I’ll never meet you but I love you.

It’s been about 8 weeks since I miscarried and I’m still reeling over it. I still cry at least once a day over this being that I’ll never meet. My hubby won’t talk about it so I thought the best thing to do is write down what I’ve said to him in the last several weeks to get everything out.


I only knew you existed for such a short time and while it was so hard for me, I thought my feelings about your loss would start to be more manageable, not get worse like it has.

I keep thinking about when I saw the little hummingbird when I was 9 weeks along and while she was difficult to make out on the sonagram pictures and being pregnant seemed so surreal, I look at her now and I’m amazed by this person I was a part of creating.

I know you would have been just as incredible.

I’ve had baby names picked out for you for quite a while.

If you were a boy, and something in my gut says you were, we would have named you Benjamin, Ben for short.

If you were a girl, your name would have been Claire.

I’m really trying not to dwell on this but I think about how I would have been a little over 3 months pregnant. I would have been in the “safe” zone now and would be able to tell people of your existence.

But I can’t.

And it kills me.

I was so shocked when I found out about you since it was such a surprise but the shock wore off within a day.

You’re constantly on my mind and my heart has been ripped to shreds.

I want to tell you that I love you and I always will.

I know my love for you will never go away but I hope the pain I have of your loss will get somewhat easier to handle….


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Rock The Oven with Ryan Ann.

*Ryan Ann from Live, Laugh, Love, Bake will also be contributing her bad ass baking skills to Motherhood Uncovered.

Things have been so crazy around here lately that *I* actually have NOT been baking anything new. For me, that is rare, and just feels…. wrong. So, here are a couple of my favorite standby recipes. They are two of our absolute family favorites: One super simple, 4 ingredient wonder and one INCREDIBLE cookie that punches you in the nose and screams “IT’S FAAAAAALL, BABYYYYYY!”

Peanut Butter Bites

These are quite similar to “buckeyes,” and if you like Reese’s cups, you will LOVE these. They are SO very simple to make, and always get compliments wherever I bring them. Give em a try, you WON’T be sorry!

  • 18 oz of peanut butter, creamy
  • 2 1/4 cup powdered sugar
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • 8 oz chocolate (milk, semi sweet, or dark, finely chopped)

1. With mixer, thoroughly combine the peanut butter, powdered sugar and vanilla extract. Mix until smooth.

2. Coat your hands with more powdered sugar, (cuz we’re all gymnasts here, aren’t we?) and roll the peanut butter mixture into balls. Place on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and freeze for one hour.

3. When one hour is almost up, melt your chocolate. (you can do this in a double boiler or in the microwave- just remember either way, KEEP YOUR EYES ON IT.)

4. Dip the bottom of each ball into the chocolate. Tap off excess and place back on parchment lined baking sheet. (You didn’t need me to tell you to take the peanut butter balls out of the freezer first, did you?? I really hope not…)

5. After all are dipped, pour remaining chocolate (if there is any left) in a small Ziploc baggie and snip corner off bag. Drizzle top of each ball with a little extra chocolate.

6. Refrigerate to set and that’s all there is to it. See? Seriously simple.

Mooooooving on to my Favorite cookie of ALL time… Coming to an oven near you (if you’re lucky) and just PERFECT for Fall…

Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Cookies

Seriously, I have never been a fan of pumpkin flavored anything, but I made these a few years back for a bake sale and I had a taste (or four.. HEY! don’t judge, quality control is very important to me!) AND they FLEW off the tables soooo fast at the bake sale. The pumpkin is not overwhelming, just the right amount, in my personal opinion. I DARE you to bake these and NOT wind up standing at the oven, drooling, waiting for these babies to be done.

  • 1 cup butter, softened
  • 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
  • 3/4 cup of white granulated sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1 tsp vanilla extract
  • 2 cups flour
  • 1 cup quick cook oats
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1/2 tsp baking powder
  • 1 tsp ground cinnamon
  • 1 cup canned pumpkin (READ: 1 CUP- NOT 1 CAN)
  • 1 1/2 cups semi sweet chocolate chips

1. Preheat oven to 350. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper.

2. Cream butter and sugar in a large bowl. Beat in egg and vanilla. (It’s beeen baaaaad, so beat it good!)

3. In separate bowl, combine flour, oats, baking soda, baking powder and cinnamon. Stir into creamed mixture alternating with pumpkin. (add some flour mixture, add some pumpkin, add more flour mixture, add more pumpkin… etc)

4. Fold in chocolate chips.

5. Drop by rounded Tbsp onto cookie sheets.

6. Bake at 350 for 12 to 13 minutes or until lightly browned.

7. Remove from cookie sheet and transfer to wire rack to finish cooling. 🙂


Since Ryan Ann is guest posting, I just have to put up some music from HIM. Ry, it’s Ville, baby!

