Tag Archives | babies

My Therapist Is On Vacation For The Next Two Weeks. I Apologize In Advance.

I was at Target and as usual, bought much more than I planned to. You go to Target for a bottle of shampoo and end up spending $200.

After getting the things I needed, I got the hummingbird some new clothes, My Little Pony socks, and a freaking Frozen comforter. For no reason whatsoever! We give her treats occasionally for doing well in school, keeping her room clean for a week (that lasted less than a day), putting her plate in the sink, etc.

But I’ve been noticing that it’s been happening more often and I realize that I’m spoiling her and need to stop this shit.

I started to wonder if it’s because she’s an only child and I’m trying to overcompensate? Or parents of more than one child can indulge their kids too and it doesn’t matter if you have 1 kid or 4.

The other part of it is spoiling the hummingbird came more often after we lost Ben. At the time, I was so far off in my head and emotionally wasn’t there like I should have been. That’s when the treats started to become more frequent. My husband has been doing the same thing since.

I know the only way to solve this is to quit buying all this crap I’m spoiling her with. It’s one of those things that’s easier said than done though. But I really need to come up with some boundaries.

Do you treat your kids? How often? Is it only for special occasions or can it be random?

*I’ve read this back and it might not make any sense. I just don’t want to raise a spoiled brat. So, I wanted to know if you do the same with treats or if I should put the brakes on it, etc.

Comments { 7 }


It’s been nearly 5 years since there’s been a baby in my house and things seem more vague. I almost feel like I’m learning things all over again when it comes to a crying, screaming, pukey baby.

One of the grossest recollections was when the hummingbird was home for the second night. My husband went out for some swaddling blankets and it was just me and her. While feeding her a bottle, she had explosive poop that busted out of her diaper and onsie and went dripping down my leg.

When I went to stand up and put her up on my shoulder, she threw up all over my back.


What is one of the grossest, most embarrassing (or both) moments you’ve had since parenthood?

Comments { 10 }

From the “I had no clue” parenting files. You will obsesses over your child’s poop for at least the first year. Then again when they’re potty training

This baby is making my uterus twitch. Nooo!

This baby is making my uterus twitch. Nooo!

Even with the parenting and birthing classes I took when I was pregnant with the hummingbird, what I wasn’t expecting was that my husband and I would become crazy about her poop. Yes… her poop.

How much, what color, the consistency, how many wipes it took, did she have a diaper blowout? We knew the dates of certain poops and even the times filed away in our heads.

Yes, shit took over our lives that first year in particular.

When we would be talking about it, sometimes I would think to myself, fuck, I’ve become “that” parent because I could give you hours of talking about my daughter’s poop.

I had no idea that shit would take over my life so much.

The poop talk died down a few years ago but now, since we’re still in potty training mode, the talk has come back with a vengeance.

I am simply amazed at how such a ginormous poop can come out of such a little girl.

As happy as I am that the hummingbird has been doing really good with potty training, the one thing that sucks is I have an extremely weak stomach. I am the dry heave master. Anything can set it off.

So when I hear MOMMY!!! Come wipe my booty!!”, I admit I cringe a little. For some reason, poopy diapers didn’t bother me as much as wiping the butt of my 3 year-old.

But I’ll take it over the endless amount of diapers that we’ve been through.

Btw, the hummingbird has been doing so good with potty training at school as well. No accidents there. She has had a few at home and seeing her face broke my heart. I could tell how embarrassed she was but I try to push it into her head that accidents are okay.

Now excuse me. I have a booty to go wipe. No, smartass, not mine.

Did poop take over your household when you had kids?

Comments { 8 }

Guest Post: What happens when you can’t sleep and obsessive thoughts keep us up.

cant2bsleepBy the time you read this, we’ll be at the children’s hospital and hopefully all goes well with the hummingbird. This guest post comes from the wonderful Delia from Poop On my Hands (Twitter @PoopOnMyHands). I can totally relate to this post since I’m a major insomniac. You should know Delia by now because she is awesome. If not, go over and check out her blog. I’ll wait. Okay, you’re back…. you can also check out this post… My daughter and I joined a commune, or we turned goth…. can’t decide.


