all. That’s when my husband came home one day with one of the most romantic things I’ve ever been given.
A bug zapper.
When he brought that thing home and plugged it in later that night, after I heard the sounds of snap, crackle, pop, he was so getting laid. We spend the last few months enjoying the sounds of that zapper.
Each night, hen I would hear the first ZAP sounds of the evening, I’d look over at my husband and say… “Die, Motherfucker, Die!” Then we’d look at each other and start laughing. What can I say, this thing entertained the hell out of us.
A few weeks ago, after I had cursed the first few bugs that crackled in the zapper, the bug crematorium started zapping the fuck out of something.
It was like the never-ending zap of mosquito death. We started laughing and I was like “What the hell is stuck in there… a bat?”
Because yes, one of our neighbors informed us that they had a bat stuck in their garage. Oh, HELL NO!
I’m not down with little vampire rodents that fly and give you rabies. Things that fly freak me out… expect birds but I only tolerate them. Or admire the cute little yellow birds that come to our backyard feeder when I’m safely enclosed in a house and looking out a thick glass window.
But having things flapping their little wings over my head…. nope.
Now that fall is here, the bug zapper has been unplugged and I no longer have to worry about mosquitoes that are so big, you could walk them on a damn leash. Till next year bug zapper… till next year.