When I was pregnant, I would’ve easily stabbed someone if they came near *my* orange juice. Not that I ever had to because I scared the hell out of my husband and everyone else.

When I was pregnant with the hummingbird I had insane cravings for 4 things.

I ate so many bean burritos with sour cream throughout my pregnancy, I’m surprised I didn’t give birth to a 7 pound 9 ounce burrito. I guess I sort of did when your consider that babies look like burritos when they’re swaddled, minus the cheese.

I went crazy for potatoes; mashed, baked, fries, hashbrowns, any way. There were a few times I considered eating a raw potato because I didn’t feel like I could wait. Pregnancy hunger made me feel like I could even eat my own arm if I didn’t get food right away. After I had my daughter I thought the crazy hunger would calm down but when I was pumping, my need for food this very second seemed almost as bad.

It surprises me that the little hummingbird refuses to have anything to do with potatoes but my hubby says it’s probably because I ate so many while she was in the womb that it’s enough to last her a lifetime.

I had to have ginger ale almost every day (I still have to have some in the house) and it couldn’t be any brand. It had to be Canada Dry. It was rare that I couldn’t find that brand but if my hubby and I were somewhere and they didn’t have it, he would immediately say he was sorry.

My hubby never really apologized for anything before I was pregnant and doesn’t do it that often now. But when I was pregnant and hormonal with the little hummingbird, if I just looked at him and he thought I was mad even if I wasn’t, he would say he was sorry.

I went completely crazy when it came to orange juice and anything that was fruity. I’m usually a chocoholic so it was weird when I would want something like lemon meringue pie over a brownie. My husband and I still joke about my crazy obsession with orange juice while pregnant. Towards the end of my pregnancy, we would have to get 2 one gallon containers of it a week.

The first time I realized I had a love affair with orange juice was at the beginning of my second trimester. I couldn’t sleep because my hubby was snoring and I had “morning” sickness 24/7. I was in bed and finally got comfortable when I got this massive craving for oj.

As much as I wanted it, I didn’t want to get out of bed so I figured it would be there when I got up in the morning and it wasn’t likely that my hubby would drink what’s left of it.

When I got up that morning I sprinted to the fridge and saw there wasn’t any orange juice left. Then I saw that the empty container was in the recycling bin. I felt like I was in a slow motion scene from a movie when someone yells out noooooooo!

The hormones were creeping up in me and I had to call my hubby who was at work. When he answered the phone I wasn’t screaming and didn’t even raise my voice. I’m pretty sure though that pregnancy hormones come out in our voice for our guys to hear just like dog whistles to dogs.

When I asked him if he drank the last of the orange juice he said uhhhhhhh like he thought I was going to jump through the phone and rip his head off. Both of them.

Then he said I’m so sorry. I’ll get more on the way home. I cheerily responded with Okay, thanks, love you, bye which probably sounded to him like you’re in deep shit and I’m going to kill you for drinking the last of the orange juice that OUR BABY needs when you get home.

Not that I ever said anything like that anytime during my pregnancy I totally did.

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This will either scare you away or, well, scare you away.

I was up with insomnia last night and my thoughts turned to my blog. Here I share so much and open the door to my life, whether I’m going through ups or downs. I don’t like to sugarcoat things, like when I had that rough patch with my hubby which was made worse by the depression and anxiety I’ve been going through.

If you met me in real life you’d probably think there isn’t any way this person writes what I do since I’m painfully shy and quiet which can come off as me being stuck up and bitchy but I’m just extremely nervous in social situations.

I definitely have my bitchy moments and have perfected my “I’ll kill you in your sleep” look to my husband after he’s done something that pisses me off but in general I don’t think I’m a bitch but that’s probably what all of the true bitches say. ;^)

Obviously people who really know me see the real me, good and bad. That’s what I’ve been doing more and more on my blog; showing the real me.

I tend to overshare and give you way too much information about myself but it actually helps to just get it out in the blogosphere and I love when I find that others can relate.

When I started my site, I had no idea what I was doing but I had planned on making it mostly about the little hummingbird which ended up not happening as often. I didn’t realize how much I needed to get off of my chest.

While I don’t see my blog changing too drastically and there will still be my typical posts, there are things I would like to write about that I haven’t before, at least not in such a detailed way.

