Purrell Force Fields Would Really Come In Handy

Just when I felt like my writing mojo was finally coming back, time hasn’t been on my side. FYI, this post isn’t for sensitive stomachs.

The hummingbird has gotten sick countless times since she started Kindergarten. It’s one of the germiest places, apparently.

My 6 year-old has a few weeks left of school but has gotten two different ailments in the past two weeks. Last weekend, she had a stomach bug. I felt like I won the not very pukey child award prior to this since she hasn’t been much of a thrower upper. That’s a word.

Sure, she’s done it every now and then but nothing too bad.

Until last week.

After catching vomit in various ways… cupping hands, getting a giant bowl, grabbing her and sprinting to the bathroom, etc… I feel like I should get a barf badge to sew on my Brownie sash from when I was in the 4th grade.

Better yet, all new parents should be given a sash so we can receive badges for the milestones we go through with our children.

Pumping breast milk and accidentally spilling that precious liquid gold? There’s a badge for that.


Potty training your child? There’s a badge for that.


Surviving Toddler PMS without going through with your plans of running away from home? Get out the sewing kit… because there’s a badge for that.


My husband ran and got a bowl. A tiny, little bowl that would be more suitable for a kitten with a hairball. He must have noticed my death stare because he said “What?”

And then we had a conversation I never thought we’d have. The conversation about what bowl would be best for Little Miss Pukey.

My husband’s side of it was any bowl is suitable and he had grabbed a bowl which he uses to take his lunch to work sometimes. Gag. But my side was the bigger the bowl, the better to catch any and all kinds of puke. And it would need to be a bowl we would never, ever, ever use again. But, it would be put in the medicine and towel closet and forever be known as the puke bowl.

I can’t believe we discussed this either.

These are only stunt bowls but the size I grabbed is on the left. My husband’s is on the right.


So, I carried this bowl around wherever the hummingbird went for the next few days while she was home from school. At least it was better than using my hands or having vomit all over my shirt.

The bird was finally feeling better and finished out the school week. Yay!

And then she got sick again. Fuuuck. Of course it was on a weekend.

Her pediatrician has walk ins during the week for only half an hour at the ass crack of dawn. So, off we went. Things seemed to be looking up and then her doctor did a test.

A few minutes later, it came back positive for step throat. Fuckity fuck.

Poor kid.

After the pukefest and strep and all the school she’s missed this year, we can kiss that perfect attendance award goodbye. But really, how in the hell do some kids never miss one day of school from Kindergarten to their Senior year?

Are they surround by some protective barrier we can’t see? A Purrell force field perhaps.

I should start working on that before the hummingbird starts first grade. Wrap her in bubble wrap to prevent bumps, bruises, and scratches, put her in a hazmat suit with a built-in alarm system, and have a Purrell force field follow her everywhere she goes.

Then, I may not be so freaking anxious whenever she’s not in my care.

Who am I kidding? I’ll always be that way.

What kind of parenting badges would you like to receive?

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

, , , , ,

5 Responses to Purrell Force Fields Would Really Come In Handy

  1. WeezaFish June 5, 2015 at 14:58 #

    Oh poor girl! And poor parents … Mum of two boys, so I think my badge would have to be for producing pirate treasure maps in record time. I’ve drawn so many over the last few years, I can run one out in less than two minutes 🙂
    WeezaFish recently posted..Settling InMy Profile

  2. Janelle June 5, 2015 at 20:25 #

    Once,we were having dinner in a restaurant and you were sick and started throwing up.My hand was Bryans little bowl. Kuddos for the bigger choice.Hope my girl gets better.Keep your chin up and carry a barf bag.

  3. Caitlin June 5, 2015 at 21:27 #

    Cutting tiny flimsy baby nails without nicking her finger! Win!
    Caitlin recently posted..Water Tables and Other Simple JoysMy Profile

  4. Emily June 8, 2015 at 12:34 #

    We always used a bucket, or a wastebasket (plastic)…something that would rinse out easily. And was BIG. Kept in the upstairs closet so it was instantly accessible.

  5. Alison June 10, 2015 at 01:31 #

    I love the idea of having a sash for mommy badges, but I know that it would just sit somewhere near the mend pile with all of the badges to be sewn on. And once they did make it onto the sash you should get a ‘took time to sew on my badges’ badge, which again would just sit for ages. Also, I’ve said badges so many times I’m now thinking of The Treasure of the Sierra Madres.
    Alison recently posted..Artemisia photo shootMy Profile

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge