I absolutely hate wearing a bra and for years I thought I found a way to avoid putting one on by wearing a jacket.
I never said I was the brightest bulb.
I figured my big boobs would be hidden with a jacket so I wouldn’t have to wear that fucking elastic torture device. During the winter, my plan is pretty awesome since I wear a bulky coat that keeps the twins in line.
In the spring, I try to get away with wearing a jacket for as long as possible to avoid a bra, even when it warms up and I’ll be hot as hell with sweat dripping down my face and running down my armpits.
Anything is better than wearing a bra.
Last week, the hummingbird and I were walking into Target and I was wearing a sweater jacket to avoid the dreaded bra.
The bird was asking why I was wearing it since it was warm out.
Hummingbird: You don’t need a jacket, mommy. It’s nice out.
Me: I know, but I can’t take it off since I’m not wearing a bra.
Hummingbird: Why not?
Me: If I took my jacket off, then everyone can see my boobs jiggling all over and flapping around. My jacket hides that.
Hummingbird: But mommy, you’re boobs ARE flapping around all over the place. I can see them bouncing around even with the jacket.
Nooooo! I thought I found a bra loophole and while I assumed my boobs were under wraps, I’ve been a hot and sweaty mess by roasting in jackets that don’t cover these suckers up after all.
My plan has been foiled all this time without me realizing it. Damn it!