Hide My Shit

When I was about 9 or 10, I borrowed my mom’s scissors for something and when she asked for them back, I forgot where I put them. On television, they were showing an Alice In Wonderland two-part special and it was the second night. Since I couldn’t find the scissors, my mom was angry and wouldn’t let me see the second night of it. I thought she was the meanest mom in the world. The scissors were found the next day where I had absent-mindedly put them on a windowsill covered by a curtain.

Turns out, my mom wasn’t in fact the meanest mom in the world. She was just sick and tired of me losing her shit all the time, I’m sure. I’ve found that I have to hide anything, even from my husband, that I don’t want to go missing. In fact, the issues of scissors comes up frequently. I have a secret spot for two pairs of scissors. One is a small pair and the other I use to open up my hundreds of amazon packages.

The small orange handled one is hidden away in my bathroom and the other scissors are in the very back of our junk drawer. But, even those get found and then lost so I resorted to hiding them in the bedroom closet. The older my daughter gets, the more I have to be a hiding ninja.

It’s the same with my lighters that I use for my vanilla candle addiction. I use the long lighters and probably go through several a year since my husband will borrow one for the grill and I’ll reluctantly hand it over and then will I ever see that lighter again? Of course not.

Somehow, between the kitchen and my husband’s grill on the deck, it gets Twilight Zone’d and disappears into thin air. Later on, I’ll want to light some candles for winding down and then I can’t find the fucking lighter. My husband will just respond with “it’ll show up sometime” and I want to bop him on the head because how does he expect me to unwind when I can’t find the damn lighter for my damn candles so I can fucking relax?!

Then, there’s the chocolate issue. We have a bowl of candy in the pantry but I’m hooked on the Lindt chocolate truffles and have to be careful where I put them. I thought the perfect place would be behind my Shakeology bag… fyi, that stuff is gross. It turns into this gelatinous goo even when I drink it in a fast amount of time. I know some people swear by the stuff but if you come across it, don’t bother. Making my own fruit smoothies with protein powder is so much better.

Okay, I’m totally off track. Back to my chocolate. I hid it behind my protein powder where I thought my husband never goes and while the hummingbird was wanting some chocolate, he mentioned my chocolate stash. That’s mine! My precious Lindt truffles are all miiine!

So, I have to find a better place to hide them if I buy a bag… like in my belly. If you’re a parent or parent to be, hide your shit. Because if you don’t, you’ll never see it again. Then again, when you have kids, you have to worry about finding their shit too.

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10 Responses to Hide My Shit

  1. Caitlin Abrams October 15, 2016 at 17:48 #

    I hide juice (that my kid isn’t allowed to drink) and my massive collection of brush pens for handlettering. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    • Elle October 30, 2016 at 20:29 #

      I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one to hide stuff. 🙂

  2. Catrina October 17, 2016 at 07:43 #

    My mom loved peanut M&M’s and would be content to eat four at a time. My dad, brother and I, however, would grab a handful every time we saw the jar she stored them in. She ended up putting them in a zip loc bag and hiding them in a frozen waffle box in the freezer. I didn’t find out about it until I was grown. When she passed away and we were cleaning out the fridge, I found a frozen waffle box in the freezer….where she had stashed over $300 in ‘mad money.’

    • Elle October 30, 2016 at 20:30 #

      Awww. I’m sorry for your loss.

  3. Gia October 19, 2016 at 00:30 #

    I totally agree with needing good hiding spaces. My Grandfather many many many years ago buried my grandmothers rings and necklaces and all her fancy stuff along with money in a box and buried it in the garden while they went to England for six months. He was so worried that the house would be broken into he thought why not bury it all in the garden under the compost. Fast forward 6 months and they return. the gardener of course has been over this time frame and planted and replanted and even made a new compost heap. Grandad being in his late 70s forgot where he buried it and to this day it is still unfound. Its been nearly 25 years since this event if not longer and he has since past. The house went on the market and sold. I went back to the house a few years later while it was back on the market and found the old owners had torn up the veg patch and concrete been laid for a basketball area. The bounty is long done.
    Mental note….do not bury anything other than a dead animals in the garden.

    • Elle October 30, 2016 at 20:32 #

      Now, that’s quite a story! Thanks for sharing!

  4. Suz October 24, 2016 at 09:42 #

    I used to lose my mom’s stuff all the time and I couldn’t figure out why it bothered her so much. UNTIL my kids started borrowing my things and not returning them. I too have issues with people taking my scissors! Now, they’re all grown up and I have scissors stashed all over the house and they stay put….it’s kind of a miracle.
    And yes, that shakeology stuff is horrid!

    • Elle October 30, 2016 at 20:35 #

      Yay to finally having your scissors back and staying in one place! 😀

  5. Shannon October 28, 2016 at 10:24 #

    My solution is to buy like 20 of everything. Tape, scissors, pens, lip balm, candle lighters and nail clippers… They CAN’T take them all at the same time. (Most of the time, anyway). But my nice chocolate? I hide that stuff WELL.

    • Elle October 30, 2016 at 20:36 #

      Right on! I’ve been buying more of things and placing them in different spots. 🙂

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