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Cool Etsy Stuff

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Since I’m already doing 156 things at once, I started doing 157 things by getting more into Etsy. Like that really needed to happen. I pour over fluffy tutus and leg warmers for the hummingbird while I look for anything under the sun. Here are some things I’ve ordered from my recent Etsy obsession.

Mudan Blossoms – They have adorable leg warmers for girls.

Mimi and Lucy – Since I’ve been reading less of my Kindle and more library books, I used it as an excuse to buy these vintage print bookmarks.

Ian’s Cafe – I found THE coolest bookmark of the wicked witch from this place. The witch’s feet stick outside of the book. It’s very cool.

Grey And Green – I started off buying her lotion bar and loved it so much that I went back and ordered the vanilla bean brown sugar scrub and vanilla lip balm which smells amazing. It’s so good that my 6 year-old claimed it for herself.

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10 Things To Do Before Christmas

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10. Battle it out with the tape and wrapping paper.

9. Get a sugar buzz from hot cocoa.

8. Get a buzz from spiked hot chocolate.

7. Curse out the Christmas lights.

6. Cry when hearing your favorite holiday song. Damn you, emotions!

5. Buy enough booze for a small army because family is coming.

4. Decide you want to get a jump start to a healthier lifestyle and don’t make it past dinner because CHRISTMAS COOKIES.

3. Wonder why the hell you’re sending holiday cards to half the people on your card list.

2. Say “I’m never doing this shit again!”

1. Watch Elf.

Happy Holidays!

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It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like…

This year, my husband found that several of our Christmas lights weren’t working. After a few nights of him fixing them with some clicky thingamajig, he wasn’t making much progress. Since I couldn’t stand to hear that clicking thing he would click continuously to replace the bulbs of the lights, I suggested he just get new lights.

But that was way too simple. He said he could fix them so for another week he would be downstairs with that click machine.

Click.

Click.

Click.

Oh my god, it drove me crazy. Clicky click. Motherfucking click. Still, no lights.

And then a miracle happened. After the designated man time that passed by so it wouldn’t seem like he was, GASP, actually listening to me, he finally got new lights.

Men.

The hummingbird mostly decorated the tree herself and had a blast since my guy was still determined to fix the damn lights but finally gave up and then spent a few more days putting up the new lights that actually worked and I’ve been in cleaning mode.

I still wasn’t in the Christmas spirit until my husband stopped fucking with the lights and found the most awesome and inappropriate Christmas decoration, Peeny.

Once Peeny went up on our mantle, my mood lifted. It’s impossible to not get a case of the giggles when I see him above the fireplace. Because I have the humor of a 12 year-old boy.

Here’s to happy holidays and lights that work!

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*Natasha Bedingfield

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Orange Pomegranate Fizz With Vodka

photo credit: ecurry

Photo credit: ecurry

I’ve been having a bad luck dinner week and to top it off, had a royal fuck up last night. I made veggie lasagna with a white sauce that I know is delicious but my mind escaped me and I used oven ready noodles. I realized in the middle of making this lasagna that it might be a big mistake but was hoping for the best.

Nope. Nada. I royally fucked up the lasagna with crunchy noodles. So, off my husband went to Domino’s. Okay, it was more like I started whining about how I really messed up dinner and it was totally inedible and oh my god, we’re all starving and it’s too late to make anything else so please, please, PLEASE go to Domino’s.

Since I’ve been spending more time in the kitchen fucking up dinner more than normal, I came up with this drink in between cursing and stomping around the kitchen. Cheers to you!

Orange Pomegranate Fizz

1 oz vodka

1/2 cup orange sparkling water

4 oz pomegranate juice

splash of orange juice

Combine in a glass with ice, stir, and enjoy.

*I Write Sins Not Tragedies

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As Yoda Would Say… Soccer Mom, I Am Not

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Okay, Yoda never said anything like that but if he had to use his car as a free taxi service and shuffle his kids around from activity to activity while they whined about being hungry, tired, mad about being rushed out of the door because they’re moving as slooow as slugs, etc., he’d be over that shit pretty quick.

Let me just start by saying, my 6 year-old hummingbird has a natural athletic ability that leaves me so proud and in absolute awe. Like I tell others, she may be small but my girl has spunk.

And yes, while I can say no to her doing an extracurricular activity, it can sneak up on me and before I know it, she’s involved in a buttload of things.

I’m all for the other activities she does… except soccer. For some reason, it makes me irrationally stabby. I’m fine with her gymnastics class, especially after being rid of the Type A mom master, and I love her ice skating classes. It doesn’t hurt that her dad usually takes her to ice skating while I’m snoozing in my warm and cozy bed. But, just like last year, I dread being a “soccer mom”.

Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing my little girl kick some ass on the field. I just find it much more pleasant watching her play soccer in our backyard. She’s more confident about being on a soccer team this year which is awesome and helps soothe my nerves since I don’t have to drag her kicking and screaming to her soccer games. I just find myself being the one who gets whiny when it comes to going to soccer practice and games this time around.

I don’t want to sit my ass out in the hot sun… soon to be the freezing cold and rain and snow… for an hour. I don’t want to be outside when I can be lounging on my couch on a Saturday morning, reading my mindless and very welcome US Weekly without pants and a bra. I don’t want to sign up for snack duty and feed 10 kids instead of just my own.

What’s up with that anyway? When I participated in sports as a kid, I felt like I won the snack lottery from saving my allowance and scoring a hot dog at the snack shack at the little league baseball field. Even a cup of cold water from a thermos that my coach brought along made me feel like I struck gold.

So, in other words, BAH-FUCKING-HUMBUG, soccer!

Who knows, maybe the little hummingbird won’t want to bother with soccer next year. One can hope. In the meantime, I will start pinning plenty of varieties of spiked hot chocolate to possibly take along with me to upcoming soccer games.

That’s what I call getting into the spirit of the game. Yeah, such a bad pun. Ahem, I’ll see myself out.

*GNR

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The Likeness Is Uncanny

Well, look at that! Donald Trump is on the cover.

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I already shared this fabulous photo of the misogynistic pig on my FB page, but couldn’t resist posting it here.

And if you need some brain bleach, here you go…

*The hummingbird and I can’t get enough of this song.

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Yours Is Better

Be forewarned. This is a mash-up of things going on. Scratching your head while thinking “what the fuck?” and confusion may follow. Other side effects may include drowsiness, irritability, and dizziness. If you have an erection lasting more than 3 hours, please consult a medical professional.

Okay, I thought I’d just throw in the last one. Ya know, to see if you’re paying attention.

My daughter and I picked up the same cheese quesadillas and took them home. She was STARVING and had to have hers right away. I had a few things to do around the house that took longer than I thought aka “Mom, can you please give me a drink! My food’s cold now. Can you heat it up? I need to poop first. Now it’s cold again”, laundry, putting away the groceries, etc.

She took a few nibbles out of it and left the quesadilla sitting there for half an hour. The bird told me she was done and threw it away. Once I was finally able to sit down and eat, guess who was STARVING again and had to eat my food?

I asked my 6 year-old what was so different about mine and she let me know that mine tasted much better. I ended up eating some peanut butter m n m’s for lunch and my kid caught me. So, not only did she eat my cheese quesadilla, she found that I had a secret stash of chocolate.

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We finally found a house and move in 5 weeks. We have one more year here until my husband gets out of the military and then we plan on moving back to the west coast. We have SO much shit to move and it’s been tempting to just take everything out of the house and set it on fire. We haven’t even begun to start packing yet and whenever I start thinking about it, I want to throw a toddler tantrum and yell I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna!

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Our cats went to the vet and she put them on a kitty diet. Seeing my husband try to hold each one while standing on the scale to see if they’ve lost any weight while they wiggle around is pretty entertaining. I don’t know how to give them more exercise than they already get by chasing each other around the house like maniacs.

There should be an exercise dvd for pets. The closest one of my cats comes to exercise is lying on my exercise mat while I’m working out.

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I’ve been throwing myself into books more than normal and even try to put the bird to bed earlier since she can’t tell time yet. Win!

I’ve been reading these books and hopefully you may come across one you like… :)

 The Light Between Oceans – M.L. Stedman

The Girl On The Train – Paula Hawkins

To Selena, With Love – Chris Perez

Yes Please – Amy Poehler

Needful Things – Stephen King

Mrs. Kennedy And Me – Clint Hill

Confessions Of A Praire Bitch: How I Survived Nellie Oleson and Learned to Love Being Hated – Alison Arngrim

The White Mountains (The Tripods) – John Christopher

Short story long. When I was 13, my English teacher assigned the class to read this book. I wasn’t really into science fiction and since I was a kid, I dreaded having to read anything other than V.C. Andrews. I was surprised by how much I liked this book and the whole trilogy.

Several years later, this book crossed my mind and I wanted to read it again but I couldn’t freaking remember the name of it. I spent another several years googling or looking up keywords or whatever I could remember about The Tripods but still couldn’t find these books. A few months ago, when I was searching yet again, I found it. Yay! Sure it’s for kids, but I like it just as much as the first time I read it.

What have you been reading?

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