Dear PR people….you must be smoking crack.

I think The Bloggess is the most awesome writer and love it when she writes about crazy PR people. This post she wrote still has me cracking up and I’ve been inspired by her to write about my own dealings with PR. The emails I get from them are minuscule compared to The Bloggess but I thought I’d share one I got last week.

I usually find these PR letters to be hilarious and don’t even bother responding, I just hit delete. They pick some of the most random posts to mention that they obviously don’t read.

In December I got an email from a company saying how much they enjoyed my post, The Bad, and that they found it funny. Um, that was a post about my aunt passing away. PR FAIL!

So back to the recent PR email I got. I’m not using this woman’s full name but find it ironic that her initials are B.S.

Dear Elle,

My name is BS and I work with *delete*- a natural and organic skincare brand. I recently stumbled upon your blog, This Is Mommyhood, and found your post on your daughter, “Is that a graham cracker in your shoe or are you just happy to see me?” both informative and inspiring! I certainly share your passion for pursuing a healthy and happy lifestyle, and admire your dedication to sharing your knowledge with the public.

*She goes on to say, in a big ass paragraph, how awesome this lotion they have is*

I would love to send you a bottle! If you are interested, please drop me a line with your mailing address and contact information.

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to write. I hope to hear from you soon, happy blogging!

All the best,

BS

First off, what the what? Secondly, maybe I should rethink the titles of my posts. As usual, I wasn’t going to respond but decided what the hell.

Hi B,

I have a question about the Bergamot Body Lotion. Since I’m so busy during the day with my daughter, I don’t always have time to eat, so I make my own edible body lotion. That way I can moisturize and have a quick snack at the same time. Is your product edible? If not, do you think I would suffer any serious side effects if ingested?

Thanks a bunch,

Elle

*UPDATE. BS actually replied…

Hi Elle,

Thank you for your interest! Unfortunately, we cannot recommend eating our products. They are made with 100% natural and organic ingredients, but they have not been approved for ingestion. Would you like to try the lotion despite this fact? Let me know if you have any other questions!

Best,

BS

I haven’t heard back from BS and didn’t expect to but damn, since I had to skip breakfast to make it on time for the little hummingbird’s class this morning, edible body lotion sure would come in handy right now.

P.S. not BS I know there are sites that have edible loti…wait! I mean I have a “friend” that knows there are sites that have edible lotions.

But I’m thinking of something that comes in those travel size containers; it’s a whole meal and you can just gulp it down. Like that gumball in Willy Wonka but I’m a weirdo and don’t care for gum. I do love me some Razzles though because it’s a candy and then a gum.

If you notice you have dry hands while eating this stuff, all the better.

I’d also prefer it to have some kind of small child repellant so I can actually have it to myself. On most mornings when I give my little girl breakfast, she won’t eat much.

As soon as I get cereal or make some toast for myself, her refusal to eat turns into ohmygawdimstarving and then she eats most of what I have and then ohmygawdimstarving. This goes for any time I try to eat in her presence. I should only weigh 10 pounds by now.

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There has to be a light at the end of the tunnel, dammit.

*The electricity went out while I was writing this and while ‘autosave’ kept a small part, I had to rewrite most of it. I think the universe is telling me not to post more whining.

I’m getting to the stage now where this funk that has been funking me up is now pissing me off. For some reason I don’t like calling it depression, You can call it that, it doesn’t bother me, but I just prefer to say I’m in a funk. Or I’m feeling funked, just replace the n with a c.

I don’t have a problem with going to a therapist but I DREAD having to find one. Making that phone call puts me in such a panic. And then when I go, I have no idea what this person is going to be like and if I don’t mesh with them, it’s beyond frustrating. When it comes to things like this, I prefer, rather require, that it’s a female therapist.

Since my primary doctor refuses to prescribe any type of meds, I really like the idea that someone suggested (you know who you are and I thank you) of just going to a psychiatrist for medication but seeing a psychologist for therapy. I just have to wait for my pain in the ass insurance to decide if they’ll approve that.

