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I Don’t Know How Jake Tapper Doesn’t Rage Against These Dumbfucks

As much as I try not to watch the news, Jake Tapper from CNN calls to me from time to time. I know his urge to rage against some of his guests must be strong… Rage Against The Machine, Jake… but he holds it together much better than I ever would expect.

Take for example his guest Ted Crockett.

Poor, stupid, dumbfuck Ted. This guy doesn’t have a fucking clue.

Mr. Ted Crockett made me want to throw heavy objects at my television screen when I saw this.

The ignorance and stupidity is mind blowing.

For one, he’s defending Roy Moore, who thankfully was the loser for the Alabama Senate seat and a sexual predator. A disgusting fucker who people actually defended because he’s such a “Christian” man.

Yep, sure. He’s such a religious man that he likes to pick up children and young girls. Because that’s in the bible under thou shall be a pervert to young children.

This whole thing was so fucking disgusting.

Yes, I’m so fucking angry by these so called evangelical “Christians” and their hatred for people of different backgrounds and religions.

I know not every christian is like this but it’s people like simple Ted Crockett that makes me rage.

But, my news crush, Jake Tapper, puts this dumbass in his place.

The slow blink from this guy at around the 3:03 mark is priceless.

Thank you, Jake Tapper.

Thank you!

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I Had No Idea A Toothbrush Like This Existed. It’s Like One Step Away From Cleaning My House Except The Asshole Who Designed It Forgot To Program That Option.

My husband brought home an electronic toothbrush which I imagine however much he paid, it would be able to feed an entire village of people.

I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. The hubby has been having issues with his teeth…. something about pockets and how the dentist just can’t deep clean his teeth in the proper way.

My husband’s teeth are being very difficult, so his teeth get this toothbrush that blows my mind.

I recently got a new car after having my old one for many years so I wasn’t used to all this high tech techi-ness that are in newer cars.

When we went to look for cars, the salesman would go on and on about the cool features and I was just standing there wondering if the turn signal and brake pedal is in the same spot. That’s all I give a shit about. This car has a back up camera, uh, and, uh, a lot of other shit that I don’t even understand.

When did I get so old?!

I do love the camera. That’s what really made me love this SUV but, I’m also impressed with the car radio volume control button that’s on the steering wheel.

Obviously, it doesn’t take much to make me happy.

I feel like a fucking rock star when I’m blasting the radio and can just press the mute button because Eddie Vedder is pissed about something and I can’t concentrate when he’s so angry and when I’m making a left hand hand turn on an unprotected light.

“Clearly I remember picking on the boy, seemed a harmless, little fuck. But, we unleashed a lion”…. MUTE.

UNMUTE… “King Jeremy the wicked, ruled the world. Jeremy spoke in class today.”

I love my car!

But, meanwhile… my husband’s toothbrush actually has an app and a phone holder that he stuck on the mirror.

Seriously, when did brushing teeth get so complicated?

There my husband is, brushing his teeth night after night playing with his app and synching his phone with his super fancy toothbrush.

If they can make a toothbrush this fantastical, it should be able to clean my house, damn it!

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Adventures In Driving

My mom is staying with us for the summer and it’s the best thing ever. There’s a chance my in-laws might also visit during the summer and it will be so nice to have an ally around for that visit.

There are tourists flocking to our area and it has made driving more frustrating than usual. The road that’s the cross street by our house is so congested as it is but during the summer, holy hell. And, I hate driving anyways. It’s always made me so tense and stressed.

My mom and I were coming back from the store because oh my fucking god, no matter how much I plan, I go to the store at least three times a week for shit I forgot, even though I always… well I mostly have a list.

Anyway, there was an older woman ahead of us doing at least five under the speed limit.

A mild annoyance but oh, well.

Then, this woman started to put on her brakes.

Okay.

A normal thing to do.

But, she then came to a complete fucking stop on the two lane road.

What the fucking fuck?

I looked at my mom and said am I just crazy or is this woman turning really fucking slow?

She’s turning really fucking slow, my mom replied.

This woman came to a complete stop on our two lane road that goes by our house and she just fucking stops.

Who dropped the acid in my water?

What the hell, lady?

Can you turn any slower?

Yes. Yes, she can.

And with that, she made the slowest left hand turn in the entire history of left hand turns.

When she was finally far enough out of my way, I hit the gas and looked back in my rearview mirror.

And what did I see?

