I look forward to when my husband pulls out his big caulking gun and a tube of caulk sealant. That means my inner 12 year-old boy comes out so it can take advantage of all the cock talk I can come up with. There’s always that time of year I dread. Ant season. Those little assholes come onto our kitchen counter and I just want to set fire to the house after so many days because they drive me crazy.
Husband: The ant bait seems to be working but I’m going to get my big caulk out and see if that helps.
Me: So, you’re going to caulk block them then?
Husband: Yeah, with lots of caulk.
He’s currently trying to get the master bathroom shower all caulked up. He’s been drying the shower with a fan since last night before he caulks it up and it’s driving me crazy because the fan cord is plugged in right in front of the toilet so whenever I’ve gone to the bathroom since yesterday, I have to be careful to avoid the tripwire that is the fan cord while making my way to the toilet so last night while getting up, I didn’t want to turn the light on so I just took these giant steps while hoping I wouldn’t trip over the cord from the fan and kill myself in the middle of the night. All this so my husband can get his caulk on in the shower.
The time finally came for my husband to rock out with his caulk out.
Husband: I get to go use my caulk in the shower.
Me: Have fun. Try not to be too messy.
A few minutes later…
Husband: My white caulk is too white. I need a nude caulk.
Husband: I’ll be at Home Depot looking at the different caulk. I’ll get the hardest caulk they have.
Me: Don’t get too big of a caulk though. We want it to fit what you’re caulking.