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Toddlers are odd but it makes for great entertainment.

By on September 15, 2011 in daughter, mommyhood, the little hummingbird, weird, wha?

                                                            

When it comes to the little hummingbird being a toddler, it can be so amusing by how odd she is. Recently she had this obsession with putting a pair of my clean underwear around her neck and waving this small American flag that we had leftover from the 4th of July while she would run through the house. Don’t even get me started on her fascination with flashlights.

                                                       

Well I’m upper upper class high society…God’s gift to ballroom notoriety…And I always fill my ballroom…The event is never small…The social pages say I’ve got The biggest balls of all…

After my hubby had stolen someone else’s cat out of their own yard and we were in our backyard trying to figure out if it was our missing cat…hold on…hahahahaha….I noticed my daughter was playing with a golf ball.

My husband doesn’t golf and I asked him where she got it from. He said while he was stealing getting the cat, the hummingbird hopped out of her wagon and walked to this family’s porch where she found the golf ball. After she got it in her hot little hands, she refused to give it up.

So, my hubby is a cat napper and my daughter likes to steal someone else’s balls at the tender age of 2. I had to distract her while my germaphobe self washed the golf ball and her hands. The hummingbird would not let go of the golf ball and even *had* to have it when she went to sleep.

You know, there’s a ball joke in here somewhere but seeing as how she’s only 2 years old, I’ll take a pass even though it’s tempting. My hubby and I have said every cheesy ball joke we could think of though.

A few days later she lost the golf ball and it took her forever to go to sleep because she was upset that her new toy “friend” was missing and kept on asking for her ball? ball? The next day my hubby made a run to Target and got a pack of golf balls so we wouldn’t have that situation again.

He also showed me that he bought a 3 pack of tennis balls for her and I reminded him that she wasn’t a puppy even though she might act like it sometimes. I’m sure you can guess what else she has to have in her bed. The other day I noticed that her little pink purse looked more ballsy heehee and when I took a look, I found this:

That same day, she had her Easter basket/purse/hat in her bed and when she got up from her nap, I peeked inside and saw this:

                                                           

Pinch that booty…But watch ya self…Pinch that booty..Show me what you workin with….

Months ago I started this thing with the little hummingbird called pinch the booty…not to be confused with armpits, booty…armpits, booty where I go back and forth and tickle both. Either me or my hubby will say pinch the booty and the other one will act unsuspecting and surprised when she grabs our butt which gets her laughing.

It’s backfired a bit because she’s been pinching the booty when we really do least expect it.

One time when we were at the grocery store and she was getting restless, we started doing it to distract her. She would run back and forth to me and my hubby and do it. At one point when she was headed toward my hubby and he was pretending not to see her approach him, she ran right past him with her hands ready to pinch the booty and was headed for a few other people who were down the aisle.

I thought oh shit and my hubby was still turned around and didn’t see her running by him. I started running after her and then he saw what was going on. Even though we were afraid she was going to grab some strangers butt, we were cracking up. She ended up stopping right by these people and they’re booty’s went untouched.

                                                         

Here comes Santa Claus…Here comes Santa Claus…Right down Santa Claus lane…

I don’t know how this started exactly but within the past few months, the hummingbird developed this obsession with Santa Claus who she calls “Sabby” like Tabby.

She goes crazy when she sees “Sabby” and I even bought her a little stuffed Santa Claus that she loves. My husband also dressed up this little hippo the hummingbird already had in a “Sabby” suit which he actually found at a store and is normally used to dress up wine bottles. Why would someone would want that for a bottle of wine even if it is for a gift for the holiday. Just give me a glass of wine, yo!

My daughter goes crazy over any clothing that has a lot of red in it and will immediately repeat over and over Sabby? Sabby? Whenever she sees older men who have white hair then she thinks they’re Santa Claus and she gets so excited.

I’m betting when the time comes, if we take her to see him for Xmas, she will freak out like she did with the Easter Bunny. Now those were some good times…..Not!

Comments { 4 }

There’s this wheelbarrow guy in our neighborhood who keeps dumping dirt by our house. He’s probably burying body parts which may include Mark Ruffalo’s missing legs.

By on July 26, 2011 in crazazy, get the net, hubby, i know i'm strange, i miss my brain, pictures, this post is brought to you by too much caffeine, weird

Dude, where are my legs?

There’s this guy that my hubby and I have dubbed the “wheelbarrow guy” that has been dumping dirt by our house. I’m not sure exactly where he lives but he walks across the soccer field that’s across the street from our house, walks up our driveway, and dumps the dirt by the woodsy area next to our house.

When my husband first mentioned that he kept on seeing this guy, I feigned interest and said something like oh really, that’s weird which made my husband go into more detail than I wanted to know about the wheelbarrow guy.

