About Elle

I'm a Navy wife and a mama to a daughter who's like a hummingbird on crack.
Author Archive | Elle

Nom Nom

I thought I’d put together some of the recipes I’ve posted over the years. I’m always on the lookout for new recipes that become staples and I hope you find some you’ll enjoy.

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  1. Buffalo Chicken Bowls – This is easy to make and great for a quick lunch or a light dinner.
  2. Open Faced BBQ Baked Bean Sandwiches With Coleslaw – This is something we have nearly every week. It’s the best vegetarian dish I’ve made.
  3. Vegetarian Tortilla Soup – This slow cooker recipe is great on nights when the hummingbird has late soccer practice.
  4. Vegetarian Spinach Enchiladas – This is another staple recipe I make nearly every week. It’s really good.
  5. Andouille Sausage, Asparagus, And Smoky Potato Skillet – This might not look like much but it tastes great and is easy.
  6. Salmon With Brown Sugar Chili Powder Rub – Delicious!
  7. Fast And Easy Korean Beef Over Rice – This is my go to when I’m in a hurry and it is so tasty!
  8. Buffalo Chicken Soft Tacos – I love anything with buffalo sauce.
  9. Roasted Cauliflower And White Cheddar Soup – Great Autumn soup.
  10. Penne Pasta With Sun Dried Tomato Cream Sauce – Yummy comfort food.
  11. Caprese Grilled Chicken – So good.
  12. Broiled Avocado With Melted Cheese And Hot Sauce – This is great served with tortilla chips.
  13. Barbeque Chicken Quesadillas – Yum!
  14. Wild Mushroom, Spinach, And Goat Cheese Quiche – I need to make this more often.
  15. Sticky Chicken Drumsticks – This is a Curtis Stone recipe and I love his cookbooks.
  16. Crispy Tortilla With Prosciutto, Spinach, Hot Sauce, And Fried Eggs – Another Curtis Stone recipe. This is great when you’re in a time crunch.

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  1. Chocolate Cake – This is so good.
  2. Chocolate Upside Down Pudding Cake – Oooey and gooey.
  3. Gluten Free Banana And Blueberry Muffins – Really good.
  4. Peanut Butter Cookies With Chocolate Chunks – These are my husband’s favorite cookies and from Curtis Stone.
  5. Chocolate Pots De Creme – Yes, I have a Curtis Stone obsession.
  6. Citrus Cake With Earl Grey Tea Syrup – This is definitely different and really good.
  7. Chocolate Bourbon Pecan Pie – Yum!
  8. No Bake Nutella Cheesecake Mousse – Orgasmic!
  9. Rocky Road Cookies – The perfect pms remedy.
  10. Super Simple Chocolate Truffles – These are so worth making yourself.
  11. Low Carb Coconut Bars – So good and satisfies your sweet tooth.
  12. Crunchy Peanut Butter Cups – Another great recipe to have around when you have pms.
  13. Apple Dumplings – Perfect Autumn dessert.
  14. Peanut Butter Pie Cookies – Low carb and great.
  15. Chai Spiced Sugar Cookies – I don’t care for chai but the hubby likes them. I did have a few and they are pretty damn good.
  16. No Machine Needed Ice Cream – Yum!
  17. Baked Apple Pie Rolls – Different and so good.
  18. Creamy Margarita Popsicles – Tequila!
  19. Cranberry Shortbread Sugar Cookies – One of my favorite cookie recipes for this time of year and very easy to make.
  20. Chocolate Drizzled Meringues – Yes, Please!
  21. Mini Salted Caramel Apple Pies – Damn, they are delicious.
  22. Chocolate Pecan Pie Tarts – I want to eat them all.
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Anxiety Sucks

The anxiety I have always becomes much worse this time of year. I worry about every little fucking thing that I possibly can. I have major anxiety about driving and it’s become worse than I thought it could when I got into a fender bender in a grocery store parking lot a few weeks ago.

I was waiting for a blue SUV to pull out by me and once I started backing out, bam, the guy in the Dodge Durango pulled out at the same time and we didn’t see each other. His truck didn’t have a scratch on it but my poor Subaru got a dent in the back bumper that looks like the Hulk smashed it with his fist. I also got part of my taillight broken off.

I’m taking it to the body shop on Monday and getting a rental for a few days. But, my anxiety is out of control even more now. I used to panic and stress with driving in general but now when I’m in parking lots, I full on panic. I know it was just an accident and they can happen to anyone but I’ve been overthinking the fender bender, which is what I do best. Overthink.

Now, when I’m in a parking lot, I park far away from the other cars. Leave it to a big ass truck to park right next to me though.

I was also invited to someone’s house where there will be other people and my anxiety is really kicking in over that because yay, not only do I have anxiety but my social anxiety is off the charts. I’m making myself go though because I’m sick of anxiety always taking over my life.

It’s so hard to break through it. I’ve tried to channel my anxiety into positive and creative ways and while some things work, others don’t.

Xanax only does so much for me but without it, I’d be even more stark raving mad. I also have a surgery coming up and guess what? I’m thinking of all the things that can go wrong with it. Nothing like dying but the thought of being in physical pain makes me cringe.

I recently went on a panicky talking streak with my husband about how my anxiety can be really debilitating at times. People who don’t have it will never get it though. It’s not something you can just snap out of. It doesn’t matter how much therapy I’ve had over the years. It’s just the way I’m wired. I try to be more mindful and live in the moment but anxiety and depression rears its ugly head at me.

The panic attacks are so overwhelming. When I have one, it feels like I’m suffocating and I start shaking while my mind feels like I’m in a prison cell. I want to escape my body but I can’t. It can feel like I’m drowning and being chained to all of my dark thoughts.

