I had a temporary moment of insanity and invited my in-laws to visit.

I totally blame the migraine meds I was on when I invited them to visit.

I was having a migraine and when I take the medication, it makes me loopy and sleepy but I also have another one I take for nausea since I’m a strober (is that even a word? let’s just say it is.) so it’s like having my own personal rave on the side of my right eye and it makes me really nauseous.

Apparently my right eye hasn’t caught up with the times so it doesn’t know that raves aren’t cool anymore or maybe they are but it just shows how uncool I am. I went to several raves when I was younger but it probably doesn’t count because when I say I went to several raves what I really mean is I was watching the movie Go.

When I take the two meds together, I want to go around hugging everyone while singing Pat Benatar’s We Belong at the top of my lungs. Too bad Timothy Olyphant doesn’t come looking for me because I ripped him off like in the movie. *sad face*

To make a short story really fucking long, when I take my migraine meds, it makes me feel like I’m back in high school when my boyfriend and I would leave campus for lunch break and walk across the street to uh, ahem, have a little herbal refreshment. I had English class after lunch and my English teacher would always like us to read everything out loud in front of the class.

I always effing hated that or when on the first day of class the teacher would make you stand up, introduce yourself, and either say what you hope to get out of the class duh, an A, or make you say five things about yourself.

Whenever my English teacher would be looking at my classmates to decide on who to pick to read aloud, I would always slide down in my seat because obviously that makes you invisible. She never seemed to call on me unless it was on the days my boyfriend and I would enjoy something herbal and it wasn’t that often we did. You’re probably thinking yeah right but really we didn’t because we broke up and he pulled a dick move.

He was being an ass and I tried to break up with him but he wrote me love letters where he would apologize for his asshole behavior and would tell me how he can’t imagine living without me. He even had his best friend talk to me, so I got back together with him. Then two days later that asshole broke up with me in a letter he had one of his friends give me. His best friend that told me to take him back. Asshole. Both of them. Of course we’re (the ex-boyfriend) Facebook friends now. Damn Facebook.

Anyway, the times my English teacher had me read aloud and I was um, having an herbal moment, I would be reading and then think oh shit I think I’m reading too slow or too fast and then words would just sound really funny to me so I would start giggling. Yeah. I think she let it slide since I was a good student, at least when it came to English and writing but don’t ever ask me to do a math problem because I’ll cut you. One day when I was extra giggly, she asked me to stay after class for a minute.

I was in a state of mind where I wasn’t too worried and was preoccupied with having the munchies but started getting a little nervous and that’s when she asked me if I had been drinking. I was able to look at her and honestly say No, of course not.

Flash forward to the present, Lost style.

As I was laying in bed feeling like I was going to die, the meds started kicking in and that’s when I had the most genius idea ever.

I thought to myself, I haven’t seen the in-laws in over 2 months and they really should come to visit. As much as my in-laws drive me insane, I would never keep them from seeing their son and the little hummingbird. Dammit. So I put up with my MIL talking to me like I’m stupid and being insulting and then share it all for your enjoyment. Your welcome.

Before I had more time to think this insanity over, I went downstairs to tell my hubby that he should ask his parents to visit and as soon as I said it, I thought m$@#^% f&*%!@! Oh, and just so you know, I gave up on calling them since last summer because it’s too freaking weird.

You can’t just call them up and say hey, how’s it going. Both my MIL and FIL have to be on the phone when you talk to them and if one isn’t home, you have to call back. There have been times I’ve called and have been able to just talk to my MIL but that’s only when I knew my FIL was at work but the same doesn’t apply to my hubby so he isn’t able to talk to them separately. Also, they both write notes when you’re talking to them and will stop you and reread something back or ask you how to spell something if they don’t know it and sometimes you can hear them writing or flipping through their notes. *enter Twilight Zone music*

I can understand having to write something down because I get mommy brain and can easily forget but I’ve seen their phone notes and they each have several folders of this stuff. They do outlines of conversations like they were listening to someone give a lecture.

The students where my hubby teaches have a 5 week break and when he told me, I assumed he had a break too. Then my hubby told me that he doesn’t have any time off, it’s just the students, and to that I say boooo! But he does have a little more flexibility in his schedule and that’s why I thought it would be a good time for his parents to visit since they suck the life out of us so at least my hubby would be able to take a day off if he needed to.

