About Elle

I'm a Navy wife and a mama to a daughter who's like a hummingbird on crack.
Author Archive | Elle

What’s For Lunch?

These are hummingbird lunches I’ve made over the past month or so, not the past week, so it looks like I’ve been sugaring her up every day. To find out what I use to snazz up the lunches a bit, click here.

jan-wfl101

L to R

*cookie

*cucumbers and cherry tomatoes

*crackers

*pepperoni

*cheese cubes

*ranch dressing in container

jan-wfl112

L to R

*goldfish crackers

*cucumbers and carrot sticks

*peanut butter and honey sandwich

*ranch dressing in container

jan-wfl46

L to R

*grapes

*cherry tomatoes with italian dressing and parmesan (Fail! I’ll stick with using ranch to get my 5 year-old to eat her veggies)

*cheez-it crackers

*pepperoni

*cookie

*cheese cubes

jan-wfl84

L to R

*sausage

*clementine

*french toast sticks

*maple syrup in container

jan-wfl53

L to R

*tortilla chips

*grapes

*veggie tortilla wrap (a little mayo, sliced sweet pickles, sliced carrots, and shredded cheese)

*salsa in container

jan-wfl25

L to R

*strawberries

*green beans

*cubed cheese

*goldfish

*peanut butter cup

*ranch in container

Comments { 2 }

La Maldita Plaga

Hola! Damn, it’s been awhile, hasn’t it. I got my 106th cold (since the hummingbird started Kindergarten) a few days before Christmas and I’m still fighting it off. Mostly, because I keep getting these nasty sinus infections. I’ve been putting it off but I’m pretty sure I need to see an ENT since it’s been awhile. What’s stopping me is that I know there’s a chance I may have to have another surgery and ugh, I would hate that.

I hope to see my doctor soon about getting things checked out by an ENT.

So, in the meantime I have been completely slacking off because I feel like crappola. But I miss you guys.

There is a blizzard heading our way and I’m so off the wall happy about that.

No, wait. It’s my crazy husband who’s actually excited for a BLIZZARD!

And for the best news ever, my in-laws will be visiting us starting Valentine’s weekend and staying for 5 days.

Yes, 5 DAYS! In our house. For 5 days. 24/7. Staying here. In our house. For 5 DAYS!

Haha. Hahahaha. HAHA! This should be a ton of fun.

Anyway, as much as I despise the snow, the little hummingbird has been doing really well in her ice skating classes. My girl is fearless. And the hubby set up an ice skating rink in our front yard for the hummingbird.

I haven’t tried it out because the closest I’ve been to ice skating is holding on to the side of the rink with a death grip and without moving while I repeatedly say “Help! Help! Get me off this fucking ice!”

ice-skating1

Comments { 1 }

And Why Is This A Problem?!

So, I get stuck with depression, anxiety, panic attacks, social anxiety, and seasonal affective disorder.

But these women get stuck with too many orgasms, most which don’t require sex.

I was flipping through the channels the other night and came hahaha across this show.

Really, now? Really?!

Just think of all the money you would save on Ben and Jerry’s ice cream to get a similar effect.

100-orgasms1

Comments { 6 }

Just Eat Your Damn Dinner

a0721fa704838a78d19b5dcd5f443007My daughter is a tiny girl with a little appetite. Every once in a while she’ll chow down but it’s not often. She always, always, always has some reason why she won’t eat (as do many kids) and it drives me mad. She’ll come home from Kindergarten, say she’s STARVING, and will take just a few bites of her snack before she says she can’t eat another bite.

Then, an hour before dinner, I usually hear: Mom, I’m hungry. Mom, I’m hungry. Mom, I’m hungry. Well, you should have eaten your snack. But, I wasn’t that hungry then. It will be dinner soon. You’ll have to wait until then. But mooom, I’m hungry. Mom, I’m hungry. Mom, I’m hungry.

Finally, dinner will come and again, she’ll use every excuse in the book to not eat. The hummingbird is currently in a phase where every little scratch or bump is a major medical emergency so she’s been using those reasons a lot. There are many times when I want to scream JUST EAT!

I kind of feel like a hostage negotiator.

Me: Eat three more bites.

Hummingbird: How about one?

Me: No, three and then you can have a little treat.

Hummingbird: Can I still have a treat if I eat two more bites?

Me: No.

Hummingbird: But my tummy’s full.

Me: Then I guess you don’t have any room in there for a treat.

Hummingbird: How about one big bite?

Me: No. How about if you just take two more bites?

Hummingbird: But I just took a bite. Does that count?

Me: No. Two more bites.

Hummingbird: But then that will be three bites because I just had one.

Me: *Head Explodes*

Reasons My Kid Won’t Eat

10. I’ve got a scratch on my pinky and need a band-aid. Now, it hurts too much to pick up my fork.

9. I’m too tired.

8. I banged my foot on the stairs and broke my ankle.

7. My tummy’s tired.

6. I poked my finger in my eye and need ice.

5. Do you want a hot dog for dinner? Yes! Are you sure? Yes! Will you eat it? Yes! Sets her plate down. I don’t want a hot dog anymore. My tummy changed its mind.

