A guest post from a stay at home mama who would battle zombies with her iPhone and is a huge Harry Potter fan.

This guest post comes from Emily who is a stay at home mom of two boys, 3 and 10 months old. Her husband works with the UN as an outside contractor. They moved from Virginia to Vienna, Austria this past spring and will be there for the next two years. She posts daily on her site Our Big Adventure-Dan and Em’s Blog.

I’m going to let Emily talk about her adventure in her own words since she can say it best. Take it away Emily!

The whole process of deciding, applying, getting approved, and moving took 18 months (we only had one child when we originally decided to go for it, and now we have two). It is completely unlike me to have taken on something like this. I’m a homebody — other than college, I’d never lived more than an hour away from my family.

I’d only travelled outside of the US twice in my entire life before this came up — once to Cancun, and once to the Bahamas on a cruise (and neither really feels like leaving the US). I’m not really sure what made me take this leap, except that it was a chance I didn’t know if we’d ever be able to take again — these opportunities don’t come along every day, and the boys are so little that it’s relatively easy for them to move (no school to pull them out of or anything).

Q and A with Emily.

I wish I could say I was able to hop on a plane to Vienna so I could ask Emily these questions but I had to stick with email. Damn email!

Elle: If you could drop everything and go anywhere (real or fantasy) in the world, where would it be?

Emily: Hogwarts.  I’m a huge Harry Potter fan.

Elle: If the zombie apocalypse happened tomorrow, which weapon would you want to have to fight these brain eaters?

A. a flame thrower.

B. an unlimited supply of ninja throwing stars.

C. a chainsaw.

D. a shoelace because you’re bad ass.

E. other and what would it be?

F. none of the above, I want to be a damn zombie!

Emily: E. My iPhone.  It seems to be able to do everything else, so I imagine there’s an app for that, too.

Elle: What’s a favorite non-mommy activity?

Emily:  Horseback riding.  I’ve been riding since I was 8 and we have 3 horses that we had to leave behind when we came here.  I miss it (and them) a lot.


Helping A Stay At Home Mom

When you stay at home with your kids, lots of things are different if you work outside the home. There’s the obvious stuff: your job follows you 24/7 (including on vacation), you rarely get to use the bathroom by yourself, the concept of a coffee break is foreign to you, and you get to work in your pajamas.

Also, you truly become the CEO of your household. You can manage your kids, your home, the errands, and the dog, all at the same time, and all by yourself for 8 or 10 or 12 hours a day. So, when someone shows up and offers to “help”, however well-meaning, it often doesn’t work.

It’s not because you’re controlling or because you’re overly particular. It’s because you can juggle everything by yourself, so having a novice step in and try to help you just doesn’t: it messes up your regular rhythm and requires extra accommodation on your part (showing them what to do, explaining why, working around what they’re doing).

Maybe this isn’t specific to stay-at-home-moms: maybe this is just something that happens with whichever member of the family is the one who calls most of the shots and executes most of the plays. I just know it didn’t really show up in my life until I became a stay-at-home-mom.

Whether it’s friends or family, people want to help, which I can appreciate.  They want to help around the house, or help with the kids, but 99% of the time, they’re doing a job you don’t mind doing (because no one offers to help with the ones you’d really rather not be doing), they aren’t doing it as well as you would on your own and often, they’re unintentionally creating additional collateral damage that you’ll just have to rectify at some point.

I get that they want to help anyway, and it often is actually helpful, but sometimes it isn’t, particularly when they’re insistent on helping with a particular thing or in a particular way.  There’s usually no graceful way to turn down even the worst “help”, so you suck it up and accept it anyway and fix everything later.  But then they’re offended that you didn’t appreciate their help enough.  Why don’t people understand this?

I actually think I know. My dad used to be a professional house painter. I’ve helped him paint before, and when you start, you start with the inside of a closet. Why? Because your mistakes won’t show, you won’t be in his way, and he won’t have to redo your work. Instead of being a stay at home mom, imagine I was a cook at a busy restaurant.

Would anyone unfamiliar with that business or even with that particular restaurant assume they could walk in and actually take some of my load off on the first day? Or would they understand that maybe, after a few weeks of training, they could begin to actually be helpful?  The first few days would inevitably be more work for me — telling them what to do and how we do it, explaining my methods and demonstrating my rhythm.

What if I were a brain surgeon? Or an air traffic controller? Would just anyone think they could come in and help me do my job that I do every day without their help? I don’t think they would.

I think that, sadly, when people believe they can “help” a stay-at-home-mom without any training or experience, it’s really a form of condescension.  By “experience” I don’t mean just having kids, I mean being a stay-at-home-primary-caregiver. They would never assume to be able to help a “professional” with their work without any training or practice, but they think they can help “just” a mom.  It’s an overt demonstration of an internal feeling that a mom’s job is actually so easy that anyone can do it. Well, it isn’t.

I’m good at what I do and it took years of sweat, tears, and exhaustion to learn what works, what doesn’t, and the best way to take care of everyone and get everything done. If you want to help, sincerely, ask me what you can do and actually listen to the answers. You may not understand, but there is a method to my madness and a reason for everything I do. I’m happy to explain it, when I have the time.

You may have to paint in the closet at the beginning — try not to be offended. This job is harder than it looks.

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My husband likes to steal other people’s cats in his spare time.

My little girl decided to wake up at 4 am and didn’t want to go back to sleep but guess what? It’s now about 6 am and she’s sleeping soundly while I’m wide awake.

Since I’m up, let me tell you a story about a man named Jed. A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed. Then one day he was shootin’ at some food. And up through the ground came a bubblin’ crude. Oil that is, black gold, Texas tea.

Wait! Wrong story.

Even though it’s been four months since our kitty, Zira, has been missing, we’re still on the lookout for her. Last week my hubby came home from work and the little hummingbird wanted to go for a ride in her wagon.

He said he wasn’t going very far with the hummingbird but we’ve always had a difference of opinion when it comes to distance.

My version of not walking very far = walking maybe 5-10 minutes.

My hubby’s version of not walking very far = hiking 25 miles through a snowstorm, a monsoon, a tornado, up a big ass hill, and having it take most of the freaking day.

I was sick and laying on the couch. They had been gone for quite a while and I had fallen asleep. I woke up to the phone ringing. Our phone says who’s calling and when I heard it was my husband, I did what any good wife would do and ignored the call. Then he called again and I thought something must be going on so I picked up.

My husband told me that he might have found Zira and said to meet him at the playground down the street. I kept saying what? what? are you serious? what? because I couldn’t believe it and then I asked him where he was. He told me he couldn’t explain which probably meant he walked to the next state over from us so that’s why we need to meet at the playground and he also said to bring the cat kennel.

My hubby was having a hard time keeping hold of the cat and wanted help with the hummingbird. By the end of the phone call I was up off of the couch and so excited. I was wearing a t-shirt and boxer shorts but wanted to get to him asap and thought it was too time consuming to run upstairs to get my bra so instead I threw on my jacket to cover up the fact that I wasn’t wearing one, put on my flip-flops, found the cat kennel, and started running down the sidewalk to the playground.

There I was running down the street like a cracked out crazy woman, without a bra that I really need when I’m out in public. I was hoping I wouldn’t come across any children or parents because I didn’t want to scare them with my out of control boobs that were flipping around every which way.

I saw my hubby and as soon as I layed eyes on the cat, I was pretty sure it wasn’t Zira but I wasn’t 100% sure. We got back to our house and went to the backyard. My hubby was still holding the cat while we tried to figure out if it was our kitty. Then I was 100% certain that it wasn’t.

The cat was a tuxedo cat like Zira but there were things that were off. This cat had much bigger paws and seemed bulkier. I told my hubby that not only is it not our cat, I think this kitty is a boy. He pointed out that since Zira has been missing for months, she could have changed. I agreed but said unless there’s some kind of kitty steroids out in the wilderness, this isn’t our cat.

I even went to grab some pictures to show him. Zira had a small white mark on the left side of her nose but this cat had a bigger round white spot on the lower right side of its face. My husband still wasn’t convinced and said he wanted to keep the cat in the backyard and bring the kitty to our vet in the morning to see if it was microchipped.

