The main reason I’ve been so quiet on my blog is that last month, we did some testing on the baby bird and it showed he had a higher risk of having down syndrome.
Since baby boy is very active, we’ve had to go back a few times to complete the ultrasound to see if there were indicators of it. It’s been so stressful and because of not knowing, I haven’t really been writing since my head has been in such a scary place.
We decided to get the MaterniT21 test and because the scans we’ve had looked like there weren’t any problems, I felt very confident that I was going to get a call with the results being negative.
You always think everything will turn out alright with your baby and can’t really imagine the thought of things going wrong. It’s not like you’ll love your child any less if they do have issues and special needs. There’s just so much fear of the unknown.
I got the call this morning and yes, despite his ultrasound scan saying otherwise, he has tested positive for down syndrome.
I don’t know how to even begin expressing all the emotions and feeling I’ve been going through these past several hours. Right now, I’m terrified of what the future holds for my precious baby boy. There are medial issues that go along with down syndrome that really frighten me. Heart problems, vision issues, etc.
Mostly, I’m angry with myself because of some of the thoughts I’ve been having. This baby is without a doubt loved but I still can’t help but think why? Why me? Why him? Why our family?
As you may know, the little hummingbird has had some health issues with low blood sugar since she was born and has been hospitalized for that over the years. We still don’t have a diagnoses and the stress of these issues has been overwhelming at times.
I don’t know if I’m strong enough to handle the special needs issues that we will be facing soon. I know when it comes down to it, I will be but right now I’m numb, angry, heartbroken, and afraid.