About 3 months of so ago, Wendy, a close friend of mine, posted an article about how she has insomnia. I read it, felt sympathy to her, and thought, “sucks to be you”…. Well, karma is a bitch. And now I am the fool who can’t sleep.

Lately my baby boy has been waking around 3:00 am, then again around 5:00 am. Not cool!!!! I usually can get him back to sleep the first time around. A gentle push of a pacifier back into his mouth and a stumble back into bed, usually takes care of it. The 5:00 am waking requires a bottle stuck in his mouth, and if I am lucky he will sleep for another 1-2 hours.

Most the time I can go back to sleep after the 3:00 am waking. It takes hard work and determination to fall back asleep at 3:00 am. The trick is to stay half sleep during the whole pacifier/bottle process, then stumble back to bed and try really hard to not think at all, before falling back to sleep. The moment, one semi-intelligent thought enters my mind, BAM!!!! no sleep for me, thank you very much. The 5:00 am waking, is a long shot for falling back asleep all together.

This morning, at 5:00 am, I stumbled back to my cozy bed, ready to doze back to sleep for at least another 90 minutes… and then it happened. What you are about to experience, is a walk-through of a series of strange and obsessive, random thoughts that enter my mind, as I am try and fall back to sleep for the last 90 minutes, of what is suppose to a calming and restful sleep cycle:

Ok, if you can just relax your mind and body now, you can have 90 minutes of sleep. Do it, relax…. RELAX!!!!! Ok really, you need to breath in and out, and relax. Please go to sleep. 

Does fruit snacks count as a healthy breakfast? Shit, I really need to go grocery shopping. 

I don’t think I have given my kids vegetables for an entire week. I am a horrible parent. I am going to scar my kids for life and cause them to go into therapy.

I seriously need to remember to pay that bill. Oh man, I hope I don’t forget….. Pay the bill, pay the bill, pay the bill.

Go to sleep!!!!! Just go to sleep!!!! Why can’t you go to sleep????? Ok, ok, relax, you can do this. If you go to sleep now, you can have at least another 60 min before you have to get up. 

Shit I have to pee. No forget that. If I get up to pee, I am going to get cold and then I will never ever get back to sleep. I might as well just get up and start the day if I cave and go pee. I don’t have to pee, I don’t have pee. 

Lovely girl, won’t you stay…. won’t you stay…. stay with me… (that is a Lumineers song lyric in case you didn’t know.)

I wonder what Kim and Courtney are doing in Miami right now. I could just get up and watch it and just give up on this whole sleep thing. 

Maybe I should get up and take a shower. I showed last night, but maybe I smell. Old people smell bad. Maybe I smell like an old person. Oh shit, that would suck balls!

I really hope my skinny jeans fit today. I shouldn’t have had that ice cream last night. Maybe if I go poop before putting them on, with the right underwear, they won’t be too tight. Maybe if I had cooked more veggis for my family, my skinny jeans would fit today. 

What will I blog about tonight. Maybe I should just sleep tonight instead of blogging. I think my entire 16 readers would understand if I didn’t post tonight. No, no… I really should keep up with it. I will never get more readers unless I keep blogging….

For the love of god woman, go to sleep!!!!! Ok let’s try some meditation techniques. 

I think somewhere along those lines I did fall back asleep…. for about a 10 minutes. Then my 6 year old woke up and came into our bed. And basically it was all over from there. Time to get up and start the day. Maybe tomorrow I will have better luck. It is either that, or I am getting up and watching Kim and Courtney on TV at 5:00 am. Their lives are more exciting than the OCD that runs through my mind. Or maybe not…

Comments { 1 }

Me mind on fire…me soul on fire, feeling hot, hot, hot…with baby fever…. maybe?

The little hummingbird is 3 1/2 now and I’m having baby fever. My next door neighbor just had twins so my uterus is really starting to twinge with baby fever.

The problem is, I don’t think I want to have another baby. I absolutely LOVE the idea of having another baby but in reality, I love only having one child.

I think.

I was so frantic being a first time mom that it would be nice to do the baby thing over again and not be so freaked out about every little thing.