4. I can’t eat because my leg hurts when I bend it. I think I broke my knee. Well, then don’t bend your leg. But I need a band-aid to make it feel better.

3. I didn’t want that plate.

2. I’m too cold to eat. Go put on a jacket. *Runs upstairs and comes back down a few minutes later in a whole new outfit… minus the jacket.* I’m still cold. Yes, because you forgot your jacket. Oh. *Puts on jacket.* Now I’m too hot.

1. I hurt the blood vessels in my foot.

Comments { 5 }

I Love The Sound Of A Metal Baseball Bat Crushing A Pain In The Ass Printer

Happy holidays! I hope you’ve survived.

About six years ago, when I was pregnant with the little hummingbird, the husband and I bought a new printer. And that printer gave us nothing but problems from day one. It was the PRINTER FROM HELL!

I hated that thing and when I think of all the times I yelled and cursed at it, it probably adds up to a whole year of my life. I would frequently tell my husband that when we got a new printer, we could beat the shit out of it Office Space style.

That wonderful moment finally came yesterday. The hubby gave me an awesome new printer and after I squealed and jumped up and down, I told him we have a date with the old PRINTER FROM HELL and my metal baseball bat.

I’m not sure that the hummingbird really understood exactly what we were up to. But, after all of these years, I think she might believe that the name of a printer is actually called “Piece Of Shit!”

Forget Christmas carols. My new favorite sound for the holidays are the dings of metal on metal, crushing the PRINTER FROM HELL.

It was more satisfying than ridding myself of the crappy wooden spoon my husband and I bought when we were first married that would splinter and occasionally leave pieces of itself in our meals. The wooden spoon my husband would form an attachment to when I wanted to throw it in the trash.

Tragically, that wooden spoon had an “accident” with the garbage disposal. Oh, darn.

Or the toaster we had that my husband refused to let go of. The toaster where we had to hold down the lever or it would pop up every 30 seconds. The toaster that tragically had to be thrown away while my husband wasn’t home to protest it’s demise because one day it “just stopped working” because it “must have shorted out”. *wink*

How was your holiday? Are there any pain in the ass things that you’ve been happy to rid yourself of?

The hummingbird giving the printer from hell a few whacks.

The hummingbird giving the printer from hell a few whacks.

A video posted by Elle (@ahummingbirdoncrack) on

Comments { 1 }

Kindergarten Book Suggestions

Here are just a few of the books the little hummingbird has been reading in her Kindergarten class that she loves. Her teacher also encourages the kids to look for wordless books, as that is supposed to help develop their reading. The bird’s teacher also sends home small beginner books. With those, we first go through the book and ask the hummingbird what she sees in the illustrations.

Then we go back to the beginning and she seems to have a better understanding of the words we help her read from the book. They are very simple sentences made easier by already knowing what people are doing on each page. We were also guided to a blog called The Book Diaries. It has fabulous book suggestions of all kinds for kids.

If you may be doing any last minute shopping, these book suggestions would be a hit for kids ages 3-8.

dog-loves-books1Dog Loves Books – A dog loves books so much that he opens up his own bookstore. Unfortunately, there weren’t any customes that came in for books. They would come in to ask for directions or tea. He didn’t mind it much though as it gave him time to dive into stories about dinosaurs and space aliens. But will he eventually get a customer that needs a book? For ages 3-7.

510H4-12bOLI Like To Be Little – This is a fabulous story about a mom and daughter who have discussions about why the little girl likes being little. Such as skip when happy and sit under the dining room table. But parent don’t do things like that which is why the girl likes being little. This book was a hit in our house and we read it all the time. For ages 4-8.

51Ggj6r9PyL._SX258_BO1,204,203,200_Otto The Book Bear – When this book is left behind by his former family, Otto comes to life and off the pages in search of a new home. Great for ages 3-8.

sea-of-dreams-cover-imageThe Sea Of Dreams – This wordless book is definitely one of our favorites. The illustrations are lovely and each time we read it together, we can make the story serious or silly. It’s great for ages 3-7.

dl20120419509249387849Are You My Mother? – The were reading this a lot in the bird’s Kindergarten class and even made their own books of the story to take home. A baby bird goes in search of her mother that she lost. It’s a simple story that my daughter now knows by heart. For ages 3-7.

miss-linas-ballerinas

Miss Lina’s Ballerinas – Miss Lina’s Ballerinas start with eight dancers who dance in two rows of four. But when a new student arrives, it throws the dancers in chaos. They learn to make it work by making a new dancing arrangement. The illustrations are light and whimsical. Great for ages 3-6.

Comments { 3 }

Mark Ruffalo Recreates Dream Conversation

The holidays are almost here and like everyone else, I’ve been busy and losing my mind when it comes to getting everything ready.

So, I thought we could use a Mark Ruffalo break. Because he’s hot. And delicious. And I can watch him all damn day.

Comments { 0 }