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Let’s Go To The Vet

That’s right… it’s time for the vet. Let’s chase down our two cats. Ooops, almost had Penny. There she goes again. We’ll, I’ll let my husband grab her. There’s sweet, bigilicious Maisy lying on the couch with no clue about what’s going to happen soon.

And, both cats are in their carriers. I’m lint rolling my shirt because of all the cat hair and accidentally swipe my face with my hand to get off the sweat from my forhead.

Needless to say, sweat and cat hair is an awful combo. It looks like I have to shave my forehead now.

So, into the car we go. Maisy is all chill but Penny, well, Penny wants to sing us a song.

It’s called MEEEOOOOOOWWWWWWAAAAA!

Penny, it’s okay.

MEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWAAAA!

Pennnny, you’re okay. You’ll be just fine.

MEEEOOOWWWWWWAAA!

Okay, Penny, we get your point.

MEEEEOOOOWWWWAAAA!

Meow, meow, meow, Penny. I know, but it will be over soon.

10 minutes of torture Meow’s later….

We’re here, kitties!

MEEEEEOOOOWWWWWAAAA!

We’re standing in the lobby and Penny finally quiets. Hallefuckinglujah!

And, now were in the check up room.

MEEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWWWAAAAA!

Oh my fucking god. Make it stop.

MEEEEEOOOOOWWWWWWWAAAA!

Hey, Penny. It’s okay.

A dog barks out side the room.

Penny does her sliding across the floor cartoon animal run.

I laugh my ass off.

Now, it’s time for sniffing, and more sniffing, and more sniffing….

But wait. Penny has more to say. MEEEEOOOOWWWWAAAA!

I wonder if they have cat xanax?

The assistant comes in with a thermometer. Oh, joy! The cats will LOVE this.

MEEEOOOOWWWWWAAA!

Let’s do Penny first. I watch as she lies there anxiously as my husband and I talk calmly to her.

And, boom! You don’t have to see it go in to know the thermometer is up her butt. Penny’s not quite sure about this. I sure as hell wouldn’t be either.

Now, Maisy’s turn. The chill cat will be chill while getting her temp.

Hey, Maisy. You’re doing so good. And, up the butt. Grrrrrrr! Hissssss!

Whoa, she’s the chill cat. Where did that come from? She looks at me like mom, if you were poked with that up your ass, you’d hiss too. Touche, Maisy. Touche.

And now, we wait for the vet.

Since both cats have been violated with the thermometer, it’s time to get down to cleaning themselves. But, Penny can’t let us forget she’s not happy so MEEEOOOWWWWAAA!

They hear someone outside the door and instead of running away from the door, they run to it. It’s vet time.

Penny and Maisy have two shots each but neither is up the butt so we should be good.

Finally finished. I’m covered with so much cat fur that I would’t be surprised if by wiping my mouth off to get the cat hair from my lips, I would look like I grew a beard. There’s also little chunks of fur on my shirt and shorts. I look at my husband and he has cat fur hanging from his nose. I start trying to take it off but he thinks I’m trying to pick his nose. Hey dude, I love you and everything but I would never pick your nose.

Anyway, it could be worse. It’s not like I’m putting a thermometer up his ass.

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The promiscuous parakeet and the nympho cat.

When my husband and I first got married, we lived in an apartment that only allowed pets like fish or birds. I don’t know why but we decided to get a parakeet. I’ve never really cared for birds — with their chirping and squawking and their flappy wings flap flap flapping around.

The first parakeet we got was Alfalfa and he was this pretty blue bird. We said we would just have one bird so of course less than a week later, I wanted another one. My husband and I had been in a pet shop and spotted this gorgeous lavendar and white parakeet. That bird’s name was Raptor.

So, Alfalfa and Raptor took over our house pretty quick and the would love to fly into our living room and sit on top of the window curtains while pooping all over.

Yeah, I was not thrilled and found that a bird as a pet was not for me. While we were finding them a new home, we found that Raptor was quite the slut.

One night, Raptor was perched on my husband’s finger and stared rubbing up against his thumb.

We thought “Awwww, how cute. The bird’s being so affectionate”.

Raptor kept on rubbing against his thumb and started making this weird chirping.

We looked at each other and started cracking up. This freaky deaky bird was masturbating. On my husband’s hand.

Ewww.