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My crazy ass husband.

These are just some random things that my husband has said or done recently. Separately, each one isn’t enough for a blog post but together *pow*, instant post. He’s even been asking if I have enough “material” for this post or should he keep it coming. Ha!

When we were at the store, he asked me if he got ginkgo biloba, the supplement that’s supposed to help your memory, the week before. I told him that yes he did get it last time but obviously he hasn’t been taking it since he can’t even remember and maybe he should up the dosage.


My hubby has a habit of always saying “a little bit”. Me: Are you tired? Hubs: A little bit. Me: Are you hungry? Hubs: A little bit. You get the picture. After hearing it for all of these years, it can drive me crazy. A few weeks ago he did something that was gross but also pretty funny.

I was chasing around the little hummingbird upstairs and my husband was lying on the floor of our bedroom. I chased my little girl into our room and was hit with this really awful smell. At first I thought the hummingbird had a poopy diaper and then I saw the look of guilt on my hubby’s face.

Even though I knew the answer, I asked him if he farted. He looked at me and said a little bit and I was like nuh uh, that’s not a little bit, you need an effing hazmat suit to survive the smell that came out of your ass.


Last week I walked into the kitchen where my husband was cooking dinner and thankfully not farting. Within a minute or so I started hearing this muffled mew, mew, mew. I knew it was our 3 month old kitten, Penny, and I started looking around for her but couldn’t find her anywhere. After a couple of minutes I heard things crashing in the fridge and when I opened the door there she was.

My hubby shut our poor little kitty in the fridge and didn’t even notice. I was mostly joking around with him because I knew he felt bad about it as well as feeling like a big dork. But when I was talking to Penny and telling her what a mean daddy she has, he said oh, she’s fine. She wasn’t in there that long because she doesn’t feel that cold.

Buttmunch. I have to admit I did think it was kind of funny though. I just want to know how in the world he didn’t hear her little mewing and things crashing in the fridge. Men and their selective hearing!


In case you’re wondering where I’m spending so much time, it’s because of a new group website that just officially started on Monday. I’m still keeping this blog but I’m also swamped right now with my other little baby. Like any proud new parent, I want to show it off. :^)

Motherhood Uncovered

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I’m so giddy, it’s like Christmas without the in-laws.

The doors to our new group website are officially open today and I’m so excited! I wanted to share the very first “official” post for Motherhood Uncovered with you and if you feel so inclined, why don’t you go over and have a looksy and see why this blog has been somewhat abandoned by me for the last couple of weeks.

Motherhood Uncovered

That will change very soon and I will blow heehee the cobwebs off of here once things settle over at MU.


Hi and welcome to Motherhood Uncovered! We have been working very hard to
get this website up and running and I wanted to thank everyone involved, especially Cheryl who designed the site.

We have several writers and contributing writers so you will find practically anything and everything at Motherhood Uncovered. If you want a hot guy to clean your house and give you a massage while feeding you grapes, sorry to say you’ll be out of luck.

We’re a group of diverse women who know that motherhood isn’t always all
smiles like a diaper commercial.

Whether you’re a stay at home mom who works with a pint size dictator, a mom who works out of your home, or you’re a mom who works outside the home, we still have our own interests and just because we’re “mommy” doesn’t mean we have to give up what we love.

Sure, it gives us less time to enjoy these things since we’re wiping butts, giving baths, cleaning up, feeding our little monsters, saying “don’t touch!”, and asking “where did you get that? or “what’s in your mouth?!” but we’re still people with interests outside of our kids.

I’ve been wanting to start a group blog for some time and I’m amazed how in less than a month it has come together the way it has.

I started my personal blog, This Is Mommyhood, in July 2009. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing but I had so many thoughts swirling around in my head and wanted to get them out. My husband still has had no idea why I wanted to blog but as soon as I started, I was hooked.

I hadn’t read any blogs until 1 1/2 years earlier when I accidentally found the incredible Anne Nahm. To this day she is still my absolute favorite blogger (besides The Bloggess, of course) and if you haven’t read her site before, it’s a must. Reading her site opened the doors to finding other blogs and my love of writing came back to me. At the beginning of September I wrote a post about wanting to start a group website and it’s been a whirlwind since.

I hope you love reading Motherhood Uncovered as much as we love writing it. This site is dedicated to all of the readers, the group of amazing writers, my mom, my hubby, and my beautiful daughter. Thank you for helping my dream come true. ~ Elle Davis, Editor-in-Chief and Founder.

