My little girl has some bad ass skills.

A jumping hummingbird in flight.

*Photo taken by my hubs earlier today.

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Total Recall Weekend: Dear disposable razor people…you suck!

This used to be called Total Recall Sunday but I decided to change it up so it’s all weekend. It’s basically a way to “recycle” a post that you wrote (which comes in handy if you are having writer’s block….*raises hand*), whether it was a year ago or last week and to link it up.

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Dear disposable razor people…you suck!

November 29, 2010

One of the more recent incidents I’ve had with you was after I gave birth. I hadn’t shaved in weeks and thought I would do it the day of my ob/gyn appointment but was running late as usual.

It’s a pain in the ass to shave when you have a basketball sized stomach and can’t even reach your legs. At my appointment the Dr. told me I was having my little girl that day and so during labor, everyone who came by to stick their hands up my vagina also got to see my legs that rivaled Sasquatch.

My husband was able to hunt down a disposable razor a day later since I was tired of having my leg hair blowing in the breeze. You seemed innocent enough although I have no idea why. Two razor blades stuck in a plastic stick seems far from innocent especially when taken to your legs.

I thought I finally learned my lesson on using you when not only did I have to deal with the blood coming out of my pikachu that required pads the size of diapers and sexy mesh panties, I also had blood dripping from the cuts on my legs. I have really sensitive skin so it doesn’t help matters.

But alas, I still didn’t learn. It’s like when I know not to cut my bangs after all of these years. I still do it thinking I won’t screw them up this time and then proceed to butcher them.

So for the Thanksgiving holiday I decided to be a dumbass and pick up a disposable razor. For some reason I think spending a couple of dollars on a razor that I can throw away and don’t even have to bother unpacking is more convenient than taking my 12 dollar razor that will leave me with most of the skin on my legs. Like I said, I’m a dumbass.

To my credit or to my dumbassy-ness, I had recently seen a disposable razor commercial and they didn’t seem so bad since the women in the commercial were smiling, not screaming and cussing in the shower while the skin on their legs were being ripped off. They also left out the bloodbath that ensues. Damn advertising.

Or should I say bloodshower? *snort* Yes, I think that’s funny because if you haven’t heard me bitch and whine about it, I’m really sick and chugging nighttime cold medicine. I also have an awesome, raspy voice from my brutal sore throat and because I’m coughing so much. Being sick also makes me more spacey than usual and has me going off of a subject entirely. Where was I?

So while traveling for the holiday I made the mistake of taking along a disposable razor. I made sure to use extra shaving cream thinking that would cut heh down on my leg carnage. Did I mention that I’m a blonde?

The extra shaving cream that made the shower look like a winter wonderland didn’t do shit so my legs were ripped to shreds. I said fuck a lot more than usual throughout the day from the pain of cuts and razor burn because that is supposed to be healing and make up for the lack of skin on my legs and armpits. It’s a scientific fact.

I told my husband to never, ever let me use you again, like that’s going to stop me. By the way, my bangs are looking a little long.

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I think every music video director in the 80’s was dropping acid.

Starting Friday through Saturday my site might be down because I’ll be getting plugged. Okay, I won’t be getting plugged but my website will be. It’s getting some things added on so when I start back up with Total Recall Sunday then I’ll be able to use a linky thingamajig and actually have the links on the front page.

I’m not a tech head at all and can’t even remember my password at times to get into my blog so obviously someone else will be adding several computer thingy’s for me.

While I’m anxiously waiting to be plugged and linky’d ooh la la, here are just a few (out of thousands) of my fav 80’s music videos and like the title says, the video directors we’re allegedly on acid because holy hell, the videos concepts were pretty out there. The clothes, make-up, and hair were also pretty insane….but the songs kick ass. They should have added some of those Cosby Show sweaters and the insanity would be complete.

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When I was really young, I would get the step stool out of the kitchen and put it in the living room, turn on Queen, get on the step stool, and sing their music at the top of my lungs. Wait, I still do that.

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Peenterest.

The little hummingbird and I are still sick with some horrible zombie virus…braaaaiinns…and Peeny has been, ahem, hard at work getting pictures taken but while he’s doing that, here are some things to laugh about.

                     

                   

                 

                  

                    

The perfect stocking *stuffer* for the man in your life.

                    

* All photos from Pinterest.

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A Nervous Tic Motion.

**Beep, beep, ranty post.

For anyone who has been reading my blog for awhile, you know that in September I wanted to start a group blog which became known as Motherhood Uncovered. Let’s just say shit happens. Yep, I’ll leave it at that.