Then I told him it’s kinda creepy that you know so much about our neighbors and he was like what’s wrong with knowing this stuff and I told him there’s nothing wrong with it but some of the things you know sounds like your some kind of stalkerish peeping Tom, maybe even a creepy serial killer and he said maybe I am, bwahahaha then I told him I’m not having sex with a serial killer even if said killer happens to be my husband but he still didn’t deny it and I think he’s trying to go for a possible murderous mystique to add some oomph to our sex life but that’s just freaky and while I like freaky, I’m not into serial killer freaky.

Anyway…

Recently, when the hummingbird was having “quiet time” meaning a naptime party in her room, I had just gotten out of the shower. The bathroom window looks out on the side of our house and the blinds were open a little when I saw the guy. It’s not like I want my neighbors to see me buck naked but they had recently moved back to India so as far as I knew, the house was still vacant.

At first I thought he was our new neighbor but then I saw he was walking back across the soccer field and pushing a wheelbarrow. Instead of taking advantage of the glorious free time I had, for the next half hour or so I watched this guy wheel dirt and dump it by our house while wondering what in the hell is this guy doing.

I’m easily entertained and have no life.

After that, me and my hubby made a game out of spotting this wheelbarrow guy, kind of like playing Where’s Waldo, and wherever we would be in the house, whoever spotted him first would yell out it’s the wheelbarrow guy. We would watch the guy from a window and the little hummingbird would look at us as if to say These people are my parents?! For real?!

My husband had the idea that maybe the guy is making a fish pond or something that was logical in his backyard. I had other thoughts. I told him I thought the guy was a serial killer who’s burying bodies by our house.

That’s usually my answer to anyone who seems suspicious. Creepy guy who only buys microwaveable meals at the store; serial killer who has no time to cook. Someone running down the street and isn’t wearing typical running clothes but instead looks like they just spontaneously started running; serial killer or shoplifter making a run for it. Anyone I don’t know who enters my house, be it a repairman, cable guy, etc; serial killer thanks mom for ramming that in my brain.

Because my husband can be just as twisted as me, he said it’s most likely not bodies the wheelbarrow guy is burying by our house because that would be harder to hide. He said the guy was probably chopping up the bodies and burying the parts by our house. Obviously my hubby and I watch way too much Dexter.

We haven’t spotted the wheelbarrow guy in a few weeks so he either got caught and is in jail or finished his serial killer project. I refuse to go over by where he was dumping all of that dirt since I’m afraid there will be a dismembered arm sticking up from the ground.

Here are some completely unnecessary pictures that tell the tale of the serial killer wheelbarrow guy.

Fyi, that’s not police tape around the soccer field, they recently seeded it. Allegedly.

He goes across the field and then crosses the street.

He gets our driveway dirty.

Then he dumps the body parts.

Not only do we have an infestation of damn gophers in our neighborhood, there’s also an abudance of bears and unicorns. The wheelbarrow guy better watch his back.

He’s the king of the wheeeelbarroooowwwwssss!

Comments { 12 }

When you care enough to scare your kid and want to pay for a lifetime of therapy, take them to see the Easter Bunny.

By on April 25, 2011 in creepy, daughter, hubby, mommyhood, pictures, the little hummingbird, weird

In the first 2 years of the hummingbird’s life, we haven’t taken her to see Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny. She’s like me in that she has to hang back and take in a situation first before she gets comfortable so I had a feeling if we took her, she would freak out.

The past few weeks I started thinking I was depriving my little girl of these things and when I saw that the Easter Bunny would be at the mall on Saturday and that the picture would be free, I couldn’t pass it up.

I figured if things went bad but we didn’t have to pay any money then it would still be a win for us. Oh, how wrong I was.

I might be in the minority here but I think it’s kind of odd that people are so willing to throw their kids onto the laps of Santa Claus and The Easter Bunny.

From a kids point of view it would seem terrifying. My daughter has a few stuffed bunnies but then we take her to see a ginormous bunny who’s bigger than her dad and can probably crush his skull in. Cute? I think not.

When someone gets too close to the hummingbird while saying how adorable she is and so much as pats her on the head, I think to myself oh my gawd, I don’t know you and you’re touching my child so back off. If I’m holding her, I start moving around like I have to pee, hoping it will make it more difficult for the person to be all touchy as I’m swinging the hummingbird to the right and left.

But hey, let’s hand my child over to some stranger because they’re dressed up as a bunny. That’s totally normal.

What really creeps me out about the whole bunny business is I have no idea who’s in the costume. For all I know it could be someone who hasn’t quite made the transition to full zombie status and they’re in the middle of a pre-zombie tweak out.

Worse yet, it could be Charlie Sheen, although I have no idea what he would be doing in a small city in Northern California dressed as a bunny come to think of it, dressing up as a bunny would be tame for him and I’m pretty sure there aren’t an abundance of hookers where I live but I could be wrong since I’m not privy when it comes to all things hooker-ish hooker-y?.