Now, let me introduce you to everyone:


Elle Davis is the reluctant “Boss Lady”, Founder, Editor-in-Chief, and Writer for Motherhood Uncovered and will work for Godiva milk chocolate salted caramel bars. Elle’s a stay at home mom just trying to keep her sanity and 2-year-old daughter, the little hummingbird, in one piece. She’s been married for 16 years to a great guy that he can complain about on occasion. Elle’s personal blog: This is Mommyhood.

Cheryl Ann Marble is a Kick Ass Website Designer, Technology Manager, Editor, Writer,
and will inflict bodily harm on your enemies in exchange for lobster. Cheryl has been married to her college sweetheart for 11 years, and is the stay-at-home mom of 2 wonderful young boys. When she isn’t wrangling her 5-year-old stuntman or feeding her 7-month-old bottomless pit, she enjoys woodcarving, oil painting, needlecrafts, drawing, and reading. She is also currently working towards a Bachelor’s degree in English and Public Relations. Cheryl’s personal blog: Coffee With Cheryl.

Teri is The ENFORCER, Managing Editor, Writer, and loves ladders as well as open
bedroom windows. Teri is a 30-ish working (outside the home) mother and wife who
shares her personal stories, unsolicited opinions, and ridiculous, nonsensical thoughts (with a sprinkle of hyperbole and a dash of exaggeration) on her blog, diaryofamadhatter.com. If you can’t find her writing and editing for the Boss Lady on Motherhood Uncovered, she is probably taking a nap. Try not to wake her.

Elle Parker is Cool Chicky, Bad Ass, Social Media Manager, Editor, and Writer. She’s a wife, mother, coffee addict, purse fiend, martini consumer, gadget girl, and chocoholic. Elle P. is also known for having fabulous shopping skills and for being the FourSquare Mayor of her local Starbucks, of which, she is excessively proud. She loves knitting, reading, writing and exercising…and if you try to come between her and her favorite coffee beverage of the season? She will cut you. Elle Parker’s personal blog: Spill The Beans.

Staff Writers

Amanda is a mom to two crazy kids, daughter Stinkerbell who’s 2 and son McQueen who’s 5. When not at home being driven nuts by her own kids, she goes to work and tries to help other people by teaching them high school math. She lives in Canada (she stays close to the computer for warmth most of the year) and has been married to her husband since 2007. Amanda’s personal blog: Tickles 2 Tantrums.

Chelle (prounounced Shelly) lives in Virginia with her husband Big J of 23 years, three
teenage sons Big B, Middle J, and Little J, two cats, and one neurotic golden retriever. She is an advocate for autism and special needs, chronic pain, cancer research, and mental health. She loves to write, read, cross stitch, and is addicted to Facebook.  Chelle’s personal blog: Life On The Domestic Front.

Connie is a dancing, homeschooling, crafty mama to three little girls in Cleveland, OH. She is on a path to hippie-dom, loves hockey, and Arnold Palmers, and needs a 12-step program for Pinterest! Connie’s personal blog: My Sunny Side Up Life.

Currently not committed but perhaps she should be, Sunshines Mommy is a Wife. Mother. Disability Advocate. Lyric Soprano. Chai fiend. Book Slut. Movie hound. She has a loving dear-ole-hubby, (a.k.a. DOH!) that will also be referred to as buttmunch, asshat, or DICK-tator, when it is called for. Welcome to her musings. Her personal blog: Musings Of An Old-New Life.

Jackie is a young stay-at-home mom and student, living in the city with her little boy
and boyfriend. She is a girl with a geeky side and loves video games and dinosaurs. Her personal blog: City Momma.

Jennifer has 2 dogs, a husband, and a son (in order of appearance). She calls her son the dragon because he is magical and when she was pregnant she secretly feared he was imaginary. Also, dragons are awesome. She gets paid to teach teachers.

Melanie is a stay-at-home mom to an 18 month old daughter who never…..stops…..moving! She is a former teacher and also blogs over at Reasons To Skip The Housework. Melanie is married to her high school ʺcrushʺ and is pretty darn good at turing Goodwill crap into just the opposite.

theMrs is a married mother of five. She was a social worker in her past life. She now fills her days with wiping bottoms, googling medical things, and trying to find humor in the mundane. She loves her husband, her kids, and coffee, not necessarily in that order. And vampires. theMrs really loves vampires. Her personal blog: A Day In The Life Of The Mrs.