As soon as he set the cat on the ground, it ran underneath his grill. We set out some food and water and went back inside. That’s when I asked my hubby where exactly did he find this cat. He told me while he and the hummingbird were walking past a house, he saw the kitty in the yard.

I said Oh my gawd! What if you have stolen someone’s kitty and they were inside their house watching?!  While the cat appeared to be healthy and fed, it did seem like it had been a stray for a while so we didn’t think that would actually be the case but it didn’t stop me from calling my hubby a cat napper for the rest of the night.

There’s a scene in the movie Julie & Julia where Julie has to cook live lobsters and her husband keeps saying lobster killer in a sing-song voice. That was how I was saying cat napper and by the end of the night both my hubby and I kept on singing cat napper.

I was on pins and needles waiting for my hubby to return from the vet the next day. The cat ended up not being Zira which I knew but it was microchipped. The problem is the microchip only had info for a vet in North Carolina and our vet’s office kept on trying to contact them but there was no answer.

We were talking about what to do next and then a light bulb went on. We both looked at each other with an oh shit, this kitty probably has been cat napped look. I told my husband he should go back over to the house where he found the cat. Hold on….

Bwahahahahahaha. *breathes* Hahahahahahahahaha.

Okay, I’m back.

He went over to the house to ask if they by any chance had a cat. The only person home was the teenage daughter and she said they do have a cat and they’re from North Carolina. So my hubby came back to our house and got their poor, traumatized, stolen kitty while I was practically in hysterics because I couldn’t stop laughing and peed myself a little.

From what my cat napper husband got from the girl he talked to, the cat is always outdoors so it didn’t seem like this family even noticed their cat was missing.

My husband’s intentions were good and he was really convinced that it was Zira. It was an honest mistake but a funny one……that I can hold over him.

If he ever complains that I don’t cook that often, which I know he never will or else he’d get a knee to his nuts, I can always say Well, at least I didn’t steal someone’s cat. Or if the little hummingbird wakes up in the middle of the night and I don’t want to get out of our warm and cozy bed, I can say Hey cat napper, she’s all yours. People who steal someone else’s cat right out of their own yard have to get up.

This cat napping is like a get out of cooking and cleaning jail free card. Woo hoo!

To my husband’s credit, Zira and the stolen cat did look similar.

Our precious and dearly missed cat, Zira.


The kitty my cat napper husband took.


And just because, a photo of Maisy. My hubby finally set up the fish tank for the little hummingbird since she loves going to the local aquarium. We have 2 goldfish so far and Maisy seems much more interested in the fish than my little girl.

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Close encounters of the two orbs.

This guest post comes from Heather who’s a new mama to a very precious little girl and has the blog, Musings From An Old-New Life.

I asked Heather to name her 3 favorite movies and songs because I was going to try to incorporate them into the title of the post but as the little hummingbird would say: I’m stuck!

Since I couldn’t think of a title, I did what I normally do. I started over thinking and then stopped thinking about it altogether. Then when I was at the ENT doctor yesterday and as he was putting that awful probe up my nose, the title just popped into my head. The lesson? Stop thinking. Okay, maybe not.

Here are some of the awesome movies Heather loves. The first one is the awesomest (it’s a word) and it brings me back to my childhood. You’re probably thinking shut the hell up and tell me what it is.

The Goonies!

My sister and I would watch that movie over and over again and I’m sure it drove our mom nuts.

A few others are Who ya gonna call? Ghostbusters!, the Lord Of The Rings trilogy, and all 8 of the Harry Potter films.

Q and A with Heather.

Elle: What’s a favorite non-mommy activity?

Heather: Going to a B&B with a cool jacuzzi tub, reading, and eating chocolate covered blueberries. All done either separately or together!

Elle: What song(s) makes you want to dance around your house and/or bring you back to your teen years?

Heather: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun!

Elle: If you could be stuck in an elevator with anyone, who would it be?

Heather: I would love to be stuck in an elevator with my brother.  He passed away several years ago, and had severe spastic CP.  Would love if he could have the ability to talk, or even if not, his computer to use so we could have some great chats. I miss him dearly.

