Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Recuperating and Loopy.

It’s that time again for Fadra’s Stream of Consciousness Sunday. I have 5 minutes to write and have to post this without proofreading or spellchecking. And go!

#SOCsundayI had my surgery on Tuesdsay and everything went well. The pain was a lot worse than I expected though. I hope some miracle happens by tomorrow because that’s when my husband goes back to work and I still don’t feel well enough to take care of a 21 month old who seems like she ate a bag of coffee beans and drank a case of red bull.

This week consisted of laying on my bum, watching movies, catching up with celeb gossib, and reading. I watched one of my current favorite movies, Julie & Julia, The Perfect Getaway with hottie Timothy Olyphant, and The Hole which despite the title, isn’t a porn. I’m also reading several books.

When I was younger and had all the time in the world, I would only read one book at a time but now I’m balancing a handful of books. I’ve been reading Stephen King’s latest, Full Dark, No Stars and I can’t say enough good things about this book. It’s amazing! It brings me hope that the literary world hasn’t completely gone mto crack after I heard Snooki actually published a book.

I’m reading a book about Julia Child and one about Marilyn Monroe but can’t think of the titles. I’m a Little house fan so I’m also reading Melissa Gilbert’s Prairie Life. There are a few others but the clock is ticking.

I couldn’t believe a few days ago when it was announced that Jesse James was engaged to Kat Von D. Then I read his statement, saying that 2010 was actually a great year because he met his best friend and she’s such an amazing person. Barf. I swear he said something similar when he was with Sandra Bullock.

I love Sandra and know she isn’t perfect, nobody is, but I don’t get what she saw in such a piece of trash (this is what happens when I’m stuck in bed reading TMZ  most of the week, hehe). I’m just amazed how some of these celebrities can go from one person to another so fast.

Crap, I know there was something else but times about to run out. Beep!

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Did someone say housekeeping…in the buff?

Since I haven’t been feeling well for quite awhile, my house is a wreck. Who am I kidding? Even if I was feeling okay, it would still be a wreck but it probably wouldn’t be teetering into Hoarders territory.

We’ve recently seen our cat so we know she’s not trapped under garbage….or worse. I’ve never been able to watch more than 10 minutes of Hoarders because by then my stomach is doing flip-flops and I’ll start getting nauseous.

I don’t get why these people have such a hard time throwing their crap out. By the way, I’m saying this as I stare across the bedroom, looking at a box our Christmas cards came in that I still haven’t got around to recycling and a moving box I have yet to unpack (okay, two). Pot meet kettle.

Since it was my birthday a few weeks ago, I just had surgery, and it would take us forever to clean our way out of our messy house, my hubby decided to treat me and he hired a maid to come on Monday.

Flashback to a week earlier. He was looking through the ads online for a maid and he came across one in particular. You may wonder how he could come across an ad like this but I was really stressed out and he knew I needed a laugh. Aaand he’s a weirdo but at least he’s my weirdo.

I was in the other room and he called me into the office saying he found the perfect housekeeper. When I sat down to read the ad, I was expecting something normal and this is what I read:

Nude Male House Cleaning

I’m 21 years old, handsome, impressively hung and I want to clean the home of a woman, man or couple fully nude, serve dinner to your guests, pour their wine. You and your guests are welcome to slap my ass as I bend over to wipe down the surfaces, wash your dishes, do your laundry or pick up some clutter on the floor. If you have any questions about my rates or services feel free to call or text me.

(I have pics available on my cellphone for serious replies, I look forward to hearing from you.)

As impressively hung as this guy’s ad was, we went with someone else. After she left, my hubby said “Damn, I forgot to ask if she’d let me smack her ass”. Yep, he’s all mine.

*Blog of the week: Rants From Cyberspace. She just started blogging about a week ago and I love what she writes. It doesn’t hurt that she’s written a few posts already about how she wants to strangle her husband. Haha! Make sure to check out her blog. She’s also a great person to follow on twitter. @RantsFromSpace.