Corporate writer by day, mommy blogger by night, Tricia is raising twin toddlers –Search and Destroy. Instead of having one baby after 9 months, she had two after 6; she’s efficient like that. Tricia is a hybrid – running on coffee and chocolate. As far as the “Boss Lady” is concerned, she has the greatest profile picture ever. Tricia’s personal blog: Stream Of The Conscious.


Jamie is a wife to a robot and mother of insane adorable twins who works work full time. The rest of the time you can find her drinking margaritas and trying to survive her crazy mess of a life.  Jamie’s personal blog: Life Is Better With Me In It.

Marianna lives in the Great White North…Eh?…and is in her mid-twenties but continually refuses to define the point at which her mid-twenties becomes her late-twenties. Marianna doesn’t have children in the traditional sense of the word but as far as she can tell, her cats count. Based on the amount of work she does keeping track of him, her husband counts too. The “Boss Lady” thinks Marianna is awesome with a side of awesome sauce. Marianna’s personal blog: Snappy Surprise.

Ryan Ann is a stay at home mama of two wildly free spirited kiddies and the wife of a
mechanic/racing fanatic. Ry has been told that since high school she has gone from total “freak” to Betty Freaking Crocker, and she thinks that is quite fitting. Ryan Ann’s personal blog: Live, Laugh, Love, Bake.

Q and A with the writers

1. Cheryl – If you could wave a magic wand and make one thing
different in your life, what would it be? (And you can’t say winning the

I would have attended Rhode Island School of Design after high school.

2. Chelle – If you could send any celebrity/reality star into space
so you’d never have to hear about them again, who would it be?

Kate Gosselin. If I never saw her greedy, teeth whitened, tummy tucked, hair
extensioned self ever again, it would be the greatest thing to happen, like,
ever. Who told this woman it was okay to breed for fame and fortune? Her first
concern when her reality show was canceled was that she might have to work like
the rest of us to support her family. Geez, what a shame!

3. Ryan Ann – Who would be on your freebie 5 list?

1. Ville Valo, lead Singer of H.I.M.
2. Leland Chapman.
3. Angelina
Jolie of course!
4. Shirley Manson, lead Singer of Garbage
5. Jason

4. Elle Davis – If the zombie apocalypse happened tomorrow, which
weapon would you want to have to fight these brain eaters?

I would use one of my daughter’s diapers after she’s eaten blueberries. That
would make anyone or anything run for cover.

5. Connie – Favorite guilty pleasure?

I am addicted to LUSH body products… they are pricey but great for your
skin and sanity! My favorites are the Toothy Tabs, bath bombs, and solid
shampoos. =)

6.  Jackie – What is your dream career and why?

I think that if I could have any job, I’d be a travel writer. I mean, really,
who wouldn’t?! I love to travel, and I’d get to see some amazing places, and go
BACK to places that I’ve been and loved (Oh, Scotland, how I miss you!). Looking
at different cultures, foods, meeting new people, and hearing their stories
would be one of the coolest things ever. OMG, I’m seriously starting to
fantasize now. Great. Babies travel for free until age 2…

7. Elle Parker – If you could be any person for a day, who would it
be and why?

If I could be any person for a day, I’d want to be…Meredith on Grey’s
Anatomy so I could make out with McDreamy…and the fact that I’d get paid to do
it? BONUS!!!

8. Jamie – What movie line best represents you?

You either get busy living, or you get busy dying. – Shawshank

9.  Teri – If you could have anyone locked in a room so that you
could torment them for a day, who would you choose and how would you torment them?

Melanie! Such a dark little mind you have. I love it. I’m going to play this
one safe and say that I would probably choose all the people who send me an mail
and then call me to tell me that they just sent an email. In the room they would
have laptops from which from which they could send emails but no phones from
which they can call me.

And I would ignore their emails all day long. If any of you have done
this to me, I’m obviously not talking about you…it’s cute when you do
it…just not when other people do it.

10. Tricia – The world is your oyster. Where do you go, what do you
do, can I come with you? I know that’s technically 3 questions but there is only
1 question mark so 300 points for me.

A little hut on the crystal blue waters in Fiji. (They have oysters there
right?) I’ll be snorkeling in warm salty waters with sea turtles (if the world
is my oyster, they’ll follow me there). I’ll be reading every book and writing a
NYT best seller. Too cliche? No matter, you can come too to provide the snark
and entertainment.

11. The washing machine monster has agreed to give you back all of the socks it’s ever stolen from you in exchange for one of your child’s toys. Which toy would you be more than happy to see the washing machine eat and why?

Since my child is…on her own… louder than pretty much any toy she owns, I have to answer a bit “off topic” for this one. She has some noisy toys, but isn’t overly interested in any of them. She’d rather scale the TV stand, ride the dog, climb out the doggie door, or stand in the middle of the dining room table. I WOULD however, like to get rid of all car keys in the house.

She is ridiculously infatuated with (almost overly obsessed) with our car keys. She seems them hanging on the board, and will do the all-too-annoying wail, “uhhhhhhhhh, uhhhhhhhh”, while reaching for the keys. She gets louder and louder and louder, stomping her feet the entire time….until you give her the keys {or use the art of distraction to get her away}.

I even made her a set of keys all her own – that I didn’t care if she lost.  She STILL wants MY freakin’ keys – the ones with the RED PANIC button on the key fob thingy….that she repeatedly presses on and off.

My neighbors love hearing the car panic alarm going off at 7am! Washing machine monster, the keys…every….last….set…are YOURS. I’ll happily walk everywhere!

12. Amanda – Would you rather have your Google search history listed in the newspaper or every lie you ever told? Why?

Wow! This is kind of an evil question. I think I would choose my Google search history and then promptly run home and search things that would make me seem more intelligent than “Is it illegal to duct tape a toddler in their bed?” Also, I would adamantly claim that any “dirty” or “weird” searches were completed by The Husband.

We don’t need any record of the lies I tell my kids out there for them to someday read. I mean, does McQueen really need to know that 7-11 does in fact sell Slurpees in the winter? I think not.

13. theMrs If you could be stuck in an elevator with anyone, who would it be?

I’d pick Donkey from Shrek. He’s funny, he’s warm, and cuddly and if things really go south I could eat him. I suppose all of those qualities would apply to my husband also.

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Total Recall Sunday: Toddler PMS

Time for Total Recall Sunday! I wrote this back in February when the little hummingbird was 21 months. At nearly 2 1/2 years old, she’s acting even more possessed than Linda Blair in The Exorcist.

Toddler PMS.

February 11, 2011

Who? Me?!

After my daughter turned a year old and became a walking hummingbird who would get into everything, I naively thought that would probably be the most trying part of having a toddler. HaHaHaHaHaHaHa! *breathes* HaHaHaHaHaHa!

Enter what I call toddler PMS. I now know what my hubby has to put up with every month except my little girl’s toddler PMS is chronic. I’m sure that he would argue mine is too but he doesn’t want me to rip his head off, both of them.

My daughter is usually very sweet and well-behaved. She also has such a gentle heart and when I catch glimpses of how she will be when she gets older, I feel so proud.

But out of the blue she will have meltdowns and tantrums. At 21 months old, she has been climbing the terrible twos ladder for a while and according to a terrible twos calculator I came across online (I couldn’t resist doing it and regretted it right after, kind of like when I lost my virginity) she will be in this stage for another 428 days – 23 hours – 42 minutes – and 32 seconds. Note to the terrible twos calculator people: bite me.

Before I had my daughter I would see parents standing there with blank stares while their child would be kicking and screaming at a store. I would always think why aren’t they doing anything. Now I know.

You aren’t quite sure what to do because in an instant your precious babe can go from talking in such a sweet little voice and giving you MWAH! kisses to acting  possessed while you’re waiting in a long line at the drugstore.

Your possessed child starts screaming at the top of their lungs because you will no longer let them hold a box of tissues that they have chewed holes in and they throw themselves on the floor while everyone in line and behind the pharmacy counter looks your way since it sounds like you’re slowly killing said child.

Not that I would know anything about that. *snort*

Yesterday was especially sucky and bad interesting. No matter what I said to my daughter, she would look at me, stick her bottom lip out, and do her “I’m being murdered” cry with tears streaming down her face.

“Be gentle with the kitty.” CRY. “Do you want your sippy?” CRYYYYYY. “Let’s go to the playground.” *she runs to the front door* “We have to get your shoes on before we go.” CRYYYYYYYYYY!!!

Me: ………mutters “holy crap”……..

The playground is less than a block from our house and I carry her across the street, then let her run on the soccer field that’s next to the playground. She didn’t like this setup yesterday and was struggling to break free while I was crossing the street. I’m sure it looked like I was kidnapping her.

After I set her down she ran a few feet, stopped, and just stood there for several seconds. Could she perhaps be changing from a cranky toddler to a cranky zombie toddler? Nope. It was toddler PMS. She threw herself on the ground and started pointing at me while whining. I had no idea what she wanted and had to play 20 questions with her, finally realizing it’s the keys in my pocket that she wants.

