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Group blog.

I’d like to try a blog with several contributors (again). Not really sure about the direction yet or a name. Suggestions are very welcome.

If you’d be interested in contributing (once a week, perhaps, even once a month) whether you have a blog or just like writing, photography, cooking, crafting, painting and illustration, music, creative writing and short stories, fashion, book reviews, movie reviews, etc.

Also, let me know what you’d be interested in writing about. It can be anything and everything. It will be a free gig. Moms and dads are welcome as well as those who aren’t parents. The approach to the site will be laid back and collaborative.

The last time I attempted one… it ummm, honestly was a disaster and mistakes were made. Too many cooks in the kitchen, so to speak. I want this to be fun and a great experience for all.

All involved would have a say — though I learned the hard way that there does needs to be someone who takes everyone’s opinion at heart and makes the ultimate decision.

You would be in control of your content. I do not censor or edit anyone as it’s, I feel, not my right.

We will absolutely be in this together. Even if you’ve never blogged, if you want to get your feelings out in the open, this will be the place. We can also set it up for you to be anonymous… if that makes you more comfortable.

Email me with the subject title ‘group blog’ at elle.mommyhood@gmail.com

xoxo

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Yes, Mommie Dearest.

Hi, remember me?

I’ve been sick the past couple weeks and the rest of the house came down with this plague. We’re finally feeling better. Yay! I better start writing again or my mom is going to get me. hehe

She sent me this email:

mom1

Yes, Mommie Dearest.

*The Neighbourhood

*Make sure to check out The Anonymous Parent. If you’d like to share a story and remain completely anonymous, email theanonparent@gmail.com.

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The Anonymous Parent

On January 14, I plan to start a website called The Anonymous Parent. I know there is plenty we would like to say on our own blogs or in our lives but worry about the reaction we may get. That’s exactly what this site is for.

It’s anonymous and confidential and you can write whatever you’d like.

It’s not about judgement but support and understanding.

Whether it’s rants about your spouse, a secret you want to divulge, joyful moments, bad parenting moments, creative writing that has never seen the light of day, or anything else you’d like to reveal about yourself or get off your chest… except you’ll be blissfully anonymous.

I’m not sure how the site will go, rather if there will be any interest, but I hope there will be.

To submit your anonymous stories, email theanonparent@gmail.com.

Happy writing!

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What The Flicka Wrap Up

icecream-1new

I’ve really been sucking at writing lately but I’m getting back in the habit again. If I don’t write, then my pregnancy brain gets even worse so I’ll get back to it next week.

In case you missed me on What The Flicka? 

 Cinnamon Face Mask For Acne

Green It Yourself Stain Remover

DIY Powder Dishwasher Detergent

Blueberry Pie Face Mask

Citrus Infused Vinegar Cleaning Solution

Lactose-Free Chocolate Chip Peanut Butter Ice Cream

Being Almost 40 And Pregnant Isn’t So Bad (%#&$ This @*%^) - Crystal from MommiFried wrote this and I can so relate. She’s also an author to The Mother Of All Meltdowns that is a really great read.

*Brave

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Guest Post: Let’s Talk About Sex

