Meow Meow Mew means we miss you.

St. Patty's cat. circa 2007

We still haven’t found our cat, Zira. I’m holding out hope that we’ll find her but I don’t know how likely that is anymore. Last weekend we had our one and only tip from a woman that was feeding some stray cats so we went over to see but Zira wasn’t among them.

I’m heartbroken since my husband and I have had our cat almost as long as we’ve been married. I used to joke to my hubby that once our cat is gone, that must mean our marriage is over. Yeah, I have an odd sense of humor.

Despite having a VERY active toddler and no matter how busy we are, our kitty’s absence is very noticable. My in-laws are coming on Friday night ugh (they’re staying until Monday) and since our cat never took a liking to them, she always hid in the bedroom under the covers of our bed.

I need frequent breaks from my in-laws so I usually go into the bedroom for a few minutes and cuddle with the kitty. Now that she’s not here, I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Probably go insane.

Since it’s St. Patrick’s Day, here’s some music from my favorite Irish musicians, Damien Rice and Glen Hansard. I know I’ve put both of these videos on my blog before but I’ll just pretend it’s the first time. I also added Pomplamoose since I find it nearly impossible to feel sad after hearing them.

Damien Rice w/ Lisa Hannigan – I Remember

Glen Hansard – What Happens When The Heart Just Stops

Pomplamoose – Hail Mary

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Dear pain in the arse gopher who’s digging up our backyard…

You think you’re so funny, don’t you, gopher? When we moved into our house in September, we wondered why there wasn’t any grass in the backyard.

My husband spent weeks planting really pretty flowers and grass. He even put a gopher-be-gone thingamajig in the yard which made our cat go nuts.

Finally, the yard was perfect and then your punk ass had to mess it up. You’ve dug millions of holes in the yard and you mock us by popping your punk ass gopher head out of one of them, right by the gopher-be-gone thingamajig.

Note to self: I really need to ask the hubby what that thing’s called.

My husband has even caught you on camera, red pawed. I’m going to send the footage to Chris Hanson from To Catch A Predator and when you’re in the chat rooms, you’ll start talking to someone named hotgopher16.

Obviously, I can tell you my plan since you’re just a gopher who spends his days making sink holes in our once awesome backyard.

You’ll be chatting with hotgopher16 but you’ll have no idea that it’s really some 45 year old man with a hairy back.

Come to think of it, you probably like hairy backs.

Then hotgopher16 will want to meet in person and you’ll oblige since all you want to do is make sure she’s okay and “talk” to her about why she shouldn’t associate with strange and much older gophers on the internet.

That’s why you’ll bring over a 6 pack of wine coolers, so you can “talk” uh huh, yeah right. But then that Chris Hanson guy will bust your punk ass gopher butt.

I’m counting down the days you pain in the ass gopher….

Elle x

*Blog of the week: Snappy Surprise. I recently started reading this blog and think it’s hilarious. Check out this post.

**Make sure to check out this Peeps post from Anne Nahm.

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My half-ass attempt at cooking.

I am an awful cook and I can actually screw up frozen lasagne that just needs to be microwaved. My husband is a great cook who is like the MacGyver of the kitchen. It seems like he can make an amazing dinner just by using a pack of toothpicks, a whisk, and a block of cheese. He’s usually the one that ends up cooking if there isn’t really anything in the house. Meaning there isn’t anything in the freezer for me to microwave except a couple of freezer-burned Lean Cuisines that I just can’t bear to throw out even though I know I will never eat them.

It’s like I need the food equivalent of Stacey and Clinton from What Not To Wear to come and help me purge my kitchen of food that I’m never going to eat but can’t get rid of. Like those popsicles that end up on the bottom of my freezer and stay there because I think maybe, just maybe I’ll eat them next summer.

I consider making a grilled cheese sandwich to be hardcore cooking so when I see my husband and others putting together several ingredients and making something that’s actually edible, I’m amazed. It’s ironic that while I don’t like cooking, I’m obsessed with Julia Child. I saw the movie Julie and Julia last year which lead me to read Julia’s book My Life In France. I loved reading about her passion for food. I thought her passion was inspiring and can be applied to anything really. I also love me some Anthony Bourdain. *swoon*

My daughter is a picky eater and I’ve spent a lot of time making something for her that I think she will love and then she refuses to even taste it. But then I’ll have to chase her around the house because she won’t give up the cat treats that she’ll be chowing down. Since she’s getting older, I would like to start cooking more often. I’m not talking about becoming some master chef, just developing my cooking skills somewhat so I can take over the cooking reigns from my husband a little more often.

I’ve decided to chronicle my journey into cooking. I want to change my half-ass attempt at it into a…um, er…full-ass attempt. I know what I attempt will seem rather simple to so many but for me it will be huge. I have no idea how often I’ll post on it. It could be once a week or once a month. I might even give up on cooking entirely but I hope to at lease give it a chance.

I wanted to show the level I’m at now. Instead of feeling like a total loser when it comes to my very limited cooking ability, I’ve decided to mock myself instead because that will make me feel better no really, it will. So it’s with great embarrassment that I present:

Nacho Nacho’s {so go get your own}!!

Explanation points make writing better. It’s like what bacon and butter does for food.

You take all of this and throw it on a cookie sheet. Well, except for the sour cream (even I know that).

After you put it on a sheet, bake it because that will make it seem like your making an effort to actually cook.

Since I totally failed at "cooking", I made a chocolate lava cake for my hubby. That meant going to the freezer, taking it out of the freezer, and zapping it in the microwave for a minute.

Because I "made" the cake for my husband and only had a bite (or 3), I had this little gem all to myself. Note to self: It might not be the best idea to have so much sugar right before bed. Oopsie.

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I wonder if I am pregnant?

I hope everything will be okay.

I wonder what the sex is?

I wonder if we’ll ever agree

on a name for our girl?

I wonder who she’ll look like?

Will I ever get sleep again?

Will her tooth EVER cut through?

She’s starting to crawl but I

wonder when she will start walking?

She never stays still. I already

miss when she was a baby.

Terrible twos, bring out the chocolate.

Daughter keeps me on my toes.

I wonder where she gets all

of this energy? I want some!

Go to Making Things Up for more six word fridays.

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When husbands annoy but you can’t strangle them because of dumb laws.

My husband is my rock and I love him beyond words but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to strangle him 15 percent of the time. Now that I’m thinking about it, it’s probably more like 25 percent of the time. We’ve been together for over 16 years so we’ve become experts at annoying each other.

I annoy him by being a gossip magazine hoarder, watching television in bed (although he’s the one who got me a flat screen t.v. for the bedroom on my birthday a few months ago), it takes me forever to unpack when we move, I’m allergic to cooking and cleaning, I ramble on about celebrity gossip, and my favorite sayings are “You’ve gotta be kidding me?” or “You can’t be serious?! whether it has to do with something that’s good or bad.

That last part might not be annoying him as much anymore since he’s saying those frequently. When I told him I have a blog troll he said “You’ve gotta be kidding me?! Obviously this person doesn’t know what my parents are like. Let’s send them to her for a few days.”

The following are just a few things that he does or else this post might become a novella. To the outside world, these annoying things can seem really lame but when you’re with someone day after day after day, it can make you feel stabby.

When migraines attack. He knows that the two things I need when I have a migraine are quiet and to have it be dark. Since we can’t black out the windows, all I ask is that he keeps the blinds closed. Simple, right? Not for my husband. He goes through the house opening up all of the blinds and I’m stumbling around with sunglasses on inside the house like a drunken vampire. I close the blinds while cursing at him under my breath only to have him open them up again.

Paper towel patrol. He loves to leave one paper towel left on the roll. The one that has that icky glue all over it. If I see that sheet from hell left on the roll, I’ll get a new roll but then he gets annoyed since I’m not using the last one. When I’ve used the last sheet to wipe my face and hands, I feel like I’ve made out with tree sap. We also use kitchen towels but he uses them for everything and I’m kind of OCD when it comes to having clean hands so the last thing I want to do is wash my hands and wipe them on a towel that was just used to wipe up something sticky on the floor. The sticky is probably from that last paper towel on the damn roll.

Unnecessary commentary. I take some of the shows that I watch a little too seriously at times…Project Runway, The Real Housewives, Top Chef. I let my husband talk all he wants while my patience wears thin but when something big is about to happen, like it’s the last two minutes of a show and somebody is about to be kicked off, I’m hoping for quiet but he’s still talking. I use the closed captioning on the television most of the time but it’s not the same as actually hearing Padma say “Please pack your knives and go.”

He’s REALLY bad when it comes to award shows which I look forward to all year I have no life. He’ll watch some of them with me and it takes all I have to try and not go all stabby on his ass. He’ll constantly be asking things like “Who’s that?” or “What movies have they been in?” and then I end up having to explain things to him which causes me to almost miss really super important things like the arrival of Mark Rufflalo. After all the years we’ve been together and with my vast knowledge of all things celebrity, I’ve obviously taught him nothing.*sniff*

This is funny now, although at the time I felt like duct taping his mouth, but when Natalie Portman won, my husband was asking me eleventy billion questions. Him: Didn’t she used to be a singer? Me: No, you’re thinking of Natalie Maines. Him: Are you sure that’s not her. Maines could have been her maiden name. Me: No, they’re two different people. More than one Natalie can actually exist. Him: Are you sure? It looks like her. Me: They look nothing alike. Him: Well does Natalie Portman sing?

All of this took place when Natalie Portman got up from her seat and walked on stage. Since my husband continued talking when she started her acceptance speech, I knew I had to take drastic measures so I gave him the hand. I excluded the one finger salute even though that finger was saying please, please, please use me. After I used the hand he got all pouty. When her speech was over, I let him continue his game of Natalie Portman vs. Natalie Maines because even though I want to strangle him 25 percent of the time, I do love this crazy man.

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A difficult beginning: The NICU in pictures.

I’ve mentioned before okay, plenty of times that my daughter’s 2nd BIRTHDAY!! is coming up and I felt like reminiscing. I’m currently writing about our NICU experience. I don’t think I’ll necessarily get closure from it but I still harbor so much anxiety and anger from the ordeal because we had very little communication with any of the doctors while she was in the hospital and I know writing can help.

I also want to write about the birth of the little hummingbird for the same reason but that might take more time. For now I’ll just say that it left me feeling like I had absolutely no say over my body and the doctors I dealt with gave me little, if any, information about what was going on during my labor and when it came to several medical interventions.

I’ve read about birth trauma and while some doctors I saw afterwards might think it’s bullshit, I believe that’s what I went through and still continue to deal with. Since it’s taking longer than I expected to write about the NICU because a lot of emotions have come flooding back from that and my birth experience, I thought I would share some pictures.

The hummingbird actually had a tooth when she was born and sure did know how to use it when I tried to breastfeed her.

They didn't discover that she had low blood sugar until a day after she was born. This is the first time that we saw her after she was rushed to the NICU.

The poor hummingbird was so swollen because of her I.V. meds. I wanted more than anything to break her out of the NICU and bring her home.

After spending so much time at the hospital, we would come up with ways to have fun.

Rockin' the mohawk!

Finally going home after 3 weeks. Yay!

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Kitty are you okay…will you tell us that you’re okay….

When I was thinking of the title, it was like I had an angel and a devil on my shoulder. The devil side of me really, REALLY wanted to go with another word that’s used for a cat because I’m in that kind of mood but the angel won. Damn!

Not only is it my daughter’s 2nd BIRTHDAY!! in April, our cat is turning 15 around that time. My husband and I got our sweet little kitty about a year after we were married. I never reveal names on my blog but since I don’t feel like saying “my kitty” not my, ahem, kitty. my actually kitty that’s furry and purrs… oh never mind throughout the rest of the post I’ll just tell you her name. It’s Zira. Like Vera but with a Z.

I was obsessed with the movie Planet of the Apes, the original, when we got her and the ape that helped Charlton Heston was Dr. Zira. I loved the name for a pet so there you go. I decided to drop the “Dr.” part of the name because obviously cats can’t be doctors but apes totally can. Wait, What?

You're mocking me, right?

On Friday a repairman came to fix a few things. We live in military housing and we’re able to just call the management office if something isn’t working which is a good thing because our wonky dishwasher decided to work perfectly while the guy was here. When the repairman came, I went into our office and just let him do his thing. I was tweeting about how annoyed I was because the little hummingbird was taking a rare nap and this guy came not long after she fell asleep and was making a lot of noise.

Later that night my husband and I were watching a movie and we heard our cat meowing. We called for her and I remember looking at the clock, seeing it was about 9 pm. Looking back, we’re pretty sure she was outside and by a living room window but at the time we just assumed she was in the house upstairs.

A little bit later we thought it was strange that Zira wasn’t around. For years her ritual has been laying with us on the bed at night. We looked around the house and couldn’t find her so we figured she’s probably still hiding because the repairman scared her. She’s very skittish around strangers.

On Saturday morning I woke up to my husband opening up closet doors and looking under the bed. We were still thinking that she went to hide somewhere the day before but since she still wasn’t out of hiding, we thought she was possibly stuck. By that afternoon we knew she most likely slipped out the front door when the repairman was going in and out.

My husband lets her go in the backyard every now and then since it’s gated but she’ll occasionally try to run out of the front door if we’re not careful. She has a microchip and I’ve called the company to let them know she’s missing but I just don’t know what the odds are that we’ll find her or that she’ll come back home.

My hubby and I have been sick with worry and I can tell he’s taking this a lot harder than I thought he would. Zira was our baby long before we had the hummingbird.  Zira came to my rescue during the several years that my husband would be deployed. She kept me company and would cuddle up with me at night when the worry I had for my husband’s safety would be at its worst.

When my daughter was in the NICU and I was an emotional wreck, it was like our cat knew what was going on. She would lay not far from me while I cried, longing to have my daughter home with me, and then she would come up to me as if to give me a snuggle, then go back to her place on the floor. It seemed like her way of telling me that she was there if I needed her.

After we were finally able to bring the little hummingbird home from the NICU, our cat wasn’t quite sure what to make of this little person. Then when my daughter started crawling and made her presence known, Zira would be so patient with the hummingbird while she would pull on the cat or use her as a teether.

If you wake up the sleeping baby, I'll stick my butt in you're face. Oh wait, I'll do that anyway.

Recently the little girl has been understanding that she needs to be gentle with the kitty and even gives her kisses. Just last week she started saying kitty, in her own garbled toddler speak, and one particular morning she put on her kitty ears headband and ran around the house saying mew, mew. It melted my heart.

On Saturday morning the little girl even helped us look for Zira by yelling out “kitty!” and holding the flashlight while we looked in drawers, closets, and cabinets. Of course she would easily get distracted and run off to find trouble.

As of now we’ve done everything we can think of. Talking to neighbors, putting up flyers, calling the local ASPCA, etc. My husband has been going outside several times during the day and at night, calling for her and walking around the neighborhood. We live near a woodsy area so we don’t know if she’s gone into the woods or is possibly hiding out by a neighbor’s house.

I just hate knowing that she’s out there in the cold and without food. It has also been hard for my husband and I to act like everything is okay in front of our daughter since Zira has been such a huge part of our lives. So now we wait…..

*UPDATE. Our sweet kitty is still missing and I’m afraid it’s not looking good….

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