The Trash Can Dance Off

oscarthegrouch1When my husband and I first got married, it was a really tough adjustment living with someone else. But we were in (mostly) newlywed bliss. Despite the several polite, newlywed fights, followed by the make up sex, rinse and repeat, we could do no wrong in each other’s eyes. Even when we wanted to kill each other at times.

About a year after we married and he graduated college, he joined the Navy, went to OCS, and came back home 3 months later. We soon hauled ass to Georgia where he went to school for 7 months. During this time, the newlywed bubble seemed to be popping and that’s when I noticed that my “perfect, could never do anything to annoy me husband” started to do those little annoying things.

When it came to taking out the trash, we were both stubborn as hell and still are. Hence, the trash can dance off.

You may know it. The trash can starts filling up and you stick your foot in it to smash it down and there you are with one foot in the trash can, one foot on the floor, and you may even add a little wiggle while weighing your foot (while wearing shoes) on the trash, stuffing it down as far as you can.

Because you don’t want to be the one to take it out. I leave feeling satisfied that I won’t have to deal with it, only to find out the next morning that he seems to have done the same thing. That’s when we know, without ever speaking about it, that the trash can dance IS ON! This game has been played between us for many, many years.

I’ll spend the day stuffing the trash down, certain that when my husband gets home, he will see it bursting at the seams and will take it out. My husband will come home and be certain that I’ll see that the trash can is bursting at the seams and he’ll think I’ll end up taking it out.

I’ll see the trash can right before bed with the lid poking up as if to say “Please, please one of you stop this silly shit and take me out! I’m going to explode!” I think to myself “There’s no way my husband will be able to put anything else in it the next morning.” And I will be certain that a fresh, new trash bag will be in it by the next day.


That butthead is trying to out trash can dance me!! I’ll stuff it down even more with my foot but the lid isn’t having it and still pokes up. Fine, then I just won’t throw anything away today.

But even adding one tissue or paper towel to the trash makes the trash can wave the white flag and surrender. Damn it! Okay, okay, I’ll take it out this time.

But the next time my husband and I have a trash can dance off, I will win.

Oh yes, I will win!

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5 Responses to The Trash Can Dance Off

  1. Emily August 18, 2014 at 11:21 #

    Even though I hate that my baby boy is growing up too fast (13 now), it is fun to be able to say “Please take out the trash” to him and he does it! 😉

  2. Gerri August 18, 2014 at 11:37 #

    I don’t mind taking out the trash, but what REALLY irks me is my husband will take out the trash and NOT PUT A CLEAN BAG IN IT!!!! That PISSES me off SO BAD! And I will refuse to put one in it. I will put my trash on the counter and at the end of the day put it all in a Walmart bag and carry it out before I’ll put in a clean bag! I have told him a million times if he’s not going to finish the job to leave it and I’ll take it out, but does he listen? Uh, no. Some days it just seems like he’s TRYING to piss me off!

  3. My Special Kind of Crazy August 18, 2014 at 12:13 #

    This is hysterical- I went to throw something away last night and almost took a picture to send to you because we have the same thing going on! By the end we have banana peels and paper towels precariously perched on top of the overstuffed bag…so funny!
    My Special Kind of Crazy recently posted..Friday’s Photo Finish For Family Vacation!My Profile

  4. Stephanie August 18, 2014 at 15:14 #

    “Fine, then I just won’t throw anything away today.”

    I have been known to have a collection of trash just waiting nearby so that I can throw it away once he empties the trashcan. But we all know I’m gonna cave and pull the bag out. But I still make that pile anyway.

  5. monica August 18, 2014 at 21:30 #

    three of our four kids now have “trash” on their rotating chores list. it’s great. but I agree with gerri above – they often forget to put a clean bag in. that is AWFUL. you have your hands full of say greasy paper towels and you go to flip the lid and THERE’S NO BAG. ugh…………….yeah. first world problem, but still!
    monica recently posted..Memory Making 2014 (in which I do math).My Profile

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