It’s all good

Baby boy’s amnio came back and yes, it is positive for down syndrome. Not gonna lie, these past few weeks have been such a mindfuck. Honestly, my first thought when I found out that he has Ds is that I didn’t want this baby.

I know, it’s horrible but when you find out your pregnant and have that first ultrasound where you see your little one, usually the last thing on your mind is that something could be wrong. Months went by and everything being seen looked great on the ultrasounds until they did a screening test.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been in severe panic mode. Always so full of anxiety, waking up in the middle of the night and feeling like my heart would explode because of anxiety attacks.

Then, over the weekend, my husband and I really talked about it and had long discussions about our little boy. We talked and talked and talked and talked and came to the realization that our baby bird will be so loved and no matter what is thrown at us because of Ds, we can’t wait to have this beautiful baby in our lives.

Of course, we’re still terrified of the unknown but the panic and anxiety is starting to subside and I’m excited for our new addition to arrive.

I want to thank all of you for your love and support with this. You guys are amazing! xxoo

*Volcano

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17 Responses to It’s all good

  1. Erin Ahrens March 3, 2014 at 11:50 #

    That post lifted my spirit today. I needed it. Thank you! I’m excited with you guys. EA

  2. Kim March 3, 2014 at 12:15 #

    I have hugs. So many squishy hugs. I think that you and your family are wonderful and this bitty human is very lucky to be joining you. The care and honesty you have taken in sussing out your feelings in this matter are wonderful. Your baby bird is coming into fiercely loving, protective arms.

    And hugs. Because this isn’t easy and it is confusing and really fucking hard. 🙂 But the above stands, you are wonderful and life with that bitty birdie is going to be so new and different and just fucking nifty.
    Kim recently posted..Flying solo.My Profile

  3. Christa March 3, 2014 at 13:04 #

    Awesome awesome awesome. You guys are in for an amazing journey! (And also a totally normal journey, if that makes sense. Just having a baby…)
    Christa recently posted..Stuff We Like: Mini BodenMy Profile

  4. Emily March 3, 2014 at 13:50 #

    Of course you are going to grieve the future you thought would be, but now that you have, here’s to embracing the new future with love and hope!

  5. Greta March 3, 2014 at 13:52 #

    I have a feeling that that little guy is going to change you (and everyone he meets) in so many amazing ways. 🙂
    Greta recently posted..Project 365: Week 9My Profile

  6. Angie March 3, 2014 at 14:37 #

    I am sure the unknown is terrifying. *hugs* I know you guys will be able to handle anything thrown at you.
    Angie recently posted..3 year oldsMy Profile

  7. LeeAnne Curtis March 3, 2014 at 21:35 #

    I believe that God gives special children to special parents. Parents that love unconditionally, no matter what. I also believe that you, Hubs, and the little hummingbird are the perfect family for the baby hummingbird. Sending Hugs, Love and Light to you and your family.
    LeeAnne Curtis recently posted..Leprechaun Hat Hair Band by LeeannesCreationsMy Profile

  8. Vicki March 4, 2014 at 07:55 #

    Just saw this article–no idea if it is of any use, but thought it might be of interest: http://www.firstwordpharma.com/node/1192909#axzz2uzwRyWhv

  9. Kate March 4, 2014 at 10:57 #

    Wow! Thanks for being so honest. I have had the same struggles and have been very afraid to voice my deepest thoughts in public. There is no shame in honesty and I am so happy for you that you were able to make a decision that felt right for you after discussion.
    Lots of love and strength!
    Kate recently posted..Cosmetics Haul!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!My Profile

  10. MANDI March 4, 2014 at 11:52 #

    I know you don’t know me, but I’ve been lurking for awhile. My son has a chromo disorder, which was a suprise at birth, if you wnat to talk to someone, feel free to email me.

  11. Athena March 5, 2014 at 00:27 #

    I’m not going to lie to you–the next few months are going to be a bit tough. You’ll keep running through that spectrum of afraid, worried, angry, ready, happy, relieved, and back to scared. But, it’s going to be okay. Stay realistic, make goals, learn about your options once your boy is here, and remember that there’s a really large community of families with a child with special needs out there! We can’t always offer anything more than (virtual) hug, but that may be what you need sometimes. Do your best to stay positive. You can do this!!

  12. Andi March 5, 2014 at 04:29 #

    Hugs mama!

  13. Lisa March 5, 2014 at 11:43 #

    There are plenty of us out here who have had second thoughts while being pregnant, downs or no downs, ie: ready for a baby? ready for another baby, etc. So don’t beat yourself up over initial thoughts of questioning whether to continue with this pregnancy or not. And you need time for this diagnosis to sink in. And time to educate yourself! There are a zillion different levels of down syndrome. And from what I’ve seen, they all share a common thread. They are the most LOVING and GIVING children that have been put on this earth.

  14. Rebecca March 8, 2014 at 13:15 #

    I was looking to tell you about the “flight to Amsterdam” analogy and found this link. Probably more valuable for you in this time of mental stress

    http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/our-daughters-down-syndrome-has-taken-us-on-a-beautiful-journey/article580423/

    And I would like to share with you my personal prayer in times of stress and worry:
    “Fingers crossed and knock on wood,
    may things turn out the way they should.”

  15. Courtney March 11, 2014 at 19:09 #

    You are amazing. I am so glad that we are long lost sisters!

  16. Cathy March 11, 2014 at 21:32 #

    I don’t believe that “God gives special babies to special people” because I work in a field where I have seen a goodly number of special children suffer horribly at the hand of their parents. However, I do know that as a parent, if you are any good at it all, you find the energy to keep carrying on when you are at your tiredest, the strength to carry on when you are at your weakest, etc, with your children who have developed at society’s proscribed rate of normal, it is no different now that you will have a child that happens to have Ds. Having a special needs child does come with a lot of stress, sleeplessness, and tears, however it also comes with joys, hugs and smiles, that will enrich your life and you as a person in ways that you cannot imagine. I thought I would die when my child was finally diagnosed with moderate to severe autism, but three years later, we have up days and down days, but he is an angel that I would not part with for a moment. Take advantage of support groups, all of the therapy options that you can, and just take each day and enjoy it with love at the core, and all will be just fine.

  17. Kathy Mullin March 13, 2014 at 13:36 #

    I have been worrying and worrying about you. So glad you posted, just a twitter friend who relates to nearly everything you talk about, except I am much older than you, but my baby is 3. Much love to you and I teach in a public school Pk-12 grade, yes we are small, and I am amazed at what the DS kids bring to this school and this world.

    Thank you for being honest and please know that we love you.

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