I’m not sure if I wrote about this before but my stomach is full of metal.

Nuts and bolts, screws, and a metal screen. It’s what’s holding the inside of my stomach together after the doctors shredded my stomach. It’s full of this crazy shit because of my botched c-section with the hummingbird back in 2009.

I really want to have a vaginal birth but I’m worried I’ll have to have another c-section.

That is my biggest fear and one of the things that has me so worried. With all that hardware in my stomach, I’m afraid of having a cesarean because of it. Terrified actually. Terrified that because of this, I may have even more complications if they have to open me up and mess around with my pieced back together stomach.

Who knows. Maybe the stars will align at the right time and I’ll get to have a vaginal birth after all. I just really don’t want to be sliced open.

Especially when the doctor that pieced me back together said while yes, it’s safe to have another baby, a c-section could really complicate matters because most of the metal is where they would cut for the c-section and I would also need to have a surgeon on hand “just in case”.

I have this vision of having to get a cesarean done and while they pull this baby bird out of me, all these bolts and screws will fall out of my stomach and jingle around on the floor.

Can you imagine…  it would sound like a piggy bank being dropped in the room. *ding… ding.. ding*

My ob/gyn set me up for a VBAC consultation at another hospital when I’m 20 weeks, along with my “big” ultrasound. I guess they have different guidelines at the hospital close to our house so I wouldn’t qualify for a VBAC here.

My nerves are starting to go away as far as being constantly worried about the baby bird. A lot of it has to do with the exceptional medical care and compassion I’ve received from all the doctors in Maine.

I knew how fucked up and traumatized I was with the horrible care I received with my first pregnancy at Bethesda Naval and Walter Reed but now that I finally know what prenatal care is supposed to be like, it’s such a huge relief.

I also plan on having a doula and I’m in the early stages of researching the process. I think it will be tremendously helpful to have a doula there for the birth. Even if I do end up having another c-section.

But because of all the metal in my stomach, here’s hoping I can push that baby out the way it came in.

Did you have a doula for childbirth? Pros? Any cons? Advice?

*The Raconteurs

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5 Responses to Metal

  1. Jennifer @ Also Known As...the Wife November 2, 2013 at 14:39 #

    You need to talk to Gina over at The Feminist Breeder. She’s a doula and she’s a great source of information on doulas and VBACs.

    Check the physicians state reported stats on successful VBACs and C-section rates. Also ask the physician what would prompt them to recommend a C-section.
    Jennifer @ Also Known As…the Wife recently posted..I Am Laura TrickleMy Profile

  2. Cassie November 4, 2013 at 19:33 #

    I may be a bit biased because my mom has been a doula several times, but I think it’s a great idea. Make sure you spend time with her before the big day and are very comfortable with her.

    Today it seems as though all the focus is around the baby and the mother sort of gets left behind. S/He will make sure that that won’t happen and will be there to fully support you in any way you want.

    The most important thing is finding someone you feel safe with and trust.

    I think the main reason doulas are controversial is because many of them prefer a home birth. For some people, this is great. My mom had three out of four of her children at home (including me). But for dozens of reasons, that’s not for everyone. And, it’s not her child! If she tries to get you to do something you don’t want to do then she is not the right person. She is there to support you and make you more comfortable.
    Cassie recently posted..Cooking FailsMy Profile

  3. KarateLady November 5, 2013 at 20:50 #

    Check out Obstetrical Myths and Research Realities by Henci Goer. Mind-blowing. Goes through all the data on VBACs & birth related stuff. For example, do NOT induce! That increases your risk of hemorraging.

    Just fyi, I had a hospital birth on the 1st and a home birth on the 2nd kid. Excellent hospital birth but still prefer the home birth by a mile. Had a great certified nurse-midwife. You definitely want a doula if you don’t have a midwife. You may also want hypnotherapy to reduce anxiety and labor pains. (Mine was AWESOME! The contractions felt much less painful and seemed to be much farther apart than they actually were. I would totally pay for it again.) You’ll want 1 or 2 knobby vibrating messagers in case of back labor. I promise you, they TOTALLY relieve the pain. I was so peaceful & quiet one time, my hubby thought the contraction was over & shut it off prematurely…I nearly murdered him right there! (Just kidding. It’s not that bad, but that massager really did make it a lot easier to have an unmedicated birth.)

  4. CrankyPantsToo November 8, 2013 at 17:37 #

    I’m following your pregnancy with great interest. I had a surprise pregnancy in the late spring (and subsequent miscarriage that rocked my world). I think we found out about our latest pregnancies around the same time and you feel about as awful as I do.

    Advanced maternal age (I’m a very immature 42) gave me access to some new fancy blood test that allowed me to find out the baby’s sex at 11 weeks. Oh, worth noting that I have 3 boys, so the baby’s sex is a big deal in my house.

    The results took an agonizing two weeks to come back, so I’m 13 weeks now — just found out. It’s a girl!!! We’re over the moon happy that 1) the baby is healthy and the pregnancy is progressing well and 2) IT’S A GIRL!

    Sending positive thoughts your way for continued health!

  5. Emily November 11, 2013 at 01:28 #

    Sending you lots of good wishes…

    I hired a doula for my birth experience and I can’t imagine how things would have gone without her. When I was researching and interviewing doulas, I remember someone told me, every pregnant woman deserves to have a doula, and it’s something that just rang true for me.. Also, there was a study done that showed that women with doulas had much lower c-section rates than those without. while some doulas are very expensive not all of them are…

    I also used the Hypnobabies CDs, they were another way that I was able to get over the fear of childbirth (but having a doula was more helpful in that regard)
    Emily recently posted..Simple kimchi soupMy Profile

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