Wineconed Wednesday – The Holiday Edition

It’s that time of week again. Wineconed Wednesday brought to you by Tricia who blogs at Stream Of The Conscious and also writes for our group site, A Nervous Tic Motion.

Take it away, Tricia!

**********

The holidays are here again. It seems like just yesterday I was searching for my living room floor under the mountain of gifts bestowed by grandparents upon their only grandchildren for their first Christmas.

Now we’ve got a gated tree only a quarter decorated, as toddlers test the barrier for week spots. In honor of Chrismahanustice, all of this week’s winecones will be of the mulberry cinnamon-spiced variety.

Also, I’ve spiked the cider.

Happy Hanukah! Tonight is the first of eight crazy festive nights. A Blessed Winter Solstice! May you enjoy the moonlit darkness on the shortest day of the year. Merry Christmas! May you hear the jolly one exclaim, as he drives out of site, “Happy Christmas to all, and to all some merry mighty winecones!” (Come back next week for Kwanzaa and New Year.)

Keeping with the holiday theme, I would like to hurl the aforementioned holiday winecones at those with so little to do, that they take offense at any well-wishing proffered in their direction. If I wish you a Merry Christmas, it does not mean I’m proselytizing. It does, however, mean I wish you a stocking full of coal if you glare at me. Happy Holidays! I’m not going to get upset about this one either, as it could encompass anything from Halloween, my birthday, Thanksgiving, Veteran’s Day, Thanksgiving, Hanukah, Christmas, Boxing Day, Kwanzaa, New Year – or any other day that grants you a day off work. Smile and reply with your choice of smackaroo and we’ll both be on our merry way.

If you flick a lit cigarette butt at my children, may a garland of winecones slowly strangle you. (This story is explained in explicit detail on my personal blog with impolite language if interested in the full story.) Even in my fury, my profanely violent subconscious was throwing winecones.

We’ve got a bunch of anonymous submissions, but I’ve got to give a quick technical love tap with the blunt end of a winecone to the interwebs. Stop crashing on me!

**********

RSV. The plague has hit our house and hit it hard. I’m surprised our Christmas tree isn’t coughing too. After spending a sleepless night in the hospital monitoring an infant with pneumonia, my older son and I haven’t left the bathroom floor. The whole family likely has RSV, which apparently presents differently in adults. We are now the proud owners of our very own nebulizer. Ugh.

Editor’s note: A spray mist of albuterol-flavored winecones to make you feel better. And perhaps a colorful bouquet of winecones to add some cheer to what sounds like a miserably dreary holiday celebration.

**********

Christmas carols. I hate them. And why do they have to play the same damn ones over and over and over and over and over…Bad ones!

Editor’s note: Before a single winecone is hung by the chimney with care, I would like to clarify that absolutely no harm will come to “Carol of the Bells.” That is my favorite; there is just something peaceful about it. To the rest, may winecones smash the offending speakers in a manner that may just ring out a carol of the winecones. And because I can, IT’S THE CHRISTMAS CAN CAN! (It’s funny dammit.)

**********

I want to throw one at the rude old man who came up to my friend and I after we had just eaten lunch at our favorite Mexican restaurant. He asked what we ate and we said “bean burrito” and then he said, “You girls don’t need bean burritos, they’re full of fat.” Jerk!

Editor’s note: Wow, somebody’s clearly going to be spending the holidays alone. Winecones flung straight at his (what I’m guessing wasn’t an Adonis cutout) gut. Everyone knows calories don’t count this time of year.

We’re going literal this week. Mistletoe! A beautiful poisonous plan surreptitiously placed to bring joy and embarrassment to all who find themselves embracing beneath its superstitious charms. May you all find yourself alone under the mistletoe with someone who makes you smile.

I know we spend a lot of time discussing the things that give us nervous tics, so this week a giant smackaroo with my gift to you – some other awesome blogs that will make your cheeks hurt from laughter instead of winter frostbite. Holidays are stressful, you know you deserve some laughter.

Read these. They don’t know what the holy hell they’re doing either, but trust us – this shit’s funny. Maybe you can thank me under the mistletoe later <wink>. (Yeah, yeah, Stop Wine.)

‘Till next week, winecones and kisses!