After that, Raptor would find whatever it was to rub up against whenever her was out of his cage and would go to town. Against our file cabinet, books on the desk, our pencil holder, anything.

We finally found a new home for the birds and said goodbye to the little horn dog.

Not long after, we moved into another apartment that allowed cats and got our kitty, Zira, who we had for over 14 years. We didn’t get her fixed until about a year after we got her so she was in heat a few times.

I don’t know what the hell it was but when she was in heat, the sound of my voice drove her crazy. For some fucked up reason, it got her excited.

Ewww.

Each time it lasted for several days and no matter what came out of my mouth, Zira would be cat moaning MEOWR RRR MEOOWWW.

It was funny but annoying as hell.

Example:

Hubby: Hey, I’m home!

Me: Hey!

Cat: MEW MEW RAWRRR

Hubby: Any plans for dinner?

Me: I was thinking…

Cat: MEOW MEOW MEOWWWWRRRRR

Me: we could have…

Cat: MEOW RAWR MEOWWW

Me: Zira, stop it!

Cat: MEOOOOOWWWWWRRRRRRRRRR RRR RRRR

Me: pizza.

Cat: MEOWWWWWWWWWWW OWWWWW OWWWWW RRRRRR

Even after she got fixed, she was like that for a few more years. As crazy as it made me at the time, looking back, it was fucking hilarious.

*Silverspun Pickups

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Is this Love?

Maisy and Penny are feeling the love…..

Is this love that I’m feeling

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Is this the love that I’ve been searching for

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Is this love or am I dreaming

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This must be love ’cause it’s really got a hold on me

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Merry Halloween? How our Halloween confused the shite out of people.

The little hummingbird was Santa Claus for Halloween, or as she would say, Sabby. My hubby decided to get a Santa suit too. Because of my little girl’s obsession with “Sabby”, we already had the costume and because of her love of hats, it’s not unusual for her to be running around the house in her Santa Claus hat.

My husband and I figured this costume choice would be the best one after last year’s disaster. They had trick or treating in the downtown area where we live Saturday afternoon. A lot of the businesses participated including ones I never thought I would take my 2-year-old to, like a bar.

Hearing my husband ask the hummingbird if she wanted to go into a bar to get candy made us both crack up. We also hit a tattoo parlor but we all left unmarked. heh.

Having my daughter dressed up as Santa made several people say awwww but it was my hubs dressed as one that really got the attention. There would be kids that would get all excited and yell to their parents Wow, there’s Santa Claus!!

It also caught the attention of people driving by and some even yelled out Santaaaaa!

I didn’t dress up but I guess you could say I was a pack mule with all of the things I ended up carrying. I remember being younger and always asking my mom to carry my stuff. Now I’m getting payback.

I hope everyone had a Happy Halloween! I would love to see what your kids and you dressed up as so if you want, link your pics in the comment section.

Here’s some pics of the hummingbird as “Sabby” along with my hubby…minus his face…

MC Sabby

Smile!

The hummingbird walking into her first tattoo parlor.

See ya later peeps, I’m getting my candy buzz on!

Of course we can’t forget Penny. This picture took much longer to get than I expected. I left her alone a bit because she said hell no in kitty talk and I tried to get Maisy to wear the witches hat but she wasn’t having it either. Penny finally gave in. I got a few extra scratches on my hands and I’m not sure it was worth it. It was really cute though.

Penny as a bumblebee…

We saw this guy dressed as Gumby at the grocery store on Sunday and I couldn’t resist asking him if I could take a picture.

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Our newest addition. Not to be confused with Bobby Brown’s New Edition.

We went to the pet adoption center last week. It was where we found our kitty, Maisy, and I was hoping to get a second cat.

My hubby was less than thrilled with the idea but then we saw this 2 month old kitten named Cupcake. It was love at first site for me. We brought her home Wednesday afternoon and she’s been keeping us very busy. Maisy still isn’t sure about her and seeing the two of them together is quite a sight. Maisy is such a big cat and our new kitten is so tiny.

The little hummingbird is so excited and we’re still working on teaching her that she has to be much more gentle with Cupcake. My hubby and I had planned on sticking with that name but I started thinking of others.

I was online Wednesday night and went through tons of names. Then I saw what I think is the absolute perfectly perfect name for our new little kitten. It also doesn’t hurt that me and the hubby were huge fans of the show Lost. The first few times I said the name, I tried to say it in a Scottish accent like Desmond. Yep. I’m odd.