Basically I’ll be writing like how I talk to my mom, which is very upfront and I’m so glad that I have that rapport with her. Come to think of it, I’m already pretty upfront here but there will be topics every now and then that could be about something women might not really say much about, for instance What I didn’t expect after expecting.

It also means there might be times when your jaw could drop to the floor or you’ll be thinking to yourself I’ve experienced something similar and this makes me feel like less of a freak.

I really hope it will be the latter!

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A guest post by a kick ass mama of two who’s a baking extraordinaire. After seeing her goodies, I want to be her sister wife. Get your mind out of the gutter, Pervy McPervington. I mean her baked goodies.

This guest post comes from Ryan Ann who lives in Illinois and started her awesome blog Live, Laugh, Love, Bake in January. She shares many different things on her blog and what really caught my attention was her amazing baking skills. One that had me at hello is her white chocolate cake that she made for her friend’s hubby’s birthday. It’s beautiful! Just try to look at this without drooling:

My hubby goes bust a nut crazy every Fall for all things pumpkin and Ryan Ann has a recipe for chocolate chip pumpkin cookies that I know we’ll all love. While I’ve said before that I’m allergic to the kitchen and can’t cook, I do love to bake but with the exception of a few recipes, I usually end up getting something in the refrigerated section of the grocery store and throwing it in the oven.

 Honestly though, after reading through her blog, Ryan Ann has helped my fear of the kitchen. I saw a recipe I know my 2-year-old will love, blueberry muffin cookies with vanilla lemon icing, and I came across this step that made me laugh out loud…”add blueberries and GENTLY fold into cookie dough. (Yes, you have to be gentle. You don’t want to break the blueberries. They haven’t done anything to you!)“.

Other posts I love; Fuck Ups Happen & Sock and Underwear Gnomes.

The little hummingbird loves to color and even though I watch her like a hawk, there was a blue crayon vs. our couch incident that looked like a Smurf murder scene and a green crayon vs. all of the hummingbird, including her light pink pants. Washable crayons my ass.

As much as I try to keep track, there seems to be a stray crayon that hides where only my little girl can find it. That’s why I got all giddy when I saw Ryan Ann had a post on how to make chunky crayons in a mini muffin tin. I’m sure there will be future crayon incidents but at least with the chunky crayons, they will hopefully be easier for me to find.

I highly recommend checking out Ryan Ann’s blog and I will now shut up and hand the reigns over to her.


 More Than Just Mom….

I’m the proud mama bear of two really kick ass kiddies, Michael 12 and Lucy 7. I’m the wife (and sometimes it seems, also the mother of) a 34 year old mechanic with a bottomless stomach and an incessant NEED to race on the dirt track every.. single.. Friday.. night.. I am the strong willed daughter of a strong willed mother- (who we LIVE with in my grammie’s old house, need I say more?) I am also a maid, a nurse, a short order cook and waitress, a free taxi service, a psychologist and a referee.

I embrace all of these roles, but have come to realize that there is one title that always gets left in the dust: ME. I was me before I had kids and surely starting a family doesn’t mean that I have to entirely give up my old self, does it? (DOES IT?!?) It is so easy to lose ourselves in the day to day grind that comes with being domesticated. We feel selfish for thinking about ourselves or our own wants and needs.

As someone who hasn’t left the house- other than to go grocery shopping- in 2 months, let me just say this… You know that saying “If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy?” While grammatically fucked, it is completely true! I know I can definitely feel my sanity slipping away… Errrr… what’s left of it, anyways.

So, maybe as a statement or perhaps just a reminder to myself, here I am in type:

  • I drink my coffee (LOTS of coffee) black with sugar.
  • I dye my hair often and all shades of the rainbow.
  • I am tattooed and pierced and am quite happy this way.
  • I desperately need to lose weight and am NOT happy this way.
  • I too often allow myself to get treated like a doormat.
  • I have a very dark sense of humor and it’s not my fault if YOU can’t take a joke.
  • My mouth would make a trucker run to confession, but I’m working on that.
  • Good manners are surprisingly important to me.
  • I have HAD IT with this bully issue and my son’s school that does N O T H I N G about it!
  • Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, go to hell.
  • I bake often, and always all from scratch.
  • My family is my L I F E!

With all that said; tonight? I’m getting the hell out of dodge, going out for coffee with some friends where I will enjoy being…. well… ME. And then I will come home, re tuck my kiddies in, kiss their foreheads, wash my face off, go to sleep and wake up feeling renewed and ready to go. Because really, I wouldn’t trade my life for the world.

