It’s been nearly 5 years since there’s been a baby in my house and things seem more vague. I almost feel like I’m learning things all over again when it comes to a crying, screaming, pukey baby.

One of the grossest recollections was when the hummingbird was home for the second night. My husband went out for some swaddling blankets and it was just me and her. While feeding her a bottle, she had explosive poop that busted out of her diaper and onsie and went dripping down my leg.

When I went to stand up and put her up on my shoulder, she threw up all over my back.


What is one of the grossest, most embarrassing (or both) moments you’ve had since parenthood?

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10 Responses to Ewww!

  1. Rachel January 20, 2014 at 20:44 #

    Not me personally, but my husband. He was changing our son’s diaper (2 months old?) in the middle of the night when my son passed gas. Poop hit my husband in the eye and apparently it was like being squirted by a lemon. I took the baby while he cleaned out his eye, handed him back and our son puked all the way down his back and leg. The verbal telling is a lot funnier, but you get the picture.

  2. Jennifer @ Also Known As...the Wife January 20, 2014 at 22:08 #

    There’s nothing quite like having a perfect stranger (nurse) check on your vagina and ass every four hours.

    Baby related: my husband and I have been shit on more times than I can remember and both kids have felt the need to poop on other people as well. And of course there’s nothing like your breasts leaking in front of your stepfather-in-law after you thought they were done leaking.
    Jennifer @ Also Known As…the Wife recently posted..My Five Faves on Friday – 01.17.14 EditionMy Profile

  3. Cheryl January 21, 2014 at 09:08 #

    When my 5 month old daughter was fussy during snuggle/nap time on the couch and I held her up over my face to see what was wrong and she puked…in my mouth. I had to puke in response. I lovingly refer to that moment as ‘pukefest 1990’. We are forever bonded.

  4. My Special Kind of Crazy January 21, 2014 at 11:12 #

    When my 2nd daughter went in for one of her early appt’s, the week after she was born to check her weight, I was taking off her diaper to go take her to the scale and she projectile pooped clear across the exam room. It was all over the floor, me, and the opposite wall. I mean, she got some serious distance with that poo! The nurse came in, looked around and said, “well, there goes all her weight gain!’ my husband was looking around in shock and I was laughing my ass off!
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  5. monica January 21, 2014 at 12:41 #

    blech. vomit stories are so bad! also poop: hubby was “watching the kids” and he left a poop diaper of our then small daughter on the floor (closed, but STILL). our two something daughter opened it and put a small piece of poo in her MOUTH. gaw!!!! she came toddling over to me and I thought she’d gotten a piece of chocolate from somewhere. when I realized what had happened I wanted to spray Lysol directly in her mouth. grossest thing EVER – and I’ve birthed and raised four kids out of infancy. still makes me gag when I think about it!!!
    monica recently posted..Will this still be okay when it’s not my birthday?My Profile

  6. Rhonda January 21, 2014 at 19:17 #

    I’ve been peed on, pooped on, puked on, had boogers wiped on me, wiped kids butts. Parenthood is gross. Personal space has been lost for so long that other people’s kids can sit on my lap (or grab my boob) and it doesn’t even faze me anymore. Now we are mostly in the burping and farting phase…ick!
    Rhonda recently posted..The Unsympathetic DouchebagMy Profile

  7. Fran January 26, 2014 at 08:41 #

    Hmmm.. My son (he was two months old) shat all over me when I was visiting a friend’s house. I hr drive home, covered in poop….I never when anywhere without a change of clothes after that….

    My husband had it worse. He was holding my son (2yrs at the time), my son turned & looked him straight in the eye, theme promptly vomited all over him. I believe that only my husband’s left sock was unaffected….

  8. Br@ndy January 31, 2014 at 02:30 #

    I have a 21 year old, an 11 year old and a 3 year old…I’ve been pooped on, peed on, vomited on, snotted on more times than my old and feeble mind can remember, lol. It’s all a blur of body fluids at this point. I do remember {quite vividly} the time my oldest son puked into my mouth. That was FUN. Not. 😉

    I just wanted to say I am loving your sense of humor and your blog. I’ve been poking around and literally laughing out loud at your wit. I’ve also enjoyed your more serious posts as well. I’ll be subscribing…and following on Twitter! =) I’m glad I stumbled upon you tonight, in my state of chronic insomnia. (It’s 2:30am est, eek!!)
    Br@ndy recently posted..I’m Coming At You Like A Dark HorseMy Profile

  9. Br@ndy January 31, 2014 at 02:34 #

    PS I grew up a Navy Brat and am a former Navy Wife (nearly 20 years), also lived in Maine for awhile (Brunswick) but spent most of my life overseas. 😉
    Br@ndy recently posted..I’m Coming At You Like A Dark HorseMy Profile

  10. Kate February 5, 2014 at 14:09 #

    When I was a first time mom, I went out for lunch with my mom to a nice little place and for some reason wore a white shirt (new mom.) I was holding my wonderful bundle of joy when I had realized she had pooped. I was getting up to change her when my mother noticed that I was covered in shit and that my white shirt now had a lovely large yellow stain stretching across my shirt and my daughter was dripping poo everywhere.I had no change of clothes for myself and the place had no change table for my screaming new born baby…..

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