Elle: If you could drop everything and go anywhere (real or fantasy) in the world, where would it be?

Heather: Hmm, tough.  I would have to say, since Mike and I have not had a real honeymoon yet, Kauai, Scotland, and then Disneyworld.  That would be cool!

Elle: If the zombie apocalypse happened tomorrow, which weapon would you want to have to fight these brain eaters?

A. a flame thrower.

B. an unlimited supply of ninja throwing stars.

C. a chainsaw.

D. a shoelace because you’re bad ass.

E. other and what would it be?

F. none of the above, I want to be a damn zombie!

Heather: E. My husband. Cause he LOVES killing zombies, is quite proficient, and sometimes plays said zombies on LEFT 4 DEAD and believes that he can sometimes think like one.

Therefore, because of his proficiency and zombie madness, I would pick him to defend me from them. I know. Kinda lame to pick the hubby, but I love my computer geek husband and he is quite good at slaying zombies.

Elle: If you could send any celebrity/reality star into space so you’d never had to hear about them again, who would it be?

Heather: Dude, Charlie Sheen.  WTF is wrong with that guy?


Comic Relief Moment

Yeah, I know.  Weird, random, topic for a funny…. but that’s me. Weird and random and sometimes certifiable. Plus, when you have nothing to really write about except the odd musings that pass through your head, these musings can prove to be oddly hysterical when later pondering them.

I was told once, by Sunshine’s pediatrician and her lactation consultant, that babies can often be scared of their “large breasted” mommies. Odd, I know. But I suddenly felt a “large” sense of pride today in seeing that my little Sunshine’s head is *finally* larger than my breasts.

When beginning this part of the journey, I felt unsure, intimidated by friends who had been so successful, and fearful that I may not have success.  Then again, seeing this large orb zooming in towards my little girl’s face was slightly daunting (and this was from my perspective, not hers).

I mean, I have always been rather satisfied with my voluptuous curves, knowing that second to my eyes, “the ta-tas” are a pleasing part of my form. However, when my milk came in I was overly self-conscious about their size and *gasp* weight. I thought I had lower back problems before, but this is ridiculous.

I also was so worried that Sunshine would fall into that number of babies who truly HAD something to be afraid of by these orbs.  Suffocation due to ORB. This was not a pleasing thought.

Surprisingly, Sunshine latched on with a fierce voraciousness. In fact, she was like a little tiger cub, ravenously growling at said boob, and tugging and pulling as she does. God help me if I am still breast feeding when her teeth come in.

So, should I be surprised that with her rapacious appetite her little head has exceeded the size of her orb-like food vessel?  No, not really.  But just seeing the actual visual of her growth and learning has just got me dumbfounded and in aw.  She really is a precious gift.

So, the feeding goes on, the growth continues. Now, if only I can get rid of this butt that has gotten exponentially larger with all this sitting and feeding, and *yawn* trying to sleep any spare moment I can catch up.  THAT would also be something worth writing about. The loss of the butt that is, not the sitting/feeding/and *yawn*, sleeping.

Until next time, may your days be blessed and filled with giggles!

~If you would like to write a guest post, whether you have a blog or not, email me at elle dot mommyhood at gmail dot com.

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I’m just a kid who’s 4. Each day I whine some more. I torture parents. I’m Caillou.





*Updated to add Gilbert saves the world from Caillou comic strip.

**Permission is given to copy and/or print this. I tried to upload it onto pinterest but it didn’t take. xx

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Storage Wars. Have you seen this reality show? I would see ads for it on television and I remember telling my hubby Are you freaking kidding me? It’s official. There is a reality show for anything and everything. I had made fun of it and then one night when the hummingbird was battling bedtime, my husband and I watched it.

We had a new episode of Modern Family on the DVR but with my little girl crying and screaming, I didn’t want to watch something that I was going to miss. My brain always turns to mush when she cries so instead I was flipping around the television and found Storage Wars. We figured why not?