Anxiety, you suck.

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Le Divorce

So, Brad and Angie are divorcing and damn, it’s already getting ugly. I’ll be honest, I’ve never cared for Angie for no particular reason and I only cared about Brad Pitt in the 90’s. He was sex on a stick in Thelma and Louise and that movie where everybody dies. Shit, what’s it called? Legends Of The Fall. That was a great movie!

Since I’m a stickler for celebrity gossip and read the snarky Dlisted, I’ve heard all kinds of crazy things. Like how Brad tried to get out of dodge in a fuel truck while their private plane was stopped in Minnesota. Wha? I have plenty to say about all this. Like how for years I’ve heard rumors of Angie letting the kids run wild. But, I want to know what’s your take? Is this gossip you’re eating up or could you not care less?

I know everyone deserves privacy but even celebs can keep things under wraps if they really wanted to. Or, they can be as vocal as they want and plant stories in the court of public opinion. Look at the mess of Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. This divorce between Brangelina and the pr seems like they want to do the latter.

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Is This Why People Enjoy Gardening?

My husband was looking through a gardening catalog the other day and found a page that just didn’t seem to fit in with the whole gardening theme. He said maybe they were trying to expand their clientele. Ha! One of these things is not like the other. Whatever Works, indeed.

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Pumpkin Spice Season Is Here Again. Oh, Joy!

Not real. At least, I hope not.

Not real. At least, I hope not.

I’ve bitched before about pumpkin spice and how I just don’t get all the commotion it causes. I think it’s nasty. Not the commotion it causes but the flavor. I started thinking what am I really missing or am I missing anything at all. Then, my husband will get a pumpkin spice latte, I’ll take a sip, and be like nope, nope, nope.

I feel like I’m not with the “in crowd” in high school and I’m a misfit since I don’t go ape shit for pumpkin spice everything. Then again, I was always a misfit and never with the “in crowd”. There’s pumpkin spice clogging up my social media with pictures of pumpkin spice everything.

I see pumpkin spice pancakes and yogurt (yuck), caramel corn and oreos, pudding and dessert all over my Pinterest and Instagram feeds. I just don’t get it. So, here I am again whining about how much I think pumpkin spice is gross. The season for it seemed to come much earlier for it this year and pretty soon, I’m sure I’ll see even more pumpkin spice. It makes me wonder what the weirdest pumpkin spice food is out there. I’ll keep my eye out and you do the same, then let me know.

Bah-Humbug, pumpkin spice, you nasty bitch.

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My Vagina Will Pass On That For Now

Since we’ve moved into our new house, we found that the former owners receive a ton of catalogs. Not just a few here or there. We’re talking sometimes 5 a day. They really liked to shop, apparently.

There’s the faux fur that will make you choke at the prices catalog. The fake Victorian ugly overpriced stuff catalog that doesn’t look like it’s Victorian in any way and the prices will make you choke catalog. Pets are fancy and we have overpriced shit for you to buy for them catalog. And, then there’s the I’m getting older and my vagina is drying out plus I pee myself but lets buy a fancy vibrator catalog.

Let’s say it’s called The Golden Girls catalog. I love that show. Blanche Devereaux would approve of the ultra fancy vibrators in this catalog. I never knew vibrators could be so ultra fancy and sleek in design like these are, and the prices will make you go OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

One thing that caught my eye in The Golden Girls catalog was that they had dilator dildos. Huh? What am I missing? I actually schooled myself on it with Dr. Google so it makes sense now.

If you don’t know, I guess not only do you pee yourself more and more as you age, but your vaginal tissue can shrink so there are dilators. No wonder women end up in diapers where they’re older. By the time you’re sixty, a clown car may come driving out of there.

This is a sucky instance where men have it so much better than women as we age. Women go through hell and back being menopausal with a shrunken vagina but men get to look more distinguished as they age and don’t have to worry about dilating anything.

The only time I ever dilated was when I gave birth and now I can’t even think about sneezing without peeing myself.

Did Blanch Devereaux know about this and if so, why didn’t they put it on a “very special episode of The Golden Girls.”

Blanche: Oh, what am I going to do? My vagina shrunk and I have a date tonight.

Sophia: Like that’s ever stopped you before!

Dorothy: Ma!

Rose: This one time in St. Olaf, Mrs. Schusterclimber used the village pole to dilate her vagina.

Blanche: Oh, Rose!

Dorothy: This calls for cheesecake!

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I Spent The Summer With My Husband And Didn’t Kill Him

My husband retired from the Navy over the summer and was at home. He was waiting for his new job to start but with all the paperwork and signatures they needed, he was home for two damn months. I thought he would start his new job a few weeks after he retired but nope. I would ask him if he had heard anything about it nearly everyday.

The first week was really nice. We did things like go to the farmer’s market, went to the park, went to lunch, blah, blah, blah. After all these years, I actually convinced him to go to the nail salon with me and he actually got a pedicure. He didn’t say anything afterwards, but we all know he liked it. Then, we closed on our new house and moved in. Things went pretty smoothly until the last few weeks. I wanted to get back into my routine. He started making me crazy.

When I would ask him if he heard anything and he said no, in my mind, I threw a toddler fit. The kind where you try to pick a toddler up but they go limp and are like a slippery noodle and then they throw their head back, red faced and crying while speaking gibberish. Yeah, I was like that.

And then finally, he had news that he was starting work two weeks from then. YES! I will finally have the damn house to myself!

The husband finally started work a few weeks ago and the hummingbird started school on Tuesday. I can now drink my coffee in peace and more importantly, while it’s hot.

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