One thing I found is that it’s been impossible to find a woman psychiatrist. There are only 2 in my entire area, that my insurance approves, and both aren’t currently accepting patients.

Another thing that is so frustrating is while my hubby is supportive, he doesn’t understand this AT ALL. He basically has the Tom Cruise way of thinking when it comes to being in a funk. Just take vitamins and exercise. I know exercise can help but my hubby also thinks I’ll just wake up in a few days and be over this funk.

I’m not claiming to be a relationship expert but after 16 years with my husband, I think when it comes to guys, they like to solve problems and when they can’t, they’re not sure what to do or how to handle it so they become buttheads. I know not all men are like this, just some well maybe all at one point or another.

But we haven’t killed each other yet so there’s that. heh.

During times like this chocolate is mandatory, scratch that, chocolate is always a must, and I love to watch my “comfort food” movies and shows. That reminds me, the movie Funny Farm was on last night and it was so nice to watch it without comments from my in-laws. Yay!

More but not all of my in a funk necessities; Movies: Working Girl, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Clueless, Lost In Translation, Pacific Heights, Sweet Home Alabama, Hush (this movie is so bad, it’s funny), Good Will Hunting. Television: Sex & The City, Real Housewives of OC, Dexter, Lost.

I have some of these on my DVR, others on dvd, so when I get a chance, I’ll catch a few minutes. Or I’ll drive my husband crazy and watch them when the little hummingbird is finally asleep at night.

I also like depressing things that for some reason make me feel better, like Six Feet Under. Last night I watched the movie Candy (which I’ve seen before) with Heath Ledger and Abbie Cornish. The movie is really depressing and gets me crying at a certain point in the film (I definitely wouldn’t recommend it for anyone else in a funk) but it helps to just let it out and have a good cry.

Music is also a must but if it’s not The Wiggles or Elmo, I’m out of luck. Thank gawd for my iPod. I’ll tell my hubby that I need to shave my legs or wash my face and lock myself in the bathroom for 20 minutes so I can have some music therapy. With all of this “face washing”, I’m surprised my hubby hasn’t asked how it’s possible there’s any skin left.

I had some videos I wanted to put up (Nine Inch Nails, Pearl Jam, Sublime, & Def Leppard) but I couldn’t embed them. Not the guys in the bands, the videos. Hardy har har. So here’s one of my favorite musician’s, Andrew Bird. I’ve had both of these videos up on my site before and I’m starting to think they’re the only ones I’ll be allowed to play.

Andrew Bird – Anonanimal

How about a little Kevin Bacon (and his body double) booty shakin’. Every time I see this I want to go and find a warehouse where I can dance my butt off. Knowing my luck, if I found one I’d probably come across a nest of zombies.

 

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Nothing to see here, just avoid this post.

Sometimes I wonder why I blog. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE IT, I just don’t know where I fit into the bloggy world or if I even do.

Since I’ve been in such an emotional funk and throwing my own pity party, I’ve been feeling like pulling the plug on my blog. But then I’ll feel like writing, such as this nonsense, and I keep it going.

I completely understand that not everyone will agree with what I write or they won’t get that I’m just joking about things and that’s fine, they have that right. But there have been some people that obviously hate whatever I say, yet they keep coming back.

I write to blow off steam or “attempt” to be funny, along with everything in between but I don’t feel like I’m being malicious. I’m kind of like a hooker with a heart of gold, except for the whole hooker part. See, joking.

There are times, like now, when I wonder if anyone actually comes to my site because they like it. I put on my big girl panties when I read the comments but it can still be unexpected when they seem hateful.

I wouldn’t really strangle my husband, or duct tape his face because he won’t stop snoring, or karate chop my mother-in-law’s face off but one can dream.

I just don’t understand, if you hate someone’s blog so much, why would you even bother coming back? Okay, I know the answer to that but I still don’t get it. I do know that it comes with the territory though.