*If you would like to write a guest post, whether you have a blog or not, send me an email at elle.mommyhood@gmail.com.

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Like a hummingbird on crack.

My 1 year blog anniversary was on July 2nd and I wasn’t going to do anything but since I’m sick, I’ve been looking at my early posts and decided to repost a few. We can just pretend that today is July 2nd unless that was a crappy day for you. If so, you don’t have to pretend and can just think to yourself that this blogger chick is a lazy ass which is the case.

A post I did only 4 days after I started blogging was called Go Speed Racer, Go. I thought my daughter crawling and getting into everything was bad but after she started walking, holy hell!

The only way I could describe it was that she was “like a hummingbird on crack” but I was very close to taking that out of the post.

I actually got a comment for that post and back then, when I would see that Yay! someone is reading my blog and took the time to leave a comment, I would run to tell my husband and do the happy dance. Okay, I admit I still do that since I can’t believe people read my blog.

The comment on the post was from Nic at My Bottle’s Up and if you don’t read her blog already, it’s a must and she is awesome. I also give her total credit for my tagline because if she didn’t suggest it, I probably wouldn’t have even thought about using it for the tagline.

nic @mybottlesup
July 6, 2010 19:59

i’m pretty sure “a hummingbird on crack” has got to be THE BEST analogy ever. i’d definitely copyright that little gem, and pop it up as your tagline… “keeping up with a hummingbird on crack.”

My reply:

July 6, 2010 20:14

I was actually going to take that part out b/c I didn’t want to sound weird but then I figured I AM weird so why not. Great idea about the tagline. Maybe I should put that under my twitter bio too.

So that’s how the hummingbird’s nickname was born and here’s the post I did on day 4 of my blog:

Go Speed Racer, Go!

July 6, 2010

Since she started walking back in June, my little girl is like a hummingbird on crack. My head spins when I watch her race from room to room. I jump around constantly trying to keep her out of harms way and sometimes fail.

My body contorts itself in ways I never thought possible. I feel like Linda Blair without the whole possessed by the Devil part although the hubby would probably beg to differ.

Peeing has become an Olympic sport for me. While I’m doing my business, my little girl will walk into the bathroom and stick her hand in the garbage. I take her hand out. She opens up the sink cabinet. I take my foot and close it. She’ll start closing the bathroom door on her fingers. I grab the door just in time.

You get the picture. I’ve become a ninja of sorts. My little girl is so hyperkinetic. It wasn’t too long ago that I would lay her down somewhere and she would, GASP, stay put.

In her early months I would have trouble finding the time to take a shower, do laundry, or anything that would require me to take my eyes off of her for a second because oh my gawd what if I missed out on her doing something!!

Ahem. I look back and see how much time I did have and think to myself why the hell didn’t I take advantage of it because now, that ship has sailed.


Something I never liked doing was cutting the little humminbird’s fingernails, especially when she was a baby because her nails were paper thin. I wrote a post about it last August.

The One With The F Word.

August 31, 2010

No, not that f word. The other one, baby fingernails. I hate cutting my daughter’s fingernails. They’re so tiny and she never stays still. When she was a newborn, we tried to use little baby nail files instead of clippers. Ha! That was a big fail. I’ve also tried to con my hubby into clipping her nails but since he leaves his toenails Freddy Krueger style, he never thinks they need clipping.

When she was about 2 months old I nicked her thumb with the clippers. I held my breath, looked at her to see if she was okay, and then there was crying. Both of us were in tears.

I raced to the bathroom to find something to stop the bleeding. I grabbed a tissue to wrap around her thumb but her arms were flailing about. Blood was smeared all over her clothes, her blanket, her face, me, and our bedspread. It looked like a bloodbath. She was starting to calm down but I was still in a panic.

I couldn’t believe that much blood was coming from such a small finger. I found some bandages but trying to put one on her finger was impossible. Those fingers are teeny tiny. I called my hubby at work to tell him what happened and he assured me that our daughter would be okay.

She was still bleeding and I found some gauze and tape. The makeshift bandage I finally got on her finger was bigger than her whole hand since that was the only way I could get it to stay on. There were layers of gauze and tape wrapped around her tiny, bloody thumb. Then she was trying to suck on her fingers and my new mom-itis got me thinking that she was going to swallow the bandage. I could just picture having to take her to the ER for choking on it. Oh, the joys of new mommyhood.