But then I realized I had an easy out.

The in-laws are going on a two-week cruise in another country. I won’t say where but it rhythms with Germany my sincere apologies to the Germans. If you see a man talking non-stop about trees and a woman trying to add to her already enormous collection of live turtles, that’s them.

The cruise got delayed so by the time they get back, there will be less than a week left of my hubby’s flexible schedule. They’re also going to a cousin’s daughter’s wedding right after the cruise to irritate them and since they’ll be exhausted, they’re going to wait and visit us later on. When? I don’t know but I’m sure it will be at a really inconvenient time.

What am I saying?! When they visit, it’s always inconvenient.

My in-laws going to a wedding of people they have little contact with made me think of how they invited themselves to my younger sister’s wedding. This is also what sets off my sweet mom and gets her feeling stabby whenever she thinks about it because even though she heard several stories about the way my MIL treats me, my mom never actually saw it for herself until my sister’s wedding.

I know this post is practically a novel already so I will post about that in a few days. Stay tuned….

*Update. Due to the crazy ass effed up things that have happened this week, which you’ll know about soon enough, I’ll get my sister’s wedding post finished by the beginning of next week. Sowwy!

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Sword fighting and evil pantyhose? You’ve come to the right place.

I loved the show, Six Feet Under, and actually didn’t start watching it until the last season back in 2005. So while watching the last season, I was also catching up with the previous ones and was in a SFU trance for a couple of weeks.

I still watch it since they play it a few times a week on one of the 10,000 HBO channels that we have. One of my all time favorite scenes was when Claire did the pantyhose song.

I think pantyhose are spawned from satan so when I saw this scene, I thought it was the best thing ever.

Here are a few others….

I can feel like this a few times a day:

The same year, I fell in love with the Canadian show, Slings & Arrows. I love the crazy and the quirkiness of it. My hubby was away on a 6 month deployment and these shows were like a security blanket for me while he was gone.

 

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It’s not all rainbows and unicorns although sometimes I wish it was but it would get annoying and be really stinky having unicorn poop everywhere.

My hubby and I are no longer wanting to rip each other to shreds. Yay for that! Still, when the zombie apocalypse comes, I’ll probably make a run for it after I push him into a crowd of brain eaters. Better him than me. Yep, I’m totally wife of the year.

This thing between me and him (him and I?) was just a bump in the road and I really appreciate all the comments. It helps to know I’m not alone.

Even though everything’s fine now, that doesn’t mean he’s never going to drive me crazy again, says Mr. Obvious. heh. In fact he can drive me crazy on a daily basis.

You know how when you’re with someone for any period of time, there are things they can do that drive you up the wall but then when you tell somebody about it, it can sound petty and then you might feel like a dork, like I did? Really though, it can be difficult to know how it is unless you’re in the other person’s shoes.

A few of the reasons I tend to overshare when I write is I feel like it helps me and I also hate to think that other people in similar situations might be feeling inadequate, for lack of a better word. It sucks to feel like you’re alone.

I want to thank everyone for leaving recipes that my little girl and I can try. I’m still planning on putting up a new page with these recipes but I’ve been really preoccupied. I promise when I have time, I’ll get to it.

Here’s the thing. Last week I found out what an asshole my primary doctor is when it comes to my depression so my hubby and I have been trying to find a solution because the insurance we have is a pain in the ass and they screw over doctors by not wanting to pay them. Several providers in our area, including my daughter’s pediatrician that she never even got a chance to see, have been dropping like flies because they don’t want to deal with our insurance.

I still have my primary doctor, unfortunately, and he refuses to even have me on an anti-depressant so he’s been making it harder than it should be to see a psychiatrist and get help for my anxiety and depression.

In the past, I’ve experienced depression, anxiety, and panic attacks for different reasons.

What’s so ironic is that this time around the reason I’ve been feeling like this is because of fucking doctors. I had less than desirable and very frustrating prenatal care, several medical interventions and a traumatic experience with my labor and delivery, my daughter ending up in the NICU and the feelings involved with that, and another traumatic experience just a week after my daughter came home from the NICU.