Happy again with keys in hand, the little hummingbird and I made it to the playground in one piece, barely. She went down the slide a few times and then ran around by the swings. Then she tripped. I ran over to her and picked her up, making sure she was okay. That made me THE most horrible mother in the entire world.

She does this thing where she’ll take a few steps, she falls on her bum, and then repeats it a few times. She finds it so funny.

While on the playground having her tantrum, my little girl was screaming and pushing me away as I tried to help her up. While continuing to scream, she got up, walked a few steps, and slammed right down on her bum. She also started wailing “MAAHHHMAA!” This went on for a minute or so.

It was one of those moments where I thought someone slipped something in my coffee because I felt like I was having a bad acid trip.

After getting over the “what in the hell” aspect of her meltdown, I looked at her while she continued doing this and it took all I had to stop from busting out laughing. I felt bad for even thinking it’s funny but oh my gawd, it was. I know I would lose my mind if I didn’t see the funny side of it.

Even with all of the tantrums, the crying, the flopping around like a fish when I try to pick her up, and the whining, I still can’t wait to have another baby. But I’m sure the next one will be a perfect little angel. HaHaHaHaHaHaHa!


TRS is a meme for a post that you wrote a year ago or even a week ago. Join in on the fun! The linky will open into a new window but I’ll put your link on the front page.

1. Spill The Beans ~ Commando.

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A guest post from my sister, Alotta Fagina: Things I never thought I would say or do when I became a parent.

*I’ve had a rough week and have been throwing myself a pity party again. Having a miscarriage and dealing with the emotions of it have been really difficult for me. More than I ever thought.

I’ve been throwing myself into our new group site, Motherhood Uncovered, because if I’m alone with my thoughts for even a few minutes, I can’t take it. I call MU “our” new site because not only is it for the writers, it’s for you too and we will officially be running on Monday. I will do a post on both sites so I can introduce you to everyone.

I will also go back to writing more here. I just needed some time to try and heal from the loss although I know I have a long way to go. Thank you everyone, including all of the amazing guest bloggers, for the support you’ve given me through all of this. xoxo


If you’re a regular reader, you may have read the post I wrote about how my in-laws invited themselves to my younger sister’s wedding. Before I even wrote it, I asked my sister if it was okay and she said of course. When I asked her what alias she wants me to use for her, she said Alotta Fagina. You totally can’t tell we’re related can you? heh!

We were talking a few weeks ago about things we never thought we would say when we became parents. A few of mine were having to tell the hummingbird to stop eating the coffee table. Another one just last week was asking her to stop using our cat, Maisy, as a drum.

My sister has some great ones and since she lives in the stone age and doesn’t have a computer, I told her to write down some of the things she never thought she would have to say and mail it to me. My sis, Alotta Fagina, has a 5-year-old daughter, R, and a 3-year-old son, A.


    • Is that pee in my shoe?!
    • It’s okay, just throw up in my hands.
    • R walked in on me and the hubby having sex. She slammed the door and took off running yelling “A, mommy is beating up daddy”.
    • You know you’re tired when you walked both of your children into two separate schools and never realized your shirt had been inside out.
    • A, don’t pee on the sidewalk. Go over to the bush.
    • Did you really just pee in the trash can?
    • Alotta: Why do have chocolate on your hands? A: I didn’t eat chocolate. Alotta: Well, honey, there’s brown stuff on your hands. A: I don’t know. Alotta: Come here. Let me….oh my God! Go wash your hands!
    • Mommy, I need to blow my nose. Baby, I don’t have a tissue. But it’s running down my lip. My God, here use my sleeve.
    • Okay, who put the diaper in the washer?
    • I’m still lactating when in the bath R saw me squeezing it out. She said “what’s that?” I told her it was milk. You used to drink it as a baby. From the hall A piped up and asked “Do you have chocolate milk?”


Inquiring minds want to know. What are some of the things you never thought you would say or do once you became a parent?

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The life of a military wife.

This guest post is from Sarah M. Like me, she’s a Navy wife but something else we have in common is we were both in the same grade and grew up in the small town of Footloose, USA. She’s one of my few former classmates who knows about my blog besides Sarah K. who we also grew up with.

Below is a picture of me and Sarah in a yearly Christmas play our grammar school had. We were in the 1st grade and seeing as how we grew up in the town of Footloose, there were several spottings of Kevin Bacon. He joined us on stage for a kick ass rockin’ rendition of The First Noel.


To be honest, Kevin Bacon could be kind of a pain in the ass since he would always pop up whenever a camera was around. Here’s me and Sarah in our 2nd grade class photo. Yes, I know I have some kind of mullet thing going on and I’m wearing red overalls which makes me look like a giant tampon but I’ll just blame it on my mom.