*Leave your Winecones in the comments or email us at anervousticmotion1@gmail.com and we’ll add yours next week!

**I just started a new blog that’s a very stripped down version of myself. I’m not going to hold anything back including language or my views. I’ve decided to share it so if you’d like to read it then email me (elle.mommyhood@gmail.com) and I’ll give you the web address. ~Elle

Comments { 0 }

Nirvana

It’s just past 6 am and I’m the first one up…well it’s just me and my kitten Penny who’s laying on the chair beside me. She’s become my shadow no matter where I go.

Except for Nirvana Unplugged that I’m listening to through my earphones, it’s strangely quiet. Normally I wake up to Maahhmeee and my husband shuffling clothes around in his dresser.

He’s been off of work for the holiday for almost 4 days and I haven’t killed him yet so that’s pretty impressive. Last night we went to look at Christmas lights and the little hummingbird was really excited. It was so different from last year when she probably had no idea what in the hell she was seeing. She still had some doubts but there were several times when she would yell out Sabby!!! To her, nutcrackers are Sabby too.

At one point we parked the car so we could walk to this little decorated park they always set up and while she was interested, the rocks she found while we walked around were much more fascinating to her.

Before we went home I talked my husband into picking up some Vietnamese take out. I had the most amazing milk and raspberry bubble tea while we where waiting for our food. The hummingbird had to get her hands on it but she kept on taking the tapioca pearls out of her mouth and handing them to us.

Around this time of year I always have these conflicting feelings of depression, being grateful, and happiness. Ultimately my feelings of happiness win but in a flash, just a day or so after Christmas, I get in a little funk. The holidays come speeding at you full force and then BAM, it’s over and it’s a new year. Since the hummingbird is now 2 and understanding the holiday a little more, it’s helped me get more excited.

Most of her presents are books since I’m determined that she develops a love of reading like I have. Her “big” present is an art easel that I know she’s going to flip for. Of course there’s always that chance she’ll be more interested in the wrapping paper since that seems to be the way it is with kids.

********************

Since I’ve had a little time to myself this morning which is a rarity, I’ve been on Pinterest.

Here are some things that look yummy, think are funny, or cute. :^)

peppermint kiss brownies

cheesecake stuffed strawberries

oreo bark

cranberry mojitos

so true

very true!

so long, farewell…..

batter up

my uterus hurts

yes, please!

and of course I can’t forget pennymaker

*********************

Comments { 3 }

The little hummingbird’s view: Breakdancing Santa.

Hi evweebody, it’s the little hummingbird here. I haven’t witten a post since last year so I gigured it was about time. Also excuse the witteng errors since I am only 2.

As my mama has been telling evweebody, I love Sabby Claus and get all excited when I see him but I wouldn’t dare sit in that cweepy man’s lap.

Well, a few weeks ago I was making my mama cwazy by watching the Elmo’s World: Happy Holiday’s movie for the third time that day so while I was playing in my room, I saw her watching that movie White Chicks and caught the bweakdancing scene.

I alweady love to dance so this was perfect. Bweakdancing rocks!

Since then I like to fweak my mama out and mimic bweakdancing moves while I’m standing on the bed becwause I need a stage to show off my bad booty skills, yo.

Then by accident my daddy found the two things I love. Sabby Claus bweakdancing. Hooray!

So, I’m pweased to show you a bunch of Sabbys bweakdancing that I wuv to watch. Happy Holidays evweebody, especially to Search and Destroy! Mwah!

**********

Comments { 2 }

Rockit Saturday: Lisa Hannigan

I used to do a weekly Music Monday when I first started my blog but eventually stopped. I think it’s time to bring the music back, especially if it isn’t some little red monster named Elmo singing.

This week it’s Ireland’s very own Lisa Hannigan. I love me some Damien Rice and she used to sing with him but then she went out on her own.

Rockit, Lisa!


Woman Like A Man – Damien Rice with Lisa Hannigan

**********

Be My Husband – Lisa with Damien Rice (Nina Simone cover)

**********

Lisa Hannigan – I Don’t Know

**********

Lisa Hannigan – Pistachio

**********

Comments { 3 }

The three wolf moon shirt has magical powers.

