Pot Chocolate

*I wrote most of this while we were still living in California four years ago and I kept on going back and forth about whether or not I should publish it. Maine is a place where you can also get medical marijuana. I’ve been having a terrible time with PTSD after losing Ben in 2013 and decided to get my medicinal card again last year because my prescribed antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication wasn’t working that well for me.

I’ve had chronic pain for so long from a few different ailments I have, including fibromyalgia. Over the years, I’ve never found much sympathy from doctors. I also have anxiety, depression, and panic attacks (I’m such a ball of fun) that has been kicking my ass for a while. I would occasionally try different medications but nothing would work or if the medication did, I would have side effects along with it.

Since I’ve been miserable for years, my husband suggested something to me that really took me by surprise. It shocked the hell out of me when he suggested trying medical marijuana.

I have always been one who never understood why alcohol, that can cause so much harm i.e, alcoholism, drunk driving, violence, etc, is legal but when it comes to pot, the worst that can happen is downing a bag of cheetos and watching Titanic for the 500th time. That last sentence is served with a small side of sarcasm. I know pot has its own demons. I just can’t think of any right now.

Obviously, you have to be a dumbfuck if you use either one and then drive. It’s only for use when I’m in for the night and after my daughter has gone to bed. Just had to throw that in.

I had smoked marijuana when I was younger but now here I am, older, a wife, and mom, so at first I thought there was absolutely no way. I also was really surprised that my husband even suggested it in the first place because he’s very, VERY straight-laced.

Not long after, I had an awful pain flare up and knew something had to be done with this pain I’m in most of the time. Since I live in a state where medical marijuana is legal, I made an appointment to see a doctor about getting a medicinal marijuana card when I was still living in California.

After I got my card, I had to do the deed. Get the courage to go to a medicinal marijuana depository. I had absolutely no idea what to expect. The night before I went, I kept thinking what it would be like to go to one of these places.

The next day when I walked into the depository, my mouth dropped. The place was spotless, the “flowers” were in glass containers, while the edibles where in glass cases.

The first thing they did was go through my paperwork I received from the doctor and then they put me in their computer. During this time, I was still feeling like I was doing something atrocious.

As I was standing there, surrounded by pot, I started panicking some, with the feeling like I was going to get busted for being in a place like this.

Then I was greeted by a woman who immediately put me at ease. There were so many different types of things I could get. Suckers, cookies, gum, ice cream, pretzels, etc.

Because of my chronic pain, I was recommended a tincture. It has more cannabinoids that combats pain and has less THC which is what gives you that “high” feeling.

While I was there, I discovered something that has become my favorite. Pot chocolate bars. They look just like regular chocolate bars which brings me to this.

Having a kid in the house with something like this made me really think about the safest place to keep it and it is way out of her reach. Hell, I even have trouble reaching my edibles off of the closet shelf.

I had such guilt at first that I have a child and here I was, eating some of a cookie or chocolate bar with something herbal. I haven’t told very many of my friends yet because I feel like I would be ostracized. Now they know. *waves*

I have to tell you, in the past few months, I have been feeling better. I’m actually able to get off my ass sometimes and exercise and I can take my child to the playground or go get our nails done with relative ease, less pain, and not as much panic. It’s been such a great experience to feel like I now have more freedom because of the reduction of the pain I have.

I didn’t write this with the intention of stirring up the pot, pun intended. I just wanted to share my story and let you know I’m a regular mom who has a beautiful family, chronic pain, and PTSD, among other things and now I have pot chocolate and CBD’s to alleviate my pain and anxiety so I can be more productive in my everyday life.

The pain I have is still there and the scars I have from losing my son will take time to heal as much as they can but my mental health and physical pain is more manageable with medicinal marijuana. I’m starting to live a life with less discomfort from my chronic pain and panic.

Out of all the things I’ve tried for many years, since my early 20’s, medical marijuana has been the closest to helping me live my life in the best and most normal way possible.

The stigma over marijuana needs to stop and I hope that it will someday be seen as a much more beneficial way of treating many ailments that people have, instead of being seen as this imaginary evil that people may make of it.

I believe if we all shared a joint and a bag of Funyuns, it could help us get closer to world peace.

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3 Responses to Pot Chocolate

  1. Erin Ahrens October 20, 2017 at 07:58 #

    Wow.. makes me wish GA was on the bandwagon… I have such intense anxiety. I love that you shared this. Also, I think your writing in this piece was perfect. Just perfectly executed. EA

  2. Desiree October 20, 2017 at 12:37 #

    I have everything you have listed. I have been curious about trying it. The only reason I haven’t is because I HATE the high feeling. I get so paranoid. And then I get anxiety. So annoying!
    But you said they have stuff that doesn’t make you feel high? That is something I would try out.

    • brandy October 26, 2017 at 16:13 #

      There are 2 different main strains and then a combo of the two put together. One is Sativa- a focus on “head high” and one is Indica – a focus on “body high”. They’re benefits differ from if you have behavioral disorders like anxiety, depression, OCD….etc or osteoarthritis, nausea…etc or both would be suitable for a blended strain.
      I do legal for a pharmacy and use medical cannabis almost every day for the last 4 years. I only use it at night and i dont use that much. There is defiantly a different experience with each strain so talk to your dispensary about your needs and concerns. Also the way your mind and body react to the medical with change (lessen) over time, but in a good way. I would “melt” and just getting to the kitchen and back felt scary and far, but now i know my tolerance what my body needs to feel better verses get very high.
      One more comment i will say is that eatables are attractive cause there is no strong “weed” smell, but they take A LOT long to take effect, not a discouragement, just plan ahead. Smoking will take effect in minutes, while eatables can take 30 minutes to kick in, so don’t wait until you are in intense pain before taking a eatable.
      Oh, one one more thing. Go very slow on eatables. Its almost impossible to have a feeling of being “too high” when smoking, but eatables can make you feel a lot higher much longer. Even if you do get “too high” dont go to the ER, unlike booze you can’t die from a feeling of “overdosing”. The best thing is to stay calm, have a snack and some water and put on a long movie or some relaxing music. No food or beverage will slow the effects and you just have to “enjoy” the ride, but staying calm will slow down your blood pressure and lessen the effects.

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