How does somebody get a paper cut on their eyelid? I can….’cause I’m a blonde yeah, yeah, yeah.

My rheumatologist put me on the med Cymbalta after I was recently diagnosed with fibromyalgia. I’m trying something new which doesn’t seem to be doing anything because that med was making me so sedated 24/7 or would practically put me in a coma.

I just couldn’t take it anymore when I have a 2 1/2 year old hummingbird on crack. I was told by the doctor that there is an active ingredient, I forgot the name, that some people are especially sensitive to. Yep, that would be me.

So, I was laying on the couch last week while I was still on Cymbalta, trying my hardest to keep my eyes open while my little girl was watching a Little Bear marathon. She started pulling some wrestling moves on me while I was on the couch and knocked over our 10 million remote controls and I went over to pick all of them up.

My husband is always complaining that I have so many of my Mensa magazines all over the house so it’s ironic that it was his damn magazine that almost made me lose an eye.

Okay, they’re really US Weekly magazines but they have really, really important things to say and some great information. Like if you get a nanny, make sure you’re not married to Jude Law. It also really makes you think about and question who in the world is January Jones’ baby daddy.

See, really important world issues.

Here’s a re-enactment, kinda like that show I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant but without all of those bad actors. Also you won’t see me having a baby on the toilet and there’s less blood.

I was laying on our cozy couch when the hummingbird pulled her wrestling moves on me.

Then the remote controls go flying off the right side of the end table. When I went to pick them up, that subscription card thingy that my hubby used as a bookmark practically ripped off my eyelid.

Mothereffer!

Not long after, my eyelid felt like this.

But it was probably more like this.

Either way, paper cuts are evil little bastards and they hurt like hell.

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Merry Halloween? How our Halloween confused the shite out of people.

The little hummingbird was Santa Claus for Halloween, or as she would say, Sabby. My hubby decided to get a Santa suit too. Because of my little girl’s obsession with “Sabby”, we already had the costume and because of her love of hats, it’s not unusual for her to be running around the house in her Santa Claus hat.

My husband and I figured this costume choice would be the best one after last year’s disaster. They had trick or treating in the downtown area where we live Saturday afternoon. A lot of the businesses participated including ones I never thought I would take my 2-year-old to, like a bar.

Hearing my husband ask the hummingbird if she wanted to go into a bar to get candy made us both crack up. We also hit a tattoo parlor but we all left unmarked. heh.

Having my daughter dressed up as Santa made several people say awwww but it was my hubs dressed as one that really got the attention. There would be kids that would get all excited and yell to their parents Wow, there’s Santa Claus!!

It also caught the attention of people driving by and some even yelled out Santaaaaa!

I didn’t dress up but I guess you could say I was a pack mule with all of the things I ended up carrying. I remember being younger and always asking my mom to carry my stuff. Now I’m getting payback.

I hope everyone had a Happy Halloween! I would love to see what your kids and you dressed up as so if you want, link your pics in the comment section.

Here’s some pics of the hummingbird as “Sabby” along with my hubby…minus his face…

MC Sabby

Smile!

The hummingbird walking into her first tattoo parlor.

See ya later peeps, I’m getting my candy buzz on!

Of course we can’t forget Penny. This picture took much longer to get than I expected. I left her alone a bit because she said hell no in kitty talk and I tried to get Maisy to wear the witches hat but she wasn’t having it either. Penny finally gave in. I got a few extra scratches on my hands and I’m not sure it was worth it. It was really cute though.

Penny as a bumblebee…

We saw this guy dressed as Gumby at the grocery store on Sunday and I couldn’t resist asking him if I could take a picture.

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Guest Post: Apologizing for having my kids.

This guest post comes from the awesome Chistene who is the writer of her blog Confessions From The Crib.

Here’s a post that’s perfect for Halloween – Lay Off The Candy. Enjoy Halloween and have that chocolate!

Other posts from Christene: Why My Children’s Goldfish Scares Me. Absolute must reads are Fake It Til You Make It. 25 Things I Love About Being Pregnant. 25 Things I Hate About Being Pregnant.

Q and A with Christene.

Elle: If you could drop everything and go anywhere (real or fantasy) in the world, where would it be?

Christene: Narnia! It was my favorite place to fantasize about as a kid, and I have never forgotten it.

Elle: Favorite guilty pleasure?

