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I Love The Sound Of A Metal Baseball Bat Crushing A Pain In The Ass Printer

Happy holidays! I hope you’ve survived.

About six years ago, when I was pregnant with the little hummingbird, the husband and I bought a new printer. And that printer gave us nothing but problems from day one. It was the PRINTER FROM HELL!

I hated that thing and when I think of all the times I yelled and cursed at it, it probably adds up to a whole year of my life. I would frequently tell my husband that when we got a new printer, we could beat the shit out of it Office Space style.

That wonderful moment finally came yesterday. The hubby gave me an awesome new printer and after I squealed and jumped up and down, I told him we have a date with the old PRINTER FROM HELL and my metal baseball bat.

I’m not sure that the hummingbird really understood exactly what we were up to. But, after all of these years, I think she might believe that the name of a printer is actually called “Piece Of Shit!”

Forget Christmas carols. My new favorite sound for the holidays are the dings of metal on metal, crushing the PRINTER FROM HELL.

It was more satisfying than ridding myself of the crappy wooden spoon my husband and I bought when we were first married that would splinter and occasionally leave pieces of itself in our meals. The wooden spoon my husband would form an attachment to when I wanted to throw it in the trash.

Tragically, that wooden spoon had an “accident” with the garbage disposal. Oh, darn.

Or the toaster we had that my husband refused to let go of. The toaster where we had to hold down the lever or it would pop up every 30 seconds. The toaster that tragically had to be thrown away while my husband wasn’t home to protest it’s demise because one day it “just stopped working” because it “must have shorted out”. *wink*

How was your holiday? Are there any pain in the ass things that you’ve been happy to rid yourself of?

The hummingbird giving the printer from hell a few whacks.

The hummingbird giving the printer from hell a few whacks.

A video posted by Elle (@ahummingbirdoncrack) on

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Throwback Thursday: My Beautiful Mom And Snazzy Grandfather

When it comes to me and having my photo taken, it’s not a good mix by any means. Even when I was a cute kid, I HATED having my photo taken. Even now, I edit my pics if I share with someone. My aunt was the same way.

Pretty much every photo I have of her has her avoiding the camera or turning her face so you couldn’t see her. Haha! It must run in the family.

Anyway, for the past 15 years or so, I’ve been telling my husband that I want to organize our big ass box of pictures and put them into photo albums. Someday, I really want to pass them on to the hummingbird.

As I was looking through the photos, I found a photo of my beautiful mother and my very snazzy maternal grandfather. He was the coolest grandfather ever, the best.

He passed away when I was only 15 and I think about him every single day. We spent the day together one day during the summer and his last words to me were “See you soon! Two months later, he left this earth.

But, I have my beloved photos of him and will forever keep him in my memory and think of him always. He had a tattoo on his arm that he got while in the military that I thought was so cool. He fought in World War 2, was part of the Flying Tigers, and was a police officer.

My family didn’t have cable but he would put a video in his VCR (fuck, I feel old), and record hours of MTV for me, back when they actually played music videos.

He would do those little things for me that I greatly appreciated. I love him dearly.

The little hummingbird has been told plenty about how wonderful her great-grandfather was. I hope she learns more about him as the years go by and see just how special he was.

My incredible grandfather.

My incredible grandfather.

 

My beautiful mother.

My beautiful mother.

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Our little strawberry picker.

averystrawberry11

averys1ststrawberry11

*Soul One

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Our first Spring in Maine.

Springtime. The sun is shining. The weather’s nice. Flowers are blooming. There are baby animals everywhere. Motherfucking birds are chirping their little asses off. Black flies are out to get me. Ants are on a mission to take over my entire kitchen. It starts getting hotter and boob sweat is prevalent.

Ah, Springtime.

It’s actually one of my fave seasons and after our first winter in Maine, I’m welcoming it with open arms. Before I know it, Summer will be here and I’m not a fan. So, I’m enjoying my pre-Summer time.

I hope you’re enjoying it too.

springtime

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I’ll pass on the carrots.

*This is really gross.

As long as I’ve been with my husband, 19 years, he always has a big bowl of baby carrots whenever we have pizza.

Fine, no biggie, right?

CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH, motherfucking CRUNCH!

It’s one of those teeny tiny relationship things that doesn’t seem like a big deal but drives me up the wall after all of these years. Crunch, crunch, crunch is what I hear for what feels like forever.

While we were having pizza the other night, the hummingbird was chewing a carrot and started gagging. The closest thing to me was the big bowl of carrots, filled to the brim.

Gross Alert… she puked in the carrot bowl.

After she finished, my first thought was YES, there go the carrots!!

Yay, I didn’t have to hear that carrot crunch for once!

Thank you, my pukey 4 year-old. Thank you.

*Somewhat Damaged

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Positive

I was going to try to keep this on the down low but I’m so excited as well as very nervous and anxious. It’s difficult to keep this quiet for the next few months since I love to overshare… for better or worse.

If all goes well this time around, the hummingbird is going to be a big sister. Fingers and toes crossed! 

We were planning on waiting to try again early next year but my birth control pill had another fail. Whoops! I was taking it every day at the same time every night. Didn’t miss once… that I know of.

For the people I know in real life who read my blog, I would greatly appreciate it if you could keep this quiet for now. Mwah!

But I wanted to share this news with all of you who have been such wonderful support since the loss I had in July and beyond. I sincerely mean it and thank you all. You’ve all been so kind and absolute sweethearts.

Love ya! xoxo

My collection since I'm still in disbelief. lol

My collection since I’m still in disbelief. lol

*Love Song

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Insane In The Maine Brain: Pics

Now that I’m getting more settled here, I’m starting to see how gorgeous it is. One thing that amazes my husband and I is that the sky is incredible in Maine. Most days, it looks like the clouds have been photoshopped.

I know, it’s just some clouds but I find it to be pretty damn spectacular. And the sunsets are like no other.

Beautiful.

maine-sky2

clouds-maine2


sunset-maine5

maine-crab1

maine-horse1

*Silversun Pickups

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