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Guest Blogger: Jayne from Mum’s The Word. Expectations.

*Since I’m having surgery today and will be recovering for the next several days, I asked Jayne from Mum’s The Word if she would do another guest post. If you haven’t checked out her blog yet, run on over there.

Expectations

I think I can safely say that my expectations of parenthood, from the moment I found out that I was to become a Mum, right up to the trials and tribulations of caring for a toddler, have been completely shattered by the actual reality of it all.

I found out that I was pregnant because I was suffering from such severe morning sickness that my perpetual vomiting caused me to tear a hole in my oesophagus. That was the start of an increasingly difficult pregnancy, during which I developed diabetes, SPD, polyhydramnia and a multitude of other delightful conditions.

There was no pregnancy glow for me (unless you count sweat on my brow and vomit on my bottom lip). No one ever told me that pregnancy suited me, or that I exuded any sort of nurturing serenity. No, I was ill, huge, ungainly and largely miserable. Pregnancy was not what I expected it to be.

Then, there was the labour part. Oh god, the labour part. High blood pressure, medical inducement, errant consultants, a failed epidural and then an emergency c-section. By no means the natural, wondrous experience I’d hoped for.

As if to compound the bad pregnancy and labour, my precious baby then spent the first 8 days of her life in intensive care. If there was one thing that I didn’t expect, it was that I didn’t get to hold my daughter until she was a week old. I had to stand by and watch as she was cared for by nurse after nurse, unable to do anything for her.

The thing that I was least prepared for of all was the fact that I had to go home empty handed, leaving my baby behind in the hospital. I did not expect the first week of my daughter’s life to be tinged with worry and sadness.

But more than any of this, I did not expect that I was capable of feeling so much love for one tiny human being. I did not expect to be so happy to be tired and covered in sick/pasta sauce/Play Doh. I did not expect to be happy to give up my social life.

I did not expect to take more pleasure from buying clothes for my daughter than for myself. I did not expect to be so excited by every new word, action or facial expression she learns. I did not expect to be so happy to  spend every minute of every day with my mini human. I did not expect to want to spend my holidays at Euro Disney.

Nothing about parenthood is what I expected. But I wouldn’t change it for a second.

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Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Scared and Mommy Guilt.

I just saw a tweet about Fadra’s Stream of Consciousness Sunday. I was going to wait until next week to do this since I’m looopy on meds but I figured why not? My hubby took the little hummingbird out so the house it quiet.

 Here are the rules…

  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spellchecking. This is writing in the raw.
  • Publish it somewhere. Anywhere. The back door to your blog if you want. But make it accessible.
  • Add the Stream of Consciousness Sunday badge to your post.
  • Link up your post below.
  • Visit your fellow bloggers and show some love.

Doing tghis post is especially challenging for me because even though I don’t spend a lot of time proofreading, I hate to post something with a lot of mistakes and do most of my corrections after I hit publish. When I was first typing this sentence, my hand slipped so I either added extra letter to a word or it’s all one word. I have issues with remembering to use the spacebar. heh.

Okay, so right now I’m really freaking out about my upcoming surgery on Tuesday. Not that anyone necessarily jumps for joy when they have one but there’s been this huge weight on my shoulders. My main concern is my daughter because this is the first time in her 21 months of life that we have to get a babysitter while I recover.

The sinus surgery I’m having is very simple and I couldn’t figure out why I’m so freaking nervous about it but then while I was talking to my hubby I figured out why.

I’m terrified that after the surgery, whle I’m waking up, I’ll find that the surgery didmn’t work and I’ll still be in extreme pain since my sinuses on my left side are blocked. I can’t stand the thought of having to go through anymore of this pain. When looking at how long I’ve been dealing with this, I couldn’t believe it’s been since my daughter was about 7 months old.

Then that makes me feel like a horrible mother and I feel like I’ve been depriving her of the real me. She’s gotten a mommy who has been feeling really crappy for most of her life. I have major mommy guilt because she deserves the best from me.

