Anonymous Parent: Wanting To Break Free

I started a blog a while back called Anonymous Parent but decided to incorporate it into this blog. It is absolutely confidential. Completely anonymous. If you would like to share your story, please go here, Anonymous Parent.

This story comes from “Sylvia”. Let’s give her the support she needs.


I think about divorcing my husband every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. We have two amazing kiddos and they are the only thing holding me to him at this point.

My parents have been married for over 30 years and I don’t want to let them down.

But the real reason I won’t divorce him is because I’m terrified he’ll kill me if I try to leave.

He’s never hit me or been physically abusive, but he’s talked about killing other people and made references to getting rid of me if I take his kids away.

He seems to love me, but spends most of his time being extremely angry. I walk in the door from work and almost every day I am met with a tirade of angry words and yelling. It’s getting so exhausting.

I don’t know what to do with him or myself, and I just want to protect my kids from him. I am so tired. Sooo tired.

I work full time and go to school at night, once a week, and he acts like that time is my “rest time” from the kids.

If I try to take a day away to just be by myself and think, he freaks out and tells me I’m selfish.

He has no coping mechanisms other than drinking and yelling. I just want to take my kids and RUN AWAY! But I won’t.

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6 Responses to Anonymous Parent: Wanting To Break Free

  1. WeezaFish October 8, 2014 at 09:03 #

    First and foremost, know that your husbands anger has NOTHING to do with you or your kids and I’m pretty sure he loves you all.
    He needs to deal with whatever issue makes him angry – chances are he’s angry about something else he’s not dealt with, possibly from a very long time ago. You need to tell him how you feel. He clearly has a problem but it’s not insurmountable if he’s willing to work at it with your support. Telling him how he makes you feel may be what he needs to hear to acknowledge that his moods or anger management needs to be dealt with. If you can’t talk him to a point where he’ll acknowledge that he’s hurting you and that in itself is a problem he needs help with, at least you know you tried.

  2. Debbie A. October 8, 2014 at 10:03 #

    Sylvia, you are in an abusive relationship. I hope that you understand that this is not about you and your kids, this is about your husband and his mental illness. You should not be subjected to such behavior, and none of this is your fault. Your husband needs help, and you and your children need to be safe. I’d encourage you to seek assistance, whether it be from friends, clergy, or professionals. Though I’m not sure where you are, I know there are many agencies and individuals across the country who are willing to help people in your situation.

    You can call the National Domestic Abuse Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 or visit their website at

  3. justme October 9, 2014 at 07:19 #


    I have been married for 43 years. My whole damned life. Three of those years were tolerable.
    I stayed because I had 4 kids. IT IS NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO. You will be unhappy forever. Get a lawyer, go home to your parents for a while. Find a way to save yourself and your children. It WILL affect them. You can’t kid a kid. My sons especially show the battle scars of my staying.

    Get a restraining order if you need to. But go. My husband was not violent, but passive aggressive and completely detached. It has gotten no better. Go. Find happiness and peace.
    Be safe

  4. Alexandra October 11, 2014 at 17:11 #

    Sylvia please call a women’s center or women’s shelter. You can get help. Trust your gut. If you feel like he might be capable of killing you, confronting him on your own is not a viable option. But neither is staying with him- for you OR your kids. Please get help. You are not alone. You can get help. I suggest a women’s center because they are trained about these situations- many other professionals, including the police and some psychiatrists are not (unless they are specialized). Please go to a center and through them get legal counsel. If money is an issue they can help you out. But don’t stay in this relationship. It’s costing you your health and happiness and could cost you your life. I know it’s terrifying, but you can’t keep living under this shadow of fear. It will not get better if you stay. But you can do this. For yourself, your kids, and everyone who loves you. I sincerely wish you the best. Please don’t wait any longer. Create a safety plan abd network and get out.

    • Jill November 2, 2014 at 15:54 #

      I agree with everything this person said. If you think you’re in danger, take your kids and go to a shelter. They can help you from there. It will be hard but your safety and your kids’ safety is the number one priority.

      Praying for you.

  5. Brandi October 16, 2014 at 13:04 #

    Sylvia – I am coming at this from both a woman’s and a child’s point of view. My mom was in this type of marriage when I was little, and she stayed because she did not know how she would care for me and my younger sister without a husband.
    Their marriage started out great. He was kind and loving to both my mom and me, though I am not his child. My mom had my sister, and everything started to change. It took several years of bullying, insults and escalating violence for her to finally say, “enough”. I don’t know how long she would have tolerated his emotional and physical abuse had it just been her, but he threatened me physically just once, and she was done.
    It was very hard, on all of us. My mom refused to leave our home because it was hers before the marriage and he had no claim on it. My uncle and grandfather checked in with us frequently to make sure we were safe.
    I am now 40, and I’ll admit this has affected my life. I am single, never married, and it is at least partly because i have always feared tying myself to someone who seems wonderful…at first. But I also think that I would see it coming long before she did – that I would not let anyone tear me down to that point of helplessness. I guess it doesn’t matter though, because I have never trusted anyone to get that close.
    This is what I want you to understand: as horrible as this is for you (in so many ways), you are teaching your children that it is tolerable. That this is an acceptable marriage. No matter what you say to them, this will be in their memories forever, and it will affect them in their own adult relationships. You have to do the work now that will allow all this to make them stronger instead of weaker.
    You can do this by taking control of how you want to live your life. This change, coming as it does with a death threat, is terrifying, I know. But you will have help. Pack a bag, grab your kids, and GET OUT. Stay with supportive friends or family, or a women’s shelter, and call the police immediately to report the threats your husband has made. Get a restraining order, and enforce it. Call for help if he gets anywhere near you or your children. Having others near you will show him you have gathered a support system, and he’ll know others will witness anything he does.
    Always remember – living like this is not acceptable. For anyone. Even if he does turn out to be all talk, he needs help that you cannot give him. Your job is to help yourself and your children. YOU CAN DO THIS. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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