That awkward moment when you and your husband are about to go at it and he accidentally pokes you in the ass.

I’ve had my share of sextastrophes in my time, some funny, some cringeworthy… some before my husband.

Whip cream can be pretty damn awesome but if you wait too long, it can be a sextastrophe. During one encounter, it was fun and delicious. Then, about an hour later, it turned sour and the stench was so incredibly nasty.

He was still into it and it was all I could do to keep from gagging. Thankfully, shower sex took care of the problem.

You’re not really sure what to expect the first time the clothes come off. Sure, a penis comes in all shapes and sizes but the crooked ones are tricky. This guy I was seeing when I was younger had such a crooked penis, it could practically be a boomerang.

I’ll never forget standing there and looking at it, thinking how the hell is THAT supposed to work. It didn’t and was the most awkward sex I ever had. Never saw the guy again.

Then, there are those times when something happens that’s absolutely hysterical. My husband and I were being really passionate and everything was in sync. I felt our cat jump on the bed and rub up against my foot. Soon after, my husband had a weird look on his face.

He asked me what I was doing with my hands and I said nothing. That’s when we discovered our cat was licking his ass crack. Well, better her than me. I don’t think I ever laughed so hard in my life.

The one thing I could do without is the accidental ass poke. After all the years that my husband and I have been together, I still get that surprise every now and then.

BUTT POKE!

In my head:

WHOA HO HO HO HO. Wrong hole!! How does he still do that after all of this time?

I’ve had a baby and my vagina is kind of like this big hole now. But he still misses and tries to put it in my ass?

Oh my god… maybe he wants to put it in my ass. Why didn’t he mention this beforehand???

Oh wait… nope… he finally got it right.

Sextasrophe diverted.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

, , , ,

5 Responses to That awkward moment when you and your husband are about to go at it and he accidentally pokes you in the ass.

  1. LeeAnne Curtis May 15, 2014 at 07:41 #

    HIS-STAIR-A-CUL!!!!!! LOVE the cat!!!
    LeeAnne Curtis recently posted..Quilted, Mongrammed Bib, Burp cloth and Blanket by LeeannesCreationsMy Profile

  2. Meredith@badsandy.com May 16, 2014 at 02:28 #

    it goes without saying that this really made my day. and no, you’re not the only one. it’s as though the vagina needs a gps attached so they can find it.
    Meredith@badsandy.com recently posted..Redheads Don’t Wear RedMy Profile

  3. Jennifer June May 22, 2014 at 21:40 #

    Can I just say though, as foul as the stench may be about an hour or two in, day after sex with whip cream hair is so soft and shiny for days!
    And if that’s not what sex is for…

  4. DL May 28, 2014 at 18:47 #

    Oh my! I’ve never experienced a cat lick but we’ve come close with our dogs. We often find ourselves with an audience (that is always weird). Usually they get the hint and leave, but sometimes they jump up … which obviously causes an abrupt stop. Gotta remember to shut the door. 😛
    DL recently posted..Monster Hates When You Play with Your BallsMy Profile

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. That Awkward Moment When You and Your Husband Are About To Go At It and He Accidentally Tries To Jam It In Your... - What The Flicka? - July 9, 2014

    […] posted at Elle’s blog. Photo courtesy […]

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge