What is said on television: Oxiclean, gets the tough stains out, like chocolate pudding.
What I hear: Mmmm… chocolate pudding. You haven’t had that in a while. We probably have a box around somewhere. That stuff lasts forever. You NEED chocolate pudding.
Better yet, why don’t you make those brownies you saw on Pinterest. Go ahead and splurge. One brownie won’t kill you.
Sure, it’s past 10 pm and you should get to bed soon but you deserve it. If you start now, you can make them and eat the deliciousness, then be in bed by 11pm.
Ooooh, you also forgot to watch last weeks episode of Teen Mom 2. Eat a brownie or two and watch that. You’ll be in bed by 11:30 tops.
You know you also have some vanilla ice cream in the freezer. If you’re going to make those brownies, you might as well go all out.
And don’t forget the Hershey’s syrup.
Me to self: Fuck you, Oxiclean. Fuck you.