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I’m Not Really Sure What I’m Trying To Say Or If I Even Have A Point So, I Guess It’s Like Anything Else I Write On Here

Obviously, I haven’t been as dedicated to my blog in the last year as I was for the first 4 years. And I’ve been trying to figure out why because I really miss it. I’m still writing but not on here very often. But the other week it hit me. It’s self-doubt, among some other things.

Yes, I may sound like a whiny bitch but when I came across some things last summer about people doubting I was ever pregnant with my son that I lost last year or if I’m even a mom at all what the fuckity fuck?!, that just put a bad taste in my mouth when it comes to writing on my blog and over sharing. I just felt like “fuck this”. I know I’m way too sensitive but it’s hard to accept that there are people like that out there. If I read something I don’t like on a blog, I move on and don’t rip that person to shreds. Especially since there are a billion other blogs to read.

No, not everyone has to love me or what I write but damn, I openly share these things about myself because not only do I feel better when I’m so open… it’s kind of like therapy, I know what it feels like to think you’re the only person out there who’s going through depression, anxiety, the what the fucks of parenting and motherhood, and figuring out what the hell is up with this husband guy I live with and his never ending snoring and grinding of his teeth and lack of talking or talking too much when I have that special one night a year to enjoy The Oscars and the butthead talks all the way through the ceremony and I want to punch him in the balls. Really, hubby? Really? You rarely talk as it is but talk nonstop the one time of year when I’d prefer your usual silence??

So, yeah. I used to think my blog was a safe haven in a way but since last year, I worry about anything I may write and what may possibly be picked apart elsewhere.

But I know I should say fuck it. This type of thing comes along with the territory although knowing there’s a site out there specifically to rip apart women bloggers is unsettling.

The grief I’ve been experiencing more and more from the loss of Ben has also had such an effect on my desire to write. His first birthday would have been June 4th and the closer that date comes, the harder it is to get my ass out of bed and somehow function as best as I can.

We also recently found out that while we have one more year in Maine, the owners are coming back this summer and we have just a few months to find a house, pack, and move by July. And since my husband will be retiring from the Navy next summer, we then have to move again to what we hope will be our permanent home somewhere on the west coast.

I’ve logged into my blog many times to write about each of these things but since knowing that whatever I write may be put under a microscope by others and judged, it sucks. And to be blunt, it’s very hurtful.

But then I think there may still be those who actually read what I write because they like it. At least I hope they do. And that’s exactly who I should put my focus on.

It’s so true how you can have people say 10 positive things about you but it’s the one negative thing that will be what sticks out in your mind.

I need to stop thinking about those who will always have negative things to say or may hate read my blog.

I need to go back to writing the way I used to. Writing without having all of this self-doubt about how others will perceive it.

Fun little fact… I took an Ambien an hour ago so if this doesn’t make a smidgen of sense, there you go!

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Blog Love: Caitlin, etc., A Good Enough Mother, But Alas, I Digress, And The Simple Hive

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For Blog Love this time around, I wanted to hear from you and tell me about a site you have. Thank you Caitlin, Alison, and Sherry for sharing your blogs. I always love discovering new ones and sharing them with others. If you want some blog love, please don’t hesitate to let me know by emailing me at Let me know the name of your blog and the link, a brief description, and if desired, links to some of your favorite posts that you’ve written. xoxo

Caitlin, etc.: I write about life, anxiety, and my many adventures with my husband, baby daughter and dog. I also touch on awkwardness, fear of social interaction, and the hobbies I somehow fit into life with a baby.

A Good Enough Mother: This is my mom blog, where I write about everything having to do with the screaming little demon that completely upended my life nigh on 8 months ago. I tend to focus on the harder stuff–postpartum depression, anxiety, terror, colic–but I try to touch on the happy, ooey gooey things sometimes too.

But Alas, I Digress:  I want more people to comment so I can go check out their blogs too! I talk about sewing and craft projects, recipes, and general life. It’s often a little sparse but I try to post at least every month.

The Simple Hive: I share ways in which we deal with homeschooling, multiple food allergies, an insane DIY addiction and the goal of living well, all without losing our minds. Sherry also has an Etsy shop: Simple Hive.

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Blog Love: Katkinslee, Life, Motherhood, And The Pursuit Of Happiness, And The Places You Will Go

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I’m still stuck with some plague from hell. I finally went to the doctor last week and found I have a raging sinus infection on top of a cold so I was prescribed antibiotics. But, I had a nasty reaction to them and was prescribed something different a few days ago. Blech. I am so over feeling like this. The hummingbird hasn’t been feeling very good… again. It seems like we keep passing this cold back and forth.

