Eat. Pray. Love (India)

Maria at Bored Mommy got the idea of having herself and others who want to participate read Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert and linking our opinions of the book.

I have been having a lot of trouble getting through this section of the book. The main reason is the head space I’m in. There is just so much going on right now. Moving for the second time in three weeks which has been beyond stressful. My daughter cutting her molars and understandably feeling bad and cranky. A death in the family. I have been loving this book so it was frustrating that I couldn’t just simply sit down and read about Elizabeth’s journey to enlightenment in India, especially when I could use some myself.

Finally I thought if she can spend hours upon hours meditating and scrubbing  floors in an Ashram, I could find time to sit down and read about it. Off to India we go.

Elizabeth makes her way to India straight from Italy and arrives in the middle of the night to the Ashram, a religious retreat. Soon after she dives right into morning prayer…at 3:30 in the morning. There are times I haven’t even gone to bed by that time because of insomnia. I applaud Elizabeth for coming to this place for that alone.

I have to confess right before we moved and even before I even knew about this book, I bought a few books on Buddhism and a couple of meditation cd’s. I have anxiety and panic attacks so I was looking for something to help with that. I’ve been on medication and have gone through therapy and while those two things help, it’s only temporary.

I haven’t gotten the chance to read the books or listen to and try the meditation cd’s because soon after I got them they were packed away. They’re still sitting in a box somewhere but after we move (again) this weekend, I’m hoping to find them. After these disastrous past couple of months, my stress is sky-high and my anxiety is eating away at me so I’m really looking forward to seeing if meditation can help.

I’ve also tried Yoga several times over the years but I find it very difficult. It is nearly impossible to take a break from my mind since it’s always on the go. The author says “Yoga is about self-mastery and the dedicated effort to haul your attention away from your endless brooding over the past and your nonstop worrying about the future so that you can seek, instead, a place of eternal presence from which you may regard yourself  and your surroundings with poise.” Reading those words makes me want to give Yoga another chance but this time I’ll try not to abandon it so easily.

While at the Ashram Liz is given the work assignment of scrubbing the temple floors. So she gets up at 3 am and spends hours meditating, chanting, and has to scrub the floors. Talk about dedication.

Then one evening Richard from Texas arrives. I fell in love with him immediately. Every time Richard is mentioned or he speaks, I always picture and hear actor James Brolin. Richard has lived quite a life; soldier in Vietnam, oil-field worker, reformed junkie and alcoholic, hippie farmer, the list goes on. He had his own medical equipment business but then his marriage fell apart and he gave it to his ex. He got left “scratchin’ my broke white ass again.”

He gives Liz the nickname “Groceries” because of the amount of food she can eat. Liz has been struggling with meditation. She tries to focus but her mind wanders to the point of distraction. She tells him the problem she’s been having with meditation to which he tells her that her ego is what’s getting in the way. He also tells her “Instead of trying to take thoughts out of your mind, give your mind something better to play with.”  Liz asks “Like what?” Richards response “Like love, Groceries. Like pure divine love.”

 Meditation isn’t the most difficult for Liz, it’s a chant called Gurugita (Richard calls it “The Geet”) that is done every morning and is 182 verses long. She goes to one of the monks and tells him about her issues with it. One of them being her physical reaction to it. It makes her sweat and gets her agitated.

He tells her that this chant isn’t supposed to be comfortable and is supposed to be a purifying practice so in fact it seems to be working on Elizabeth. One morning she wakes up and realizes that she overslept. Then she finds her roommate had accidentally locked her in the room. At first Liz thinks that’s a good excuse to miss the chant. Instead she jumped to action, literally.

She jumped out of her window so she can go to the chant that she dreads and scrapes her shin in the process. She arrives, bleeding, and finally has an awakening. Since this hymn is about pure love she thinks of her nephew and spends the next hour and a half singing it, to him. After that day, she never misses “The Geet” again.

While she’s at the Ashram, Elizabeth learns the ongoing process of taking control of her thoughts. Richard tells her “You need to learn to select your thoughts just the same way you select what clothes your going to wear every day.” She repeats the vow” I will not harbor unhealthy thoughts anymore” several times a day.

I loved this part of the book because I always over think things. It starts as soon as I wake up and doesn’t end until I’m asleep. I also worry about things before I actually need to start worrying about them. I like to think I’m preparing myself just in case. I know it’s just causing unnecessary stress that I don’t need. My thoughts can be put to much better use than what if..?

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Wordless Wednesday: Where Did The Time Go?

August 28, 2009

August 25, 2010

*Go to Angry Julie Monday and Baby Baby Lemon for more Wordless Wednesday photos.

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The One With The F Word.

No, not that f word. The other one, baby fingernails. I hate cutting my daughter’s fingernails. They’re so tiny and she never stays still. When she was a newborn, we tried to use little baby nail files instead of clippers. Ha! That was a big fail. I’ve also tried to con my hubby into clipping her nails but since he leaves his toenails Freddy Krueger style, he never thinks they need clipping.