Speaking of comments, I love them and I want to thank everyone who takes the time to comment. I always have every intention of replying but lately the little hummingbird has been battling bedtime.

By the time she’s finally settled, I’m ready to drop dead and don’t have the time like I used to. I still try to reply, it just may take a week a few days.

There are times when I’ll be in the middle of responding to a comment while my little girl is playing and then I’ll get mommy brain and just walk away from the computer without hitting submit.

Then when I go back a day or two later, I’ll realize what I did. So embarrassing!

To sum it up, I’m in a funk, I don’t understand blog trolls, and I love comments. And if there is actually anyone out there who likes what I write my mom, don’t worry, I’ll be back to my usual nonsensical posts.

I know I won’t actually quit blogging anytime soon. How else am I supposed to ignore my little girl? See, that was just a joke  ;^)

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Is that a graham cracker in your shoe or are you just happy to see me?

*I say ‘one time’ so much, I keep thinking “This one time, at band camp…”

Once my daughter started crawling, baby gates went up and everything was fenced. She would still manage to get ahold of things like the remote control or our cell phones. If we dared to leave a magazine or book out, it would get chewed on and ripped.

Then she started walking. Ruh roh! She loves getting into her dresser and taking every single thing out of it. We put latches on it and she’s still able to pull things out in the time it takes me to pee.

She also likes to get into her closet, where half of her clothes hang at her level, and takes all of her clothes off of the hangers.

The little hummingbird also takes things and puts them in her diaper pail. There have been more than a few times when I’ll wash her diapers and have found all kinds of things including toys, stickers, and legos in the pail.

Once I saw that she threw in the remote control to our new television after I pressed the ON button to the washer. Luckily, it made it out in time.

Her favorite thing to do is ambush the refrigerator as soon as I open it. She’ll grab things in the door like the mustard or salad dressing and then hide it.

One time she ran up and grabbed a coke then ran off into the living room. She came back seconds later with a drink coaster and the coke, set the coaster down on the kitchen floor, and set the coke on top of it. That’s my girl!

Since she loves taking off her clothes, I spend a lot of time going through the house finding missing socks and shirts. Yesterday she was playing in the living room while I was making her lunch.

When I came to get her, she was shirtless and I looked everywhere for her missing shirt. I finally found it stored away in her play kitchen cabinet.

The little hummingbird has really been into playing dress up and with that she has also been learning to share with inanimate objects, like shoes. The other day she was trying to put her rainboots on by herself and was playing with some cat toys that disappeared.

When I was picking up later that night, I came across one of her rainboots and found this inside:

We were on our way to her music and movement class last week and I was putting on my fake Uggs. I felt something weird, along with a crunch.

When I took it off, I found that my little girl wanted to share her graham crackers with my shoe (we were rushing out the door so the picture’s dark but I couldn’t pass up the Kodak moment):

Last year my sister, whose kids are 3 and almost 5, found that one of her kids peed in her shoes. Bwahahaha! Yes, I’m evil.

~~~

What have your kids done that left you scratching your head? Pets count too.

It would never fail that every week after I washed the sheets and blankets, my cat would jump on the nice, clean bed and puke up hairballs. Not just once either. She would puke a little, walk a few inches, then puke up the rest of her hairball. Sometimes in 3 or 4 spots.

I would clean it up which means I would usually talk my hubby into cleaning it up and since I didn’t want to drag the blanket back downstairs to the dryer, I would get out my blow dryer and stand there drying the spots while thinking why in the hell can’t my cat puke on the blanket before I wash it.

I guess that wouldn’t be any fun and it would be way too convenient.

~~~

And just because, here are some photos of the little hummingbird with an early 2nd BIRTHDAY!! present, a playhouse. I so want to move in, especially when my husband snores at night.

Hello?! Anyone there? My parents are crazy, they won't let me watch Caillou as much as I want. Help!

Would you like some tea?

