When your kid won’t go to bed and you just want to grab a bottle of Tequila and lock yourself in the bathroom so it muffles their tantrumy screams.

For several months we’ve been dealing with bedtime battles with the little hummingbird almost every night. She hasn’t gotten new teeth since last summer and then around January, BOOM! She had 6 teeth coming in at the same time.

I would like to take this opportunity to say f*ck you teething.

She was doing really well on Hyland’s teething tablets but then they got recalled. We do give the hummingbird acetaminophen or ibuprofen but I just felt better giving her the teething tablets. We’ve tried all the other homeopathic remedies and I’ve even used an amber teething necklace AND a bracelet on her but none of it has helped like the teething tablets did.

So with her brutal teething and waking up several times a night, it threw her off her bedtime schedule that we just can’t seem to get back on. Can you believe that out of those 6 teeth, there are 2 that are taking their sweet ass time coming in? *cries* It’s her eye teeth or what I call her vampire teeth.

Since she turned 2 last month, she’s at that age where she’s understanding a lot more. It seems that she’s become scared of the dark and her imagination is running wild but in a bad way when she goes to bed. We have night lights in her room and even leave the office light on for her which is across from her bedroom.

I ordered a projecting lamp/night light for her that spins around and shows butterflies on her bedroom wall but it hasn’t come yet.

Last night it took us over 3 hours to get her to go to sleep. I started to feel like Goldie Hawn in that movie Overboard when she spends one of the first days with her fake kids and Kurt Russell comes home to her babbling buh buh buh.

Sarah K. told me about an awesome book that I’m getting when it comes out so I’ll be able to read it when I go downstairs so I don’t lose my mind while the hummingbird and my husband are in our bedroom watching an episode of that little shit brat, Caillou, to calm her down before bed.

I think this book is hilarious and couldn’t believe well actually I can since some people don’t have a sense of humor that some people actually took this book seriously. Obviously this isn’t something I would read to my daughter. Well, maybe if my name was Ozzy Osbourne. It’s clearly a children’s book for exhausted parents whose kids spend hours fighting bedtime.

Here’s an excerpt:

The cats nestle close to their kittens now.

The lambs have laid down with the sheep.

You’re cozy and warm in your bed my dear.

Please go the fuck to sleep.

While looking at this book online, I came across a few others. My daughter had the book, Pat The Bunny, which has been torn to shreds but I found a perfect replacement.

And here’s another book that I’m sure will be a classic:


Sarah told me about the first book a few weeks ago but I was trying to find a picture for this post before I published it. Unless you’re a psychic, what you don’t know is that Sarah and I have known each other forever. We grew up in the small town of Footloose that obviously isn’t the real name.

She’s one of the few people who I’ve told about my blog. There was another friend I had told after months of talking and getting reacquainted with each other but after I told her about my blog and she checked it out, I haven’t heard from her since. It could just be a coincidence but I doubt it.

It definitely stung but the fact that Sarah gets my quirkiness makes up for it.

Okay, so back to the picture I was trying to find. My mom and I moved to Footloose, USA when I was about 3 but when I got in touch with my sperm donor (bio dad) when I was 9, I would go back and forth between Footloose and Los Angeles.

When I had my 14th birthday, I was living in the tiny town of Footloose and had some friends, including Sarah, over for a slumber party. To my mom and stepdad’s dismay, I was a huge fan of Guns N’ Roses at the time and even though they weren’t thrilled about my love of hard rock music, my mom made a Guns N’ Roses cake.

My mom and I have similar drawing skills so the gun she drew on the cake ended up looking like a blow dryer which was fitting seeing as how I was obsessed with my big 80’s hair back then.

We thought it was so funny (you probably had to be there) and I have a picture of the cake somewhere but I couldn’t find it.

Since my mom reads my blog, I wanted to say that I still think about that cake and wanted to let her know how much it meant to me. I’ve told her this before but she probably forgot. heh. I also wanted to thank Sarah for understanding my blog even though a few other friends from way back when have run the other way. xx

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Looking for easy peasy real mommyhood recipes for kids.

I’ve mentioned before that the little hummingbird is a picky eater. A very picky eater. She mostly lives off of black beans, mac n cheese, peanut butter & toast, crackers, and fruit. Also, she doesn’t like meat. I try to expose her to several foods.

Right now she’s just not having it but I haven’t given up. So I give her foods that I know she’ll eat plus I’ll add something different on her plate since I’m hoping that one of these days she’ll actually try it.

I know there are several wonderful sites out there that have recipes geared for children but I’ve found with my lack of cooking skills and lack of time, they’re not always the most convenient or practical. This is where you come in.

I’m looking for moms and dads out there that are in the same position or the lucky ones who have kids that will devour anything you put in front of them. My hubby and I have a few cookbooks for kids but when my daughter is hungry, I don’t have time (or the patience) to make something for her that requires 15 ingredients. I’m looking for simple but also healthy meals that don’t take hours to make and is also reasonable in price when it comes to the ingredients.

I would like to add a page to my blog for kid friendly recipes so if you have any that have passed the (very) picky eater test and would like me to post them, just email me at elle(dot)mommyhood(at)gmail(dot)com. You can also leave it in the comments section.

They can be recipes for kids or the whole family, meat based or vegetarian, something that requires about 8 ingredients max (although that’s not set in stone, it’s fine if it’s more although the fewer ingredients, the better), recipes that aren’t complicated and since I know that can be subjective here’s something to help, when it comes to my cooking level, I’m capable of burning microwavable lasagna, so yeah, the simpler, the better. :^)

It’s also really important to me that I expose my daughter to food from different cultures. It can be Greek, Indian, Mexican, Italian, etc. So if you have a recipe or several that you’d like to share and want me to put it on my site, I thank you in advance.

**Update. I forgot to add that my daughter and I will be trying out these recipes & letting you know what we think. Don’t worry, I’m very gentle despite how I talk about my mother-in-law, it’s my little girl you’ll have to worry about. I kid, I kid.

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My huggable attempt at cooking. Part 3.

You’re probably scratching your head thinking my huggable attempt at cooking? So was I. I’ve had a post about my half-ass attempt at cooking and my pathetic attempt at cooking but since I’ve been slacking off, I asked my husband what’s worse than pathetic.

I was having brain freeze without the ice cream and couldn’t think of anything. That’s when he said huggable. I swear the guy has selective hearing. I was standing in the kitchen having a Twilight Zone moment and I started thinking well shit, I haven’t been using the word huggable correctly all this time.

That’s when I asked him are you sure huggable is worse than pathetic and he said yes. Then I started thinking about when the little hummingbird was just a baby and so cute and squishy. I would tell people that she’s so huggable and I just want to hug her in my arms all the time. So I thought well shit, here I was saying my daughter was huggable when really I was saying that she’s worse that pathetic.

Then I thought wait a freaking minute and asked my hubby the question again. That’s when he said oh, I thought you asked me to give you a word that describes me. It was an Awww moment but the awww wore off and I told him see, you never listen to me. He was like yes I do and I said Really? I ask you what’s worse than pathetic and you say huggable which makes me think I’m losing my mind.

A few minutes later I told him you know, this is going in a blog post, right? And he said whatever I can do to help.

I haven’t been cooking that often like I was hoping to because I’m just not domestic at.all. I cook for my daughter but when it comes to dinner I run and hide I’m just so clueless as far as what to make. I have so many cookbooks and at the beginning of the week I tell myself I’ll find some easy recipes and write down the ingredients for my shopping list.

I’d blame my lack of doing so on the little hummingbird and how I don’t have time to sit down and go through recipes, which I don’t, but when I do get a bit of free time, I spend it catching up with celebrity gossip Arnold Schwarzenegger is such a douche but it’s not at all surprising, reading the awesome Tina Fey book, Bossypants, or watching a few minutes of my newly arrived dvd set of the kick ass show Slings & Arrows.

See, I don’t have time for planning meals or cooking Ha!. But like I’ve said in my previous cooking posts, I want to make an effort for my daughter and give my hubby a break.

A few weeks ago I came across a blog and saw a recipe for Buffalo Mac and Cheese. I was actually looking for a certain cupcake recipe since my hubby’s birthday is coming up soon and I came across the Mac and Cheese. I knew I HAD to make it.

got the wrong cheese substituted the pepper jack cheese for monterey jack but it was still yummy. It was spicy and delicious comfort food. Nom Nom! The hummingbird had mac and cheese without the spiciness. You can find the recipe here.

I’m trying to eat healthier, not to lose weight although that would be nice, and obviously this isn’t a healthy dish but you wouldn’t even want to try to make it healthier. Just enjoy!

I found this YouTube video a few years ago and love it. This is pretty much how I am when it comes to cooking, honey badger don’t give a shit. Well, except I don’t run into the ocean to catch a fish.

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Knock-Knock! Who’s there? Little old lady….

Little old lady who? Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel! *insert George McFly laugh here*

I had absolutely no idea what to title this post and it has nothing to do with what I’m rambling about. I can usually think of a title but was stuck so I picked something random. You’re welcome.

If you’ve read my blog recently, you know that I’ve been going through depression and a lot of anxiety. I just wanted to say thank you for sticking around. Even if you’ve gone onto my site, saw that I was in my whoa is me funk, thought won’t this woman ever shut the hell up about it, and left right after, I still thank you.

Last week, Wednesday to be exact, I actually felt like myself for the first time in a long time. It was fleeting but it still felt good. Getting through depression is such a gradual process but I know I’ll get through this.

The hummingbird is still so young but even at 2, I know she feels that things are different. I want to be the best mom to her. My biggest fear it having her think that it’s her fault for me feeling the way I do.

Also, I wanted to say that despite being ranty in my last post, I haven’t killed my husband. I may or may not have tied him up with duct tape and locked him in the closet but I didn’t kill him….yet. Bwahahahaha.

When it comes to the ups and downs of marriage, we’re currently having a down moment. There’s also a lot I left out so I think my rant about our relationship made it sound worse than it really is.

Crap, I sound like a douchey reality star that says they edited me to look that way!!!

So, to lighten things up, here you go:

This is something my mom emailed me. After pregnancy and all of the pumping I did, this is how I feel about my boobs on some days.

The rest of the photos, credit: Ann Taintor.

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Sometimes I feel like I have to be Mommie Dearest but without the wire hangers and all the other psycho things. Maybe I’m more like Dina Lohan. Oh gawd, nevermind. I’ll take Mommie Dearest.

*When I wrote this yesterday, I was feeling frustrated. I was actually writing something else but ended up with this post because I needed to vent. It’s not like my husband and I are at odds 24/7 but as you know, when you’re in a relationship, that person can get on your damn nerves. :^) I spellchecked the post but I only glanced at what I wrote, otherwise I wouldn’t have hit publish.

Before we had our daughter, I used to think I would be the softie and my husband would be the disciplinarian. I know the universe is laughing at me now as well as the younger me inside my head, which oddly has the Ha Ha laugh of Nelson from The Simpsons, because I have to be the hard ass parent and it sucks.

Since I overshare, my hubby and I are kind of driving each other crazy lately. He still doesn’t understand what I’m going through with this bout of depression I’ve been having and doesn’t even try to understand. I guess you could say we’re going through some growing pains right now but without Boner.

Not my hubby’s boner, I don’t overshare that much although I easily could, but Boner from that 80’s show Growing Pains. Really?! producers and writing people for that show? What the hell were you people thinking when it came to naming that dude Boner? My best friend at the time had a huge crush on Kirk Cameron and I went along with it but I was majorly crushing on Johnny Depp and I still do to this day. But he’s gotten just a tad odd for me and that’s why Mark Ruffalo has kindly stepped in to take his place.


Growing pains, yeah, my hubby and I are going through them but his boner is fine thank you very much. We met about 2 weeks after I turned 20, married 5-ish months later and our 16 year wedding anniversary is coming up in July. If you’re doing the math, do bad math so then you can figure my age to be about 26.

Marriage is fucking hard at times. I’m happy for the couples who skip around arm in arm, are so in love all the time, and say everything is fan-fucking-tastic but I know marriage can be something you have to work at.

When our daughter was born there’s no doubt my husband and I became closer than ever but at the same time it can get harder because it’s so easy to lose yourself in your child and put your relationship on the back burner.

Yes, I love being a stay at home mom and my husband is awesome but that doesn’t mean I don’t go batshit crazy sometimes. When my husband is home from work on the weekends, our house can be chaotic.

He gets up with the hummingbird on the weekends so I can sleep in although this right here is me sleeping in. My hubby gets up really early during the week so he considers waking up at 7 am sleeping in.

He usually takes the hummingbird out in the morning and when I walk downstairs and see the tornado size mess that’s been made, I feel like a Southern Belle in a tight corset during a heat wave that just found out her husband has been cheating on her with her sister.

Translation: I feel faint, my knees are wobbly, and I want to run my hubby over with a horse-drawn carriage.

His excuse for all of the messiness is he’s so occupied with our little girl so he doesn’t have time to pick things up. Um, I do it all the time. Our house isn’t sparkly clean but even though I have little time with a toddler, I still manage to pick up.

A few weeks ago the little hummingbird was eating string cheese and she took too big of a bite. She wasn’t choking but my hubby took his finger and knocked some of the cheese out of her mouth which landed on the couch and then walked away leaving slobbery cheese on the couch which I had to pick up. Ugh!

Since this post is so long, here's a hummingbird break. I like to call this the "fireman yoga" pose.

When I was pregnant, my hubby and I would talk about the big issues when it came to raising our daughter. What we didn’t even think of at the time were the small daily issues that can come up. Most of the issues are food related.

I’ve actually had to tell my husband that giving the hummingbird Flipside crackers and cashews is not considered dinner. That was one of his dinner choices for her when I was having a migraine and was upstairs in bed. Gah!

The most common dilemma we have is he doesn’t think that she needs to have her food cut up. I have to remind him that she’s not some wild dog despite her acting like one at times and because the last thing you’d want to do it give a 2-year-old a knife, we have to cut her food up for her. I know it sounds so dumb but it can be frustrating as hell to always be reminding him of this stuff.

My hubby loves our daughter to bits and is very hands on so when it comes to dinner and since he’s been gone all day, he likes to take over and I try to keep my mouth shut but when he gives her food that’s almost as big as her head, like half a Belgian waffle, but doesn’t cut it up, I have to step in which ends up annoying him.

My daughter has been using a fork for quite awhile so she gives us this look like “hello, how do you think I’m going to eat this ginormous thing?”  The hubby thinks she can just pick it up with her hands but I’ll mention that she’s capable of using utensils and Omg, I know I’m totally boring you right now.

We go through this several times a week and I know that there’s a solution. He just needs to listen to me. Problem solved. Heh.

There are times when I feel like Mommie Dearest but not the house of horrors version. I have to be stern and discipline my little girl because my hubby is mostly afraid to. His response is usually “But she likes doing this.”

When it comes to her behavior, I’m thinking of the long term so that’s why I like to try and change it now instead of having it become a bigger problem later on. It doesn’t help that the hummingbird is a daddy’s girl so I end up feeling like the bad guy.

My daughter has been showing that she wants and needs me more and that’s helped with my confidence as a mom because before, I would always question my mommy capabilities since she would always want her dad. It would make me feel like I was doing everything wrong. I can still feel that way but it’s gotten better.

I think she acts this way because I’m there for her all the time but my hubby isn’t so when he’s home, it’s all about daddy. I hate to admit it, okay not really, but I love to hear the hummingbird call out MAAMEEEE when my hubby is with her and I’m in another room.

Another hummingbird break. I call this pic "cute".

When I was whining and complaining talking to my mom recently, I was going on about how during the week there are times I feel overwhelmed when it comes to dealing with the little hummingbird’s tantrums and meltdowns, keeping the house from becoming a disaster zone, keeping my daughter in one piece, and on and on.

Then I was saying how my hubby seems to think it’s easy peasy when he’s home and looking after our little girl and my mom pointed out it’s probably because he lets her do whatever she wants. It was an aha moment for me.  

My mom was telling me that I’m basically raising my daughter the way she raised me and that gave me such a lift. With the exception of my angsty pre-teen and teen years, I felt that my mom was pretty balanced when it came to discipline and although it would embarrass me when I would spend the night at a friend’s house and she would have to speak to their parents beforehand and get their phone number & address if she didn’t have it already, now I completely understand why she did that.

When it comes to the little hummingbird, I’ll probably take her friends fingerprints and run background checks.

When I was younger I thought it was so cool and was envious when I had friends whose moms let them do whatever they wanted but now I really appreciate that my mom was a parent to me and set boundaries.

So while my husband will probably be the cool and laid back parent in our daughter’s eyes, I hope that when she’s older she understands that the reason I did what I did is because I love her so much.


*Blog of the week yay, I remembered to do it this week: take2mommy. Jennifer is the sweetest and you just have to check out her blog. You can also follow her on twitter: @take2mommy.

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I can’t think of a better way to wake up than to have a shark staring me in the face.

My husband teaches a class from 7-10 am so he has to be up really early. Sometimes the little hummingbird wakes up before he leaves for work and since I’m a night owl, hoo hoo, I like to stay in bed as long as I can. Really though, who doesn’t?
Before the hummingbird was born, my husband would try to gently wake me up because I’m not a morning person at all and can be scary.
Lately, instead of the hubby leaving the hummingbird in her crib to play, he’s been putting her in our bed along with book and toys. The worst of it is he’s been turning on an episode of Caillou as well.
For those of you who don’t know, Caillou (Keye-*as in eye*-you) seems like a harmless cartoon but after having to watch it constantly, you end up wanting to kick whoever is involved with the making of Caillou in the nuts.  
So before I can even open my eyes, my two year old is jumping all over me and Caillou is blaring on the television.
Yesterday morning my husband decided to really make my day. Not only did he choose an obnoxious toy which was her toolbox that has hammer sound effects and music, he also put the hummingbird’s stuffed shark that he got for her birthday in our bed.


We have a membership to the local aquarium and the times that we’ve gone, I’ve tried to get a cute (but overpriced) stuffed penguin or a cute little otter for the hummingbird but the hubby brings up the fact that they rip you off with the price, which they do.

Then he goes there and buys this huge stuffed shark that I’m sure is a lot more overpriced than some penguin?! Huh? After much thought and consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that my husband is a penguin hater but we will remain friends for the sake of all the cute penguins out there, both stuffed and real.  


Caillou was on, my little girl was hammering in her toolbox and on my shoulder, and when I opened my eyes, I saw this huge shark staring at me.

By the time I woke up enough to stumble out of bed and find the camera, my daughter was running around but this is what I pretty much woke up to:

Good Morning Sunshine!


I will now chomp you to bits…nom nom nom. I even have a watch so I can time how long it takes to eat you mind out of the gutter.

 We’ve also had a creepy balloon in our house. I had no idea there were any balloons left from the hummingbird’s birthday last month but this one in particular seems to have come out of hiding and has been creeping me out all week.

It has just enough helium left in it to stay afloat but it glides a few inches from the floor, creepily!

I could’ve  just popped it but that wouldn’t be any fun. The creepy balloon was downstairs and the other day it creepily floated upstairs where it would go from room to room to terrorize me.

Don’t let it fool you. It looks like a normal birthday balloon but it’s freaking creepy.


It’s getting creepier. 



This is some Amityville Horror balloon shit going on here.

The same day, I went to take a shower and there was a big spider in the tub. After an intense spider vs. shower sprayer battle, I was finally able to take my shower without having to worry about some spider walking across my feet.

I blame the creepy Amityville balloon for the spider so later on I popped that sucker.

Because I’m not at all crazy, I put the balloon in the outside trash can just in case it came back to it’s creepy balloon life. Suck it birthday balloon.

*My hubby isn’t really a penguin hater but he probably hates sea otters. I won’t think otherwise until he goes out and buys our daughter a huge and overpriced one which I’ll stick in the bed so he can wake up and have an otter staring at him but it won’t be as scary.

We live by the ocean so maybe I can leave a trail of fish from the ocean to his side of the bed for an otter to follow because I’m pretty sure a live sea otter in the bed would be scarier or at least more unexpected than a stuffed shark.

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Taking a picture of my 2 year old is as difficult as keeping my sanity when my mother-in-law visits.

Recently, I dressed my daughter in jeans and a cute top that she picked out herself from the store. When I say “picked out” I mean it’s the first shirt she grabbed good thing it wasn’t the fuzzy lingerie with hearts that she tried to rip off the clothing rack but because of my awesome shopping cart skills, she couldn’t reach it in time.

I was amazed at how grown-up she looked excuse me while I cry and wanted to get a picture. The problem? She rarely stays still and this day was no exception.

The little hummingbird was playing in her room and we got her to sit down so we could take a photo but she was up and running within a few seconds.

One of our laundry baskets wanted to steal the spotlight from the hummingbird so it popped up in several of the photos. This laundry basket is really fame hungry so you can only imagine the ego it has. All it does is hold our dirty clothes but it demands that we call it a wardrobe assistant. And the basket insists that it’s natural even though it’s so obvious that it’s been pumped full of plastic.

Aaand she's off...

Cool, a sock puppet!

Fine, I'll stand still for just a second.


Can I get a little help here?

At least the cat wasn't in her bed this time around.


Total fashion statement.

But the sock puppet really adds something.

Forget the sock puppet. This tutu brings the outfit together.

Afterwards, my hubby took her to the playground and even that didn’t wear her out. I’m convinced the hummingbird steals our energy from us while we’re sleeping.

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