Now we’re effing hooked on that show. If you haven’t seen the show here’s the deal. It focuses on the same 5  people who bid on abandoned storage lockers. There’s a couple, Brandi and Jarrod who never seem to agree with how much to spend or which storage unit to buy. It’s amazing when it comes to some of the cool things and/or money they can make on this but I’m sure more times than not, the storage lockers are a bust.

It sounds lame and it probably is but I got as hooked on this show as I had with House Hunters International which I still have banned myself from watching because I want to save both of my televisions from destruction.

I have also banned myself from watching the regular House Hunters because my stabby feelings go to code red. Where do some of these people get the money for houses? I saw one couple on HH International who seemed to only surf and I thought how in the hell can they afford to buy a house.

When I’ve asked my hubby he always says they just worked and saved but I would always tell him even if that was the case, I just can’t see a young couple being able to afford some of these fancy schmancy houses.

During our first year of marriage my hubby and I were both in college I’m determined to finish my degree some day. I just have to figure out what I want to be when I grow up and couldn’t afford a freaking toaster. We ate what seemed like a lifetime supply of ramen noodles.

I’m not saying that young newlyweds don’t have the means to buy a house but there are some people on the show where you’d think they couldn’t even afford a freaking happy meal let alone a house that was hundreds of thousands of dollars. I’ve heard a few people say the show is kind of a set up.

One of the last House Hunters I remember watching that had made me mental was of a married couple and the wife was pregnant. They had found a perfect house and were so excited but then as they were going down to the basement, they saw that it was completely flooded.  We’re talking you could kayak in the basement flooded.

It was obvious the wife was thinking screw this house, lets move on but the husband was insistent that they see if the problem could be resolved. It’s one thing if the house you already own floods. Of course you have to take care of it even though I’m the type that would rather move than deal with something like that but I also feel that way anytime I do the dishes or laundry or if my husband makes a mess of the kitchen floor and doesn’t pick it up.

I think it would be so much easier to move into a new house that doesn’t have dirty dishes in the sink, there isn’t a sticky floor, and I would just keep my piles of laundry at my old house so I could buy new clothes.

I couldn’t imagine expecting a baby in a few short months and wanting to deal with buying a house with that kind of damage. They brought in a friend who was in construction (I think) and the husband was saying that him and the friend would repair the basement themselves.

I think the House Hunters cameras saved that husband’s life because if I was his pregnant and hormonal wife, I would have tried to strangle him at this point. I would have killed my husband over orange juice when I was pregnant so I was surprised that she was agreeable when he told her they should still move forward with buying this house.

After the basement was drained, which I think was a big mistake because who wouldn’t want an indoor pool in their house, they brought in someone else to look at the basement.

The guy found that there was black mold on the walls. He also thought the mold was inside the walls and it would be a long process to fix it. Not only that, needless to say he found it a danger to the pregnant wife and the baby.

When the wife called her husband and pretty much put her foot down, he finally gave in but you could tell that he was still thinking that the house would be fine. Apparently this guy needs to lay off of sniffing glue. He made me so freaking crazy. In the end they found a house that they liked just as much but I think the wife should have gone back to the other house, flooded the basement again, and thrown her husband in there with some cement shoes.

So, back to Storage Wars. After watching a few episodes I told my husband that when he retires from the Navy in 5 years, we should move to Seattle (which we’ve already planned to do since that was our all time favorite place to live. we lived there for a year and a half back in 2002-2003) and open a second hand shop because these storage auctions seem fun and you never know what your going to find.

I’m mostly kidding but I think that would be kind of cool. The funny thing is that when I was younger my mom really loved garage sales but I never really cared for them because I’m a bit OCD (it’s gotten much better than it was years ago but when I’m stressed, it really comes out) and a germaphobe so not knowing who owned something, it could be from a hoarder for all I know, can make me leery. It would be ironic if my hubby and I really did open up a second hand store.

We have so much crap in our garage that we plan on going through each time before we move but we end up never doing it so we joke and say we should hold an auction for all the boxes of who knows what in the garage since that would be the easiest way to get rid of it.