When the hummingbird was four weeks old, we were told by a doctor after he saw her blood work that it’s likely she has Leukemia. It’s so hard to put into words what that experience was like. My husband and I had to wait 5 days for the results after we brought her in for more blood work and it was pure hell.

As we were leaving the hospital in a total state of shock, this doctor told us to have a great weekend. We gave him an “Are you fucking kidding me??!” look. We went to the hospital after those 5 agonizing days and basically got a “Whoops, my bad” in doctor speak. I know mistakes can happen but I wanted to kill the guy.

We had very little if any communication with doctors when it came to all of these issues and there were several other incidents involving incompetent doctors so my dislike for them has turned into hatred.

I know that people have been through much worse and I should just be happy that I have a healthy child but all of these things have been building up inside me for the past couple of years. I’ve been thinking more and more about having a second baby so with everything I went through the first time around, I get extremely anxious and worry about what could happen the second time around. It’s needless worry and irrational but that’s what anxiety is.

There were times after I had my daughter when I thought I might have post partum depression but I believe it’s post traumatic stress.

Right now I feel so fucked over by my doctor and it’s the last thing I needed after going through so much over the past 3 years.

The other shitty thing is I was wanting to change my primary doctor but since my insurance is being such a dickhead, there aren’t any primary docs accepting new patients.

I’ve spent several months trying to handle my anxiety and depression on my own since the anti-depressants I’ve been on in the past have made me sick so I’ve been taking homeopathic remedies, eating healthier, having Jillian Michaels kick my ass by doing her exercise dvd’s and so on. Going on medication was my last resort. Well, now I’m there.

Thanks to a bloggy friend, I know of a medication that I haven’t tried before and I’m hoping to get on it as soon as all this doctor and insurance bullshit hopefully gets sorted out. I’m also still trying to find a psychologist to go to but my insurance has made that really difficult too.

If it wasn’t for my daughter, I would be in bed all day crying. I know I write about her tantrums, bedtime battles, and the frustrations of motherhood but I am so lucky to have my little hummingbird. She is the love of my life.

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When your kid won’t go to bed and you just want to grab a bottle of Tequila and lock yourself in the bathroom so it muffles their tantrumy screams.

For several months we’ve been dealing with bedtime battles with the little hummingbird almost every night. She hasn’t gotten new teeth since last summer and then around January, BOOM! She had 6 teeth coming in at the same time.

I would like to take this opportunity to say f*ck you teething.

She was doing really well on Hyland’s teething tablets but then they got recalled. We do give the hummingbird acetaminophen or ibuprofen but I just felt better giving her the teething tablets. We’ve tried all the other homeopathic remedies and I’ve even used an amber teething necklace AND a bracelet on her but none of it has helped like the teething tablets did.

So with her brutal teething and waking up several times a night, it threw her off her bedtime schedule that we just can’t seem to get back on. Can you believe that out of those 6 teeth, there are 2 that are taking their sweet ass time coming in? *cries* It’s her eye teeth or what I call her vampire teeth.

Since she turned 2 last month, she’s at that age where she’s understanding a lot more. It seems that she’s become scared of the dark and her imagination is running wild but in a bad way when she goes to bed. We have night lights in her room and even leave the office light on for her which is across from her bedroom.

I ordered a projecting lamp/night light for her that spins around and shows butterflies on her bedroom wall but it hasn’t come yet.

Last night it took us over 3 hours to get her to go to sleep. I started to feel like Goldie Hawn in that movie Overboard when she spends one of the first days with her fake kids and Kurt Russell comes home to her babbling buh buh buh.

Sarah K. told me about an awesome book that I’m getting when it comes out so I’ll be able to read it when I go downstairs so I don’t lose my mind while the hummingbird and my husband are in our bedroom watching an episode of that little shit brat, Caillou, to calm her down before bed.

I think this book is hilarious and couldn’t believe well actually I can since some people don’t have a sense of humor that some people actually took this book seriously. Obviously this isn’t something I would read to my daughter. Well, maybe if my name was Ozzy Osbourne. It’s clearly a children’s book for exhausted parents whose kids spend hours fighting bedtime.