This guest post comes from the wonderful and very sweet, Karen, who blogs at The Heart’s Inner Workings. You can also find her on Twitter @KarenPilarski. Make sure to give her some blog love! xx

~~~~~~~~~~

Boys will be boys who sniff their armpits to evaluate if a shower is in order. Dudes who put empty milk carton back in the fridge. For kicks they kill ants with a magnifying glass. Over time these boys grow into young men on the verge of adulthood. They are no longer interested in Star Wars figures or watching Disney flicks. Having lived my whole life as a girl I may not be totally educated on what is a boy. I do know the difference between a boy and a man.

I comprehend the curiosity about sex. Everyone can recall the first time those thoughts started to bang around in brains. The naked statue in the art store resulted in pointing and giggling. An older kid using a sexual term sends a jolt to boy’s innocence.

My brothers as youngsters would huddle in a corner of the local library and peruse at that book called ‘the joy of sex.’ Do we as parents spend too much time worrying about girls and their body and self esteem issues? Are boys being neglected? Pornography gives an unrealistic idea to boys as to what sex is. Am I an expert? No! To be candid, I can still count the number of people I have been around the block with on one hand. As a woman, I feel compelled to give an education lesson to these poor misguided young boys.

1. Sex isn’t really that random- In these adult movies, the scenario is usually the same. Some mailman, doctor, manager, flight attendant, etc  are chilling out when some busty and frisky chick happens on by. Usually there is little conversation that doesn’t involve obscenities. Funky, cheesy music starts playing and it is ON. Realistically it takes more than a smile and a hunky guy to get women in the mood. I certainly don’t reward my mailman in that fashion! While there is something called instant attraction, it takes more conversation to make it all the way. Women adore a guy that makes her laugh and wants to know about her. Like for starters her name.

2. Sex isn’t always earth shattering- Elaine from Seinfeld said it best “fake, fake ,fake.” I’m sorry to crush the notion that women climax during every time she has intercourse. Honestly, it takes understanding each other’s bodies and asking questions as to what feels good. All women ‘fake it’ at one point or another. It is about time management. We have things to do and places to be. We have to get up early in the morning. I’d put money on it that Crystal Glass (the name I made up), the blonde nurse in the adult movies, is faking. As a serious ‘actress’ she probably tired of screaming the oh’s and oh my gods.

3. Women are not contortionists- Some women who have been in the ‘business’ a long time are very uh..bendy. They appear to love having their body manipulated like that. Truth be told, the women probably don’t like it (see number 2). While it is fun to be open to new things, and healthy to experiment, women know what they will not do. No matter how much a man begs. Unless women are similar to Gumby, who is green and has a horse name pokey (insert obvious joke). I don’t predict scenes from adult movies being tried out. Sorry fellas.

I’m not trying to make the male species feel bad about pornography. It can be a good way to spice up a relationship or get through a lonely period. I just want young men to realize what they see in adult films or on regular films is not realistic. How would they feel if women held men to those standards? We as women know not every man is hot and well endowed. It takes getting to know someone to feel a spark of interest. What one person labels as not good looking is good looking to someone else. Love and sex takes time. Knowing this and respecting women is what makes a boy transform into a man.

*Pomplamoose

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Total Recall: Stone Cold Crazy Edition

Why, hello there! HOW YOU DOIN’?

I’ve had issues with a piece of trash who has way too much time on their hands so I’ve been MIA this week.

Anyway, it’s such a waste to even write about this person… moving along! lol

Last night I was looking at some of my old posts, holy hell, talk about embarrassing, and decided to put some up here since I don’t have anything written right now. It’s just a little mix of my crazy. I hope at least one of them brings a smile to your face. xoxo

This Is Why You Shouldn’t Try To Pick Your Brain

All I Wanted Was A Pedicure

Behold, The Most Awesome Christmas Decoration. More Like An Xmas Decoration

Guns N’ Roses And My Peanut Butter Covered Autograph

The Oldest

Oh Shit!

Best. Picture. Ever.

The Lady Who Yelled On The Movie Set. I Totally Want Her Job

Things I Never Thought I’d Say As A Mom

Toddler PMS

This Is 40!

When Your Kid Won’t Go To Bed And You Just Want To Grab A Bottle Of Tequila And Lock Yourself In The Bathroom To Muffle Their Tantrumy Screams

When You Wish Upon A Star… And It’s Stuck… Up Where?!

It’s Chuy!

My Husband Likes To Steal Other People’s Cats In His Spare Time

Sit On My Face

When Husbands Annoy But You Can’t Strangle Them Because Of Dumb Laws

How Does Somebody Get A Papercut On Their Eyelid? I Can… ‘Cause I’m A Blonde, Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

What I Didn’t Expect After Expecting

I’m Just A Kid Who’s Four. Each Day I Whine Some More. I Torture Parents. I’m Caillou

Bill The Squirrel Vs. Caillou

An Ode To Captcha

My In-Laws Are Coming And I’ve already Reserved A Spot For Myself In The Psych Ward Just In Case

Who You Trying To Get Crazy With, Ese? Don’t You Know I’m Loco… Insane In The Maine Brain

I Would Do Anything For Love, But I Won’t Do That

Banging My Head Against A Spike Would Be More Fun

*Queen

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What I’ve learned from blogging. Thanks to Becky, I learned that I’m a selfish c*nt and my readers are hillbilly alcoholic mothers. Well then, Becky, I guess I’m doing something right!

blogging1July 2nd will be my 3 year “blogoversary” and I can’t believe it’s been that long. It’s probably the stress of our upcoming move in 2 weeks but I’ve been feeling burned out and thought seriously about pulling the plug a few times. Not just 0n this blog but with writing all together.

But fuck that. I love you people too much. And I sincerely thank you for reading all of my rambling. Hopefully this writing funk will pass soon. Plus I have some guest bloggers coming up which will help me take a little time off.

There’s still an invitation to guest post if you’d like. Any topic, blog or no blog. Email me at elle.mommyhood@gmail.com

Okay, let’s see what I’ve learned since I started blogging.

1. No matter what you write, people will be assholes. It would be nice if they followed Honest Mom’s advice. But they usually don’t.

2. I will never be a popular blogger. But considering the pricks and trolls (see above) you get when you get a crazy amount of people coming to your blog, just to be a dick, that is totally fine by me.

3. Write whatever the hell you want. People either don’t know this or never believe me but I am so, so painfully shy in real life and pretty quiet… until you get to know me. So, my blog is where I write about all the things I’ve been wanting to say but haven’t been able to in my real life.

4. If you’re writing and stop yourself, not sure you should say something, write it anyway. Whatever you do, DO NOT hold back.

5. If you want to remain anonymous and not worry about what others think, don’t tell anyone (well, maybe with the exception of your spouse) in your real life that you have a blog. I made that mistake.

6. Don’t worry about your blog stats. Easier said than done, I know. It can take time for them to go up.

7. You need to have patience for your blog to get off the ground. If you write it, they will come.

8. Reply to comments. I have really been sucking at that. It counts if I do it telepathically though, right? It also has to do with my shyness. I feel like I’ll be such a dork in my replies.

9. Most of the time, I still have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to blogging.

10. When I write, I do it like I would be talking to my best friend. So, I don’t hold back and may give way too much info.

Yeah, so this may not be much help but even after all this time, I’m still trying to figure this blogging thing out.