She picked out my clothes when I was younger and loved to keep my hair super short. Even back then I would say if I ever have a daughter, I will always keep her hair long. That’s pretty much the only promise I’ve kept when it comes to having kids.


From Elle~ I’ve been married to my husband for over 16 years and have been a military wife for 15 of those years. I’m not gonna lie, being a military wife can be very difficult. I think we’ve moved about 9 times in the past 15 years and it has been so hard to keep in contact with the friends I’ve made wherever we’ve lived.

One thing I noticed from the beginning was that I’m not really considered the “typical” military spouse. Sarah M. started an amazing Facebook group called Unconventional Military Spouse as well as a Facebook page of the same name. Since I’ve usually felt out of place with the other wives, UMS has made me see that I’m not alone in the way I think about things. If you’re a military spouse and would like to join, the group page, which is the first one I listed, is more active if you’re looking for interaction among the spouses.

I promised myself that I would never talk about religion or politics on this here blog but one thing I will say is that I want our troops home, safe and sound. In January 2003, my husband was stationed in Bremerton, WA but we were living in Seattle since we knew he would be gone so much. When he left in January for a 6 month deployment to go the Middle East, I was terrified.

He was never in the line of fire but you just never know what can happen. The war in Iraq started that March and it tore me up. While there’s absolutely no doubt whatsoever that I support the troops, I didn’t support the war or the administration at the time. My husband’s deployment was extended for over 9 months and it was so hard.

While I had the other wives to turn to, I didn’t really because of my thoughts about the war. I would get emails from the Ombudsman that would say we (officer wives) need to stand strong against the people who didn’t support what was happening in Iraq. I felt completely alone in my feelings and didn’t have any family near me.

When I was 8 months pregnant and we were living in D.C., my husband came home from work and told me there’s a good chance that he was going to be sent to Afghanistan by the end of the month. You can only imagine my reaction.

I was in shock because by this time he was no longer being deployed and had a desk job. He ended up not going because he broke his foot 6 years ago and was still having problems with it so they sent one of his coworkers over there 2 weeks later.

We have a really good friend, Jay, who was sent there a few months ago and my heart jumps into my throat whenever I hear news that something has happened with any of the troops in Afghanistan. His wife is the sweetest and they have a 3-year-old son. I’m always thinking of Jay and his family every day and hope he comes home soon.


Sarah’s post

A few days ago, I heard some news that kept me awake most of the night. It brought back all the emotion I felt 4 years ago while my husband was deployed to Iraq for the second time. By all accounts, that one was supposed to be a less intense deployment than the first, and for him it was. 

He was serving at a small base on the coast; a quiet assignment compared to his first tour when he was assigned to the Green Zone in 2003. That trip was full of daily evacuations to the bunkers and frequent trips “outside the wire” into the most dangerous part of Iraq during a time that saw some of the heaviest street fighting of the war. 

This deployment in 2007 was more like a cushy desk job in comparison, so although I worried, it wasn’t the low-lying terror that spouses feel when they know their loved one’s life is in constant jeopardy.

My husband called me during his second deployment to tell me that 3 of his fellow agents had been killed by an IED in Balad. One of the agents, Dave Wieger, was assigned to the same base that we were and my husband knew him well. I had never met him but because my husband wasn’t able to, it seemed right that I attend the memorial service.

At this point, you’re probably more clued into how heavy this was going to be than I was at the time. In the days leading up to it I gave little thought to what Dave’s memorial service would mean to me. I didn’t know the guy. I was there to represent my husband. Who was away. At war.

I suppose you can imagine what I was headed into, and maybe I got an inkling as I walked from my house on base with my friend and fellow milspouse, Jennifer, to the chapel where the service was being held. We walked because we knew it would be well attended, and as we came around the corner to see the busy parking lot and the uniformed honor guard members at the door, I was surprised to feel a nervous flutter in my belly. I said so to Jennifer and she said she was a little nervous too.

I think that when I was signing the guest book, surrounded by unfamiliar uniformed military members and law enforcement officers, full on anxiety set in. I really don’t remember a lot about the service for this great guy who I’d never met. I was pretty focused the whole time on the poster sized photo that was sitting on an easel in the front of the sanctuary.

It was a picture of Dave in his desert gear-sand colored helmet, shades, beard
growing in and a desert-camo pack strapped over his tan shirt. He looked like my husband. He looked like every one of our friends who had ever sent a picture of themselves back from Iraq.