Here’s an excerpt:

The cats nestle close to their kittens now.

The lambs have laid down with the sheep.

You’re cozy and warm in your bed my dear.

Please go the fuck to sleep.

While looking at this book online, I came across a few others. My daughter had the book, Pat The Bunny, which has been torn to shreds but I found a perfect replacement.

And here’s another book that I’m sure will be a classic:

~~~

Sarah told me about the first book a few weeks ago but I was trying to find a picture for this post before I published it. Unless you’re a psychic, what you don’t know is that Sarah and I have known each other forever. We grew up in the small town of Footloose that obviously isn’t the real name.

She’s one of the few people who I’ve told about my blog. There was another friend I had told after months of talking and getting reacquainted with each other but after I told her about my blog and she checked it out, I haven’t heard from her since. It could just be a coincidence but I doubt it.

It definitely stung but the fact that Sarah gets my quirkiness makes up for it.

Okay, so back to the picture I was trying to find. My mom and I moved to Footloose, USA when I was about 3 but when I got in touch with my sperm donor (bio dad) when I was 9, I would go back and forth between Footloose and Los Angeles.

When I had my 14th birthday, I was living in the tiny town of Footloose and had some friends, including Sarah, over for a slumber party. To my mom and stepdad’s dismay, I was a huge fan of Guns N’ Roses at the time and even though they weren’t thrilled about my love of hard rock music, my mom made a Guns N’ Roses cake.

My mom and I have similar drawing skills so the gun she drew on the cake ended up looking like a blow dryer which was fitting seeing as how I was obsessed with my big 80’s hair back then.

We thought it was so funny (you probably had to be there) and I have a picture of the cake somewhere but I couldn’t find it.

Since my mom reads my blog, I wanted to say that I still think about that cake and wanted to let her know how much it meant to me. I’ve told her this before but she probably forgot. heh. I also wanted to thank Sarah for understanding my blog even though a few other friends from way back when have run the other way. xx

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Looking for easy peasy real mommyhood recipes for kids.

I’ve mentioned before that the little hummingbird is a picky eater. A very picky eater. She mostly lives off of black beans, mac n cheese, peanut butter & toast, crackers, and fruit. Also, she doesn’t like meat. I try to expose her to several foods.

Right now she’s just not having it but I haven’t given up. So I give her foods that I know she’ll eat plus I’ll add something different on her plate since I’m hoping that one of these days she’ll actually try it.

I know there are several wonderful sites out there that have recipes geared for children but I’ve found with my lack of cooking skills and lack of time, they’re not always the most convenient or practical. This is where you come in.

I’m looking for moms and dads out there that are in the same position or the lucky ones who have kids that will devour anything you put in front of them. My hubby and I have a few cookbooks for kids but when my daughter is hungry, I don’t have time (or the patience) to make something for her that requires 15 ingredients. I’m looking for simple but also healthy meals that don’t take hours to make and is also reasonable in price when it comes to the ingredients.

I would like to add a page to my blog for kid friendly recipes so if you have any that have passed the (very) picky eater test and would like me to post them, just email me at elle(dot)mommyhood(at)gmail(dot)com. You can also leave it in the comments section.

They can be recipes for kids or the whole family, meat based or vegetarian, something that requires about 8 ingredients max (although that’s not set in stone, it’s fine if it’s more although the fewer ingredients, the better), recipes that aren’t complicated and since I know that can be subjective here’s something to help, when it comes to my cooking level, I’m capable of burning microwavable lasagna, so yeah, the simpler, the better. :^)

It’s also really important to me that I expose my daughter to food from different cultures. It can be Greek, Indian, Mexican, Italian, etc. So if you have a recipe or several that you’d like to share and want me to put it on my site, I thank you in advance.

**Update. I forgot to add that my daughter and I will be trying out these recipes & letting you know what we think. Don’t worry, I’m very gentle despite how I talk about my mother-in-law, it’s my little girl you’ll have to worry about. I kid, I kid.

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My huggable attempt at cooking. Part 3.

You’re probably scratching your head thinking my huggable attempt at cooking? So was I. I’ve had a post about my half-ass attempt at cooking and my pathetic attempt at cooking but since I’ve been slacking off, I asked my husband what’s worse than pathetic.