So, I would love to introduce you to our newest and cutest addition…..

Penny!

I’m sure you know what comes next. Some cutie patootie pictures of Penny. This is one of the few times I was able to take photos of her without the pics coming out in a big blur.

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It’s been over 15 years since we’ve had a kitten so I’ve forgotten just how psycho hyper they are. My arms and hands are all scratched up so it looks like Wolverine attacked me.

Since yesterday I’ve been trying to explain to Penny that my in-laws will be here tonight so she needs to make sure to make a mad dash onto my mother-in-law’s back and sink her claws in her but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t really understand what I’m saying. She is only 2 months old after all.

I have to mention that this short post has been an enormous undertaking because *I’m saying this in my Scottish Desmond accent* Pennnyyyyy! keeps on attacking my hands as I type this and jumping on my laptop keyboard.

She’s also trying to chew on the power cord but I told her I really don’t want to have a fried kitty like the one in the National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation movie.

I’ll leave you with this. Last night when my hubby was reading a magazine before bed, he took one of the magazine’s inserts and made a little hat out of it. He put it on Penny’s butt and said look, now she has an asshat.

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My husband likes to steal other people’s cats in his spare time.

My little girl decided to wake up at 4 am and didn’t want to go back to sleep but guess what? It’s now about 6 am and she’s sleeping soundly while I’m wide awake.

Since I’m up, let me tell you a story about a man named Jed. A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed. Then one day he was shootin’ at some food. And up through the ground came a bubblin’ crude. Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea.

Wait! Wrong story.

Even though it’s been four months since our kitty, Zira, has been missing, we’re still on the lookout for her. Last week my hubby came home from work and the little hummingbird wanted to go for a ride in her wagon.

He said he wasn’t going very far with the hummingbird but we’ve always had a difference of opinion when it comes to distance.

My version of not walking very far = walking maybe 5-10 minutes.

My hubby’s version of not walking very far = hiking 25 miles through a snowstorm, a monsoon, a tornado, up a big ass hill, and having it take most of the freaking day.

I was sick and laying on the couch. They had been gone for quite a while and I had fallen asleep. I woke up to the phone ringing. Our phone says who’s calling and when I heard it was my husband, I did what any good wife would do and ignored the call. Then he called again and I thought something must be going on so I picked up.

My husband told me that he might have found Zira and said to meet him at the playground down the street. I kept saying what? what? are you serious? what? because I couldn’t believe it and then I asked him where he was. He told me he couldn’t explain which probably meant he walked to the next state over from us so that’s why we need to meet at the playground and he also said to bring the cat kennel.

My hubby was having a hard time keeping hold of the cat and wanted help with the hummingbird. By the end of the phone call I was up off of the couch and so excited. I was wearing a t-shirt and boxer shorts but wanted to get to him asap and thought it was too time consuming to run upstairs to get my bra so instead I threw on my jacket to cover up the fact that I wasn’t wearing one, put on my flip-flops, found the cat kennel, and started running down the sidewalk to the playground.

There I was running down the street like a cracked out crazy woman, without a bra that I really need when I’m out in public. I was hoping I wouldn’t come across any children or parents because I didn’t want to scare them with my out of control boobs that were flipping around every which way.

I saw my hubby and as soon as I layed eyes on the cat, I was pretty sure it wasn’t Zira but I wasn’t 100% sure. We got back to our house and went to the backyard. My hubby was still holding the cat while we tried to figure out if it was our kitty. Then I was 100% certain that it wasn’t.

The cat was a tuxedo cat like Zira but there were things that were off. This cat had much bigger paws and seemed bulkier. I told my hubby that not only is it not our cat, I think this kitty is a boy. He pointed out that since Zira has been missing for months, she could have changed. I agreed but said unless there’s some kind of kitty steroids out in the wilderness, this isn’t our cat.

I even went to grab some pictures to show him. Zira had a small white mark on the left side of her nose but this cat had a bigger round white spot on the lower right side of its face. My husband still wasn’t convinced and said he wanted to keep the cat in the backyard and bring the kitty to our vet in the morning to see if it was microchipped.

As soon as he set the cat on the ground, it ran underneath his grill. We set out some food and water and went back inside. That’s when I asked my hubby where exactly did he find this cat. He told me while he and the hummingbird were walking past a house, he saw the kitty in the yard.

