This time around, pregnancy has given me nosebleeds with all that extra blood I’m pumping and a stuffy nose.
So, here I am with the constant sniffles but I want to put a sign on my shirt that says “I swear I’m not a cokehead. Just pregnant!”
The only thing I’ve been snorting are Vicks fumes so I can breathe. I even got one of those stick inhalers that I carry around with me so I won’t be as obvious but who am I kidding.
I’ll be in the makeup aisle at Target, looking to make sure nobody is around, and I start huffing on my Vicks stick. That doesn’t look strange at all.
Yesterday morning, I had quite the party in my pants but unfortunately, not that kind.
I was getting sick, gagging, and dry heaving in the bathroom sink. The toilet was too far. While my 4 year-old stood there watching and asking asking 284,264 questions, I started peeing myself as well.
We’re talking a puddle of pee on the floor. So then I start laughing and can’t stop. While continuing to get sick and having pee drizzle down my leg, I get a bloody fucking nose.
It starts dripping all over the place because I’m gagging so violently and still can’t stop laughing.
It was like a water fountain was going off in my pants and my face was a busted faucet.
Pregnancy is so damn glamourous!
I was finally able to get everything under control and stop all the leakage.
Now, where’s my Vicks?!
What “glamourous” things happened to you when you were pregnant?