The Holidays.

This is just a quickie hardy har har but I wanted to wish Happy Holidays to everyone who actually takes the time to read my crazy thoughts my blog. It means the world to me and I thank you. MWAH!

 

The little hummingbird also wishes you Happy Holidays.

                                              

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Peeny’s Congressional Hearing

Peeny went to Congress earlier this week to see what he could do to help the economy. Luckily I was there to take the photos.

Peeny proposes they tax all non-Peeny Christmas decorations.

It looks like Senator Sock Monkey had too many martinis at lunch again.

Wait a sec. He’s back up.

Nope. It looks like Senator Sock Monkey is going to be out for a while.

Senator Lucy the Horse and Senator Penny the Kitten aren’t afraid to show their love and in doing so they’re able to pass a law making gay marriage legal in the entire U.S. Yay!

On the way to celebrate, Peeny and his translator Ms. Molly the Pup (all Peeny’s speak the language of love) get lost.

Ruh roh!

They’re fine and they end up falling in love and having several Peeny pups.

 The End.

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The Elf on the Shelf creeps me out. There….I said it.

Maybe I’ve just been oblivious all of these years but it’s the first year that I’ve heard of The Elf on the Shelf. I’ve seen some cutesy things that have been done with this little elf but when it comes down to it, this thing creeps me out.

If my mom had something like this in the house for the holiday season when I was a kid then I think I would have to be in therapy more than once a week.

It could be because I watched Poltergeist when I was really young (the scene with that creepy clown trying to kill that little boy is burned into my brain) but whenever I see this little elf, I picture waking up in the middle of the night to him suffocating me with a pillow or stabbing me in the face.

I’m pretty sure the little hummingbird would be pretty terrified of the thing too.

The creepy ass elf…

Not to be confused with Buddy the Elf…

Photo Credit: New Line Cinema

Of course I’m sure if I woke up with Will Ferrell sitting on a shelf by my bed then that would scare the hell out of me too.

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Ryan Gosling’s abs and brownies…the perfect combination. Although it would better if you could eat the brownies off of Ryan’s abs.

Today my husband took the little hummingbird out for the afternoon. I love it when I can get some time for myself but at the same time when I get it, I never know what to do.

I decided to kick back and watch the movie Crazy, Stupid, Love which I had seen the previous week with my hubby. If you haven’t seen this movie before then it’s a must. I had to keep the drooling down to a minimum when I was watching it with the hubs but today I was oohing and awwing whenever Ryan Gosling was on screen.

Holy hell, the man is a hottie. I also stuffed my face with some candy cane kiss brownies while watching the movie because Ryan G. and brownies are the perfect combo. I have to admit, I kept on rewinding the scene where he takes off his shirt. I lost track of how many times I did but I would say it was about ummm…..eleventy billion times.

“F*ck! Seriously? It’s like you’re Photoshopped.”

For those of you that want to know, and I know you do, the most awesomest scene starts 1hr and 5 minutes into the movie. I may or may not be watching it as I type this I am.

So, if you’re going to be stuck somewhere you don’t want to be for the holidays, get this movie and a portable dvd player, lock yourself in the bathroom, fast forward to chapter 7, and watch the Ryan-y goodness. It’s also an all around great movie.

Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas!

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Wineconed Wednesday – The Holiday Edition

It’s that time of week again. Wineconed Wednesday brought to you by Tricia who blogs at Stream Of The Conscious and also writes for our group site, A Nervous Tic Motion.

Take it away, Tricia!

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The holidays are here again. It seems like just yesterday I was searching for my living room floor under the mountain of gifts bestowed by grandparents upon their only grandchildren for their first Christmas.

Now we’ve got a gated tree only a quarter decorated, as toddlers test the barrier for week spots. In honor of Chrismahanustice, all of this week’s winecones will be of the mulberry cinnamon-spiced variety.

Also, I’ve spiked the cider.

Happy Hanukah! Tonight is the first of eight crazy festive nights. A Blessed Winter Solstice! May you enjoy the moonlit darkness on the shortest day of the year. Merry Christmas! May you hear the jolly one exclaim, as he drives out of site, “Happy Christmas to all, and to all some merry mighty winecones!” (Come back next week for Kwanzaa and New Year.)

Keeping with the holiday theme, I would like to hurl the aforementioned holiday winecones at those with so little to do, that they take offense at any well-wishing proffered in their direction. If I wish you a Merry Christmas, it does not mean I’m proselytizing. It does, however, mean I wish you a stocking full of coal if you glare at me. Happy Holidays! I’m not going to get upset about this one either, as it could encompass anything from Halloween, my birthday, Thanksgiving, Veteran’s Day, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, New Year – or any other day that grants you a day off work. Smile and reply with your choice of smackaroo and we’ll both be on our merry way.

If you flick a lit cigarette butt at my children, may a garland of winecones slowly strangle you. (This story is explained in explicit detail on my personal blog with impolite language if interested in the full story.) Even in my fury, my profanely violent subconscious was throwing winecones.

We’ve got a bunch of anonymous submissions, but I’ve got to give a quick technical love tap with the blunt end of a winecone to the interwebs. Stop crashing on me!

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RSV. The plague has hit our house and hit it hard. I’m surprised our Christmas tree isn’t coughing too. After spending a sleepless night in the hospital monitoring an infant with pneumonia, my older son and I haven’t left the bathroom floor. The whole family likely has RSV, which apparently presents differently in adults. We are now the proud owners of our very own nebulizer. Ugh.