Plus, I think the hummingbird would love having a little brother or sister. She’s fascinated with babies right now and always points them out which gets me in baby fever mode but I just don’t know about having another.

Having just one is so hard in my opinion. How do you moms do it with more than one?

I’m also at that age where I really need to decide very soon whether or not I want to have another baby. Time is not on my side. I only have a few more years tops to figure this out.

I was at the nail salon recently and there was an older woman sitting next to me. We were talking about kids and she said that now that she’s older, she really wishes she had more than two children.

I want to have two kids tops but that woman got me thinking. Will I regret only having one child later in life? I can barely balance my career and the hummingbird as it is. How will I do it with two kids?

It’s crunch time and I’m clueless when it comes to whether or not I should have another child.

Comments { 12 }

Mommyhood…you’re doing it right.

*If you have acne or sensitive skin, click on over to What The Flicka? for my easy soothing toner recipe.

Motherhood. If you question how you’re doing as a mom or sit there and cry on the step stool of your kitchen while eating Ben and Jerry’s red velvet ice cream after a rough day with your children, then you’re doing it right.

I can’t stop writing about how bad I’ve felt now that I’m seeing the light when it comes to dealing with depression for so long. The fog is finally clearing from my mind.

I feel like the crappiest mom ever because it made me distance myself from my child while I was held up in my mind and because at the time, depression was winning.

I know I’m not the crappiest mom though. Kate Gosselin…yes…me…not so much.

Yes, I’m judging that crazy lady.

Anyway, here’s some of my perfect mommy rules I thought I was going to go by before I had my daughter (then) vs. my real mommyhood rules that I go by (now).

Then: Let my child watch only an hour or two of television a week because we’re going to fill our days with being together 24/7.

Now: Let my child watch television so I can keep my sanity, shower, keep my sanity, eat, and keep my sanity.

Then: Be calm at all times.

Now:  Freak out most of the time because kids are predictable at being unpredictable.

Then: My child will be fluent in English, Spanish, and French by the time they’re 5.

Now:  The hummingbird is still learning English, thankyouverymuch.

Then: My child will never throw a tantrum but if they do, I will handle it with grace and composure.

Now: When my child throws a tantrum, I handle myself like a frazzled mom, trying to juggle the hummingbird, my purse, the shopping cart, and my sanity while she throws a tantrum and my face turns red from the stares I get from others.

Then: My husband and I will always agree when it comes to making decisions for the hummingbird.

Now: My husband and I are at odds half the time when it comes to the daily things that come up with the hummingbird.

Then: I won’t ever judge other people’s parenting and respect their decisions.

Now: Of course I judge but I do respect other parent’s decisions. I have my own feelings about things….perfectly natural. But it’s not my kid so it’s none of my business and I’ll like you anyway. Just know, you don’t have to tell me all the time or in every. single. blog. post that you don’t let your child go near plastic, you think formula is evil, that you ban (enter company here), etc. I heard you the first and second time.

Then: My daughter will learn to read and write by the time she’s 3 thanks to that non-existent private school that we can’t afford to send her to.

Now: Ummm, I have no idea what I was thinking with that one.

Then: I will LOVE being a mother AT ALL TIMES.

Now:  Ummm, I have no idea what I was thinking with that one.

Then: I will never buy her a toy just to make it out of the store.

Now: I cave most of the time and give the hummingbird a treat so she won’t loudly scream sing the ABC’s.

Then: Be the craftiest motherfucker ever.

Now: Hahahahahaha! I’m lucky if I can glue a cotton ball onto a piece of construction paper.

What are some things you never thought you’d say yes to as a parent?

Comments { 9 }

Writer’s Workshop: Excuse me, there’s a baby in your uterus.

This is part of Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop. I picked “share a moment when you felt overwhelmed.”

Mama’s Losin’ It
In June of 2008, my husband and I, who were married for nearly 13 years, were living in Arlington, VA and I went in for my yearly exam. We had been disagreeing for years about when to start a family. I had been ready for years but my husband seemed terrified about the subject of babies.