So I swaddled her until the hubby got home. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he saw her bandaged finger. Just earlier he was telling me that she would be fine and then he sees this HUGE bandage on her finger. I took it off and showed him the cut because I thought he was going to start panicking.

Now that my little girl is older, it’s only gotten more difficult to cut her nails. Whenever I try, her legs go thunk thunk thunk against her changing table. It’s like she does these tap dancing routines. People have suggested trying to cut her nails while she’s sleeping but she’s asleep and she wouldn’t stay that way if I did. I couldn’t imagine having to sneak into her room with the hubby, flashlight in one hand and nail clippers in the other.

I think they need to have grooming salons for babies. Out of all the things that come with motherhood, cutting fingernails is something I would pay big bucks for someone else to do. Bring on the diaper blowouts, throw up, teething, crankiness, screaming, whining, and tantrums. I would rather leave those itty bitty fingernails for someone else to cut.


Since I’m taking a look back, here’s one of my favorite pictures of the little hummingbird from last summer. Except for a few times, she never lets us put her hair in a ponytail.

Before I can even get her hair brushed into a ponytail or pigtails, she’ll start shaking her head and will try to run off. This was one of those rare times that she let me put her hair up and it lasted a record 5 minutes.

Here’s my sweet hummingbird who can make my heart melt one minute and make me want to pull my hair out the next. I miss those cheeks! She’s growing up too fast. sniff.


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Calling for guest bloggers….

Last fall I was talking with my mom and telling her how I would like to create another blog and have people share their views. Obviously I know that’s why people have blogs but I wanted to have it be for people who might not want to post something on their own blog, especially if they have family and friends reading it and have to be careful with what they say.

Then I decided that I could just do this on the blog I have now. I know I have a “small” blog and don’t get thousands of hits a day but I would like it to be a place where others can have their say and share their experiences.

I don’t expect people to knock down the doors of this here little blog to guest post but if it’s possible I would eventually like to have a guest post up once a week. That’s my goal anyway. You don’t have to be a parent or even have your own blog to write a guest post.

You can write about ANYTHING you want, mother-in-law issues, music, your obsession with The Real Housewives (that might just be me), your kids, something your kids have done that drove you crazy, a short story, a poem, your favorite recipe, some arsehole, anything.

I’m known to curse like crazy although I’m not that bad in front of the hummingbird and she’s been such a mimic lately so I have to be careful. I try to tame my language on my blog (I don’t always succeed though) but you don’t need to censor yourself if you want to write a post.

If there’s something you really want to get off your chest but would like to remain anonymous, just let me know and my lips are sealed.

You can email me and put ‘guest post’ in the subject line. Also make sure to let me know if you want to go under a pseudonym. Maybe something like Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Okay, so you don’t have to go under that name. :^) If you want me to include a brief bio then make sure to add it to the email but a bio isn’t necessary.

So if you love to write and want to guest post, drop me an email….


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Number twelve looks just like you.

I hope everyone celebrating the 4th of July is having a great day!

They cancelled the fireworks where I live and also imposed a $1,ooo fine for anyone setting them off. That hasn’t stopped the obnoxious douchebags setting them off all weekend at like 2 in the morning. We live in military housing and nobody has been setting them off in our neighborhood but I’ve been hearing them nearby.

I actually wouldn’t have a problem with the fireworks if these people did it earlier than 2 am when my daughter is sound asleep. I’m afraid it will wake her up and then I would have to hunt down these people, stick a bottle rocket up their butt, and light it. Even with a $1,000 fine, it would be so worth it.

Sunday I woke up and felt awful so I think I have some kind of plague. Luckily the little hummingbird hasn’t shown any signs of being sick or my hubby. I’m stuck in a cold medicine haze and taking it easy while the hubby tries to keep up with our little girl. I’m enjoying the hell out of that part of being sick. At least until he goes back to work tomorrow and then I’ll have to be the one racing around with the plague and making sure the hummingbird doesn’t get into much trouble. *cries*

I’ve been in a Twilight Zone marathon coma since yesterday. I freaking love the TZ marathons. One of my all time favorites is when aliens come down to earth and some people try to decipher a book one of the aliens left behind at a press conference. It ends up being called “To Serve Man” and what one guy doesn’t find out until the end while he’s boarding a spaceship is that it’s actually a cookbook. Awesome!