Editor’s note: A spray mist of albuterol-flavored winecones to make you feel better. And perhaps a colorful bouquet of winecones to add some cheer to what sounds like a miserably dreary holiday celebration.

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Christmas carols. I hate them. And why do they have to play the same damn ones over and over and over and over and over…Bad ones!

Editor’s note: Before a single winecone is hung by the chimney with care, I would like to clarify that absolutely no harm will come to “Carol of the Bells.” That is my favorite; there is just something peaceful about it. To the rest, may winecones smash the offending speakers in a manner that may just ring out a carol of the winecones. And because I can, IT’S THE CHRISTMAS CAN CAN! (It’s funny dammit.)

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I want to throw one at the rude old man who came up to my friend and I after we had just eaten lunch at our favorite Mexican restaurant. He asked what we ate and we said “bean burrito” and then he said, “You girls don’t need bean burritos, they’re full of fat.” Jerk!

Editor’s note: Wow, somebody’s clearly going to be spending the holidays alone. Winecones flung straight at his (what I’m guessing wasn’t an Adonis cutout) gut. Everyone knows calories don’t count this time of year.

We’re going literal this week. Mistletoe! A beautiful poisonous plan surreptitiously placed to bring joy and embarrassment to all who find themselves embracing beneath its superstitious charms. May you all find yourself alone under the mistletoe with someone who makes you smile.

I know we spend a lot of time discussing the things that give us nervous tics, so this week a giant smackaroo with my gift to you – some other awesome blogs that will make your cheeks hurt from laughter instead of winter frostbite. Holidays are stressful, you know you deserve some laughter.

Read these. They don’t know what the holy hell they’re doing either, but trust us – this shit’s funny. Maybe you can thank me under the mistletoe later <wink>. (Yeah, yeah, Stop Wine.)

‘Till next week, winecones and kisses!

*Leave your Winecones in the comments or email us at anervousticmotion1@gmail.com and we’ll add yours next week!

**I just started a new blog that’s a very stripped down version of myself. I’m not going to hold anything back including language or my views. I’ve decided to share it so if you’d like to read it then email me (elle.mommyhood@gmail.com) and I’ll give you the web address. ~Elle

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Nirvana

It’s just past 6 am and I’m the first one up…well it’s just me and my kitten Penny who’s laying on the chair beside me. She’s become my shadow no matter where I go.

Except for Nirvana Unplugged that I’m listening to through my earphones, it’s strangely quiet. Normally I wake up to Maahhmeee and my husband shuffling clothes around in his dresser.

He’s been off of work for the holiday for almost 4 days and I haven’t killed him yet so that’s pretty impressive. Last night we went to look at Christmas lights and the little hummingbird was really excited. It was so different from last year when she probably had no idea what in the hell she was seeing. She still had some doubts but there were several times when she would yell out Sabby!!! To her, nutcrackers are Sabby too.

At one point we parked the car so we could walk to this little decorated park they always set up and while she was interested, the rocks she found while we walked around were much more fascinating to her.

Before we went home I talked my husband into picking up some Vietnamese take out. I had the most amazing milk and raspberry bubble tea while we where waiting for our food. The hummingbird had to get her hands on it but she kept on taking the tapioca pearls out of her mouth and handing them to us.

Around this time of year I always have these conflicting feelings of depression, being grateful, and happiness. Ultimately my feelings of happiness win but in a flash, just a day or so after Christmas, I get in a little funk. The holidays come speeding at you full force and then BAM, it’s over and it’s a new year. Since the hummingbird is now 2 and understanding the holiday a little more, it’s helped me get more excited.

Most of her presents are books since I’m determined that she develops a love of reading like I have. Her “big” present is an art easel that I know she’s going to flip for. Of course there’s always that chance she’ll be more interested in the wrapping paper since that seems to be the way it is with kids.

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Since I’ve had a little time to myself this morning which is a rarity, I’ve been on Pinterest.

Here are some things that look yummy, think are funny, or cute. :^)

peppermint kiss brownies

cheesecake stuffed strawberries

oreo bark

cranberry mojitos

so true

very true!

so long, farewell…..

batter up

my uterus hurts

yes, please!

and of course I can’t forget pennymaker

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The little hummingbird’s view: Breakdancing Santa.

Hi evweebody, it’s the little hummingbird here. I haven’t witten a post since last year so I gigured it was about time. Also excuse the witteng errors since I am only 2.

As my mama has been telling evweebody, I love Sabby Claus and get all excited when I see him but I wouldn’t dare sit in that cweepy man’s lap.

Well, a few weeks ago I was making my mama cwazy by watching the Elmo’s World: Happy Holiday’s movie for the third time that day so while I was playing in my room, I saw her watching that movie White Chicks and caught the bweakdancing scene.

I alweady love to dance so this was perfect. Bweakdancing rocks!

Since then I like to fweak my mama out and mimic bweakdancing moves while I’m standing on the bed becwause I need a stage to show off my bad booty skills, yo.

Then by accident my daddy found the two things I love. Sabby Claus bweakdancing. Hooray!

So, I’m pweased to show you a bunch of Sabbys bweakdancing that I wuv to watch. Happy Holidays evweebody, especially to Search and Destroy! Mwah!

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