When it comes to the holiday, I avoid the mall because at this time of year people are batshit crazy. Actually, I think most people are batshit crazy whether or not it’s the holidays so I love to do my shopping online. I just recently got an adorable bear pom pom hat for the little hummingbird. I couldn’t resist and gave her the hat before Christmas because it is just too adorable!

You should go here and get of these hats for your little one. Once you put it on your cutie I can guarantee you’ll be jumping up and down and will keep saying awwwww, how cute while your husband gives you the side eye.

**********

Awhile back last year while I was shopping online, I somehow drifted and found myself on the page for the three wolf moon t-shirt. I started reading the comments and in no time, an hour or two quickly went by. I don’t think I laughed so hard in the longest time at the comments people were leaving.

“I bought this shirt for my brother-in-law last year for Christmas. While it is obviously something I should have kept for myself, I remembered that it is better to give than to receive. He opened it on Christmas eve and like any man of class would do, wore it to the family Christmas the next day.

Minutes after this shirt arrived at Grandpa’s house, two grown men in their 40’s were fighting in the front yard. It can’t be confirmed nor denied that this shirt is solely responsible for the punches thrown and wrestling in the snow, however, there is a strong belief that this shirt has testosterone sewn in under the beautiful picture of wolves howling. Some men cannot handle the power of this shirt, so please wear with caution.”

Feel the power radiating from your computer screen as you gaze at this shirt.

I also found this nifty coffin so if you’re still trying to figure out what to give that hard to shop for person in your life, nothing says I love you more than a coffin bought online from Amazon.

Uh, sweetie? Are you trying to tell me something?

Happy online shopping!

Comments { 4 }

The possessed toddler sock monster.

Socks. They seem innocent enough. Well, yesterday the little hummingbird kept on freaking out about her socks. My daughter didn’t want them on but then she didn’t want them off. Yowza!

She decided she didn’t want her white socks and put her pink socks over the other ones but she was having trouble getting her left sock on and got really frustrated.

She’s normally such a sweet and level-headed kid but she has her moments of toddler pms.

She screamed bloody murder and threw herself on the floor so I did what I normally do and just walked away. I watch Supernanny so I’ve got some skills.

Then my daughter really had to get her point across by doing this possessed funky chicken dance. I didn’t know whether I wanted to laugh or cry.

It all went downhill from there and she kept on testing boundaries.

At 2 1/2 years old, I know she’s at that age where she wants more independence and I try to give her that within reason but we’re so much alike so we clash at times.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my little girl like crazy but yesterday was one of those days when I was struggling to be “mommy”.

Fortunately I had my therapist appointment that afternoon so part of my session was me talking about how I feel like a bad mom when the hummingbird has a tantrum and I think what in the holy hell did I get myself into.

But just like everything that comes with motherhood, things can change in an instant.

My husband picked me up from my appointment and when my daughter saw me walking into the waiting room, she yelled out Mommy and my heart melted.

Kids….luckily they’re so damn cute or I don’t think we would survive.

Comments { 2 }

The little hummingbird will go all ninja on your ass if you mess with our Christmas lights.

My hubby put up our Christmas lights last week and the hummingbird calls them Sabby (Santa) lights. He also put up our tree with just the lights for now since our cats, Maisy and Penny, are hell bent on messing with our tree.

We have this thing called a scat mat around the tree but the little buttheads have already figured out how to move it.

Every morning when the hummingbird and I go downstairs and into the living room, she gets so excited to see the Sabby lit tree. She even dresses for the occasion in her Santa clothes.

 

She’s protective of the lights on our house and would probably ram a stick where the sun doesn’t shine if you messed with them.

 

Once she sees that you’re not a threat, she goes back to being her cute little hummingbird self.

 

Say Cheese!

 

While looking through the photos, I found this one and I can’t believe this was 2 years ago. *sniff*

 

I’m putting up this pic for the hell of it. My little girl never. stops. moving. Holy hell in a hot pocket! This is what she’s like all of the time. I think she comes into my room when I’m sleeping and sucks all of my energy out of me. She sure is a hummingbird on crack.

 

Just like her mom, the hummingbird LOVES music. Her favorite Christmas songs at the moment are Jingle Bells by Pomplamoose (which we have to hear several times every morning so she can dance around).

She also loves Jack Conte’s (who’s part of Pomplamoose) Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy.

Comments { 0 }