How To Survive A Visit From Your In Laws

1324012756612_5703688My in laws have finally left and surprisingly, I survived. I pretty much avoided them and stayed out of their way as much as possible. Unless of course they took us out to eat. Because HELLO, FREE FOOD! Who the hell doesn’t like a free meal?! Nobody, that’s who.

If I didn’t avoid them as much as I was able to, I would probably be writing this with pencil and paper from a prison cell. I would’ve been all Orange Is The New Black but really though, orange just isn’t my color.

Well, it isn’t really anyone’s color, except for maybe super hotties like Mark Ruffalo, Ryan Gosling, Chris Hemsworth, Liev Schrieber, or perhaps even the always gorgeous Kerry Washington and Robin Wright.

But I’m totally getting off point here.

For the low, low price of zilch, zero, nada, you too can follow these easy steps to survive your visiting in laws.

Take notes, people! There may be a pop quiz later on.

Step 1: Drink… A Lot. Vodka or wine in a coffee mug is a great choice. Especially one that has been hand painted by your child. It will look sweet and innocent but at the same time, you’ll be getting plastered. It’s a win win.

Hiding your alcohol intake will be one less thing your mother in law will judge you by and bitch about. It will also make it more tolerable and entertaining when your in laws tell you stories about your spouse growing up that you’ve heard 1oo times before.

Step 2: Fake an illness (cramps, bloating, pms, mad cow disease, problematic anal warts) and hide out in your bedroom with chocolate and a good book. Make sure to let out a few groans of pain in their presence.

Step 3: Fake raging diarrhea and hide out in your bedroom with chocolate and a good book. Nobody questions diarrhea. Ever.

Step 4: See steps 1-3.

Happy visiting!

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6 Responses to How To Survive A Visit From Your In Laws

  1. Luna August 26, 2014 at 12:48 #

    My inlaws don’t drink. At all. Ever. I have to get pre-drunk qnd hide booze in my bedroom. Also, I can’t eat at restaurants, and they are picky eaters. Like two-year old level picky. Thank God they came when I was out of the country last time. That works best for all involved!

  2. Charlie August 26, 2014 at 16:29 #

    Hilarious! I love your in-law tales!

  3. Whitney August 27, 2014 at 18:23 #

    Nice tips! I have a difficult, which is really too nice of a word to describe her, sister-in-law and I will have to use some of these in case I ever have to see her again. =)

  4. Naomi August 28, 2014 at 09:23 #

    Hiding in the bedroom with chocolate is my favorite advice!

    Another thing you can do is play with your daughter in her room with the door closed or take her to a playground while your hubby distracts the in-laws.

  5. Nisha March 18, 2015 at 00:54 #

    My in laws stay with us. How can I survive? Is there any way out? Except divorce.

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