I never knew just how germy Kindergarten was until the little bird started school last month. I thought we were out of the woods now that she wasn’t in preschool anymore. Ha!

I wrote a little poem on my blog Facebook page about having a cold while having kids to care for. Ready? Ready!

Kill me. Kill me. Omfg, kill me now!

Just fucking kill me.


I also decided to go back to school. Eeeek! My night classes started a few weeks ago. I’ve only been to 2 of the classes because of this crappy, crappy cold and sinus yuckiness. Here that? It’s me hyperventilating and panicking over all the studying and homework I need to catch up with. *deep breath* I’ll write more about that later.

In the mean time, here’s blog love for some lovely ladies.

KatkinsleeSTAY CALM!!Cats In Wigs, SURPRISE!!!!, and My Top 5 Most Annoying Book Characters. Twitter: Katkinslee

Life, Motherhood, And The Pursuit Of HappinessThe Great Pizza Meltdown Of 2014, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star… I Really Don’t Care What You Are, 25 Reasons Why I’m Not Cut Out For The Workforce, and An Ordinary Duck.

The Places You Will Go4 Year-olds, It Is Permanent, Maid Or Wife?, and Mother Vs Daughter.

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Blog Love: Rubber Shoes In Hell, Stay At Home Pundit, My Life Suckers, and Temerity Jane.

bloglove1Check out these great blogs and pass on the love!

Rubber Shoes In Hell: Emergency Bags And Leaky Data, Do NOT Touch My Boobs, and Unpleasant Sayings That Apply. Twitter: @RageMichelle

Stay At Home Pundit: A Manifesto On Fucking, Why I Think Transphobia Is Stupid, and Kirk Cameron Is A Bigot. Yeah, I Said It. Twitter: @AtHomePundit

My Life Suckers: Love her blog and Deva is also a contributor for What The Flicka?.: Real Mom Makeup Tutorial (freaking hilarious and relatable), Bedtime (“Timber” Mom Parody), Boob Torture Device AKA The Breast Pump, and The Big Poop Plane Delay. Twitter: @mylifesuckers

Temerity Jane: Love her tagline… It Is Way Better To Be Me Than To Be Someone Who Has To Deal With MeI’m Sorry I Blamed You, Purple Laces, CRAPMAGNET, and Please Don’t Sic Your Flight Attendants On Me And Parenty Rectangles. Twitter: @TemerityJane

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Group blog.

I’d like to try a blog with several contributors (again). Not really sure about the direction yet or a name. Suggestions are very welcome.

If you’d be interested in contributing (once a week, perhaps, even once a month) whether you have a blog or just like writing, photography, cooking, crafting, painting and illustration, music, creative writing and short stories, fashion, book reviews, movie reviews, etc.

Also, let me know what you’d be interested in writing about. It can be anything and everything. It will be a free gig. Moms and dads are welcome as well as those who aren’t parents. The approach to the site will be laid back and collaborative.

The last time I attempted one… it ummm, honestly was a disaster and mistakes were made. Too many cooks in the kitchen, so to speak. I want this to be fun and a great experience for all.

All involved would have a say — though I learned the hard way that there does needs to be someone who takes everyone’s opinion at heart and makes the ultimate decision.

You would be in control of your content. I do not censor or edit anyone as it’s, I feel, not my right.

We will absolutely be in this together. Even if you’ve never blogged, if you want to get your feelings out in the open, this will be the place. We can also set it up for you to be anonymous… if that makes you more comfortable.

Email me with the subject title ‘group blog’ at


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Yes, Mommie Dearest.

Hi, remember me?

I’ve been sick the past couple weeks and the rest of the house came down with this plague. We’re finally feeling better. Yay! I better start writing again or my mom is going to get me. hehe

She sent me this email:


Yes, Mommie Dearest.

*The Neighbourhood

*Make sure to check out The Anonymous Parent. If you’d like to share a story and remain completely anonymous, email

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The Anonymous Parent

On January 14, I plan to start a website called The Anonymous Parent. I know there is plenty we would like to say on our own blogs or in our lives but worry about the reaction we may get. That’s exactly what this site is for.

It’s anonymous and confidential and you can write whatever you’d like.

It’s not about judgement but support and understanding.

Whether it’s rants about your spouse, a secret you want to divulge, joyful moments, bad parenting moments, creative writing that has never seen the light of day, or anything else you’d like to reveal about yourself or get off your chest… except you’ll be blissfully anonymous.

I’m not sure how the site will go, rather if there will be any interest, but I hope there will be.

To submit your anonymous stories, email

Happy writing!

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