*This post is for Marie R. who suggested I do a follow up post on my House Hunters International is like meth post. xx

**My zombie sinus infection is still causing havoc and I don’t feel that great. Because of that, I’m going to have 2 guest bloggers again this coming week but it’s likely I’m still going to post too. I have an appointment with an ENT doctor Monday morning. Dr. Cool is on vacation but all of the ENT’s in his practice seem really good and I hope they find out what’s going on.

I was told by Dr. Cool when I first saw him and had a CT scan that besides my sinuses being blocked by scar tissue, I also had a polyp but he wasn’t too concerned about it. He thought it would improve after my sinus surgery but now I’m worried that’s why my sinuses are so bad again.

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A guest post from a mama of twins who lives by her own rules and would protect her babies from zombies by using vegetable oil.

*I want to give a big thank you to Jamie. My house is filled with the plague and my hubby and the little hummingbird are hacking up their lungs. I was doing that at the beginning of the week but now I have some kind of raging zombie sinus infection so I asked Jamie if she would mind doing her guest post a little earlier.

My head feels like it’s going to explode so the biggest question I have is if I have a zombie sinus infection and my head goes kaboom!, would I be able to eat my own brains? Did I mention I’m on some awesome pain meds and shouldn’t be allowed to go near a computer? Let’s get to Jamie.

I’m a married mother of 5 month old twins, Clive and Scarlet. I love my babies with all my heart, even though I’m convinced they’re out to turn my hair gray before I reach 30. My mission in life is to  drive my husband crazy before he drives me crazy and I’m winning so far.

I’m an amateur blogger with a blog I started just a few weeks ago, Life Is Better With Me In It, and I promise to post more adorable pictures of my babies, because the world needs it.

Q and A with Jamie.

Elle: If the zombie apocalypse happened tomorrow, which weapon would you want to have to fight these brain eaters?

A. a flame thrower.

B. an unlimited supply of ninja throwing stars.

C. a chainsaw.

D. a shoelace because you’re bad ass.

E. other and what would it be?

F. none of the above, I want to be a damn zombie!

Jamie: My first instinct was to take the flame thrower but then I figured that I would probably not only burn myself but the entire building I was hiding in, so I’m going with vegetable oil. That way I can just pour it on the ground, they slip and fall, and I run away. Oh and the fact that I won’t burn down the town is just an added bonus.

Elle: If you could send any celebrity/reality star into space so you’d never had to hear about them again, who would it be?

Jamie: Speidi (if they can share a name they can share a rocket) because I’ve always wanted a parade thrown in my honor and I think that would do it.

Elle: What song(s) makes you want to dance around your house?

Jamie: Rebecca Black’s Friday and Miley Cyrus’s Party in the USA makes me want to shake my money-maker and makes my husband want to kill himself. Win win!

Elle: What is an embarrassing moment you had as a teenager?

Jamie: Definitely the time I was arrested in front of my boyfriend’s house (now known as my in-laws house), taken to jail, and mistaken as a crack whore by the warden. All on the night of my mom’s 40th birthday party bash. Nothing says happy birthday Mom like a midnight jail call!


Having a degree in Child and Family studies plus being a mom of twins pretty much makes me a parenting expert. Harvard might as well just give me a doctorate.

Children don’t come with instructions. I’ve always hated that line. It’s a sucky thing to say to a first time parent who every time that is said quietly thinks to themselves, no shit.  So since no one has come out with instructions I’ve decided to write my own.  You’re welcome!

1. I’ve heard many parents say “Give your children plenty of  praises” I say don’t. Instead, teach your children to praise you. You’re the one raising them, giving them free stuff. You deserve the most love.

2. Lie to your children to make your life easier. Grandma may have poisoned those cookies so I have to eat them all just in case.

3. Sing your baby rap songs as if they were lullabies. Baby’s gotta learn pimpin’ early.

4. The day after your baby is born go to Wal-Mart and let him roll around. They need to build up their immune system and they can’t live in a bubble forever.

5. Use television as a babysitter. Parenting takes up too much time as it is.

6.  Play favorites with your children. Competition is healthy and they need to compete for your love. Whoever makes the best martini wins!