The doctor I went to see for my yearly pap ended up writing a prescription for the wrong birth control which I didn’t notice until I was in the parking lot. I thought I would simply run back into the clinic to get it changed but when I went back, the doctor was already with another patient.

I left my info and told the receptionist what the problem was and thought it would be straightened out soon. Wrong. I never heard from the doctor. I even went to the clinic to speak with someone to no avail. The whole time I was thinking I just want my damn birth control, not meth, and this was crazy to go through all of this.

Then I was told I needed to come in for another exam so the doctor could stick her hand up my hoo-ha and do another pap smear even though I had already gotten the results from the one a few weeks prior and it was clear. I would explain that I’ve done this less that a month ago and just needed the correct prescription.

She had written a prescription for a birth control pill that wasn’t anything like what I’ve been taking so I was worried about how it would affect me since I’ve learned over the years that I need to be on a low dose of birth control or else I become like a pissed off Christian Bale on the set of Terminator 3 except my meltdown doesn’t become viral or get a cool song remix.

After calling several times, going to the clinic, leaving messages, and all of that good stuff, I thought eff it. I know obviously by not being on birth control my chances of getting pregnant became sky-high but my hubby knew the dilemma I was in so we used other forms of birth control.

Wait a sec, this just in….it didn’t work…obviously.

The subtle signs were there but I really didn’t think anything of it. The biggest giveaway should have been when I went downstairs from our 18th floor apartment to the little convenience store on the first floor and instead of getting something with chocolate, I had this intense craving for something lemony which has never happened seeing as how I’m a chocoholic.

The physical symptoms I was having were very close to when I get my period so again, I didn’t think anything of it. Soon after I had to drive my hubby to the Naval Hospital in Bethesda because he had broken his foot and was finally getting surgery on it. There I was driving on the freeway and I had the worst nausea. I ended up having to pull over since I got so sick. I blamed it on nerves because of my husband’s surgery.

Normally I have the nose of a dog but my sense of smell went up tremendously. Also, just a week before my husband’s foot surgery, we went to a music festival in Maryland and while it was awesome, I was beyond exhausted which was another sign…..ding, ding, ding.

A few weeks later in September I remember sitting in the living room and all of these subtle signs finally came together for me. I knew I had a pregnancy test somewhere so I ripped through my bathroom cabinets and finally found it.

I peed on the stick and it was positive within seconds. I was in total shock even though it shouldn’t have been that surprising. So, I convinced myself the pregnancy test was “broken”, ha, and ran across the street to CVS where I got a 2 pack of one brand and a 2 pack of a different one. I rushed back home and all were positive.

Then I went to the grocery store down the street because holy hell in a hot pocket, all of these tests had to have been broken because of some kind of conspiracy, right?

I peed some more and those were positive too.

Yes, I know how babies are made but it was the suprise of my life. I was excited and so overwhelmed during that moment. The most I’ve ever been.

When my husband came home from work that day, I was going to act cool about it and wait to tell him but that lasted all of 2 seconds. He was really shocked to say the least. Even after I went to take a blood test the next day, he still wasn’t convinced.

It wasn’t until 2 weeks later when I went in for my first ultrasound and we saw the hummingbird that it really hit us both.

There was another photo we got on that first visit and I swear it looks like she’s tap dancing. When I think about it now and how she can’t sit still for even a minute, she probably was tap dancing in my uterus.

After the first doctor’s visit, my hubby really seemed to come around and once she was born, it was love at first cry…for all of us. Then just a day after she was born, she was rushed to the NICU and our lives were changed even more.

The feelings I have when I think about her 21 days in the NICU are still so fresh in my mind, even after 2 1/2 years. We were in the dark most of the time when it came to her issue with hypoglycemia (that was resolved when she was 6 weeks old) which was really frustrating and also very overwhelming. I was pretty much like my daughter would be…fine one minute, crying the next, then fine again.

Over three years later, I’m amazed and so thankful and exhausted at how she’s such a free-spirited, sweet, animated and theatrical, and oh my gawd she never stops moving, ever entergetic little girl who is poking me in the back and saying in a whisper, mahmeee, mahmeee, mahmee as I write this.

Comments { 14 }