*This is a really whiny & ranty post. If you’re lucky and have a nice mother-in-law I just have one question. Can we trade?

This last visit with the in-laws was one of the worst I’ve had with them. By Thursday night I just wanted to leave and go to the fancy schmancy hotel down the street and have a spa weekend. These are just a few of the highlights.

I usually wonder what I did to make my MIL act the way she does towards me but my therapist said that it wouldn’t have mattered who my hubby married, my mother-in-law would have probably been like this with anyone else. My mother-in-law absolutely undermines every little tiny thing I say and do when she’s visiting. That pisses me off since it’s my house but as soon as she visits, she takes it over and my hubby never wants to say anything.

I was talking to her about the hummingbird starting preschool really soon and the MIL asked me how she thinks the hummingbird will do. I told her I think she’ll be fine, it will be me who cries and takes a few hundred photos of her going to school. I’ve joked that I’m going to throw a party and it will be so nice to watch what I want and even bathe before bed once she starts preschool but I know I’m going to miss her like crazy.

It’s like when I’m dying for some free time so my hubby will take the hummingbird out but once she’s gone, I don’t have any idea what to do with myself.

When I told my MIL that it will probably take a bit of time to get used to my baby being in preschool and not cry, my mother-in-law said No, you won’t.

Sometimes I end up falling into her trap so I told her that it’s hard because even though I trust the school and it’s teachers, I won’t be there to protect the hummingbird. I was starting to see red so I don’t remember exactly what she said but she basically told me that I was an idiot and it’s not normal to be emotional when your kid starts school for the first time.

I told her that even if she thinks it’s not normal, I’m still going to worry because that’s just how I am and she said No, you won’t I should put that on a t-shirt. Really? That’s when the conversation went downhill fast.

After that I went upstairs to the bedroom and hid which is what I mostly did the rest of the week.

As far as my blog is concerned, my in-laws are just under the impression that I write occasionally for blogs but they don’t know I have my own. I had to think of something fast last year when I slipped and said I was writing for a blog. One of the last times they were visiting we were watching the movie Julie & Julia in which Julie cooks her way through Julia’s cookbook and blogs about it.

I don’t know everything there is to know about blogging but my father-in-law quickly became the expert on blogs and basically talked out of his ass for about 15 minutes. It took all I had to not say anything because he was saying things like you can make a lot of money really fast if you blog. Uhhmm, okay. I guess my money for blogging has gotten lost in the mail. Ha!

Even though I try not to say much when they’re here because my MIL always twists things, I could probably sneeze and she would tell me I didn’t do it right. It was so hard to tell the hummingbird to give her grandmother a hug and kiss when she would go to bed because my MIL would be treating me like shit.

Because they love to talk about things that make it impossible to add to the conversation, I would disappear for a while.

On Saturday night when I decided to brave the downstairs, I grudgingly went into the living room. In just a few minutes time they went into this deep discussion about the wind energy in the Netherlands. ?????? I don’t even know anything about the wind energy in the U.S. so I just sat there for about an hour while trying not to fall asleep and forcing myself to be quiet and not yell shut the f*ck up!

I made a huge mistake by making the suggestion of watching Crazy. Stupid. Love. Luckily I’ve seen this movie 100′s of times a few times but my in-laws sit there and always have something to say about the movie. They even get into long discussions so they miss most of the movies we watch.

My hubby and I had to explain things that would have been answered if they would just pay attention to the movie. I would end up not being able to see Ryan Gosling’s hotness, which should be a punishable offense, when I have to answer questions like “who is that guy”, “why did they do that”, or ”this isn’t realistic” (they’ve said that with almost every movie I’ve seen with them. They don’t seem to understand the concept of movies).

One of the most oddest moments was when all of us minus the hubby (who was in the garage but I think he could’ve been hiding from his parents) were sitting on the couch and watching one of the hummingbird’s favorite cartoons, Peppa Pig. The hummingbird and I were making snorting sounds when they did it on the show and my FIL actually joined in.

That’s when my MIL flipped out and told all of us to be quiet because snorting like a pig is disgusting. She has 2 grown kids and 3 granchildren so I don’t know how it’s possible that making an animal noise is disgusting. I’ve been thrown up on and have cupped my hands to catch the rest of the puke and I’ve gotten poop under my fingernails when I’ve cleaned up a really messy diaper. That’s gross.

Snorting like a pig is a walk in the park.

 The last night my in-laws where here we had dinner at the house and the subject of teenagers and rebellion came up. All I said was I think most teenagers go through some type of rebellion at one point. The MIL said No, they don’t I need to put that on a t-shirt and I should have just been quiet but told her that I said most not all teens and they rebel in different ways.

My mother-in-law told me that was probably just me and my friends. That’s when my FIL cut in and said the hubby was a wonderful young man at that age. I was thinking uh huh, that’s what you think. My husband wasn’t that wild when he was younger but there were still things he did that his parents won’t ever know about.

They ended up having an early flight on Monday thank gawd! so I only had to deal with them for 4 days instead of 5 like I thought but I’m still recovering from their visit.

The hummingbird’s 3rd birthday is in less that two months but they didn’t say anything about coming to visit again so soon. I’m hoping I’m in the clear and can enjoy her birthday.

**I’m going to be really busy this coming week and if you’d like to write a guest post, whether you have a blog or not, then drop me an email at elle dot mommyhood at gmail dot com. The post can be about anything you want but I currently don’t accept sponsored posts.