Then I got connected with the. most. awesomest tech guy and web designer JP. He is really incredible and I will link him soon (if you want then email me and I’ll give you his info that way) when the new site gets in order because if you’ve ever thought about self-hosting, he’s your man. I actually wanted him for this blog because I wanted to spruce it up but then shit happened so he took on the group site.

I decided on a new name for the site, A Nervous Tic Motion, because I wanted something more neutral. Also, when I was younger and would do something that annoyed my mom, she would fake a nervous tic with her head. That’s how I feel plenty of times with the hummingbird. I love her to death but she’s 2 and well, she’s 2.

As I type this she’s supposed to be taking her nap but instead I hear this loud thump, thump, thump above my head. It sounds like a bull is charging through her room.

The other reason for the name is I absolutely freaking love Andrew Bird and he does a song called A Nervous Tic Motion Of The Head To The Left. The man is brilliant.

Anyway, JP spent so much time working on the new site (he’s not finished yet) for me and the other writers and he redirected MU so it would go to the new site but someone messed with it after all of his hard work and now it won’t redirect. Thank you person that shall remain nameless. That was very nice of you.

I don’t mean to be bitchy but damn, that is really low. And to think this person is off starting their own group website.

The bright side is we have a new domain name (thank gawd because the website might have been completely ruined if the name and domain wasn’t changed) that this person hopefully won’t be able to screw with and we still have several of the writers who as you can imagine are just as thrilled with this person. NOT!

So, there are amazing writers for A Nervous Tic Motion and it will get better. It can’t get any worse….of course that’s what I’ve been saying for weeks. heh.

I want to thank all of the wonderful writers and I will name everyone soon, once this high school B.S. chills out.

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The most awesome Christmas decoration is back!

So, I had another post planned for today but my daughter is really sick and I haven’t gotten any sleep. Awesome, I know.

It really bugs the hell out of me when stores start putting up holiday decorations way before their time but I couldn’t pass up introducing you to a Christmas decoration I got from my mom.

Long story short, my mom has had a Christmas decoration for years that I’ve had my eye on.

It’s the kind of thing that made me tell her she had to leave it for me in her will. When my younger sister got older, she also realized just how awesome it was and wanted it.

I was afraid it would go to her but alas, my mom told me last year that she’s sending it to me in time for Christmas.

My hubby and I had to keep it on the kitchen counter last year because there wasn’t really anywhere else we could put him (yes, it’s a him, no doubt about it) and our daughter would try to get to him but she has to wait years before she’s allowed to get her hands on it. Maybe when she’s 40.

You will probably see him in random shots in the next several weeks because of the awesomeness.

As my little girl has been saying, ready, set, go!………….

I will call him Peeny.

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How does somebody get a paper cut on their eyelid? I can….’cause I’m a blonde yeah, yeah, yeah.

My rheumatologist put me on the med Cymbalta after I was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I’m trying something new which doesn’t seem to be doing anything because that med was making me so sedated 24/7 or would practically put me in a coma.

I just couldn’t take it anymore when I have a 2 1/2 year old hummingbird on crack. I was told by the doctor that there is an active ingredient, I forgot the name, that some people are especially sensitive to. Yep, that would be me.

So, I was laying on the couch last week while I was still on Cymbalta, trying my hardest to keep my eyes open while my little girl was watching a Little Bear marathon. She started pulling some wrestling moves on me while I was on the couch and knocked over our 10 million remote controls and I went over to pick all of them up.

My husband is always complaining that I have so many of my Mensa magazines all over the house so it’s ironic that it was his damn magazine that almost made me lose an eye.

Okay, they’re really US Weekly magazines but they have really, really important things to say and some great information. Like if you get a nanny, make sure you’re not married to Jude Law. It also really makes you think about and question who in the world is January Jones’ baby daddy.

See, really important world issues.

Here’s a re-enactment, kinda like that show I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant but without all of those bad actors. Also you won’t see me having a baby on the toilet and there’s less blood.

I was laying on our cozy couch when the hummingbird pulled her wrestling moves on me.

Then the remote controls go flying off the right side of the end table. When I went to pick them up, that subscription card thingy that my hubby used as a bookmark practically ripped off my eyelid.

Mothereffer!

Not long after, my eyelid felt like this.

But it was probably more like this.

Either way, paper cuts are evil little bastards and they hurt like hell.

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