Hello?! Anyone there? The little hummingbird rings the doorbell over and over and over. Help!

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On the bright side, I didn’t kill anyone. Woo Hoo!

My in-laws were here from Friday-Sunday night and I didn’t kill them. Yay me! My father-in-law spent hours throughout the weekend talking about the weather. And it wasn’t just what the weather is like here or where they live.

He was talking about what the weather was like for practically every freaking state. He even informed us about the weather advisories for Yosemite National Park and went into detail of the evacuation routes they had. ???

On Sunday morning I was so done with my MIL. I put up with her insulting comments for the first 2 days but after that, whenever she would open her mouth, I wanted to karate chop her face off.

The in-laws gave our little girl an early birthday present and while we watched her play, my MIL asked my hubby when he was setting up the aquarium. My husband has always had an aquarium set up since I’ve known him.

When we moved into our current house he wanted to wait until the little hummingbird was older so we wouldn’t have to block the aquarium off to prevent her from banging on it.

So when my MIL mentioned an aquarium I thought oh no, they got our daughter one without asking first. I think I’ll end up in the Guinness Book Of World Records from all the times I’m writing ‘aquarium’ in this post.

Quick sidenote. My husband, well it seems like most men, has selective hearing as it is but when my in-laws come, my hubby seems to not hear most of the shite that my MIL says. Not all but most.

I asked no one in particular “What aquarium?” That’s when my MIL pissed me off and started talking to me really slow like I was some idiot. She said “Don’t you know what. an. A-QUAR-I-UM is? An A-QUAR-I-UM is what. people. put. fish. in.

And then I karate chopped her face in half. In my dreams. She spent the rest of the day talking to me realllly sloooow even though I kept my mouth shut. I took my husband aside and was like wtf is going on but he told me that he didn’t know what I meant. When I told him what she was doing he still didn’t know what I was talking about.

He becomes kind of like a pod person from the Invasion of the Body Snatchers when his parents are here.

My husband and I made a huge mistake by watching a movie with the in-laws. We know how bad they are when it comes to movies since they don’t seem to understand suspension of disbelief but we get so desperate and try to distract them with something.

I picked Funny Farm with Chevy Chase. Not only did I feel like going to one (so I found it fitting), it’s also one of my “comfort food” movies that makes me feel better.

My in-laws massacred that movie within a few minutes. For those who haven’t seen it, a couple moves out of the city to a country home so the guy can write his novel and things go awry.

At the beginning they show C.C. and his wife driving out of the city. This is what my MIL and FIL were like during the WHOLE movie. In-laws: “What city is that? Is it New York City? Maybe it’s Chicago. That building looks familiar. It could be NYC but I’m not sure.” Me: “It’s New York City.” MIL: No, it must be Chicago.

In-laws: “Why are they moving? Where are they moving to? What kind of car is that? I think it’s a blah blah. Why do they have such a small car while moving? You can’t fit anything into that car. That’s not realistic.”

Me: *head explodes*

This recent visit was more exhausting than the others because of the way I’ve been feeling. They said and did so much more that had me feeling stabby but instead of dwelling on it, I rather pretend that I spent a wild weekend with Mark Ruffalo and Timothy Olyphant, somewhere tropical. Ooh La La.

*Update. There’s something else I wanted to add before I stop dwelling on this. ;) My MIL nagged me the whole time about my daughter not wearing socks. The little hummingbird is 23 months old and she’s always taking off her clothes. When it comes to keeping socks on her, it’s impossible.

What got me though was my MIL only nagged me and not my husband about it. In fact my hubby brought up how whenever we go anywhere, by the time we get there, our daughter’s shoes and socks will be off.

The hummingbird does put one sock back on….her hand. My mother-in-law was telling my hubby that’s just how kids are. But then later on she would go up to my daughter, feel her feet, and tell me she can’t believe how I let her go without socks. *facepalm*

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It was either make a cute video or go crazy and sit in a padded cell. Hmmm…decisions, decisions.


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