Christene: I love watching Desperate Housewives. We DVR it, and I watch while the kids are having their afternoon nap on the weekend.

Elle: What’s one of your favorite books?’

Christene: Brave New World by Aldous Huxley.

Elle: A favorite non-mommy activity?

Christene: Going out with my best friend and having frozen yogurt and then coffee, while catching up.

Elle: What song(s) makes you want to dance around your house and/or brings you back to your teen years?

Christene: My Sharona by The Knack is the BEST dance around your kitchen while cleaning song.

Apologizing for having my kids.

by Christene

Being pregnant with my second child I constantly felt as though I needed to apologize for having kids. I was surrounded by people who have no children, have no desire for them, and seem to harbor disdain towards pregnancy, children, and any homemaker aspect of my existence.

I am aware that half of this post is being penned purely by hormones and emotion, but I cannot help feeling as if these people see my love for my children and my role as a wife and mother as something to be treated with contempt.

The other day one such person in my life found out one of my friends just gave birth to her fourth child, which I deem to be quite admirable. Being a stay at home mom with four children is no easy task; the mere mention of the patience and energy such a role demands would be enough to make most people swoon.

This person gasped and asked “what’s wrong with her?” I had no reply. It never crossed my mind to assume there was anything wrong with her. She loves her children. Just like I love mine. Does this mean that this person also questions what is wrong with me for being on my second?

Probably.

Unlike my friend, I am not a stay at home mom. I have a full time job, and I constantly felt that my impending maternity leave was causing quite a grumble. I will be the first to admit that it in fact placed an added burden on those who had to pick up the slack, but Iwould gladly do it for them if they were in my situation.

However, I do not see any of them in this position any time soon. They seem to be abhorred by the entire process, viewing it as strange and burdensome.

I did not ask for time off to go to the doctor, but instead diligently schedule my doctor appointments around my work schedule. I did not ask for any special treatment because I was pregnant; I performed my tasks as before, even the physical ones. I took as short a maternity leave as possible, and did not take time away from my work for anything child/baby related.

I did not get any compensation during maternity leave. However, after all that was said and done, I still felt there was a negative stigma attached to my pregnancy. It is as if people do not understand how pregnancy works. How childbearing works. What being a mother is all about. I feel like I have to say I am sorry, but this is the life I chose.

~If you would like to write a guest post, email me at elle dot mommyhood at gmail dot com. xx

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The latest craze in toddler fashion…

Cat bed hats, yo!

I’ve mentioned before that the little hummingbird will use anything for a hat and now I can add cat beds to the list.

She loves wearing a yarn necklace I braided and threw together for her in a few minutes but she also loves to wear underwear necklaces, courtesy of my clean underwear, and she loves wearing her red ballerina tutu as a necklace as well.

Needless to say, she has an eclectic fashion sense and I find it really interesting because my sister was the same way when she was younger and still is. I think it’s something in the genes.

Off topic, the hummingbird has been saying “clock” lately but, ahem, she doesn’t say the L so it comes out, well, you know. Yes, I’m 12 so whenever she says it, it leaves me in hysterics so then she says it even more because hey, she’s not quite sure what she’s doing but it’s making mama laugh her ass off. The terrible twos can drive me crazy but it’s stuff like this that makes it priceless.

Okay, now for some awesome cat bed hat fashion. Work it, hummingbird!

 

 

 

                                    

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Had a crappy day? Make it better with Ryan Gosling and Mark Ruffalo.

I’ve had a pretty rough week so I needed to post something lighthearted. On Monday our cleaning lady came over and brought her tween daughter with her, saying that her kid wasn’t feeling well and she really didn’t want to leave her at home alone.

I was fine with it since the little hummingbird and I stay out of the way when she comes over. At the same time when our cleaning lady told us she thinks her daughter has some kind of stomach bug, I though oh f*ck. The last thing I need is my 2 year old getting sick.

I’m sure you can guess that now me and my little girl have that effing stomach bug. The poor hummingbird was actually laying down for her nap yesterday and then I heard blood curdling screams from her. I ran into her room and she had puked all over. Oy!

In light of this, let’s look at some hot guys. Yeah, baby!

I think by now my Mark Ruffalo obsession is pretty obvious but I just saw a movie with Ryan Gosling and as dark as it was, it was really freaking incredible and a well acted film. It’s called All Good Things and is based on a true story.