~~~~~~~~~~

On Wednesday, I received the lovely comment below on the post, My Husband Likes To Steal Other People’s Cats In His Spare Time, which I wrote almost 2 years ago. While it’s nice to get a steady stream of traffic to your blog, it also comes with more idiots. But I had a pretty good laugh over it. I wanted to ask her if her parents knew she was using the computer unsupervised and to stay in school. But I went with something else.

Becky June 19, 2013 at 08:40

This is stupid… And it’s a Terrible story you steal someone’s cat and keep it and joke about stealing it? If you ever stole my cat you would be wishing you don’t get messed up more then you deserve and for all your friend commenters your also a retard for finding this funny. She said she didn’t return it because her (obviously retarded husband) said they change markings… This thread is disgusting poorly written with clique sassy one liners who only hillbilly alcoholic mothers would find funny. You should be ashamed of your self you selfish cunt.

Elle June 19, 2013 at 14:21 

A troll with no life called me a selfish cunt and my blog readers hillbilly alcoholic mothers?!

Best Compliment Ever!!

UPDATED to add: Becky LOVES hillbillies. I think she misses her home at Dogpatch. Also, Becky, it’s not “your”, it’s you’re”. She really needs to learn what a comma is too.

Becky June 21, 2013 at 10:54 

Yup, someone as fucked up as you and your family sounds, would find that a suitable compliment. I’m sure you have been called worse. I actually feel bad for your children (if your used up womb could even hold a child) for having two retarded parents who steals cats and brag about it on the internet.That’s animal abuse, trespassing, theft and just plain morally wrong. But since it sounds like your a red neck with the IQ of a fruit fly, I guess I can’t really blame you. Like I said this was a poorly written blog anyone who would find this garbage funny must be a hillbilly alcoholic. Either that or are just deranged idiots. Oh and your husband really must be a retard. lol

*Aaliyah

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