This lady was still in the process of completing her turn into the golf course entrance.

I just don’t get the way people drive anymore. Common courtesy has blown to the winds. People drive like they’re the only people on the road.

Yes, I’m bitching about drivers because I’m officially old. Next week I’ll have a post entirely centered around the price that things where when I was a kid.

Okay, no, I won’t.

Or will I?

Hmmmm.

What’s your driving pet peeve or an annoyance you’ve had lately with driving?

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#Blessed

Something has been on my mind for quite a while that I just have to get out in the open.

No, it’s not that Trump is a disgusting, vile pig who needs to be grabbed by the pussy because he’s a chicken shit and coward for not attending the White House Correspondent’s Dinner, although yes, that was something I’ve been thinking about. No offense to chicken shit or pussies.

What I want to get out in the open is that I can’t take one more person being “#blessed” on their Facebook status.

Don’t get me wrong. If you feel that way, great for you.

It’s the insane overuse of the word that annoys me. An example of the use, which I’m totally pulling out of my ass…

Facebook Status:

‘I bought a frozen lemonade at Panera and it was delicious. #lemonade #blessed’

2k likes

55 comments

Really?

It’s a fucking lemonade. Chill the fuck out.

And, seriously. You have that many likes?

I share a video of a cat eating watermelon in a funny hat while dressed up as Princess Leia with a functioning light saber, but it only gets 2 likes.

What is up with that?!

Ahem, anyway… I get the use of the word with the birth of a child or somebody recovering from surgery, etc. But, to use it all the fucking time? What happened to words like ‘thankful’ or ‘happy’?

Nope, it’s not good enough, apparently.

Facebook Status:

‘I’m so #blessed that there was a hidden tampon in my purse when I thought I was out.’

Okay, actually finding a tampon that I didn’t think I had when I’m bleeding to death at that time of the month is a blessing because I don’t want to put pants on, drive to the store, walk, get stuck behind the slowest fucking person in the whole goddamn universe, walk back to my car, and drive home. I don’t want to deal with people when I’m on my period.

Oops, my mistake.

The desire to not have to deal with people is something I want on a daily basis.

So, can you tell by my bitchiness that I’m currently on my period, would kill for a Snickers bar, and found a surprise and unopened box of tampons in a bathroom cabinet earlier?

#blessed

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The Wall

Things have been quickly going to hell in a hand basket so instead of ranting, I’ll leave you with this, as well as a great post by Tas from Not My Year Off about the Muslim ban.

Okay, I will say more. It’s crushing to see people not only support the Muslim ban and the wall, but to also say the protests are laughable and pointless. So, with that thought process, people like Martin Luther King Jr. should have just stayed home instead of fighting for the rights of people under horrible oppression with marches and rallies.

It’s disconcerting that these people have so much hate in their heart.

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Presidential Memorandum Regarding Santa Claus

It hasn’t even been a week and the actions that Donald Trump has taken has been, well, worse than I thought they would be and scary as fuck.

My 7 year-old heard me talking about “The Wall”. No, not Pink Floyd’s “The Wall”, Trump’s “The Wall”. The hummingbird asked how high “The Wall” would be because she wouldn’t want a wall to block Santa Claus. She was concerned that kids all over the world wouldn’t get presents if they separated us.

Out of the mouths of babes.

I was sitting there later on watching Anderson Cooper and feeling like I’m in some Twilight Zone episode while they talked about “The Wall”. I’ve been so full of anxiety all week and bitching about Trump to my husband and feeling so stressed.

Leave it to him to make me feel better. While I was glued to the news (which I really, really need to turn off), my husband had a little surprise for me. He wrote an executive order that Trump would probably, no, forget probably. It’s something he would absolutely do.

I laugh about this now but who knows if there will be something even more insane Donald Trump pulls than banning Santa Claus.

You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch.

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Last Night, I Woke Up From A Nightmare About Donald Trump Being Elected President. Oh, Wait…

A few posts ago when I posted about being in disbelief over Trump becoming the president-elect, I received some Pro-Trump comments. I didn’t publish them because I want to piss off any fucking idiot who supports him.

It doesn’t matter who you voted for. The fact is, he’s full of hate. He spews hate and it’s disgusting.

I feel like we are turning into that movie, Idiocracy. I blame the idolization of the Kartrashians. And, my in-laws. I enjoy blaming my in-laws for everything just because.

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