Other favs (writing them all would take forever); the one where the earth is moving closer to the sun, the young woman trying to fight being made “perfect” (hence the name of this post), and the one where the little girl falls out of her bed and through her wall into another dimension. I saw that episode when I was younger and it pretty much scarred me for life. I never wanted my bed near the wall after that.

Even now if we’re traveling and staying at a hotel, if the bed is too close to the wall, I won’t sleep on that side. Yes, I’m a freak.


I was able to read several blogs over the weekend and there were a few that had stories of the embarrassing things parents did when the now mamas were younger. It reminded me of something that happened when I was in high school.

My mom had this big ass Buick that even she didn’t like. There were a few times when she would be able to pick me up from school and while I liked that I didn’t have to ride the bus, the ginormous car would embarrass me. One time when she picked me up, she parked in the student parking lot that didn’t have parking bumps I think that’s what they’re called. They’re not speed bumps but I love it when there’s a sign for speed humps. It makes me giggle because I’m 12. but instead had this low chain going around the parking lot that was in the first row of spaces.

When I saw her park I said a quick goodbye to my friends hoping they wouldn’t see me get into this boat on wheels. Come to think of it, the car seemed as big as those duck boats that do those tours. I hopped in the car still hoping nobody would see me and my mom put the car in reverse. The freaking car wouldn’t move. She tried again and nothing.

She got out and saw the chain in the front of the parking space got stuck on the grill of the car. I thought I would die! We both tried to push on the hood of the car to get some momentum going  so we could get the front of the car to go up and down and get the chain unhooked but nada. By then some of my friends and other classmates obviously took notice. I was 16 and while my mom is the greatest mom in the universe, at that age everything my parents did seemed to embarrass me like every other 16-year-old.

With this spectacle, I thought for certain I would never be able to live this down. A few guys I was friends with, including one I had a huge crush on, came over while we were trying to unhook the chain from under the ginormous boat of a car. After a few minutes they were able to get us free and I was already planning on never going back to school ever again.

After that weekend, I was dreading the worst when I went back to school and while there were some jokes, it wasn’t that bad. A year or so later when my mom finally got a car that wasn’t embarrassing, guess who got the big ass boat car? It was all miiiine! Fortunately, the car died less than a year later.

I swear I didn’t have anything to do with its demise. Mostly not. Okay, maybe a little. No, really I didn’t.

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My hubby is so excited, I’m sure I’ll find wadded up tissues around the house. Too much info? Yeah, probably.

My husband’s birthday was yesterday and we went out for barbeque last night. Barbeque smells yummy at first but it’s been a day and I’ve taken a shower and still reek of the smell. My sweet pea and violet body wash mixed with smokey barbeque is making me gag.

Today my hubby came home early and I thought awww but then I found the real reason was he went out and got Apple TV for his birthday present. He’s all kinds of excited. He thinks it’s awesome and if he wasn’t so reserved, I know he’d be squealing with delight like I do when I get my US Weekly in the mail every week.

I’m still not sure what Apple TV does even though I read what it does as well as how cool people think it is but I’m sure once he sets it up, it’ll probably be something I’ll find I can’t live without.


The little hummingbird and our new cat Maisy are falling more in love with each other. Not only does our kitty like to cuddle up in my little girl’s high chair, Maisy also sits in the hummingbird’s little purple chair in the living room and has been “guarding” her at night by sleeping in the glider next to the hummingbird’s crib.

The little hummingbird has turned the tables on our cat and her new favorite thing is to climb up on top of Maisy’s scratch post.

As much as I adore Maisy, I’ve been really missing our cat, Zira, who we had for almost 15 years but she slipped out of our house when a butthead repairman left the front door open back in March. I thought it would get a little easier with time but my hubby and I keep on reminiscing about our lost kitty and we’re both still heartbroken since Zira was like our first child.

I’m normally a pessimist but the only way I can deal with her missing is to think like an optimist and hope that she’s safe and okay even though realistically, I don’t think that’s the case. *le sigh*

Well crap, I didn’t mean to turn into such a Debbie Downer so here are some cute pictures….

 Cozy kitty.

Um kitty, can I please sit in my high chair?

Haha Maisy, I’m getting you back. Plus I’m giving my mama a heart attack because she thinks I’m gonna fall.

 I have no idea what Apple TV is but I’m still happy about it!

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