I was having brain freeze without the ice cream and couldn’t think of anything. That’s when he said huggable. I swear the guy has selective hearing. I was standing in the kitchen having a Twilight Zone moment and I started thinking well shit, I haven’t been using the word huggable correctly all this time.

That’s when I asked him are you sure huggable is worse than pathetic and he said yes. Then I started thinking about when the little hummingbird was just a baby and so cute and squishy. I would tell people that she’s so huggable and I just want to hug her in my arms all the time. So I thought well shit, here I was saying my daughter was huggable when really I was saying that she’s worse that pathetic.

Then I thought wait a freaking minute and asked my hubby the question again. That’s when he said oh, I thought you asked me to give you a word that describes me. It was an Awww moment but the awww wore off and I told him see, you never listen to me. He was like yes I do and I said Really? I ask you what’s worse than pathetic and you say huggable which makes me think I’m losing my mind.

A few minutes later I told him you know, this is going in a blog post, right? And he said whatever I can do to help.

I haven’t been cooking that often like I was hoping to because I’m just not domestic at.all. I cook for my daughter but when it comes to dinner I run and hide I’m just so clueless as far as what to make. I have so many cookbooks and at the beginning of the week I tell myself I’ll find some easy recipes and write down the ingredients for my shopping list.

I’d blame my lack of doing so on the little hummingbird and how I don’t have time to sit down and go through recipes, which I don’t, but when I do get a bit of free time, I spend it catching up with celebrity gossip Arnold Schwarzenegger is such a douche but it’s not at all surprising, reading the awesome Tina Fey book, Bossypants, or watching a few minutes of my newly arrived dvd set of the kick ass show Slings & Arrows.

See, I don’t have time for planning meals or cooking Ha!. But like I’ve said in my previous cooking posts, I want to make an effort for my daughter and give my hubby a break.

A few weeks ago I came across a blog and saw a recipe for Buffalo Mac and Cheese. I was actually looking for a certain cupcake recipe since my hubby’s birthday is coming up soon and I came across the Mac and Cheese. I knew I HAD to make it.

got the wrong cheese substituted the pepper jack cheese for monterey jack but it was still yummy. It was spicy and delicious comfort food. Nom Nom! The hummingbird had mac and cheese without the spiciness. You can find the recipe here.

I’m trying to eat healthier, not to lose weight although that would be nice, and obviously this isn’t a healthy dish but you wouldn’t even want to try to make it healthier. Just enjoy!

I found this YouTube video a few years ago and love it. This is pretty much how I am when it comes to cooking, honey badger don’t give a shit. Well, except I don’t run into the ocean to catch a fish.

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Knock-Knock! Who’s there? Little old lady….

Little old lady who? Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel! *insert George McFly laugh here*

I had absolutely no idea what to title this post and it has nothing to do with what I’m rambling about. I can usually think of a title but was stuck so I picked something random. You’re welcome.

If you’ve read my blog recently, you know that I’ve been going through depression and a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to say thank you for sticking around. Even if you’ve gone onto my site, saw that I was in my whoa is me funk, thought won’t this woman ever shut the hell up about it, and left right after, I still thank you.

Last week, Wednesday to be exact, I actually felt like myself for the first time in a long time. It was fleeting but it still felt good. Getting through depression is such a gradual process but I know I’ll get through this.

The hummingbird is still so young but even at 2, I know she feels that things are different. I want to be the best mom to her. My biggest fear it having her think that it’s her fault for me feeling the way I do.

Also, I wanted to say that despite being ranty in my last post, I haven’t killed my husband. I may or may not have tied him up with duct tape and locked him in the closet but I didn’t kill him….yet. Bwahahahaha.

When it comes to the ups and downs of marriage, we’re currently having a down moment. There’s also a lot I left out so I think my rant about our relationship made it sound worse than it really is.

Crap, I sound like a douchey reality star that says they edited me to look that way!!!

So, to lighten things up, here you go:

This is something my mom emailed me. After pregnancy and all of the pumping I did, this is how I feel about my boobs on some days.

The rest of the photos, credit: Ann Taintor.

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