It also has Kirsten Dunst in it and, ahem, she looked really hot she really kicked ass in her role. So, if you’re looking for a movie to watch, give All Good Things a try. Just know it’s not a snuggly and cuddly sweet film.

Maybe it’s just me but when Ryan is shirtless, I pretty much need a bucket to catch the drool.

Oh my!

Photo Credit: Warner Bros

It’s getting hot in here, right?

Photo Credit: Google Images

Hellloooo Mark!

Photo Credit: Google Images

*swoon*

Photo Credit: Google Images

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Silence.

*I wrote this last year. I hate that another year has gone by without you. I miss you, Danielle, more than ever.

The other day I was wondering what you were doing but then I remembered you were gone. I can’t believe it’s been seven years since you left us so early. Even though we didn’t always get along, I loved you like a sister.

It’s not surprising, we had known each other since preschool. Our moms were great friends. We would spend Christmas Eve at your house and get a personal appearance from Santa Claus.

I even remember being at your house when they debuted Michael Jackson’s video, Thriller. Your mom was peeking through her fingers the entire time. As you got older, you grew your hair long. It was the most beautiful brown hair I have seen.

You were at my wedding but I was so overwhelmed with people that I never got a chance to say hello. I’ve seen my wedding video and watched as you stood aside while I greeted people. There is so much guilt I feel because of that.

You moved out of the small town where we lived. I had moved away several years before. You got married but by then we had lost touch. I would always ask my mom how you were.

I’ll never know what led you to take your own life on that day. Your mom has never recovered. Nobody will be the same. The shock of it was with me for months and then disbelief set it. It has been with me since.

I was never angry at you but I wish you would have talked to someone, anyone. I still can’t accept that you are no longer here, even after seven years. So I will continue to catch myself wondering what you’re doing.

*www.save.org/

*National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8288

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Why do these twisted a-holes have to torture us with obnoxious cartoons?! Because they’re sadistic bastards, that’s why.

I’m sure we’ve all been there. Needing to take a shower or inhale some food and having to find some distraction for our kids in the meantime. Enter the cartoons from hell. As you might know if you’ve been reading my blog for some time, the little hummingbird was absolutely obsessed with Caillou.

I never knew I could hate a little kid, despite one that was animated. Caillou is the biggest little effer I’ve come across. I got to the point where I would rather chop off my own arm and eat it rather than even hear the sound of his voice. He tortured me for months but since mommyhood can be painful, I put up with it because he made the hummingbird happy as well as distracting her so I wouldn’t make myself gag from lack of hygiene.

I vented on this here blog by doing a few Caillou cartoons; I’m just a kid who’s 4. Each day I whine some more. I torture parents. I’m Caillou. and Bill the squirrel and his big nuts vs. Caillou. So, he ends up decapitated in both…a mom can dream, right?

I even put a smile on my face and on the little hummingbirds 2nd BIRTHDAY!!, we got her a Caillou birthday cake.

There’s also been cartoons she’s watched like Max and Ruby and all I want to do is yell at the television Where in the hell are your parents!!! Thankfully the hummingbird hasn’t taken a liking to Barney because holy hell, I would lose my shit.

A few months ago, in my quest to find something that wasn’t as obnoxious as Caillou, I DVR’d several kids shows. There was Yo Gabba Gabba – what in the hell are these people smoking? Dora The Explorer – We were only a few minutes in when I wanted to smash my television…and a few others that I’ve burned from my memory.

I tried to have her get on board with my all time favorite, The Smurfs, but my daughter wasn’t having any of it. As much as *enter Whitney Houston singing* I-I-I-I-I will alwaaaayyyyssss loooooove Sesame Street, my little girl seems over that show already. Sniff. Then we came across a cartoon that didn’t make me want to pull a Dexter.

Little Bear.

Photo Credit: Nick Jr.

Sure I can feel stabby when the hummingbird wants to watch it over and over and over again but it’s the first kids show, besides the older Sesame Street episodes, where I don’t feel like jumping out of the window. It’s a total win-win.

None of the characters on the show really whine, the music is soft and gentle, and it’s not Caillou! As my 2 year-old says, HOORAY! It’s not perfect but this mama will take it over all the other shows out there.

That is until the hummingbird moves on to something else even more obnoxious and annoying, like Justin Bieber. Then you’ll find me eating my own arm.

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