The service was heartfelt and tragic; it introduced Dave to me as someone who was cut down in his prime and as a person who would have gone on to make the world a better place to live in. And then the video started. You can watch it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hFaQ7LmZkI

I think it was the music that really got me. I bawled like a little baby. Like my heart was broken. Like I knew him. Of course we all know I wasn’t crying over him. I probably hadn’t cried since my husband left. I was crying because I was worrying about my husband’s safety, and I was tired of being a single mom, and I was just really fucking angry that I was unwillingly being a part of a war that I didn’t support.

When it was time to leave the chapel and go into the reception, I had to walk past the giant poster-sized picture of Dave, and I felt like a kid. I really didn’t want to get close to it. Suddenly I was 7 years old and I was afraid to walk past a dark room for fear that something inside it might spring to life. So, I did what every kid learns to do when they’re scared but they don’t want to give in to sheer terror. I just didn’t look at the scary thing.

And that’s when I saw the boots sitting at the base of the easel. Yup, THOSE boots. The sand colored combat boots. The same ones that a few months ago were lined up against the wall in my hallway, ready to be packed into deployment bags. Shit. And there went the waterworks all over again. 

I thought I’d straightened myself up enough to at least offer my condolences to the family. Sigh. As it was I never even managed to offer my condolences to them. Jennifer and I took a short cut to the courtyard to give me time to get myself back together, and by the time we made it back into the reception the family had made their own escape into the fresh air.

We meandered through the reception; I mainly had my red and puffy eyes on the
exit. Finding none of Dave’s family’s hands to shake, Jennifer and I decided that it was probably time for us to walk back to my house. Between us and the door was the detachment commander. He wasn’t a guy who was well-known for eloquence, but what he said to me snapped me right back to reality.

His wife gave me a hug and the “I know what you’re crying about” look, and then she probably wished she could melt into the floor as her husband shook my hand and told me his story…about when he got the phone call that Dave was dead. He started off by saying that when he got the phone call, he thought of me. Because, he said, they didn’t tell him who was dead. He thought of me and of all the other families of all of his troops that were over there. Well. There you go. 

I didn’t know what to say then and frankly, I don’t know what to say about that now. He was clearly, awkwardly, trying to identify with what I could be experiencing. I thought it was ridiculous and insulting at the time, but the years have softened my perspective and I can acknowledge that he really was, in all likelihood, just trying to be nice.

In the months and years that followed, my husband returned safely from Iraq, the detachment named a street on Travis AFB after Dave; it’s called “Wiege Way”, and until we moved from there, I put flowers and flags next to the sign. Especially on November 1st, when he died, and on May 15, Dave’s birthday. Memorial day, Veteran’s day, and I think on the first year I put something out for Christmas.

I’m really not sure why I took on this sort of personal tribute for this guy. He had people in the office who were helping to memorialize him. It made me feel like I was doing something to remind people that he was gone. Somehow, by putting out nice new flags after the old ones had become worn, I guess I hoped the people driving by noticed and knew that he was still gone. Just like all the other troops who have been killed in Iraq.

Which brings me to what kept me awake the other night:

From Mrs. Wieger (Dave’s Mom),

We just received the most amazing call from OSI at Andrews AFB ~the
man that planned the IED attack on the hummer that killed David, Nate and Tom was caught and sitting in an Iraqi jail! They found him and special forces went in to get him! OSI never gave up looking for him! I wanted family and friends to know…..

And there it is. This brings the whole war close to home for me in a way that even sending my husband off with his deployment bags stuffed full of hand written notes and toys that our daughter smuggled in while his back was turned never did. I was lucky. My husband came back safe. 

I thought about what could happen while he was gone, but I didn’t dwell on it. Ultimately, my family has been lucky. My husband, his brother, and their dad have all had careers in the military and everyone is OK. Everyone has come back safe.

But Dave didn’t. My first reaction was that I was thrilled that the perpetrator was caught! I have to admit that I can see why people WANT to see a punishment given that is as vicious as the crime. I WANT to know that the person responsible suffers the way that the families who lost a loved one suffered that day and every day since. He planned the attack and he killed my husband’s fellow agents and he’s going to PAY…

But really, those thoughts and feelings are new to me.  I’ve never felt this kind of anger and the desire for justice like this and I really don’t know what to do with it. For now, I suppose I just wait and see. This experience has pushed me out of my comfort zone and made me think about what revenge could look like. 

I still don’t know what I feel about this. I feel different nearly every time I think about it, and I imagine that it could take another 4 years for me to really understand what this means for me and my own perception of war. For now, though, it’s enough to know that Dave’s mom feels some relief knowing that the person who was responsible for her son’s death will be held accountable.

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