And time’s up.

#SOCsunday

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A picky nose.

I’m having sinus surgery earlier than I expected so the past week has consisted of a lot of worry and panic attacks because I’m so nervous.

I was in major freak out mode a few weeks ago since I’ve been in so much pain and I couldn’t get ahold of my awesome ENT doctor for 2 days despite leaving several messages. All I’ve been taking is ibuprofen and that hasn’t done anything. At the time, his status was downgraded to mothertrucker but now it’s back up to awesome. It doesn’t hurt that he gave me a big bottle of pain meds.

When I went to see him last Friday, he showed me my CT scan and I couldn’t believe it. My sinuses on the left side are completely blocked with nearly half an inch of scar tissue and there’s also a polyp. Dr. Cool didn’t seem too concerned about the polyp and said he thinks once he opens up my sinuses, the polyp will clear up within six months.

While sitting there discussing the surgery with him, my daughter, who would go from racing around the room to sitting on my lap, had to show him where her nose was…..by sticking her finger up it and leaving it there. I tried to keep a straight face and would casually lower her hand but as soon as I would do that, her finger went right back into her nose.

I couldn’t help but laugh and at the same time be embarrassed but then my doctor was telling her that her finger is the perfect size for her nose so why not stick it up there. He called himself a professional nose picker. Dr. Cool indeed.

~~~

For the past 14 months I knew that something wasn’t right with my sinuses but the doctors I had previously (military Dr.’s in D.C.) would just brush it off. I had two CT scans when I was seeing these doctors and all they said was that it looked like there was some mucous in my nose and I just needed to blow it. For reals?!

I’ve been in this agonizing pain and so stressed because of it but they just told me to blow my nose! What a bunch of fu$k%ng ass#&%$s.

normal sinuses.

mine, ouch.

 

 

 

 

~~~

It feels like my head is a balloon and someone keeps blowing it up to the point where it’s going to pop. The pressure and pain I have in my face is unreal. I’m counting down the days until I’ll finally have relief. In the meantime, I’ve been a raging, sleep-deprived bitch.

My surgery is scheduled for Tuesday and I’m so nervous. Dr. Cool assured me that it’s a simple procedure and there’s only 3 or 4 days of recovery but it has me in such a panic. I have a really low tolerance for pain and think of the worst case scenarios in these situations, like not waking up from the anesthesia.

My hubby just started teaching so he won’t be able to take time off except for the day of the surgery. We’re in the process of looking for a babysitter since we don’t live near any family. I’m not allowed to pick up my daughter the first couple of days after surgery and I’m the worst at taking it easy when I don’t feel well.

I was starting to feel desperate and thought I might need to have my mother-in-law come out to “help” instead, even though I know that would be a disaster. When I mentioned this to my mom, she said “Your cat would be more helpful and take better care of your little girl” than my MIL. Truer words have never been spoken.

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Maybe duct tape would help.

It’s past midnight and I’m sitting in bed wide awake. My husband on the other hand is sleeping and doing this; snore, snore, twitch leg, grind teeth, scratch butt/crotch/stomach, snooorrrre.

He did a sleep study on December 16th and we’re still waiting for the results. He had an appointment with his doctor last week for the results and I felt so relieved but then he found out they still haven’t turned the results in. It’s pretty obvious to me that he has sleep apnea and is going to need one of those Luke Skywalker masks when he sleeps.

I can never remember what they’re really called but they remind me of the mask that Luke wears when fighting the bad guys in a Star Wars battle when he’s in his space plane thingamajig.

As you can see, I’m totally with it when it comes to my Star Wars lingo. *snort* Or any lingo for that matter when I’m exhausted and can’t sleep.

Besides my husband’s snoring keeping me awake, it’s been impossible to sleep since my sinuses are flared up and my head feels like it’s ready to pop. No matter how I lay down, it’s so uncomfortable. Kind of like the last two months of pregnancy except I don’t have to pee every 5 minutes.

