The hummingbird lost her first tooth last summer when she was 4. She was understandably in pain and feeling miserable. But not as miserable as she was after we told her the tooth fairy was coming and would leave her a present.
I don’t remember ever fearing the tooth fairy but it was mostly because I would get money. Sure, it was only 50 cents or even a dollar but I felt like I had hit the jackpot.
The hummingbird, however, was anything but excited about getting a present from the tooth fairy. I get that a fairy coming into your house at night while you’re sleeping is pretty damn creepy so my husband and I tried to calm her down.
But she would not go to sleep, in fear for her life over the dreaded tooth fairy.
That’s when the whole tag team parenting thing went into effect. Where you and your spouse start pulling things out of your ass and work with each other, trying to come up with anything to calm your kid down. Or whatever the situation may require.
I told my 4 year-old that I would call the tooth fairy to let them know they weren’t needed that night. That didn’t work so I said I’ll call the tooth fairy and she can speak to him herself.
I repeated to her that she can personally speak to the tooth fairy and that’s when my husband caught on and suddenly, he had to make a trip to the bathroom.
So, the hummingbird was able to talk to the tooth fairy aka the hubby in a really high voice on the phone, and she seemed to relax.
As soon as we tucked her into bed for the 3rd or 4th time that night, we were ready to pat ourselves on the back. We felt like we rocked this parenting thing.
Before we could even sit down in the other room, she came out and was still scared as hell about the freaking tooth fairy. It was a very long night.
The next day, I told her we struck a deal with the tooth fairy and she was able to go to the toy store to pick out something. I figured she had the reaction she had because she was still so young.
She recently lost another tooth and holy hell, the tooth fairy drama came back in full force. I reassured her that he wouldn’t come to the house, bribed her so she would go to sleep, begged her to go to sleep, and then she got her way and slept in our room despite calling and emailing the tooth fairy that night.
But she was still terrified and since my husband had to run to the store anyway, we told her that he was meeting up with the tooth fairy to collect her present.
Later on, I basically told my husband “fuck this tooth fairy stuff”, we need to tell her that they don’t exist.
It’s one thing if your kid enjoys it but needless to say, the hummingbird was not that kid.
At first she was confused but I think she got it. She knew that parents are really the tooth fairy. I had to also be sure to let her know that she needs to be careful and not let other kids know. That this is something they will find out on their own later on.
When she asked if the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus were real, I assured her that they were. I felt like shit but didn’t want to burst the bubble for my 5 year-old.
I figure there is always that one asshole kid you have in your class while growing up that spills all those things and ruins it for the other kids. I remember the dickhead in 2nd grade who told all the kids in the class that Santa Claus wasn’t real.
While I loved Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny was actually my favorite when I was a kid.
I love the pretty clothes, Easter egg hunts, fluffy stuffed bunnies, not having to write out all of those holiday cards, coloring eggs, and most importantly, those orgasmic peanut butter cup shaped eggs and Cadbury chocolate eggs. Although, I could do without eating so many eggs because everyone in the house end up having smelly egg farts. Don’t light a match!
When I was about 6, a tragic chain of events occurred and scarred me forever when it came to the Easter Bunny.
Okay, not really, but damn it, I still want to believe that there really IS an Easter Bunny that hops around, spreading chocolate joy and sugar highs to many kids and adults.
So, one night I was in bed and supposed to be asleep. At the time, my mom was single and worked a few jobs. My grandmother lived with us and was watching me that night.
I set out a few carrots for the Easter Bunny and could not wait until the next morning. My excitement kept me up late. That’s when I heard my mom coming home from work.
My mom and grandmother were talking about different things and I was finally feeling sleepy. As I was lying there half asleep, I heard my mom talking about the Easter Bunny.
That’s when it happened.
I heard my mom crunching on a carrot.
OH MY GOD!!!
At first I thought that was so mean of her to eat the Easter Bunny’s carrot but as I heard more of the conversation she was having with my grandmother, I found that my beloved bunny wasn’t real after all.
I thought about freaking her out by running down the hall into the living room and catching her in the act. Oh, how glorious that would have been.
Instead, I decided to just go along with it because it seemed to make her happy.
Mostly though, in my kid state of mind, I was afraid if I did say something, all of that candy I would get every year would stop.
Hmmm, now that I think about it, maybe this is why my husband drives me crazy every time I hear him crunching on carrots.
When did you or your kids find out the truth about these tall tales? How did you or they find out?