Before – Having sex anywhere you please and for as long as you want.
After – Lying in bed together late at night, getting frisky, and then a few minutes later, hear the slightest noise and scramble to put your clothes back on when it just ended up being one of your cats getting into mischief.
The next morning while our young daughter is watching her favorite cartoons, run into the bathroom together, lock the door, and have a quickie. But our daughter always seems to have the spidey sense to figure out we’re missing and starts banging on the door, asking us why it’s locked. “Um, uh, your dad and I had something we needed to talk about really quick.” Or “Oh, was the door locked? I’m not sure how that happened.”
Before – Taking a shower and having my husband walk into the bathroom to join me.
After – Taking a shower and having my husband walk into the bathroom while I start thinking “Oooh, nice. We haven’t done this in a while.” Only to have him end up digging through the cabinets to find a princess band-aid for our kid’s boo boo. Also, having my husband and I actually say boo boo.
Romantic Nights In
Before – Cuddling on the couch, sipping some wine, and watching a movie.
After – Watching the same episode of Daniel Tiger for the 50th fucking time.
Talking About Our Day
Before – Having all the time in the world to discuss matters.
After – Trying to talk to each other while your kid says Mom? Mom? Mom? Dad? Mom? Mom?
Or talking as fast as an auctioneer when your kid leaves the room and trying to get in a week’s worth of talking within a few minutes.
Or filing it in your brain under “we can wait and talk about this without interruption once our child has moved out of the house”.
Going Out To Dinner
Before – Going to a sushi place and getting tipsy on sake.
After – Going to the “fancy” McDonald’s with a playground.
Before – Listening to whatever you want, getting flirty and handsy with your husband, and being able to talk for hours.
After – Listening to your child start asking “are we there yet?” within 2 minutes of leaving for your destination because holy hell, they really do ask that and it’s not just something you see kids do in movies and get stuck hearing a Kidz Bop cd over and over while you try with all of your might to keep yourself from opening the car door and jumping out of a moving vehicle so you can escape the most annoying music you’ve ever heard.
What are some things you miss doing in your relationship after having kids? Also, can we start a petition to ban all Kidz Bop music for the sanity of all future parents?
** I got the hummingbird a Kidz Bop Christmas cd a few months ago and it was kinda cute the first time we heard it but by the time we got home, I wanted to rip my face off.