7.  Give your children lots of sugar and carbs. The bigger they look, the smaller you look!

8. Don’t make them buckle up their seatbelts. They need to be able to move around and give a shoulder massage on demand.

9.  Always let them watch rated R movies. The more they know the less you have to explain.

10. Discourage most forms of reading. The words are big and complicated and the kid will just start bugging you to tell him what the words say and mean.

Look for my book coming out in 2012! Ok there’s not a book, but there should be because I’m freakin’ AWESOME.

~If you would like to write a guest post, whether you have a blog or not I’m looking at you Sarah K., send me an email at elle dot mommyhood at gmail dot com.

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There’s this wheelbarrow guy in our neighborhood who keeps dumping dirt by our house. He’s probably burying body parts which may include Mark Ruffalo’s missing legs.

Dude, where are my legs?

There’s this guy that my hubby and I have dubbed the “wheelbarrow guy” that has been dumping dirt by our house. I’m not sure exactly where he lives but he walks across the soccer field that’s across the street from our house, walks up our driveway, and dumps the dirt by the woodsy area next to our house.

When my husband first mentioned that he kept on seeing this guy, I feigned interest and said something like oh really, that’s weird which made my husband go into more detail than I wanted to know about the wheelbarrow guy.

Then I told him it’s kinda creepy that you know so much about our neighbors and he was like what’s wrong with knowing this stuff and I told him there’s nothing wrong with it but some of the things you know sounds like your some kind of stalkerish peeping Tom, maybe even a creepy serial killer and he said maybe I am, bwahahaha then I told him I’m not having sex with a serial killer even if said killer happens to be my husband but he still didn’t deny it and I think he’s trying to go for a possible murderous mystique to add some oomph to our sex life but that’s just freaky and while I like freaky, I’m not into serial killer freaky.


Recently, when the hummingbird was having “quiet time” meaning a naptime party in her room, I had just gotten out of the shower. The bathroom window looks out on the side of our house and the blinds were open a little when I saw the guy. It’s not like I want my neighbors to see me buck naked but they had recently moved back to India so as far as I knew, the house was still vacant.

At first I thought he was our new neighbor but then I saw he was walking back across the soccer field and pushing a wheelbarrow. Instead of taking advantage of the glorious free time I had, for the next half hour or so I watched this guy wheel dirt and dump it by our house while wondering what in the hell is this guy doing.

I’m easily entertained and have no life.

After that, me and my hubby made a game out of spotting this wheelbarrow guy, kind of like playing Where’s Waldo, and wherever we would be in the house, whoever spotted him first would yell out it’s the wheelbarrow guy. We would watch the guy from a window and the little hummingbird would look at us as if to say These people are my parents?! For real?!

My husband had the idea that maybe the guy is making a fish pond or something that was logical in his backyard. I had other thoughts. I told him I thought the guy was a serial killer who’s burying bodies by our house.

That’s usually my answer to anyone who seems suspicious. Creepy guy who only buys microwaveable meals at the store; serial killer who has no time to cook. Someone running down the street and isn’t wearing typical running clothes but instead looks like they just spontaneously started running; serial killer or shoplifter making a run for it. Anyone I don’t know who enters my house, be it a repairman, cable guy, etc; serial killer thanks mom for ramming that in my brain.

Because my husband can be just as twisted as me, he said it’s most likely not bodies the wheelbarrow guy is burying by our house because that would be harder to hide. He said the guy was probably chopping up the bodies and burying the parts by our house. Obviously my hubby and I watch way too much Dexter.

We haven’t spotted the wheelbarrow guy in a few weeks so he either got caught and is in jail or finished his serial killer project. I refuse to go over by where he was dumping all of that dirt since I’m afraid there will be a dismembered arm sticking up from the ground.

Here are some completely unnecessary pictures that tell the tale of the serial killer wheelbarrow guy.

Fyi, that’s not police tape around the soccer field, they recently seeded it. Allegedly.

He goes across the field and then crosses the street.

He gets our driveway dirty.

Then he dumps the body parts.

Not only do we have an infestation of damn gophers in our neighborhood, there’s also an abudance of bears and unicorns. The wheelbarrow guy better watch his back.

He’s the king of the wheeeelbarroooowwwwssss!

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