I said Oh my gawd! What if you have stolen someone’s kitty and they were inside their house watching?!  While the cat appeared to be healthy and fed, it did seem like it had been a stray for a while so we didn’t think that would actually be the case but it didn’t stop me from calling my hubby a cat napper for the rest of the night.

There’s a scene in the movie Julie & Julia where Julie has to cook live lobsters and her husband keeps saying lobster killer in a sing-song voice. That was how I was saying cat napper and by the end of the night both my hubby and I kept on singing cat napper.

I was on pins and needles waiting for my hubby to return from the vet the next day. The cat ended up not being Zira which I knew but it was microchipped. The problem is the microchip only had info for a vet in North Carolina and our vet’s office kept on trying to contact them but there was no answer.

We were talking about what to do next and then a light bulb went on. We both looked at each other with an oh shit, this kitty probably has been cat napped look. I told my husband he should go back over to the house where he found the cat. Hold on….

Bwahahahahahaha. *breathes* Hahahahahahahahaha.

Okay, I’m back.

He went over to the house to ask if they by any chance had a cat. The only person home was the teenage daughter and she said they do have a cat and they’re from North Carolina. So my hubby came back to our house and got their poor, traumatized, stolen kitty while I was practically in hysterics because I couldn’t stop laughing and peed myself a little.

From what my cat napper husband got from the girl he talked to, the cat is always outdoors so it didn’t seem like this family even noticed their cat was missing.

My husband’s intentions were good and he was really convinced that it was Zira. It was an honest mistake but a funny one……that I can hold over him.

If he ever complains that I don’t cook that often, which I know he never will or else he’d get a knee to his nuts, I can always say Well, at least I didn’t steal someone’s cat. Or if the little hummingbird wakes up in the middle of the night and I don’t want to get out of our warm and cozy bed, I can say Hey cat napper, she’s all yours. People who steal someone else’s cat right out of their own yard have to get up.

This cat napping is like a get out of cooking and cleaning jail free card. Woo hoo!

To my husband’s credit, Zira and the stolen cat did look similar.

Our precious and dearly missed cat, Zira.

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The kitty my cat napper husband took.

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And just because, a photo of Maisy. My hubby finally set up the fish tank for the little hummingbird since she loves going to the local aquarium. We have 2 goldfish so far and Maisy seems much more interested in the fish than my little girl.

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My hubby is so excited, I’m sure I’ll find wadded up tissues around the house. Too much info? Yeah, probably.

My husband’s birthday was yesterday and we went out for barbeque last night. Barbeque smells yummy at first but it’s been a day and I’ve taken a shower and still reek of the smell. My sweet pea and violet body wash mixed with smokey barbeque is making me gag.

Today my hubby came home early and I thought awww but then I found the real reason was he went out and got Apple TV for his birthday present. He’s all kinds of excited. He thinks it’s awesome and if he wasn’t so reserved, I know he’d be squealing with delight like I do when I get my US Weekly in the mail every week.

I’m still not sure what Apple TV does even though I read what it does as well as how cool people think it is but I’m sure once he sets it up, it’ll probably be something I’ll find I can’t live without.

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The little hummingbird and our new cat Maisy are falling more in love with each other. Not only does our kitty like to cuddle up in my little girl’s high chair, Maisy also sits in the hummingbird’s little purple chair in the living room and has been “guarding” her at night by sleeping in the glider next to the hummingbird’s crib.

The little hummingbird has turned the tables on our cat and her new favorite thing is to climb up on top of Maisy’s scratch post.

As much as I adore Maisy, I’ve been really missing our cat, Zira, who we had for almost 15 years but she slipped out of our house when a butthead repairman left the front door open back in March. I thought it would get a little easier with time but my hubby and I keep on reminiscing about our lost kitty and we’re both still heartbroken since Zira was like our first child.

I’m normally a pessimist but the only way I can deal with her missing is to think like an optimist and hope that she’s safe and okay even though realistically, I don’t think that’s the case. *le sigh*

Well crap, I didn’t mean to turn into such a Debbie Downer so here are some cute pictures….

 Cozy kitty.

Um kitty, can I please sit in my high chair?

Haha Maisy, I’m getting you back. Plus I’m giving my mama a heart attack because she thinks I’m gonna fall.

 I have no idea what Apple TV is but I’m still happy about it!

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