Setting: It was Friday night and I was having a migraine so I was laying…lying?…you know what I mean, in bed flipping through the channels. I came across an Antonio Banderas movie that was so bad it was….bad. And go!
Damn, I’ve forgotten how hot he was. What year is this? 1995. That was the year my hubby and I got married. I remember how he could never pronounce Banderas right and would say Ban-der-ass. Okay, this movie is getting worse by the minute. I think the producers thought it would be some awesome Fatal Attraction type movie but it’s just laughable.
I can’t even keep a straight face during this sex scene. Oh, Antonio’s butt! Wow, now that’s just an awkward position. I’m having second hand embarrassment. But damn, Antonio sure was hot. Shower scene with Antonio. Uh! This guy has the hairiest armpits I’ve ever seen.
That reminds me when my sister came to visit me several years ago. My hubby was deployed and I had let things go wild….down there. When my sister saw my bikini line while I was getting dressed, she laughed and laughed and laughed.
A few days later we were watching Saturday Night Live. Someone was doing a spoof of Antonio in a speedo and he had bushels of hair coming out of that thing. My sister nicknamed me Antonio for the rest of her stay.
We went to see a movie about a week later. What movie was it? Thinking….thinking. I guess it was either American Pie or The Blair Witch Project. When the movie previews came on, Antonio appeared in one of them and my sister and I took one look at each other and were in hysterics.
Not only that, it was for a serious movie so the people around us were giving us the side eye. They probably thought we were high. Throughout the movie we would nudge each other and start laughing again.
What in the world is my hubby doing downstairs? I thought he would be up here by now.
Me: *goes downstairs* You are missing out on a really bad movie.
Him: Why are you watching it then?
Me: Because it’s so bad that it’s funny. It has Antonio Ban-der-ass in it. You know, when I think about it I don’t think he’s ever been in a good movie (with the exception of Philadelphia).
Him: *thinking* Wasn’t he in that cool movie where the guy had a gun is his banjo case?
Me: *thinking* Oh yeah. It was Desperado but it was a guitar case not a banjo case. I don’t think that would be as cool.
Him: Banjo’s can be cool.
Me: You really think that movie would’ve been just as cool if Antonio Ban-der-ass was walking around killing people with a gun in a banjo case?
Him: Okay, maybe not.
Me: You really should come upstairs. This movie is craptacular. *goes back upstairs*
Him: *calls out* Does it have a banjo?
Me: *calls back* Haha, you’re so funny.