When she was about 2 months old I nicked her thumb with the clippers. I held my breath, looked at her to see if she was okay, and then there was crying. Both of us were in tears.

I raced to the bathroom to find something to stop the bleeding. I grabbed a tissue to wrap around her thumb but her arms were flailing about. Blood was smeared all over her clothes, her blanket, her face, me, and our bedspread. It looked like a bloodbath. She was starting to calm down but I was still in a panic.

I couldn’t believe that much blood was coming from such a small finger. I found some bandages but trying to put one on her finger was impossible. Those fingers are teeny tiny. I called my hubby at work to tell him what happened and he assured me that our daughter would be okay.

She was still bleeding and I found some gauze and tape. The makeshift bandage I finally got on her finger was bigger than her whole hand since that was the only way I could get it to stay on. There were layers of gauze and tape wrapped around her tiny, bloody thumb. Then she was trying to suck on her fingers and my new mom-itis got me thinking that she was going to swallow the bandage. I could just picture having to take her to the ER for choking on it. Oh, the joys of new mommyhood.

So I swaddled her until the hubby got home. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he saw her bandaged finger. Just earlier he was telling me that she would be fine and then he sees this HUGE bandage on her finger. I took it off and showed him the cut because I thought he was going to start panicking.

Now that my little girl is older, it’s only gotten more difficult to cut her nails. Whenever I try, her legs go thunk thunk thunk against her changing table. It’s like she does these tap dancing routines. People have suggested trying to cut her nails while she’s sleeping but she’s asleep and she wouldn’t stay that way if I did. I couldn’t imagine having to sneak into her room with the hubby, flashlight in one hand, nail clippers in the other.

I think they need to have grooming salons for babies. Out of all the things that come with motherhood, cutting fingernails is something I would pay big bucks for someone else to do. Bring on the diaper blowouts, throw up, teething, crankiness, screaming, whining, and tantrums. I would rather leave those itty bitty fingernails for someone else to cut.

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Don’t Fret, It’s Music Monday! Pearl Jam

Pearl Jam – Porch

When I was 16, Pearl Jam came out with their first cd, Ten. I’ve loved them since.

After finding out about my grandfather on Tuesday I needed music therapy and set my songs on shuffle. Nothing was doing it for me and then this song came on. This has been the song (and video) I’ve turned to when my emotions get the best of me.

Have a great week everyone!

*Still trying to get through the India section of Eat. Pray Love. I really thought I’d have it done by now but my grandfather’s passing really hit me hard. I literally found out about my grandfather just minutes after posting that I’d have my review up about E.P.L by the end of last week. I know people aren’t knocking down the “doors” of my blog for the E.P.L post but it’s more about getting it done for me.  🙂

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Six Word Fridays: Wait

Wait:

I wait while you are napping.

It’s true, I love mommy time.

Laundry, cleaning, chocolate, dishes, reading, chocolate.

Lunch sitting down, what a concept!

I tip-toe to your room.

Peek to see if you’re awake.

So what do I do now?

Watch some television while waiting impatiently.

I’m giddy to have free time.

When I get it, I miss you.

Finally I hear you waking up.

Sprinting to your room, can’t wait!

We continue on with our day.

Things quickly become messy again.

Running around, I try to keep up.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll enjoy time alone.

Not gonna happen, I’m Mom now.

 

Go to Making Things Up for more info on six word fridays.

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To My Beautiful Mother….

Happy Birthday Mom!

You are my rock. You are always there to talk and listen whether it’s about me having new mom freak-itis or if I’m just having a bad day because of something petty. I wish we lived closer and I miss you so much. The hubby misses you and your cooking.

The little girl misses you too, especially since you’re her favorite grandma. Last time you came to visit, you covered her in plenty of  kisses. You would read to her and give her kisses. Hold her and give her kisses. Play with her and gives her kisses. You would always tell me to “make her stop because she’s too cute!”

We love you so much and wish we were there to celebrate your Birthday!

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I Miss You.

On Tuesday night I found out my grandfather died. He was the father of my biological dad but it’s too complicated to get into right now. Let’s just say I could never believe my grandpa shared the same DNA with my bio dad since my grandfather was such a sweet man. He was also my only link to that side of my family. Someone who could give me answers to the questions I still have that my biological “father” can’t.

I have so much guilt (which I’ve had a lot of lately) because it’s been so long since I’ve talked to him. I honestly don’t think I’ve called him since the little girl was born. Then last month my uncle told me he was in the hospital. He gave me the number to his room and of course I had every intention of calling but we were also in the process of getting ready to move.

I will never see my grandfather again, never be able to hug him again, never hear him call me darlin’ anymore, never be able to have my little girl meet him and adore him. I’m crushed.

There’s always that thinking that you have all the time in the world. Then you lose someone you love dearly….

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