My Therapist Is On Vacation For The Next Two Weeks. I Apologize In Advance.

I was at Target and as usual, bought much more than I planned to. You go to Target for a bottle of shampoo and end up spending $200.

After getting the things I needed, I got the hummingbird some new clothes, My Little Pony socks, and a freaking Frozen comforter. For no reason whatsoever! We give her treats occasionally for doing well in school, keeping her room clean for a week (that lasted less than a day), putting her plate in the sink, etc.

But I’ve been noticing that it’s been happening more often and I realize that I’m spoiling her and need to stop this shit.

I started to wonder if it’s because she’s an only child and I’m trying to overcompensate? Or parents of more than one child can indulge their kids too and it doesn’t matter if you have 1 kid or 4.

The other part of it is spoiling the hummingbird came more often after we lost Ben. At the time, I was so far off in my head and emotionally wasn’t there like I should have been. That’s when the treats started to become more frequent. My husband has been doing the same thing since.

I know the only way to solve this is to quit buying all this crap I’m spoiling her with. It’s one of those things that’s easier said than done though. But I really need to come up with some boundaries.

Do you treat your kids? How often? Is it only for special occasions or can it be random?

*I’ve read this back and it might not make any sense. I just don’t want to raise a spoiled brat. So, I wanted to know if you do the same with treats or if I should put the brakes on it, etc.

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7 Responses to My Therapist Is On Vacation For The Next Two Weeks. I Apologize In Advance.

  1. Pela March 6, 2015 at 15:48 #

    I treat my kids now and then for no reason but more often than not because of good behavior or grades. Both of them (Bubba 9 and Moo 6-1/2) race BMX bikes and we are constantly spending $$ for bike parts and traveling (they race all over our state and the eastern US) for the races, so we like to throw in something just because. They know that if they want something big, they have to earn it. I do recall buying lots of unnecessary things after losing my sister to cancer almost 2 years ago. She was a HUGE part of their lives and spoiled them with stuff and took them all over the place (she did not have any kids), so I think I kinda felt like I had to make up for not only her not being around, but for the things she would buy are places she would take them.

    The overbuying of stuff has gone away but they have not even noticed. You will get thru this and it’s good that you have seen the pattern. Just a wee bit more control when shopping (yeah, right 😉 ). Just ask yourself “Do we really need this or am I just feeling sad today?” . It works eventually.

    Lots of love and hugs to all of you!

  2. Stephanie March 6, 2015 at 16:37 #

    I will sometimes buy them small treats, like a small toy or going out for ice cream, but I don’t tie it to behavior. I guess I like them thinking of me as randomly generous.

    What I will also do (and has worked great for us in the past), is to let them earn bigger toys either through chores or some behavior modification. For example, I’ll buy the toy (’cause nothing sucks more than a kid earning a toy and then the toy’s out of stock) and put it someplace prominent. Then, they can earn dollars toward the toy by doing chores beyond their normal chores (hauling lumber, the seasonal clothes migration, anything gross or disgusting I’d want paid extra for). We’ve also used it, for example, when my daughter had a nightmare and was terrified to sleep in her own room. She would have to sleep in her own room so many nights (started at 5 nights, which took her months to accomplish) to earn the toy and we gradually increased the number of nights required to earn a toy until she started to forget about earning toys because we no longer brought it up.

  3. Susan March 6, 2015 at 21:03 #

    I think the issue of spoiling comes down to how the child is reacting to the presents. If she comes to expect them and is not grateful then you should pull back. As she gets older, you can start having her ‘earn’ her treats.

  4. Debbie March 7, 2015 at 14:31 #

    Hi, I loved your heading today! Ha, I wish I could say that out loud to everyone on a daily basis! And yes, Target is not a safe place! Me and my husband had a very similar experience, lost a baby at 9 months, already had a 4 year old. In the long run we decided not to get pregnant again and now our 4 year old is 17 and about to graduate high school. If I could do it all over again, I would have had another child, so that our daughter would have a sibling. Yes, we spoiled her rotten growing up and probably still do. Out of guilt, hurt, you name it! However she has never been ungrateful or come to expected these things. I wish that I would have used small gifts as rewards instead of just buying things and giving them to her. We had no boundaries for her, because again, we felt so bad for her that we didn’t deliver on the whole baby brother thing. I think the biggest thing from my experience is setting boundaries. You can still reward with small things, as long as it’s within the “boundaries”! Hope all this makes since. Good luck to you.

  5. Angie March 10, 2015 at 10:06 #

    I will give them special treats, but I do tell them that is special and they need to be grateful. When my kids start acting like entitled brats, I take the stuff from them.
    Angie recently posted..On the upswingMy Profile

  6. Naomi March 18, 2015 at 15:32 #

    We give our daughter random treats from time to time (probably too often). She’s still at that age that she’s super grateful for anything new, it hasn’t become a problem (except for money). She was excited to have new socks and a new towel. She was excited for a new board game that we could all play together while we’re stuck at home sick. She’s excited to go to the ice cream shop or the cookie store or try a new flavor of gum.

  7. bekki April 28, 2015 at 15:33 #

    Just give them whatever they want and hope for the best! Just kidding! I try not to make food a treat. But, doing things together instead.
    bekki recently posted..Why does it smell like shit in here?My Profile

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