Me:*Sips coffee* C’mon, brush your teeth and hair! The bus will be here soon!
Me: Please, hurry up! Brush your teeth and hair!
Me: *Sips coffee and thinks to self to record this mantra that I tell my daughter so I can play it back every morning*
Me: What are you doing?? You need to brush your teeth and hair!!
Me: C’mon! Let’s go!
Hummingbird: I did it! Can I brush your hair now?
Me: *Sips coffee* Sure!
Hummingbird: *Leans over me on the chair* *Hairbrush PLOPS right into my coffee*
Me: Me on the outside… That’s okay, it was an accident. Get your shoes on because the bus is going to be here soon. Me on the inside… *OMG, I’m actually drinking warm-ish coffee and I’m almost at the delicious bottom of my awesome coffee and a hairbrush falls in my cup. What are the fucking odds? Dammit! I almost had a whole cup of warm-ish coffee. Bahfuckinghumbug! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. And this is part of the reason why I’m drawn to the icky crack liquid of Red Bull. It’s already cold and you can chug it in between yelling at your kid to hurry up and get ready for school.