This week has been really rough. Baby Ben was supposed to be due this week. We lost him back in mid-March when I was 28 weeks pregnant. We had already lost him before he was born but we were able to see him afterwards.

We also got his prints which I haven’t looked at again until this week. I thought I would be able to handle setting out his ashes in the urn but when we received them, we locked them up in the safe.

The little hummingbird has been telling me lately that she really misses the baby that was in my belly. She often asks if I’m going to have another baby and the answer is I really hope so.

I have absolutely no idea when we’re going to try again but at the same time, I’m no spring chicken and don’t have a lot of time to wait. I’m also scared as hell when it comes to getting pregnant again.

I know I’ll be very happy if we just have our beautiful 5 year-old but I have made plenty of room in my heart for another child and I hope that gets filled.

*No Need To Argue

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7 Responses to Due

  1. My Special Kind of Crazy June 6, 2014 at 11:31 #

    I am so sorry for your loss. I remember when reading about it the first time and my heart broke for you. My miscarriage at 11 weeks was pretty unbearable so I cannot imagine the hurt in your heart.
    My Special Kind of Crazy recently posted..Cold Water Challenge Anyone?My Profile

  2. kath June 8, 2014 at 07:01 #

    You are still grieving the baby that you didn’t have… I cannot imagine the feeling. At the same time, I hope that you feel okay to try again soon, if that’s what you want to do. You will know what’s right for you. Fear is a terrible emotion, it goes with worry, and frankly …with parenting.
    Hard stuff, the mom thing. Sending positive energy ~ ~ ~

  3. Amy O August 27, 2014 at 00:41 #

    I am so very sorry for your losses. They are all heartbreaking and difficult. <3

  4. Rachael Boley September 17, 2014 at 14:58 #

    Heartbreaking. I pray you get the chance to pour that love into another child, but if not, your daughter is a lucky little girl. I’m so Sorry for your loss.


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