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Quinoa

I finally tried quinoa and thought of this haiku…

Quinoa is so gross

A consistency of a bird

Who threw up bird seed

*Miss Jackson

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Meet My Kid, Bean And Cheese Burrito With Sour Cream

pregnancy-cravings

Mine would be:

Bean And Cheese Burrito With Sour Cream, DON’T FORGET THE SOUR CREAM Davis.

Orange Juice Davis

Don’t Fuck With My Apple Juice Davis

and

Grilled Cheese Davis

What are yours?

*Not Ready To Make Nice

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Bullseye

target

Since I’ve been back in college, I have cut my 3-4 times a week trips to Target down to about 1-2. I was going there so much, the workers knew me by name and asked where I’ve been if I went more than two days without going. Yes, Target calls to me. If I have an hour or so to kill, it knows. Target knows what’s up.

Target: Oh, hey! You over there. Didn’t you run out of butter yesterday? Sure, the grocery store is closer but you neeeeed meeee.

Me: Um, look Target. I know you mean well but I can wait until the weekend to get more butter.

Target: Of course. No pressure, girl! I’m just sayin’. And you know what? It’s been kind of chilly. You could come on over and get some fuzzy socks or some cozy slippers.

Me: Target, I know what you’re doing. I’m not falling for it. I don’t need more nice, fuzzy socks. So fuzzy. I… NO! I’m not listening to you.

Target: You know how you bought that lip liner and it’s too dark? Well, Target has what you need. C’mon, I won’t tell your husband. Those fuzzy socks are waiting and if you get that butter, you can start baking.

Me: Well… that would be much more convenient to get everything in one place. But, no. I can’t!

Target. I know how you love to spend time looking through the 30% off rack in the girls section. You’ve found some awesome things for the hummingbird.

Me: I MUST FIGHT THIS! WHERE ARE YOU, WILLPOWER?

Target: Like I said, no pressure. But… the Cadbury mini eggs are now out on the shelves and you can…

Me: Fuck it! I’m going to Target!

2 hours later…

Me: What the hell just happened?

*Wish You Were Here

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Cool Etsy Stuff

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Since I’m already doing 156 things at once, I started doing 157 things by getting more into Etsy. Like that really needed to happen. I pour over fluffy tutus and leg warmers for the hummingbird while I look for anything under the sun. Here are some things I’ve ordered from my recent Etsy obsession.

Mudan Blossoms – They have adorable leg warmers for girls.

Mimi and Lucy – Since I’ve been reading less of my Kindle and more library books, I used it as an excuse to buy these vintage print bookmarks.

Ian’s Cafe – I found THE coolest bookmark of the wicked witch from this place. The witch’s feet stick outside of the book. It’s very cool.

Grey And Green – I started off buying her lotion bar and loved it so much that I went back and ordered the vanilla bean brown sugar scrub and vanilla lip balm which smells amazing. It’s so good that my 6 year-old claimed it for herself.

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10 Things To Do Before Christmas

Funny-Christmas-Pictures-035

10. Battle it out with the tape and wrapping paper.

9. Get a sugar buzz from hot cocoa.

8. Get a buzz from spiked hot chocolate.

7. Curse out the Christmas lights.

6. Cry when hearing your favorite holiday song. Damn you, emotions!

5. Buy enough booze for a small army because family is coming.

4. Decide you want to get a jump start to a healthier lifestyle and don’t make it past dinner because CHRISTMAS COOKIES.

3. Wonder why the hell you’re sending holiday cards to half the people on your card list.

2. Say “I’m never doing this shit again!”

1. Watch Elf.

Happy Holidays!

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It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like…

This year, my husband found that several of our Christmas lights weren’t working. After a few nights of him fixing them with some clicky thingamajig, he wasn’t making much progress. Since I couldn’t stand to hear that clicking thing he would click continuously to replace the bulbs of the lights, I suggested he just get new lights.

But that was way too simple. He said he could fix them so for another week he would be downstairs with that click machine.

Click.

Click.

Click.

Oh my god, it drove me crazy. Clicky click. Motherfucking click. Still, no lights.

And then a miracle happened. After the designated man time that passed by so it wouldn’t seem like he was, GASP, actually listening to me, he finally got new lights.

Men.

The hummingbird mostly decorated the tree herself and had a blast since my guy was still determined to fix the damn lights but finally gave up and then spent a few more days putting up the new lights that actually worked and I’ve been in cleaning mode.

I still wasn’t in the Christmas spirit until my husband stopped fucking with the lights and found the most awesome and inappropriate Christmas decoration, Peeny.

Once Peeny went up on our mantle, my mood lifted. It’s impossible to not get a case of the giggles when I see him above the fireplace. Because I have the humor of a 12 year-old boy.

Here’s to happy holidays and lights that work!

christmas-peeny1

*Natasha Bedingfield

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Orange Pomegranate Fizz With Vodka

photo credit: ecurry

Photo credit: ecurry

I’ve been having a bad luck dinner week and to top it off, had a royal fuck up last night. I made veggie lasagna with a white sauce that I know is delicious but my mind escaped me and I used oven ready noodles. I realized in the middle of making this lasagna that it might be a big mistake but was hoping for the best.

Nope. Nada. I royally fucked up the lasagna with crunchy noodles. So, off my husband went to Domino’s. Okay, it was more like I started whining about how I really messed up dinner and it was totally inedible and oh my god, we’re all starving and it’s too late to make anything else so please, please, PLEASE go to Domino’s.

Since I’ve been spending more time in the kitchen fucking up dinner more than normal, I came up with this drink in between cursing and stomping around the kitchen. Cheers to you!

Orange Pomegranate Fizz

1 oz vodka

1/2 cup orange sparkling water

4 oz pomegranate juice

splash of orange juice

Combine in a glass with ice, stir, and enjoy.

*I Write Sins Not Tragedies

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