You Can’t Handle The Truth

With parenthood, I’ve found myself to be in several situations where I have to stretch the truth to really get the point across. She’s getting too smart to fall for much of that anymore but I still try.

Your teeth will fall out – So, your teeth can fall out if you don’t take care of them obviously but I make it sound like OMG! You won’t have any teeth in a few years so you need to brush them really well.

Yes, I love your singing – My daughter can sing but there are occassions when it’s kinda torture and I think make it stop while putting my finger in my ear. Then she’ll ask me if I knew that she was singing like Adele and of course I say yes, sweetie, you sound a lot alike.

I don’t have anything in my mouth. Why would you think that? – When I just have to sneak that cookie or have a bite of ice cream, she seems to pop up and asks what I’m eating. With a full mouth and a crunch crunch sound, I’ll say nothing. She’s too old to believe that anymore. Damn.

You need to get in bed early because it’s been a long day – Okay, while that is true, my reasoning behind it is holy shit, if my kid isn’t in bed soon, I will lose my damn mind because this day has been never ending and I won’t have time to watch The Walking Dead.

I can’t wait for your grandma and grandpa to get here – They’ve only been her since last night but I’m already hiding in my office to avoid them. I know the hummingbird will eventually figure things out and has done so with some things already but I keep it happy with their arrival even though my stomach will be in knots.

You need to go outside and play. Get some fresh air – Again, that’s true enough but my intentions are because A. I just want to be left alone. B. I’m pms’ing and would like to eat some chocolate in peace without sharing or C. Your father and I want to have a quickie because you never leave us alone or get to bed on time so we’re usually too tired.

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