Sorry, didn’t mean to offend. I meant to say ”high-class call girls” because everyone knows they’re more classy than hookers. *snort* After all, they have “class” in their name. *double snort*

So against my better judgment will I ever learn? we took her to see the Easter Bunny. We were running late because of me and got to the mall about 20 minutes before the bunny was going to hop off.

While we were waiting in line, I didn’t see any other kids freak out so I started to think maybe my daughter would be okay with this after all. I also think my hairdresser left the bleach on my hair a little too long the last time I saw her and the fumes must have gotten to me.

I always imagine the people who dress up in these costumes go to some bar later I know I would after spending a day with an endless amount of kids and relay their tales of the worst kids they had to deal with. My little girl was most likely on that list.

The little hummingbird’s reaction was pretty much what I expected:

She started kicking her little legs and screaming while my husband was handing her over and I’m sure Charlie Sheen the guy has bruises all over and is temporarily deaf. What you can’t see is my hubby crouching down beside the hummingbird, trying to hold her legs still.

After we scarred her for life, we let her play over by her favorite fountain at the mall and all was well again I should just photoshop the Easter Bunny into the picture below:
Once she was calm and happy, we started walking back to the car and came across a person dressed up as a bunny in front of some store while passing out gift cards. The little hummingbird was like screw this bunny stuff, freaked out again, and we quickly walked by. Now, if we even mention Easter and Bunny in the same sentence she starts to whimper.

It’s safe to say we won’t be seeing the Easter Bunny for a very long time.

Comments { 17 }

Writing, Ruffalo, and a crazy woman talking to herself. That woman isn’t me…yes it is…no it isn’t.

By on February 28, 2011 in crazazy, hubby, mom, mommyhood, my little girl, weird

I haven’t been posting as much as I used to but I hope to get back to it very soon. I’m currently writing a post about wanting to strangle my husband. I smell some kind of writing award with that one. heh. The little hummingbird has been on strike when it comes to going to bed and taking naps and those are the times when I get the chance to write.

She was doing so well when going to bed but like everything else that goes along with mommyhood, as soon as my husband and I got used to it, she decided to switch it up. Now it’s such a battle and sometimes she won’t settle down until 9:30 pm. By that time, I’m exhausted and just want to crawl in bed with my Kindle and read.

I’ve also been having migraine after migraine for the past 3 weeks and that has put a huge damper on my blog. I have so many things I want to write about so I’m just itching to get back to posting more often. After nearly 2 years, I’m finally starting to get into the swing of things and managing my time better when it comes to my sweet little dictator daughter and I hope that helps in finding the time to write.

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If you’ve been reading my blog you know I totally lust after Mark Ruffalo and while I wasn’t really surprised that he didn’t win an Oscar last night, I was kinda bummed *snort* because damn, what a hottie. Oh, and I think he’s a great actor too blah blah blah. Last fall, around daylight savings time, I was going a little batty because it really threw off my daughter’s schedule so I got very little sleep while she adjusted and I wrote an ode to Mr. Ruffalo here.

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Yesterday we went for a quick trip to CVS so I could stock up on some Oscar essentials like Red Vines and while we were checking out, there was a lady behind us having a conversation on her cell and talking really loud. People like that drive me crazy and the first time I looked back at her, under the guise that I was talking to my daughter, I noticed she didn’t have a cell phone.

Then I looked back again, while using my baby girl so it wouldn’t be obvious that I was staring at this lady, thinking she must have a blue tooth. Nope. I looked back a few more times only I pretended to be really fascinated by the Easter candy display. Like I really have to pretend. Bring on the Cadbury creme eggs! There wasn’t a cell phone or a blue tooth in sight. This lady was having a conversation with herself.

I nudged my husband, who was holding the little hummingbird, forward because hello, crazy woman talking to herself is right behind us. Even the cashier started to nervously laugh. After we got our bag I tried to get my hubby to speed it up but he wanted to hang near the entrance and point the birds out to our little girl. I was like “seriously, we just need to go”. He asked why. My reply, say it with me now, there’s a crazy woman talking to herself!

Then I told him I don’t want to be around if she starts going crazy in the parking lot. He thought that would be cool (believe it or not, this isn’t why I want to strangle him) but I said I don’t want her anywhere near the little hummingbird. I wish I could remember what the crazy woman was talking about.

What she was saying actually made some sense and it wasn’t as bad as when I lived in Seattle and would deal with the crazies on the back of the bus who would talk about things like potato salad. There was a certain someone who came to visit me and I told this certain someone “Whatever you do, don’t talk to the people on the back of the bus” but that certain someone wouldn’t listen and had a long and VERY memorable conversation about how to make potato salad with a guy that was certifiable. I’m so looking at you right now mom!

Comments { 8 }