I’m Finally Ready

Well, as ready as one can be after losing a child.

After we lost Ben, it took some time to receive his ashes. When we finally got them, we quietly decided that the best thing to do at the time was to lock them in our safe.

While we didn’t speak the words, I think it was mostly because we weren’t ready to accept it. So there his ashes sat, locked away along with our feelings about such a tremendous loss.

Recently, I felt it was time to take them out. Time to slowly face what happened, as difficult as it is.

The loss is too great and I still can’t seem to find the words to express my grief.

The pain comes in waves and I think the reason that it happens that way is because if grief came all at once, it would be too overwhelming to handle.

Too heartbreaking.

So much more heartbreaking and devastating than it already is when dealing with this grief every day.

But I’m finally ready to take this first step.

unnamed (8)

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

, , ,

10 Responses to I’m Finally Ready

  1. Mackenzie August 24, 2014 at 00:16 #

    Wait WHAT?!? Obviously I have been out of the loop. OMG. I am SO sorry and sad to hear this. Sending you golden bombs of light and love over the interwebs. Hope you can find ways to heal in time. Hugs.
    Mackenzie recently posted..closureMy Profile

  2. Courtney August 24, 2014 at 03:33 #

    Hugs, friend. Xoxo

  3. Charlie August 24, 2014 at 06:11 #

    Hugs & best wishes to you all x

  4. My Special Kind Of Crazy August 24, 2014 at 07:52 #

    Hugs, Elle. In your own time, in your own way. Perfect and heartfelt.
    My Special Kind Of Crazy recently posted..Simon Says “Be Just Like Me”My Profile

  5. Debbie August 24, 2014 at 09:30 #

    i came back here today, to be sure i had commented on your mirror entry. i had. i read this, i read “due”…..and then your mirror entry again.

    you are strength beyond words and i wish i could say the perfect something that would bring you comfort and ease your pain for just one moment. but those words don’t exisit, they have never been written. i am sending you a hug!!!
    Debbie recently posted..Lis Bake ShopMy Profile

  6. monica August 24, 2014 at 13:00 #

    I love your explanation of why grief comes over time. So true. And the strangest moments seem to bring grief back. Hugs to you, friend. You’ve come so far and I know your strength will keep increasing day by day. xoxo
    monica recently posted..Memory Making 2014 (in which I do math).My Profile

  7. LeeAnne Curtis August 24, 2014 at 19:31 #

    Hugs to you all. Grief can sometimes overwhelm us to the point we lock ourselves in a protective bubble. I have never “walked” in your shoes through this type of grief, but I have walked in others. Even today, when something as mundane as a picture of Bob, I and Rick taken WWAAY back, alls I have the strength to do is cry. (Mom is moving to Va. Beach with older brother, so lots of memories coming my way over the next few months). Selling from my little store front this week-end as items were bought to me just about did me in. So, while time allows you to cope, you willl never be over. Your explanation of your grief is spot on. One tiny step at a time…….each and every day….
    LeeAnne Curtis recently posted..Thanksgiving Gobble Turkey Tee Shirt by LeeannesCreationsMy Profile

  8. Notmyyearoff August 25, 2014 at 12:36 #

    Thinking of you lots. Xxx I can’t imagine how hard it must be but I hope it becomes easier so that the wonderful memories stay and the pain eases away.
    Notmyyearoff recently posted..Silent Sunday / Project 52 – Week 34My Profile

  9. Jennifer @ Also Known As...the Wife September 1, 2014 at 14:23 #

    I have no words of comfort just know I’ll be thinking of you and your family.
    Jennifer @ Also Known As…the Wife recently posted..Success!My Profile

  10. Rachael Boley September 17, 2014 at 14:47 #

    Oh Elle! Chills all over my whole body! I cannot imagine the pain of such a loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you continue to gain strength and take steps forward. The pain Wil likely never go away but I hope others in similar situations will find strength through your experience. ❤

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge