Writer’s block. I have it.

*This post might seem disjointed and all over the place. Sorry about that.

I’ve had massive writer’s block for the past several weeks. It’s because I recently started a couple of new medications and I’ve been feeling like a zombie. Minus the whole brain eating which is a good thing because I’m sure the blood stains I would get on my clothes would be a pain in the ass to remove.

I’m sitting here watching Under The Tuscan Sun for the second time today in a daze while the little hummingbird is supposed to be napping but instead she’s running around her room causing havoc since she now has a big girl bed.

Here’s the thing. I haven’t felt “right” for several years and I would tell doctors but they either wouldn’t listen or they would say nothing was wrong. It was my ENT doctor aka Dr. Cool who actually listened to the problems I was having. I love that guy. He set me up with another doctor and I recently found out that I have fibromyalgia.

I was put on Cymbalta and after that I went to Dr. Cool because my face still feels like it’s on fire and he thinks I have nerve damage which was caused by the two sinus surgeries I’ve had. So he put me on a med that I take three times a day.

Enter Zombie Mom.

The two medications are kicking my ass while I get used to them. I am so spaced out and probably the laziest mom right now because the meds make me feel so exhausted. I’m scheduled to see a pain management doctor the first week of November and it can’t come soon enough. Maybe he can give me something that doesn’t make me as zombie-ish.

I’m feeling really sucky because several of us have worked so hard to start the group website, Motherhood Uncovered, and now here I am feeling like Courtney Love and Linsay Lohan’s love child. I know the most important thing is to concentrate on my health when it comes to fibromyalgia.

For the people who don’t really know or understand what it is, there are times when I have these pain flare ups and it feels like my body is battling against itself. Other times it hurts to do the simplest things like get out of bed. There are even days when my skin feels so sensitive and my body hurts so much that I can’t even wear my wedding ring or put on my watch.

There’s so much more to it but I won’t bore you to death.

On one hand I’m glad that I finally found that there is something wrong after all. I had to battle so many doctors who didn’t think there was a problem. On the other hand, fuck! Finding out I have fibromyalgia has been a hard thing to deal with emotionally, especially since there’s been so many other things going on.

I also feel like I’m letting down everyone at MU because here I am, the “boss lady”, and right now while my body is getting used to the meds, I just don’t feel like I’m doing as much as I should be.

So, while I’m getting used to these meds I thought about having some more guest bloggers on my site since I’ll be writing sporadically for the next few weeks. In August I asked you to write about your most embarrassing moments and I loved every post.

This time I’ll give you more than one option. If you don’t like anything I suggest then you can just write about anything you want. And if you’re new to my blog, you don’t have to have your own blog to write a post.

1. Write about your worst date. Or you can write about a relationship you had where you now look back and say to yourself What in the hell was I thinking by dating this guy?!

2. Write about your proudest moment.

3. Write about your favorite vacation or your vacation from hell.

4. Write about a holiday from hell.

If you want to remain anonymous then just let me know. Email me at elle dot mommyhood at gmail dot com.

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This undomestic chicky tries to do some crafts and it turns out…um….interesting. But at least now my kitten has a costume for Halloween.

I’m not crafty. at. all. Or so I thought. I recently remembered that about 10 years ago I went crazy when it came to making candles. I don’t know how I got into it but I really loved making all sorts of candles, especially ice candles.

Photo Credit: Mystic Candles

I’d like to go back to doing that as a hobby but I’m not quite sure how well hot candle wax and a 2-year-old running around the house like a maniac will work. When I figure that out then I’ll show you my kind of cool candle making skills.

So, there were three craft projects I was set on doing. Normally when it comes to crafts I think to myself I’ll just buy the damn thing but this time I figured I’d give it a shot and make some things.

I got all three ideas from Connie at My Sunny Side Up Life who, of course, also writes for my baby, Motherhood Uncovered.

My hubby, the hummingbird, and I set off to a chain craft store for the supplies. The one we have in my area, well, sucks so I had to make do with what little they had. I’ve been to the same chain store in other places and they have anything you need but the one here is really lacking in supplies.

I had to race around the store because the little hummingbird’s lunch time was soon and she let EVERYONE in the store know that it was lunch, lunch, maahhmeee lunch!

First up are glass hurricanes and this is what I was aiming for…

Photo Credit: 320 Sycamore

A few days later I was able to make the glass hurricanes while my daughter was trying to “help” and our two cats were terrorizing each other. While this chaos was going on, I set out my supplies and since it was raining here in Northern California, I made sure to get some fake leaves that the hummingbird took a liking to so I had to keep chasing her around the house to get my leaves back.

This is what I started with.

And this is what I ended up with. You can see a blur of the little hummingbird’s head on the left as she was zooming around the table.

I didn’t like the leaves I had so I took them out.

Next up is this floating ghost. I think it’s so cool and couldn’t wait to make it.

Photo Credit: Everyday is a Crafting Day

It was pretty sunny and warm by the afternoon so I set the floating ghost up outside. Um, yeah, I might have forgotten about it until I went downstairs to get some water around 11:30 pm that night so um, well this is what it ended up looking like. I’m just going to go ahead and blame it on the non-existent wild dogs that are in my neighborhood for this disaster.


Moving on, I saw this really great book pumpkin and thought I could rock the shit out of this thing when I make it. This is what it’s supposed to look like.

Photo Credit: Sagebrush Ridge

It took me over an hour to cut through the pages of the book and the shape ended up looking more like a heart. I don’t know where I went wrong but it turned into a Courtney Love sized train wreck.

My book pumpkin gone bad.

Ready for lift off.

It has other uses like confusing the hell out of our kitten, Penny.

At first she’s totally oblivious.

Where in the hell did this come from?!

So this is what my mom was working on? Bwahahahaha!

I’m so over it.

Perfecto! A kitten as a book for Halloween.

You know I’m gonna get you back in your sleep, right?

There you have it. My craft misadventures. I’m not giving up but I think it will be awhile until I try being crafty again. Unless it has to do with candles.

So, what have we learned today? I think I’ll stick with just buying my Halloween decorations this year. That and Penny makes a kick ass book.

On the bright side she’s just a little kitten so I’m sure she’s already forgotten about the book pumpkin horror she had to see.

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Back by popular demand, my mom. What in the hell is that noise?!

*Here is the first guest post my mom did back in May.

I like to have some white noise while I sleep so I always keep a fan on in my bedroom. For several mornings I would wake up to the sound of something in my bedroom.

It would drive me crazy and I wasn’t able to figure out where it was coming from. I would look everywhere and couldn’t find anything.

On occasion it would also happen in the middle of the night. One night while fast asleep I was awakened to what sounded like a bird fluttering its wings.

I grabbed my flashlight, turned off the fan, and walked slowly through each room.


I went back to bed and sat there for a while.

Still nothing.

I said f—k it, turned the fan back on, and tried to go to sleep. All of a sudden I realized the noise was coming from my fan.

Boy, did I feel like an idiot.


Yummy Pepperoni Pasta Salad

1 package rotini pasta (I like the garden variety)
1 pack feta cheese (crumbled)
1 can chopped black and green olives
Zesty Italian dressing
1 pack pepperoni slices
Cook pasta, drain, and cool. Add other ingredients to taste. You can also add any other veggie or change the dressing to what you like. The croutons give it the extra zing. ~ Love, Elle’s mom


Me: So, what are you up to mom?

Mom: I’m making pasta salad.

Me: Ooooh, yum!

Mom: With pepperoni.

Me: You have to email me the recipe because that sounds so good. Remember to also send that story about that noise you kept on hearing for weeks and then it ended up being your fan. Hahahahahahaha!

Mom: Yeah, I feel like an idiot. I promise, I will.

Me: So what else is in the pasta salad?

Mom: You can really put anything you want in there. I like adding croutons.

Me: Croutons are awesome.

Mom: The thing is because they hurt my teeth, I have to smash the shit out of the croutons before I add them to anything but I still get the flavor.

Me: You what?

Mom: I smash my croutons with a hammer until they turn into a powder.

Me: Mom, seriously?

Mom: Yeah.

Me: Well what’s the point of eating croutons when they’re all powdery. Maybe you should pull a Lindsay Lohan and just snort the croutons. You might get more flavor.

Mom: Haha, smartass.

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Freddy Krueger turkey. Gobble, gobble. Stab, stab.

Teri, who has her blog Diary of A Mad Hatter and writes for Motherhood Uncovered, wrote this post today on the website about helping her daughter with a project for school. I have been having massive writer’s block but reading her post inspired me to actually write about a few run ins I had with school projects.

I was a total overachiever in grade school when it came to class projects but by the time I was in Junior High I was over school and hated it.

In 3rd or 4th grade the class got to do a fun project where you make up a not yet discovered creature that was a chameleon to its environment and also write a story.

Even though this made up creature was supposed to be a drawing, I went a step further and made my drawing into a pop up picture so that the little creature would pop up when you opened the paper.

I worked really hard on it and was so proud.

My teacher wasn’t impressed and gave me a really low grade, saying I didn’t make the creature blend into the background since it was a pop up picture. What a way to burst a kid’s bubble.

Despite that I stuck to my quirkiness and continued to do projects in school with my own flare but by 6th grade I was done after my Freddy Kreuger turkey story.

We were supposed to write a Thanksgiving story and read it in front of the class.

Since the original Nightmare On Elm Street movies were so big back then, I decided to base my story on that and wrote a Thanksgiving story called “Freddy Turkey”. It was a turkey that haunted kids in their nightmares and I colored the turkey on the paper to make him have a red and green striped sweater, hat, and knives for fingers.

I was on such a roll that I had to add another piece of paper to the print out the teacher gave us and for the final touch I made these 4 rip marks on my paper. My classmates loved the story but my teacher was appalled and she failed me.

She even kept me after class and scolded me about my writing and said my paper was a disruption to the other students even though everyone in the class was laughing and told me how much they loved it afterwards.

Maybe it was too much but I thought my story was more creative than the typical “we go to my grandma’s house each year for Thanksgiving and have pumpkin pie” paper that most of my classmates wrote.

How can someone not love a killer turkey?

So, when you go to sleep tonight, watch out for a turkey with a red and green striped sweater. Screeeech. Bwahahahaha!

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Bend over and cough.

*This guest post comes from Jamie who blogs at Life Is Better With Me In It and first did a guest post back in July where she came up with her own parenting instructions, started doing her parentertaining advice column in September, Ask Jamie, with the first one being A rabid toddler werewolf, a little Barney, and baby Gaga, and she’s also a contributing writer for Motherhood Uncovered.


It all started after my mom’s birthday party, which by the way was big! We had family, friends, people I didn’t even know, all at our house. My mom and dad let my cousin and I leave for the night to meet up with some friends, while the adults continued to hang out. We first went to a party, and no not an innocent party, one with drugs and alcohol. We didn’t feel comfortable, so we quickly left and went to this guys house who I had been on a date with once who was having a bunch of our mutual friends over to watch a boxing match (Tim, aka my husband).

I had only been to his house once before and he had driven me there, so naturally I had no idea where I was going or where his house was. I found the street he lived on but I couldn’t find the house, so I called him and asked him to come out and wave me down. I made a u-turn, saw him standing on his porch, and then saw red and blue lights in my rearview mirror.

Like a good citizen I quickly pulled over and complied with the officer when he asked for my license and registration. I was pretty embarrassed that I had been pulled over and all my friends were watching from the porch three doors down (along with some nosey neighbors who had come outside), but the icing on the cake was when the officer had me exit the car and handcuffed me.

Why you may ask? Well did you know that when you don’t pay a ticket within 14 days they put a warrant out for your arrest? 17-year-old me found that out the hard way when I was 16 days late on paying a ticket for failure to make a complete stop at a stop sign. I was put in the back of the cop car and hauled away to county jail, while my cousin was left on the side of the road with my car and my cell phone calling my mom to tell her what happened.

So, I arrived at the county jail, completely traumatized and bawling and pleading with the officer to let me go. I kept telling him I was an A-B student, I got good grades so that should be enough to let me go home. But it wasn’t, imagine that!  I was lined up against a wall, next to a gross looking lady who smelled and looked like a crack whore.

We began to get processed, and that’s when I discovered I had been mistaken for the crack whore who I had been standing next to. I tried to tell them they had me mixed up with someone else, but my pleading fell on deaf ears and the warden just gave me a lecture about hanging out with people who did crack.

My clothes were taken, I was told to bend over and cough, the whole nine yards!!! I was destroyed at this point. But the embarrassment didn’t stop there. I was then put in a holding cell with about five others, including the crack whore who asked me if I knew her daughter and soon fell asleep using the toilet paper as a pillow. And the cherry in the cake was when she had to “take a dump” in our tiny cell. It smelled.

I spent four of the longest hours of my life in that cell, begging and pleading with God for SOMEONE, ANYONE to come and rescue me. Soon my name was called and the officer told me I was leaving, my parents were here to bail me out.

The embarrassment of that night has never fulling left me. I freak out when I see police officers, I’m slightly claustrophobic now, and before I leave the house I look in the mirror and ask myself “could I be mistaken as a crack whore in this?”. Anything to prevent me from bending over and coughing again.

– If you need parentertaining advice from Jamie, email her at askjamiequestions at gmail dot com.

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How my MIL ruined my wedding and made me want to set myself on fire just so I could get away from her crazy.

My hubby and I have been married for over 16 years now and I’m still annoyed about how our wedding ended up being such a suckfest. I know this will come off as just a whiny, rambling post with no merit but since this happened several years ago, it’s hard to give a play by play.

When it came to my wedding, my hubby and I were going to do things low-key. I really didn’t want any fuss and just wanted to marry my man. It was my dream to wear a simple wedding dress and a must was to have the wedding outdoors with a fresh flower bouquet made up of vibrant colors. Hell, I would have been happy with some fresh picked flowers from someone’s yard. I thought those three things would be very easy to have but my MIL made it so it wasn’t.

My soon to be hubby and I found a place nearby that does weddings outside in a garden and the place provided most of the things we needed. The best part was it was only a few hundred dollars so we were going to pay for it ourselves and we were only planning on inviting immediate family because we were both 20 years old and broke.

When we called my soon to be in-laws, excited to tell them our wedding plans, my mother-in-law freaked the hell out. She said No son of mine is getting married in some garden. You will be married in a church and that’s final! I felt like I was in some Lifetime movie of the week. I will never, ever forget her exact words over the phone that night.

I didn’t want to step on her toes so we let her have her way. Looking back, I would have stood up to her but at the time, I was too afraid. She didn’t give us much choice to have the wedding we wanted because of her flip outs.

After that, my dream wedding that I had planned to be simple and uncomplicated went downhill and became miserable and complicated when my MIL took control. I know they have a show for Bridezillas but they also need one for mother-in-lawzillas.

I will never get her but what really confused me is that while she wanted this nice and fancy wedding, she wanted to do things in a cheap way. My parents didn’t have much money and my future in-laws said they would take care of most of the wedding.

They live a pretty comfortable lifestyle and what annoyed me even more about my MIL wanting this wedding I didn’t want and then have her hemming and hawing over the price of things is this reason….my hubby’s older sister got married a few years earlier but they couldn’t decide on the location. My in-laws wanted it where they live and my BIL’s parents wanted it 4 hours away where they live. So, my in-laws ended up happily paying for two weddings.

From the very beginning my mother-in-law would go on and on about how my SIL got her dress from one particular place and the flowers for her wedding from another. I kind of felt like Jan Brady when she says Marsha, Marsha, Marsha! I’m a totally different person and it was annoying that my MIL couldn’t see that.

My future hubby and I drove down to the in-laws one weekend and we already knew that we would be getting most of the wedding preparations taken care of. I admit I had a chip on my shoulder because I wanted a simple wedding and since my MIL was absolutely insistent on this big church wedding, I thought fine, then I’m going to at least have some nice things I wanted.

First on the agenda was getting the wedding dress and while my future hubby stayed back at his parents house with his dad, me and my mother-in-law set out for some shops. Of course all of the places we went were where my SIL had gone a few years earlier.

The first place we went, I found THE dress. It was totally unexpected because I had a different style of dress in mind but as soon as I put it on, I knew it was the one. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was to find it on the first try. I guess I wouldn’t make a great bride-to-be on Say Yes To The Dress.

When I walked out of the dressing room glowing and as happy as can be, the woman helping me took me to the middle of the room to stand and see myself in the 360 degree mirror. Angels sang, unicorns wept, and all that good stuff. Then my mother-in-law asked how much it was and when she found out the price, she said we needed to keep looking. I knew how much my sister-in-law’s TWO dresses were and the price of the one I wanted was nothing compared to just one of her wedding dresses.

Now this is where I come off as a really spoiled brat. I didn’t want any of this wedding crap in the first place and just planned on wearing a no frills dress for my wedding but figured since my mother-in-law was running the show, if anything I was going to get the dress I really wanted.

I tried to hide how upset I was from her as we went to another place to look at dresses and while I was trying on insane amounts of ivory silk with beading, I became upset and was crying since I knew that none of the other dresses would compare to the very first one. My MIL kept bringing in similar dresses that my sister-in-law liked and had tried on a few years prior and I just got angrier.

I had to finally step out of the dressing room since she wanted to have a look and there I was red-faced and teary eyed. The woman helping us thought I was crying about how great the dress I had on was. She didn’t know it was because my MIL was trying to have complete control over every detail, down to what dress I got.

When I mentioned to the woman that I found THE dress earlier that day, she said something like well, there’s no need to try anything else then. Once you find *the* dress, that’s it. My MIL wouldn’t budge and took me to one other dress place but I was finally so fed up and acting like a baby so I told her I didn’t care for any of the dresses.

That’s when she said we needed to go back home and “regroup” so we can discuss the wedding some more. My in-laws finally told us what they were willing to spend on the wedding (it was more her than my father-in-law) and I felt completely effed over.

I told her again how I really would love to just go get married at the place we planned on in the beginning and all hell broke loose. She went on and on about how it would be such an embarrassment to the family if my husband didn’t have a church wedding.

I didn’t understand how in the world she would insist on my hubby and I having a wedding we didn’t want and then making it so difficult to have the things that were needed like the dress and flowers for that type of wedding.

After a lot of discussion, it was decided that I would get *the* dress I wanted after all. I was so freaking happy but it didn’t last long because I found out soon enough that my MIL would make my life hell. It’s like she took her anger out on me because I got the wedding dress I wanted.

It’s hard to explain but it’s like she intentionally set me up to get excited about things for the wedding and then would tell me that we couldn’t get something after all. She was mindeffing me the whole time. My MIL knew how important it was that I at least have a fresh flower bouquet and she took me to this really nice florist my sister-ln-law used for her weddings.

With all the stress of dealing with the wedding and my MIL, going to this florist was just what I needed. We were there for a while and the florist showed me this simple but absolutely gorgeous tropical type of bouquet. My mother-in-law was oohing and aahing along with me and I was close to jumping up and down with excitement.

I told my MIL that I would just be fine with getting the wedding bouquet and the rest could be fake flowers. It wasn’t my preference but I was trying to play nice. She seemed fine with that and the florist got out the order slip. That’s when my MIL mindeffed me and said you know what, we’re not going to get the bouquet after all and then she walked out.

I stood there stunned for a minute and then walked out to her car. She told me because of my wedding dress, I have to just live with fake flowers for my wedding. I was thinking to myself why in the hell did she take me to look at fresh flowers and be thisclose to getting my bouquet when she seemed to have already decided on not getting them. Because she’s effing crazy, that’s why.

I also knew it wasn’t because of the wedding dress I picked. I could’ve picked a $20 dollar dress and she would have still been the way she was. She ended up taking me somewhere to not only get fake flowers, they were some of the tackiest flowers you could possibly get.

After that I said f*ck it and went along with whatever she picked while thinking how her mother-in-law was probably the same way with her. Yes, I bitch about her but I still try to get along with her as best as I can.

My MIL was 3 months pregnant with my sister-in-law and had no other choice but to marry my father-in-law back in the day. From what I know from my hubby, the wedding was really rushed and there was unhappiness with it all around.

It seems like the moment my hubby put the engagement ring on my finger, my mother-in-law has wanted to make me as miserable as she’s been.

I do plan on having my hubby and I renew our vows so we can have the simple, outdoor wedding we wanted in the first place but it might be awhile. When it comes to having a 2 1/2 year old, right now I would prefer to take the money and go away for the weekend to catch up on some much needed sleep.

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First rule of family…you don’t mess with someone’s mom. Second rule…if someone does, you write a ranty post about it.

The past couple of months have been pretty crazy. My sister and her husband separated. One day they’re handling the separation as well as they can. The next day, it’s really messy and he takes all of the money out of their joint account, leaving her with nothing. It’s been pretty stressful to see my baby sister in this situation with her two kids, ages 5 and 3.

As the saying goes, when it rains, it pours.

My mom has been working in a career that she just can’t stand for the past 20 years or so. In the Spring she moved closer to my sister before all hell broke loose. My mom was trying to get out of the work she’s been doing but it’s difficult because that’s where she has the most job experience.

Not long after she started the job she hates, she decided she was done. That’s when she told me she’s going to school part-time to become a massage therapist. I was sooooo proud of my mama. It seems like all her life she would do things to make others happy but this was one of the first times she was doing something to make her happy.

She was a single mom when I was younger and she worked her ass off to make sure I had what I needed. Finally having enough of her job and going to school to do something she really wanted was really exciting.

She started school in July and the instructor was also the owner of the school. My mom would rave about this guy and tell me how nice he was. Then he started getting flaky and wouldn’t show up to teach class. That led to this guy sending other instructors to teach classes.

Recently, after a long day at work, my mom went to school and was waiting in the parking lot for someone to open the doors of the school. That’s when she saw a guy come up to the building and he started changing the locks on the door. He ended up being the actual owner of the building and was hesitant at first but told her he had bad news.

The instructor/owner of the school hadn’t paid the rent on the building for months and nobody has heard from him. This guy took off with everyone’s tuition. 4,000 dollars for each student. All of my mom’s savings and some of that money was from a loan my mom took out so she could go to this school.

After all she’s been through and how hard she’s worked all of her life, this asshole rips her off and others.

Right now things are up in the air but it looks like the students will file a class action lawsuit against this guy, Michael. I can’t believe anyone would do this but it really ticks me off that after all of these years, my mom went out and did something she really wants to do and then ends up getting royally screwed.

My mom deserves the very best in life and I really hope she gets it. Love you mom!

So, Michael who took all of my mom’s money and skipped town, I’m awarding you douchebag of the year.

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