*Click off if you freak out about bugs and spiders. I’d click off but I’m writing this so it would be pretty impossible to do that and then you wouldn’t have to read about creepy crawlies. Now I have my feet up from the floor and I’m freaking myself out over the thought of spiders.

When we moved into this house over the summer, I soon found that we were living in real life scenes from that movie, The Money Pit. We had few options on rental houses here and the one we decided on seemed pretty good. I’ll spare you tons of ranting and just say this house is full of temporary fix-its that seem to be falling apart only a few months into living here.

Like when I opened the closet door and the door handle just plopped off in my hand since the dumbass who “fixed it” replaced a missing screw with the tiniest little screw known to man. Or how the oven was broken when we moved in and we just recently got it replaced by the landlord.


If you live in a place that doesn’t have very many bugs, I’ll let you in on a secret. It’s because all of them are living in Maine. Maybe it’s because we came from California but holy shit, the mosquitoes here seem like the size of Chihuahuas and they need to be on a leash.

Up until recently, we seemed to be living in Spider Central. They’ve been running around the house like they own the place and if they don’t go away soon, they can have it because my ass will be staying at a hotel.

I’m hoping the colder weather will scare these fuckers away.

So, after a tiring day of unpacking, I wanted to pick up a book and relax a little. I had finally gotten into a comfy spot on the bed when what to my wondering eyes should appear but a miniature tarantula and eight spider legs.

Crawling up my leg. Are you fucking kidding me?!

When lying on the bed there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew like a flash, got a tissue from the box, squished it while screaming, and threw it in the trash.

Another memorable spider moment was when I was making my daughter’s lunch for the next day. I was putting away her cream cheese bagel and thinking about eating the other half since I know she won’t eat it and that’s when I started to feel a tickle on my left arm.

At first I was thinking it was my husband, then cat hair and with that thought, I looked down on my arm and up crawled a spider.


I should have known a family member from that squished spider would come for revenge.

Okay, my husband thinks I’m just overreacting when it comes to spiders but seriously, they scare the ever-living hell out of me.

I’ll never forget the spider incident of the 80’s. I was putting on my shoes and was feeling this weird sensation on the bottom of my left foot. I took my shoe off, then put it back on but it still felt funny so I started shuffling my foot back and forth on the ground to itch it.

The weird feeling didn’t go away so I thought it could be my socks. When I went to take my shoe off, out fell a half dead spider which I smashed into tiny pieces with my other shoe while doing the “oh my god, there’s a fucking spider near me” dance.

Happy Halloween!

*Reel Big Fish

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2 Responses to Bugs

  1. Jennifer November 2, 2015 at 08:55 #

    I hate to be the bearer of bad news but the cold weather is going to make it worse before it gets better. When we lived in NJ we would get wolf spiders (don’t google) in our basement every day. The exterminator told us they obviously look for warm and dry places to ride out the winter.

    The mosquitoes on the east coast have been AWFUL the past few years. We’ve also been plagued with tiger mosquitoes that somehow got here from Asia. They don’t limit themselves to the evening hours…no those fuckers are out in full force all day long.
    Jennifer recently posted..NaNoWriMo 2015: Do I Want This or Not?My Profile

    • Elle November 2, 2015 at 10:54 #

      So what you’re saying is I should get a blowtorch to blast them away? 😉 And thank you for the warning on not googling wolf spiders. I already have a fucked up picture in my head about the possibilities. Although, now I’m curious but I’d like to sleep tonight. lol

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