Oh wait, hold on…..

SNOOOORRRRE!

Ugh! I am now hopping up and down on my bum, hoping that will shake the bed enough to get him to stop snoring. Pretty soon I’m going to have to smack him in the arm.

Then he’ll wake up, sit straight up in bed, say wha? huh? wha? and I’ll just sit here acting all innocent and ask him what’s wrong.

As always, I’ll tell him that “You must have had a bad dream”. heh.

Pomplamoose – Mister Sandman

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What I thought would be a sweet children’s book has turned into a zombie nightmare.

I bought my daughter several books for Christmas but one of the books wasn’t what I was expecting. Since I avoided doing my holiday shopping in stores, I got these books online.

Deciding on a book for her isn’t based on reviews, it’s more from the plot and illustrations, but I still like reading the reviews because some of them can be pretty ridiculous.

There will be someone who says a book about a bunny traumatized their child or something along those lines and I always get a laugh from it. But one of the books I got for her was creepy. So, I am now one of those people who writes about a children’s book that traumatizes me, although I’m writing it here and not on the site where I got it.

~~~~

I’ve always had a wild imagination and to this day, I’m afraid of the dark. *whispers* I still sleep with a nightlight on. By the time I go to sleep, my hubby will have been asleep for a few hours. As soon as I turn off the lamp, I think of every scary movie I’ve seen and my imagination runs wild by thinking there’s probably a serial killer under the bed.

The most common thing I think about as soon as I turn out the light is that some zombie is going to crawl on his hands and knees across the bedroom floor, come over to my side of the bed, reach up and grab me, and will then proceed to eat my face off.

I know, I know, that would be impossible….because of simple zombie facts. First off, zombies are heavy breathers and growl. I would hear it before it even got to me. Also, my hubby is the one who sleeps closest to the bedroom door. Everyone knows that a zombie would attack the first person he sees.

While the zombie would be eating the brains of my husband or going for his jugular, that would give me a chance to hop out of bed, grab my daughter from her room, and run out of the house. The cat is on her own but I’ve never seen a zombie eat a cat so I think she would be safe anyway.

It’s not like I’ve given this scenario much thought though. *coughcough*

~~~~

After I got the books for my daughter, I read each one before I wrapped them. When I read “the book that shall remain nameless”, I turned to the first page and thought it was very sweet. After I read the second page, I could totally relate. Then I turned to the third page and almost peed myself with fear.

The mom crawls on her hands and knees across the bedroom floor to look at her son. If he’s asleep, she picks him up and sings a lullaby. All of my irrational zombie fears came to the surface and I freaked. The illustration of her peering at him in his bed while she’s on her hands and knees is burned into my brain.

I usually check on my daughter a billion times a night before I go to bed and there are times when I’ve been in her room watching her sleep and she’ll start opening her eyes. I hit the floor as fast as I can and quickly crawl out. So, I get that part of this book but I still find it damn creepy.

Like when her son grows up and moves into his own place. She drives across town in the middle of the night, uses a ladder to climb up to his bedroom window (this guy really needs to get a security system and fast), then picks him up and rocks him while he sleeps as she sings a lullaby.

I don’t get warm fuzzies from this book, rather the heebie jeebies. At the end, it shows him rocking his own child while singing the same lullaby. So that means the creepiness continues.

Not only that, how is he even supposed to have sex with his wife so they can have a kid when his mother always pops up in the middle of the night. If I was that guy’s wife, I’d have mommy dearest charged with breaking and entering and get her some much-needed therapy for her boundary issues.

That reminds me, I need to call my mother-in-law and thank her for my daughter’s Christmas presents.

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*Blog of the week: Temerity Jane. She’s awesome with a side of awesome and expecting her first child, a little girl she calls Garlic Bread. Whenever I read her blog or tweets, I start craving garlic bread and that’s all I want to eat. Actual garlic bread, not her baby because that would just be wrong. @TemerityJane

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