Yes, I Will Pick Your Nose And Other Gross Stuff Parents Do

I have a very weak stomach. Very weak. My 6 year-old was recently telling me about a girl who threw up in her class that day and she got into details. I was starting to gag and dry heave while begging her to stop. But then I started thinking of all the gross crap I’ve done as a parent that I’ve done so often, I don’t even flinch anymore.

5. I never would have thought I’d do this before I became a mom but picking my kid’s nose doesn’t phase me. In the last few years, she’s capable of blowing her nose but I remember times she would have a snotty nose and I would just dig right in without a tissue.

4. Getting baby shit on your face is something I thought was only in sitcoms but it does happen. The first time, I gagged and wiped it off immediately. The other times because apparently I really suck at changing diapers, I didn’t give a shit about shit.

3. There’s nothing more glorious than holding your baby and having them puke down your back. It’s not until later that day you realize where that nasty smell is coming from.

2. Diaper blowout that go up the back. How does this happens? I’m amazed that something so small can shoot shit from their but all the way up to their back.

1. I can’t even clean up the hairballs from my two cats but don’t give it a second thought when catching my child’s vomit in my hands.

What’s the grossest thing you’ve had to do as a parent?


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2 Responses to Yes, I Will Pick Your Nose And Other Gross Stuff Parents Do

  1. Catie March 26, 2016 at 14:23 #

    Washing baby diarrhea out of my nether regions. Rosie hadn’t pooped for 4 days, so we filled her up with Miralax-spiked Gatorade and turned her ass into a poop-cano.

    I was holding her in my lap, wearing just a my nightgown (because this stuff always happens in the middle of the night) when the liquefied shit overflowed out of her diaper. I was so distracted by her screaming little self the I didn’t notice that it was pooling right into my crotch. My baby shit my pants.
    Catie recently posted..Stranger danger boot camp for kidsMy Profile

    • Elle March 29, 2016 at 14:43 #

      You, dear Catie, win Mother Of The World. “My baby shit my pants”. Nope, I didn’t laugh one bit at that. 😉

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